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    #16
    Blondies GREAT POLL

    Hi Mylife!

    Thanks for posting here. We have lots in common with out drinking backgrounds...I also came on to MWO around the same time...well, a bit later as I first joined early 2011 (January) and I agree that just being a member as made me cut down...even made it almost 3 months last winter. So the site is working! This is about the 4th time since I came here that I am trying to quit. The last times I wasn't resolved to quit for good but this time is different. I am visualizing myself as a sober person in a year...like I can actually go on a vacation and not drink. Or go out to dinner and not drink. Or get together at a holiday gathering and not drink. Things that have really helped this time are my new workout routine (joined a gym on January 31st and have been going 6 days a week for at least an hour at time), really wanting sobriety instead of just "hoping" for it. And like you, the physical toll of AL, the bloodshot eyes and puffy face, etc., etc., was really waring on me, now that I am getting older. Also, I'm reading everything I can get my hands on about others who have gone sober and stuck with it, and that is helpful too.

    Each passing day that I remain sober makes me stronger, and for that, I thank all of you here
    Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

    BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
    :h

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      #17
      Blondies GREAT POLL

      Blondie

      Very powerful thread! Almost 50 now and only started drinking about 10 years ago. Started when we would get together with parents of our friends kids during their sporting activities. Found myself wanting to drink every day - not just while socializing. That's what led to drinking in secret. Always, always hid the wine or mixed it with something to disguize it. Guessing I'm lucky that I never got so wasted that I blacked out or really embarassed myself in front of anyone - but alcohol took over my life. Everything revolved around it and of course once I was home, that was it for the day - no other activity could get in the way of my drinking. Joined MWO in 2009 (google search as well) and maybe did 14 days AF. Went back to my ways, came back again and lasted 30 days, back to thinking I could moderate then got totally disgusted with myself after having a drunken conversation with my soon-to-be son's mother-in-law and decided to quit January 3, 2011. Went almost 5 months and thought I would be fine to have a "few" glasses of wine at a wedding - last summer was back to the same old routine. I started getting back into my church last fall and guess I felt like a liar every Sunday praying to God to try to quit drinking and never really meaning it. January 2, 2012 - decided I was done. Praying I'm done for good this time. Now when I think of having a glass of wine, it doesn't seem as enjoyable as I know what's always on the other side - feeling like crap the next day. Not worth it anymore and I'm finding life is much, much more enjoyable without it. For me there are no longer short-term goals or thinking that I might be able to just drink at social occasions - it's all or nothing and I think it's finally sunk thru my thick skull that it's really just poison and I have no desire to pour that shit down my throat anymore.

      Phew! Sorry I was so longwinded - MWO has been a lifesaver for me - since no one knows how much I drank on a regular basis, AA or other face-to-face type programs is just not an option. I am accountable to all my friends here and this time I'm not going away!
      Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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        #18
        Blondies GREAT POLL

        Thanks Jolie! So glad you are here! I have had the same experiences with trying to "Mod"...it just never works... I think this is it this time for me too...finally DONE!

        I am almost 40 and started drinking in my late teens...at least you didn't start until later in life and were able to enjoy your 20's and 30's sober. It's so interesting and empowering to hear all of our stories, only makes us stronger! Good job on starting out 2012 AF!
        Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

        BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
        :h

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          #19
          Blondies GREAT POLL

          Hello All! I started drinking around age 16 on the weekends...well, first had alcohol when I was 15 yo. My bf had some "homemade" liquor, and we went to his grandmother's house which was empty with another couple, and I drank some of it, and passed out cold. I woke up to a bed covered in blood and lost virginity. I was too young to put it all together at once, and I never could prove it, but it lead to quite a promiscuous youth and horrible deblilitating anxiety and self-esteem.

          Despite all that, I continued drinking right up until 10 days ago, when I joined MWO. I am now 47 yo. My bday is April 1st. Haha! Let me not be a fool this year!:H

          I managed AL through the years and was never a daily drinker until about 12 years ago, and still managed ok until about 5ish years ago...started missing LOTS of work, was demoted a little over a year ago because of that, and had started getting "time without pay" even though I had annual leave, because my boss would not excuse the excessive absences.

          Needless to say, the day I found MWO, I was home again "sick". I never want to go back. This is my first serious attempt at AF, and hopefully my last.


          "I like people too much or not at all."
          Sylvia Plath

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            #20
            Blondies GREAT POLL

            Great story. Library Girl! Thanks for sharing.
            You are doing really well, and I know you can keep that going!
            :thanks:TDN
            "One day at a time."

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              #21
              Blondies GREAT POLL

              Hi all,

              There is such commonality here... its very encouraging.
              I have been trying to give up drinking for about the last 6 years... I had a great 6 week AF time in 2010 but since then I have been stopping and starting... but keep going back to the same place..
              Like you Library girl I started taking lots of days off work and it became noticeable. I left that job before they could fire me... Luckily got another job, one I really enjoy. I don't want to jeapodize that.
              Today is my birthday and the present I am giving myself is to be sober for the start of my 49th year

              Take care all
              Patrice

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                #22
                Blondies GREAT POLL

                Happy Birthday Patrice!:bday3: IMO, AF is the best gift to give yourself.:l Nice to meet you, and best wishes on your special day.


                "I like people too much or not at all."
                Sylvia Plath

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                  #23
                  Blondies GREAT POLL

                  Thanks Library Girl... Yes today is the last day of drinking for a while... I had 4 AF days last week and felt great... then Friday comes around and well... I stopped stopping...then I just can't stop.. same story for a lot of us
                  The birthday celebrations have already been arranged and they will involve Al, however I am looking on this day as a start to the other side...
                  My plan is to do the requsite 30 days and take it from there.
                  I know now, its time to do it, intuitively I feel that and my mind set is determined.

                  Have a great day you too!!

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                    #24
                    Blondies GREAT POLL

                    Great thread idea BAF and thank you very much to those that have taken the time to share their experiences. There is much to relate to and think about. This gradual escalation when attempting modding after a period of af'ness certainly seems inevitable for most.
                    Psalms 119:45


                    ?Start by doing what is necessary, then what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.?

                    St. Francis of Assisi



                    I'm not perfect, never will be, but better than I was and not as good as I'm going to be.

                    :rays:

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                      #25
                      Blondies GREAT POLL

                      Patrice, happy Late birthday if you are reading! Great going to give yourself the gift of sobriety for your birthday. There's no better gift in my mind. Good luck!

                      RC, totally agree with you on the failed attempts at modding. I believe there comes a point in our lives where we just "know" modding cannot work for us and that's when we open ourself up to the way of life of sobriety, the way of life in the light and not in the dark. Blessings to all of you!
                      Whatever you invest in the circle of LIFE is what comes back to you. Multiplied. What you give to people is what they eventually give back to you. Don't do the math. Just increase your LOVE.

                      BE HAPPY...BE CONNECTED...BE HEALTHY!
                      :h

                      Comment

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