Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

Last night's BB story was from the founder of the first black person's AA group. The founders' dedication to 12th step work is truly exceptional, & I doubt we'd have AA today wo/it. I find myself constantly trying to make the effort to keep in touch w/AA friends. It doesn't come naturally to me, as drinking is a solitary business. I spent a lot of time alone w/the bottle...especially at the end. So, now I'm having to juggle a lot of relationships, & it's not always easy. It sure is rewarding though. I always feel good after I've make a call, met up w/someone, or taken someone to a meeting. I really feel that isolation is one of the hallmarks of alcoholism...at least, it was for me.

Yesterday was a relaxed Sunday for me...some reading, some chores, a meeting at night, etc. I got a hit at the meeting last night of how, in the past, I'd turn Sunday into a total drinking day. I'd fall into bed at night totally wasted. What a waste in more ways than one!

With drinking out of the picture, I have to plan my time so that it feeds me physically, emotionally, & spiritually. This requires thought. Maybe, that's one of the things I was avoiding while drinking. It doesn't take any thought to drink. It fills up empty time.

I hope all is well w/all of you out there. Remember this isn't a thread only for AAers. If you have a question or a comment, please feel free to join in. AA isn't about moderation however. Most of us AAers have tried that ad infinitum. It absolutely didn't work for me. Can't mod now or ever.

Mary

[ThreeDogNight]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hi, Mary.

Thanks for starting us up again. Hope more people will join in.
I had 100 days yesterday, and started to feel bad about some things. Went to my noon meeting, came home, and started thinking about wanting a drink. It took me by surprise. I knew I was going to my women's meeting at 4:00 and I really needed it! I haven't felt the real need until yesterday; I like the meetings, but this was the first experience of feeling that I had to get there. Everything was much better after that. My sponsor is part of that group, and she offered to pick me up for the noon meeting today and then have lunch. It was great! It was our first time spending time together, and I am so grateful that I asked her to sponsor me. She told me that she'd been praying for a sponsee and then I asked! We are going to start working the steps together, although she's done them before and I did through Step seven while in rehab. I think that is a good idea, and I feel perfectly comfortable with her.
At today's meeting, a guy I'd hadn't seen in a long time came back. He had a year or so of sobriety but relapsed. It didn't surprise me. because he always talked about how unhappy he was. He is now living in a sober house and working the steps. We were all so happy to see him back.
Grateful for another sober day!
Pam

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

tdn: Congratulations on your 100 days. That's quite an accomplishment. I've heard that milestones can sometimes be problematic in terms of them being a trigger. Alcohol is so cunning, powerful & baffling! Thank God you didn't give in & went to a meeting instead. That's exactly what we're taught to do. I haven't had a real temptation lately, once in a while a fleeting thought, but I know it can come upon me at any time. I'll follow your example should I ever think seriously about drinking. Again congrats. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hi all! Mary, thanks for getting us going this week and also thanks for always remembering to let people know they are welcome on this thread whether they are involved with AA or not.

TDN -


:yougo::yougo:CONGRATULATIONS ON 100 DAYS SOBER!!!:yougo::yougo:

I hope you feel really good about that accomplishment! As I read your post, I was thinking along the same lines as Mary - that these special milestones can be triggers. Triggers and cravings are going to happen. The important thing is that we have a way to deal with it, and you clearly had a good plan for that. I'm happy you like your sponsor! I too would have no problem working through all of the steps with a new sponsor, even though they have been taken before. Each time I revisit AA things, I pick up something new and valuable.

Mary, I really related to your post about the isolation. I too was a very isolated and lonely drinking in the end. I also recall reading "Drinking: A Love Story" where she talked about being by herself in a crowded bar and feeling alone. That was me for many many years. My only real relationship was with AL. Everything else was superficial, and I was truly alone whether I was by myself or in a crowd.

You also made a really interesting point about how drinking was much easier then figuring out what to do with myself sober on a daily basis! Despite all the chaos and problems it caused, drinking really was the easy (chicken shit) way out of the day for me.

My Dad is in the hospital again (I think I mentioned that a few days ago?). The doctors didn't think he would make it. He took a turn for the better and is more stable now, although he is still a very sick man and will never be "well." I cringe when I think of how the "old me" would have used this situation for my own selfish purposes. I would have used his illness to create some drama that I could then drink over. His life would have been nothing more than my excuse to bury myself in alcohol. I was always on the lookout for good excuses to drink. Pathetic. I'm glad I can face this with a clear head. I'm glad I can be realistic in my thinking, and see that he is almost 80 and has been in a lot of pain and misery for a number of years now. I can't control when it will be his time. I can only choose to do the next right thing in my family, which is certainly not to get drunk over it.

I'm very grateful to AA, MWO and my sobriety today.

DG

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

TDN - huge congrats on your 100 days!!!

Can't post a longer reply at the moment. Need some zzzzzz's, but will read through these posts when I get up!

Amelia

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hello All,

Yes Mary - I was a solitary drinker like you. My life got smaller and smaller the longer I drank. In the end I had isolated quite a lot & didn't have many close friends - I couldn't be bothered keeping in touch & was unreliable etc.
Now, my life is very full & I thoroughly enjoy my new & busy social life. Most of my new friends are from the fellowship and some are just new from my surrounding area.
I would never have dreamed I could be this social when I was still drinking!!

TDN, I think I too have felt a bit vunerable around some sobriety milestones. I got very nervous & apprehensive approaching my 1st AA birthday....then afterwards sort of felt it was a bit of an anticlimax. It will be interesting to see how I feel leading up to my 2nd birthday...

Doggygirl, I too made dramas about a lot of things in my life while drinking. I still haven't had to deal with the serious illness or death of a loved one. I know that if either of those had happened while I was drinking, I would have created a massive drama & it probably would have been ALL about me and how I was feeling etc. I hope that when that happens I can deal with it calmly and I too can do the next right thing within my family.
Sending you a huge hug of support. :l

I am feeling quite good today. I had a dreadful day on Monday. I felt completely exhausted & I had to reflect back on last week to see (and it was quite obvious) how I had gotten into that state. I had a busy week socially last week. 3 late night fellowship get togethers, plus it was the second week of sponsoring my sponsee. We spoke everyday for nearly two weeks, then on Saturday morning she didn't make our arranged calling appointment.
I didn't hear from her til Sunday afternoon & she admitted that she went out and drank again on Friday. We are meeting again tonight to see how to move forward from this point. We will need to address Step 1 again and proceed from there.

In just a short time I have learnt a lot about myself in a sponsor/sponsee relationship. I felt emotionally exhausted after the weekend, which may mean I have to find a way to be less emotionally involved in her journey (she has her own higher power). I have to be careful not to try and be the 'perfect' sponsor (and do too much for her) and that I am not 'responsible' if she chooses to pick up a drink. I can only pass on to her what I have & sponsor as I have been sponsored. As my sponsor keeps on saying to me: "you will learn a lot about yourself through this".

I hope she 'gets it' I really do.

Right. I had better get on with doing some work. Wishing you all & all that follow a wonderful couple of days!
Amelia

[pattipiusa]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Amen...love this post....drinking is definitely an lonely, isolation deal.
I am tired of it. Thanks!

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hi Pattipiusa - welcome!! :welcome:

You have come to a wonderful site full of people who are working their way out of the hell of alcohol abuse. There are threads on here that are for newbies and lots of info on nutrition, meds & a bucket load of support from the other members here.
Download the MWO book if you can. Lots of good information within it.
Post & ask for support or info too
Amelia

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Pattipiusa: Welcome. Please keep coming here & commenting. There is a way to stop drinking. Also, google Alcoholics Anonymous in order to find meetings in your area. It's scary as heck at first but gets easier as you go along. It was the only way I could stop drinking & stay stopped.

Amelia: I haven't had a sponsee yet, but I could see how easily I could fall into being codependent. Yes, you really do learn a lot about yourself when sponsoring. Remember that your sponsee's sobriety is up to her. She has to have the committment.

DG: During my sobriety, I went through a couple of serious crises sober: my father's death a few months after getting sober & my daughter's cancer just after my first anniv.
-I had to feel all my feelings instead of blunting them w/alcohol.
-I had to do the next right thing for the next right reason.
-I had to continue to keep my program a priority.
-I had to help whenever I could.

Life is never going to be simple or easy in spite of what I thought when I was drinking. We're always going to get the curve-ball pitched to us from time to time. It's how we handle life's ups & downs which forms us.

Your dad is a lucky man to have you in his life. He's seen you drunk, & he's seen you sober. How gratifying for him to see you as you are now. Though he's in pain & failing, he can still be peaceful. Seeing a child make the kind of recovery you have made is a reward for him to take into his next life.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Good Morning AAers. I've not posted here before but wanted to ask a question.

I have 107 days AF today (yea). I feel like I'm doing well, but am thinking of going to AA as a backup even though at the moment I don't feel I'm in danger of relapse. But as I posted on another thread, you don't have to read a lot here to see that people can relapse after long periods of sobriety (even years).

My question is: a telephone number is provided along with other information for the meeting I'm thinking of attending. Is that a number you can call to get someone to accompany you on your first meeting? I think I heard somewhere that you can get someone to go with you....I thought that might be nice since I feel a bit unnerved about just walking in by myself. I shouldn't - I should be okay with doing that, but was thinking I could at least find out more about the possibility of having someone with me.

Thanks in advance for any light you can shed.

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hi Unwasted,
Congrats on your 107 days!
I'm not sure where you are (States or otherwise), but I am in the UK. I take a meeting here and my number is on the local area meeting sheet. If a woman rings me & wants to come to the meeting I am secretary for, I will meet her - it it's a guy, I will call one of the guys that regularily attend the same meeting and ask them to meet him.
The local AA help line rang me the other day to say a newcomer was on his way to the meeting. So, I arranged for one of the guys to meet him.
By all means, use that number and arrange for someone to meet you. They will probably be able to introduce you to a few of the other people at the meeting (and you won't be walking in by yourself). By and large most meetings I have been to as a visitor have been very welcoming - and in my homegroup I try to give newcomers and visitors a warm welcome whenever I spot them.
We have all been in the same shoes at some stage after all!
Let us know how you get on!

Amelia

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

UW: I'm not sure about phone number you mentioned. It would be nice to go with or meet up with someone. I went to my first meetings alone. It was pretty scary, but I knew I had to do it. Unlike you, I couldn't stay sober wo/AA in my life. Yes, relapse can happen any time. I hear it all the time in meetings. Recently, a guy just got his 2 month chip...he had relapsed after 16 years & just came back into AA. I try never to take my sobriety for granted. It's too precious.

AA is a fellowship. I've made friends in AA & have a sense of belonging there. I didn't know that would happen. I thought AA was strictly for getting sober.

Good luck. Let us know how you do w/your first meeting.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Hi all! First off, :welcome: Patti. I too have found this site (and also AA) to be a wonderful source of information and support getting alcohol out of my life. Post here any time!

Unwasted, I too would suggest calling the number and seeing if someone will go with you to your first meeting if that would make you more comfortable. I was 8 months AF when I went to my first AA meeting. So I can relate to what you say about not feeling an imminent fear of relapse, but wanting to explore sobriety more deeply. The whole idea that people can and do relapse even after years of sobriety was a real nagging thought in my head too. AA has really helped me with that.

Amelia, I remember my first sponsee relapse. It was very emotional for me too. I like what your sponsor said that you will learn a lot about yourself in this process. I truly didn't "get" the two-way nature of sponsorship until I did it. Be kind to yourself - the things your sponsor is telling you are the same things my sponsor was telling me. :l Lot's of wisdom there.

I'm so grateful I have tools to take things one day at a time these days. I am handling this situation with my Dad SO much better than I would have before AA - even without the drinking. My return to school has also brought back some other "old demons" that I used to fight with alcohol. I really do have very high axiety about tests. Midterms are upon us. I am also applying the tools of the program to work on that issue in my life.

I think we are all affected to some degree by past events (guilt & remorse) and future events (worry). The way my character defects play out, I am heavily weighted on the "worry" side of the equation. Staying in today is a good approach for either problem. I'm really working hard on it as far as "worry" goes. Some deep breathing, meditation and the serenity prayer is so much more effective in the long haul than alcohol was.

DG

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Just an update........I called the number and am glad I did! The guy who answered said he would have a female call me back. I think I'm going to a meeting this Saturday that's an all female group. I thought that might be a little more comfortable to try at the beginning.

Thanks for the feedback everyone - I'll let you know how it goes.

[AMELIA]

Weekly AA Thread - Feb. 27 - March 4

Good for you Unwasted. Hope it goes well.
Let us know how you get on.

Amelia