They just don't get it

[sammys]

They just don't get it

Nobody really gets it with me either. They think its somekind of phase we are going thru when we are not drinking. I in turn don't want to get into it with people either. Who wants to hear it anyway, and really I feel until I know what I am gonna do why bother telling them. Therein lies the problem of saying no thanks for the event, which is awfully hard sometimes.

Sammys

[sami]

They just don't get it

just this morning I was confessing to my husband my recent venture into "my way out"...my ordering of the tapes...of the topomax...of the book. and i read to him an excerpt of the book. I was reading from Chapter 2, The Journey, and I read Roberta's excerpt about rationalizatons. I could so relate to it! I think I wanted him to both recognize that I had a problem, that I wasn't alone, and that I wanted help. Just as I finished reading (o.k...it was cute and humorously written) Roberta's account of the various things she mixed w/ vodka....and had read with solemnity "I guess this is when I realize that maybe I've got a little bit of a problem here...." I waited to hear his response. Would he condemn me? His response? A list of the things he preferred vodka with.

[rivergirl]

They just don't get it

About a year ago I stopped drinking for 3 months. My boyfriend would bring over champagne everytime he came and leave it in the refrigerator when he left. I told him again and again not to brig any and to take it from the fridge- finally gave that bottle away.. He always said he knew how much I liked it and wanted it to be there if I wanted it. This time I talked to him about it - reminded him how hard he worked to get me to drink again. He said "yeah, I missed my drinking buddy"

[luckyone]

They just don't get it

There are so many different levels of drinking problems. I have read a bit about them and I think that
like somone mentioned anyone that drinks could possibly have a problem of their own. On a different level. I think when we can own up to drinking to much and being aware that it could be or already is a problem is the first step. It is hard to own up to sometimes and it is hard for people to understand. I often ask myself
why me....why is this happening to me. What happened, I use to drink socially all the time. How did things
get so out of hand. I am just taking it one day at a time and that is not always easy but I have no choice now.

[MaggieD47]

They just don't get it

"why me....why is this happening to me. What happened, I use to drink socially all the time. How did things
get so out of hand. I am just taking it one day at a time and that is not always easy but I have no choice now."

This is where I'm at now. I am fighting the "I used to drink socially all the time" and I think I should still be able to do that. I'll try again tonight. WHY....when I used to drink "normally" only a few short years ago do I seem to be genuinely "addicted" now? I want to drink how I used to drink!

Maggie

[YoungAtHeart]

They just don't get it

Oh, but that we could return to those days! That's why I ordered Allen Carr's book today, so that I could stop glamourizing my former drinking days and start seeing them for what they were--the beginnings of my addiction. (It hurts to say that....:upset: )

[Changeling]

They just don't get it

Thanks for all the feedback here.
Where I live in Spain,it's a really social lifestyle and it seems a lot of people drink a lot, I think by choosing not to join in anymore it is making a few of my friends really uncomfortable.
I have been amazed how some of my good friends change after drinking all night.
Sure I used to be the same.
I like myself a whole lot more now.
Changeling

[Popeye]

They just don't get it

I like you too.

[vinophile]

They just don't get it

I'm seeing my relationship with alcohol in the same way as a romance gone irretrievalby sour. You meet someone and have a fabulous time with them, romance, honeymoon,if you will, and then settle down and really get to know each other. (Now remember I'm talking about that relationship that went REALLY bad) You remove your rose colored glasses and say what was I thinking during the honeymoon. This relationship is just not worth it. You can look back at that long-ago honeymoon without nostalgia. Different time, different life. How many of us would like to go back and honeymoon with a person whom we dispised? You had the honeymoon ,you enjoyed it then but you would not want to go back and do it again and start all over.
My relationship with alcohol has changed greatly especially over the past 3-4 years. It is not a comfortable, warm relationship. It is obsessive and downright dangerous at this point.
Time to get rid of the false memories and jump ship.

Janet

[Matt]

They just don't get it

Well said Janet, I agree.

I have discovered that when you start abstaining from alcohol, you notice that your friends quickly separate into 2 categories.. like oil and water.

1. There are those who support you, think its great, try to see it from your point of view, and send out warm signals of care to you.

2. There are those who don't seem to say much about it, avoid the subject for the most part, and then show how little they care by asking you to the pub.

I've been AF for 12 days now and yesterday a friend said to me "want to go to the pub?". She then realised that I don't do that anymore, and said "ok what about another pub I know - they make great coffee". I was flabbergasted! Any pub is still a pub!

My poilicy, especially for the first 30 days, is that "if a place sells alcohol, I won't go there". My real friends would understand!

[Guest]

They just don't get it

no they don't

No some people don't get it. Doesn't really matter--they will eventually get it.

I am so glad to not be an alcoholic in Spain. A few years ago a friend of mine went there for a trip for two weeks...he was hosted by some people there...he said that he could not believe the amount of alcohol that gets consumed there...and this guy is a decent partier by American standards. He said he could never live there...it would be too easy to be wasted the entire day. I commend you for being so strong in that culture. Now that I am not drinking...I am seeing that in the US as a whole the glamour of alcohol just isn't what it used to be.

I always enjoy sharing the story of how I ended up spending the 1st year of my life living in Spain. I was born on an Air Force base in California. When I was about 1 month old, my Dad would go out on a regular basis and get wasted with his buddies. One night him and another guy thought it would be funny to fill out the card to be stationed overseas. Not so funny when within 3 days he had orders to be stationed in Madrid. I am sure my Mom wanted to kill him!

Have a great day!

[luckyone]

They just don't get it

I agree with accountable for me. Which is so true if they are truely your friends and care about you then they will support your decision stop drinking. If they do not support and respect that decision then maybe they are not real friends. Ouch! I know that is hard to think about but it is now time for you to think about nothing else but you. I have lost someone in my life that I thought was my friend but like they say when the going gets tuff the tuff get going. I have learned what true friendship is and your true friends will love you and support. If they cannot then adios amigos. Life is too short and to hard. Hang in there! You are not alone.

[hidden_gem]

They just don't get it

What a fantastic post.

I like Vinophile's idea of thinking of a relationship with drink as a romance gone sour.

And extending that metaphor - it hurts to see that "person" now still hanging out with all of your friends! Your friends can still have fun with them, but you can't.

And at the same time you can also see that your friends might get messed around by that "person"... so you want to say something - but you can't, because it's up to them, and it might just look like sour grapes from you!


Gem x