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Blondies GREAT POLL

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    Blondies GREAT POLL

    I thought this warranted its own thread... Our own Blonde AF Ambition wrote and I [quote=
    POLL: How many times have you guys all tried and failed to quit and what was the last straw to keep you sober?

    Blondie
    Good poll, Blondie, I tried and failed for about 3 or 4 years. Everytime i tried, i had it in the back of my mind that I might start again, when "I felt better". When I started up again, after a month or less, I told myself, ok, eegit, lets just do this like when you were years younger and it was like ONCE a month I might drink something. And always moderation would get less and less like real moderation. Every time I would just find myself hung over AGAIN, trying to do something I wanted to do but couldnt because of my state.

    The last straw was sitting in my chair in the living room, the Hub was on his way up the stairs knowing not to disturb me, and me looking at a half full glass of wine and thinking. Fuck what a chore this is. Its just a CHORE to finish this. I think it was only a third glass of the evening (no matter my glasses were the size of FLAGONS...). I sighed, got up, walked in to the kitchen, tossed it and what was left of the bottle down the sink, looked at my tired, baggy, pale face in the mirrow in the hall, and said 'Kaslo, yer done."

    Have not touched a drop since then, Feb 14, 2011.

    PS Greeneyes, I didnt move your response, but Yall can read it on the end of Wednesdays thread.
    Kaslo

    Stopped the madness: February 14, 2011
    Status: Happy:h

    #2
    Blondies GREAT POLL

    Wow, let's see here...

    I never had any serious quitting thoughts until the day I sat down and googled alcohol abuse, etc... the day I found MWO. I had, however promised myself many times before to leave that bottle of wine be today - only to empty it hours later.

    Once I made my way here, I fumbled my way to 10 days AF, several times failing around day 4. I think I drank again after the 10 days, then did a 30 day stint. Of course, my goal was to moderate. Well, that didn't really work so I went AF again, this time for 8 months. Aaaaand then I thought I was 'all better'. Much like Greenie... my moderate drinking became less and less moderate, a black out night here and there... usually about 2 months apart.

    I truly hope/think/plan on this being my final quit. I'm about 4 1/2 months in now.
    Okay, WHO put a stop payment on my reality check?

    Winning since October 24th, 2013

    Comment


      #3
      Blondies GREAT POLL

      Hi Kas, thanks for making this into its own thread...it will be easier to see all the responses. Thank you for sharing your experience. I can relate to the "chore" of finishing a full glass of wine. I remember several nights of pouring a full glass (I also have mongo wine glasses that fit half the bottle!) and thinking to myself, damn, I don't even WANT to drink this...I don't even like the taste at this point...why am I still DRINKING??? DUH! Good for you for tossing it that night and how inspiring it is to see that you have been sober for over a year now....WELL DONE.

      I would love to hear the other members experiences, I mean, I know your stories are elsewhere on MWO but it would be nice to get some input on this thread on about how many times it took you to finally quit and what really did it? Right now, I am feeling a bit anxious that I have been trying to quit for over a year (you guys know...I do really well and then I disappear for a while), and even today, only day 2, I found myself trying to make a mod plan...like, oh, I won't drink until St. Patty's Day, so that would be 25 days and then I'll only drink on Saturday nights so I won't be feeling like I'm missing something. AL, get over yourself, I really want you out of my life. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!! I'm sober tonight by the way, and loving it. Got some new tea, Blueberry, and it is yummy! Also, this might sound gross to you guys but I bought a small bottle of double fudge DIET soda and it seemed to help curb any cravings I was having for AL this afternoon. That and shoving an Atkins bar schmeared with peanut butter down my throat...(had a tough workout and didn't eat right afterwards, but I caught myself!)
      Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

      BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
      :h

      Comment


        #4
        Blondies GREAT POLL

        Sunshine...the first time I fell into the pages of MWO was January of 2011...I had just started a New Year's resolution "low-carb" diet (one I still follow because I feel really good on high protein, low carbs anyway) and I googled how many carbs was in a glass of wine so I could add it to my daily carb total. Well, let's just say that wine is loaded with carbs (hello!) and so my usual bottle a night habit would have costed me my day's total of carbs according to Atkins. Anyway, luckily, in that carb wine seach, MWO came up and I clicked. I started reading and couldn't believe that there were peeps out there around the world just like me...or with just the same problem and experiences anyway. So, I read for about a week every night (glass of wine by myself) and finally decided to join in on day 1. I know I haven't been exactly sober ever since that day, but joining MWO has been a life changing experience for me. Even if I slip up and don't log in for a while, I feel that it is always in my back pocket and will be there when I come to my senses.

        Thanks for sharing your experience on this Sunshine and kudos on 4 months!!!!
        Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

        BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
        :h

        Comment


          #5
          Blondies GREAT POLL

          I dont think there is an abacus large enough to calculate how many times I have tried, so I wont try and quantify that number...LOL

          Readers Digest version of my last day with AL.

          Mrs. Nelz and I were having a disagreement about something(no idea what is was)

          I had the day off, and as it was towards the end of my drinking days, I was drinking in the am.

          Drank till I was out, went and bought more.

          Mrs. Nelz came home, disagreement continued, and the drinking continued.

          Tired of dealing with the issue, I took 3 hydrocodones from a recent dental surgery I had, and wayyy too many otc sleep pills. Ive had trouble getting to sleep almost all my life.

          Wife said I had stopped breathing, called 911 and I wound up in the ICU and didnt know how I got there. I had no recollection of taking any of the pills, but the wife figured it out.

          Spent the better part of the next day with substance abuse counselors, in the ICU.

          Not ever wanting to put my wife through ANYTHING like that again, I made the choice to never raise a glass with AL in it ever again....that was May 2, 2011. So far, so good


          Nothing good EVER happens as a result of drinking alcohol
          Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




          DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

          Comment


            #6
            Blondies GREAT POLL

            Your welcome Blondie, and I hope we get lottsa hits. This is important.

            AND Wow, Nelz, I am SO glad your wife was there, you could have died.

            Your story humbled me, and made me grateful. Thanks for telling this here. I too was taking oxycodone and sleeping pills AND drinking at one time, due to hip replacment pain, and I am SO lucky...

            wow.

            kas
            Kaslo

            Stopped the madness: February 14, 2011
            Status: Happy:h

            Comment


              #7
              Blondies GREAT POLL

              Wow Nelz...that is quite a story and I'm grateful that your wife found you in time. Scary. I guess I am not alone in the trying to quit several times category and that makes me feel more hopeful! You should be very proud of yourself Nelz, and that goes for all of us out there tonight making the right choices!
              Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

              BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
              :h

              Comment


                #8
                Blondies GREAT POLL

                Great idea-thanks, Blondie and Kas. I missed the last posts on Wednesday thread, but just went and saw them.
                Hmm. . . I really don't know how many times I tried and failed, Just know it was a lot. Can't remember when I found MWO, but I lurked for a long time, and even after I started posting, I was drinking.
                First serious attempt I think was summer of 2009. Had been laid off in March and was spending more and more time drinking alone at home and hiding--or trying to hide it. One evening, after drinking gin for a god part of the afternoon, hubby and I went out for a bite to eat, and I ordered a glass of wine. Ordered a second and ignored my dinner. Stumbled out of the place with hubby holding my arm and was so embarrassed. I know there were a few people we knew in that restaurant.
                I did some research through my insurance company--bad idea, I know now--and found an in patient program about 45 minutes away. Four days a week for a month and manadatory AA attendance. I think I managed a week AF, but then discovered I could drink after I got home and get to bed early and have no hangover. I was only given the breathalyzer a couple of times, as there were "worse" cases who were on drugs and AL and they took up most of the testing time. So I failed.
                Last year in January my drinking was bad and I had been talking to a woman at AA--yes, I was going off and on while still drinking. She's a LADC and suggested I go to a detox/rehab in MA. Awful place and I seemed to be the only one paying myself. Insurance paid very little, but the head guy told me they'd appeal and I didn't need to worry. Lie. I am still paying that off. I had to insist on leaving after 8 days. Failed.
                A month later, I had wine hidden in my purse, as usual, sfter coming home form AA. Hubby found it, called my sponsor and they decided I should go to a hospital which has a detox/psychiatric unit. Locked unit, and it was scary. Not where I belonged. I was released after two nights and given Campral by the psychiatrist. Failed.
                This whole time until July, I never drank in public. Friends thought I just didn't drink any longer.
                On May 23, I got my first DUI in MA. Horrible, as I had to spend the night in a police station and be driven to court the next a.m. in handcuffs. Attorney sister met me the next a.m. and got a friend to represent me.
                On July 5 I went to a two week intensive outpatient program in Brattleboro. Did great while there, but drank the day I came home, blaming hubby for telling me there was AL in the house so he could have an occasional drink. Failed.
                Second DUI in NOV right on my street. That was it for me. Shame, humiliation, you name it. Got into rehab and that is where I finally "got" it. Have now been AF for 96 days and go to AA almost every day. Come here every day for support, too.
                I am sorry this is so long. Many more details I'll leave out for now.
                I pray I never go back to AL.
                TDN
                "One day at a time."

                Comment


                  #9
                  Blondies GREAT POLL

                  I knew for YEARS that I my drinking was out of hand but never seriously thought about stopping, even though I was ruining my health, relationships, friendships, everything.

                  My final straw came when I had a week off work, stocked up on alcohol so I could spend the week drinking at home, alone. After a week, I had a moment of lucidity on the Friday morning when I got out of bed and went to the kitchen to pour a glass of wine. I realised I hadn't eaten anything all week, I felt really, really ill, shaky, almost slightly crazy.

                  I knew I was at a crossroads. I could carry on and continue damaging my life or I could do something about it.

                  I googled, found MWO and thought it was an abstinence forum (I obviously didn't read the blurb very closely). I remember being shocked when I saw a post extolling the virtues of "moderation". :H

                  Anyway, moderation wasn't ever a goal of mine. I have never had only one or two drinks and would never want only one or two drinks. I wanted to quit for good. I took me almost a year of trial and error (and trying lots of different "tools") before I managed it.

                  Very glad I found this place, very glad I quit.
                  sigpic
                  AF since December 22nd 2008
                  Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Blondies GREAT POLL

                    I have not been AF for that long now but I did have quite a few attempts at it.

                    3 year ago I bought hypnosis CDs ? they helped me mod for a while ? but I did not stick to the program and started drinking more.

                    2 years ago ? tried them again ? but no effect this time. So I went to a hypnosis ? guy ? who helped many people quit smoking. He told me that I am so stressed that quitting AL at this stage would only stress me further. That I put far too much pressure on myself and have no outlet. I thought he was a crack pot ( here I am ? telling him I have a drinking problem ? and he tells me that I have to keep on drinking, WTF ?) . In hindsight, what he probably meant (not very eloquently) was that I should practice first different relaxing / comforting techniques that will replace the numbing AL.

                    January 2011? already 10 lbs heavier I had pain in my right side (too much joy juice over Xmas and NY) ? I went to see a doctor ? all tests OK. I shared that I am concerned about the amount I am drinking, specifically pointing to 1 bottle a night often enough, he said ?different people tolerate different quantities, try to drink moderately in the future? . I drank even more, hating having to finish the bottle so that I can secretly dispose of it.

                    I started to have regular black outs, the pain in the right side was back, I put on even more weight but what really got to me was the fact that I was not THERE with hubby and my son, my body was there, I was still doing the minimum necessary of what was expected of me but emotionally I was not there, not participating in my own life.

                    In July last year I went to walk the dog with a hangover so bad that the bees high up in the trees sounded like helicopters. I was afraid that if I lied on the grass and closed my eyes I would surely die, alone in the middle of the forest. That day I went looking for an online AA option and found MWO.

                    Cold turkey take #1 ? July ? managed 2 weeks of mostly hell (I was so tired, cranky and nauseous ). Blew it on hubby?s birthday.

                    Take #2 ? August ? I added supplements ? what a difference ? actually had 22 days AF in that month . Blew it half way through my Greek holiday in Sep.

                    Take #3 ? November ? 11 days AF (my goal at the time) ? 11.11.2011 I celebrated by 11th wedding anniversary with a little wine ? downhill from there through the holidays.

                    Take #4 ? January 2012? again more liver pain + blackouts ? 10 days AF ? blew it halfway through my holiday in Argentina when I started drinking 1 beer a night? by the end of the holiday I was sneaking to the rum bottle in the pantry.

                    Take #5 ? Feb 13th ?Hit a new low - while drunk I was playing rough with my son and his friend and apparently hit him hard over the back of the legs ( several times) ? he complained to his bewildered daddy ? when he confronted me I had ZERO recollection of it. That night I did not sleep ? at all ... the guilt was beyond words and is staying with me still. Haven?t drank since.

                    I don?t drink AL anymore.
                    workaholic, shoeaholic and yes ... alcoholic

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Blondies GREAT POLL

                      Thank you Shue, Marshy and 3Dog...your stories are eye-opening and I am grateful that you have shared them. It seems like a common theme here is that we have quit, tried to mod, quit, tried to mod, quit, tried to mod and failed at that, only to quit again. We should all be proud of ourselves for being here. Period.

                      3Dog, I was wondering what happened with your DUI inncident from last summer, I am sorry that you went through all of that but it sounds like you are doing so well now. It is great to have you here!

                      Funny, also seems like we just "stumbled" on MWO through Google. Good thing the universe knows where to point us, like magic.
                      Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

                      BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
                      :h

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Blondies GREAT POLL

                        Hi, Blondie.

                        I finally go to court on August 1. Had to puch attorney to move it up from Aug 30. MA is a lot more lenient than NH, so I got 45 days added onto the 30 days I'd originally gotten at the time of the arrest. Attorney kept telling me from the beginning that I could still drive in NH. Didn't understand fully that I admitted to sufficient facts, but case was placed without finding, and would have been expunged from record in a year. Well, I called NHDMV and was told I could NOT drive, as my license was suspended. Found out later they tell everybody that. They don't want you on the road. I got my license back in the mail after court and it was never reported in NH. I only started driving after seeing a NH attorney a guy in AA recommended. It had not been reported in NH and I could have been driving all along. So I started driving and two months later got the NH DUI. I have to send a monthly report to MA probabtion officer, and the police chief here, Barny Fife (thanks, Turn!) took it upon himslef to call her while I was in rehab. I called her from rehab, and she said she wasn't sure what this would mean in MA. Sent my report for Jan and Feb and have heard nothing from her.
                        I am just so happy that I finally got where I needed to be. And I didn't hurt or kill anybody.
                        "One day at a time."

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Blondies GREAT POLL

                          Blondie - I had never ever considered quitting drinking before, I didn't think I could possibly have any sort of life sober nor did I want it. It just wasn't an option even although I knew fine well my drinking was a problem. I juggled with continuously trying to "cut down" year after year.

                          In the final year I crashed my car (again) was the subject of having my drink spiked by a male predator, started having anxiety attacks, sustained broken ribs, nose, numerous cuts and bruises and suffered increasing suicidal thoughts...... Still never thought of quitting!

                          A friend planted the seed in my head, she was an ex addict herself by asking me simply if I'd ever thought of quitting. (i hadnt) Following a bad 3 day binge a few days later I googled help for alcohol dependency and found MWO. I soon decided I would quit and quit forever. I held a 3 week going away party for AL and had a drink with every single friend I had for the last time. Everything was meticulously planned and at 11.55pm on Dec 31st 2009 I had my last ever sip of champagne...... and the rest is history
                          "In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer ."
                          AF - JAN 1st 2010
                          NF - May 1996

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Blondies GREAT POLL

                            Wow, Chill, that is quite a story! I am so proud of you! Your accident must have been so scary and you are lucky that an angel must have been watching over you! I also never really thought seriously about quitting till I came to MWO by stumbling across it in a web search for how many carbs in a glass of wine. Then it absorbed me and here I am. Thanks for sharing your story...very inspiring and obviously the good bye party to AL worked for you. I never thought of that, I just quit cold turkey and want to stay sober for good! Well done on 2 years + of being free from AL!
                            Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

                            BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
                            :h

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Blondies GREAT POLL

                              I just stumbled accross this thread Blonde. Thanks for thinking of it - very interesting!

                              I first started considering I needed to "cut back" around 2007/08. My husband complained that I had wine every night with dinner and why did I need to finish the bottle. (At that point he was sharing some of it with me but he usually had 1 glass and I had the rest). So after agruing with him, I started trying to cut back. Well, that's when I noticed it wasn't that easy. I also began hiding my drinking from him around this time so he wouldn't necessarily know how much I drank. Fast forward 2 years or so, and I wasn't doing much good at hiding my drinking OR cutting back - instead it was getting worse.

                              Around 2009/2010 I started doing more research and looked at books in the book store and came accross Alan Carr's "The Easy Way" and "My Way Out". Although I liked Alan Carr's book - I LOVED My Way Out. I really loved that the woman in the book was a professional (like me) not on the street, and just knew she had a problem AND that she said it was possible to Moderate! I followed all her steps and even tried Topamax. However although I cut back it wasn't enough and the Topamax didn't agree with me. So, at that time I went to a counselor and with her advice I tried AA. I think I just wasn't ready because I tried it for 6 months and I just couldn't accept that I could never drink again, or any of their steps really.

                              Finally, I came back to MWO and found this website in late 2010. I have spent the last year still working on acceptance, but I have to say I have achieved a LOT of AF days with this site and when I did have my relapses they weren't as bad - I am slowly becoming a "sober thinkier".

                              I can't say there was any big event for me - no DUI's no public humiliations - just a series of events and arguments in my life that lead me to realize I don't like the person I become when I drink. I don't want to be that person anymore. I never want to wake up and look at a puffy face and bloodshot eyes again and "suffer" through another day of work just to get home and drink again. I want to be excited about life and full of energy. Alcohol was taking all the joy out of my life.

                              Thanks for all your stories - they have been very inspiring for me to read. :h:l

                              Comment

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