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**4theboyz** · March 5, 2012, 10:14 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Hi Mary,

I am new to the AA program (Not new to trying to stay sober) and completed my first week of AA meetings and so much is truly foreign to me about the program.

I have thought long and hard if I actually fit the "mold" of the AA program especially when I hear of all the people there who have been to rehab numerous times, or were dragged to a meeting by family members, or who were there to satisfy a court requirement, or had lost everything, or have blacked out so many times etc...etc.

I have had none of these experiences, yet I do share so many of the what I call "touchstone" experiences of letting alcohol run my life. And I was relieved to see that the 3rd tradition specifically addresses this one singular aspect of simply having a desire to stop drinking. That I do irregardless of the degree of trouble in my past.

I am glad I walked through those doors a week ago and look forward to tonight's meeting.

**AMELIA** · March 5, 2012, 11:17 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Hi Mary & 4theboyz,

Thanks for starting us off Mary. I was a high bottomed drunk in many respects:
- I hadn't been arrested
- I hadn't lost my home (mind you I rent, so I guess I mean that I paid my rent most of the time, on time)
- I hadn't lost my relationship (although I think he was pretty trapped financially).
- I hadn't been fired from a job, however I have always been self-employed, so with numerous clients I made sure I never pissed off too many at any one time, so kept myself in work.
- I didn't drink spirits (I really thought that you had to drink spirits to be an alkie!!)

I had experienced:
Thousands of blackouts
Thousands of mornings swearing off alcohol
Deep deep unhappiness at feeling like I was controlled by alcohol and my 'need' for it.
An overwhelming mental obsession with alcohol. When, Where, How and How Much booze was I going to have 'that' day?
An inability to stop drinking and be happy for any significant amount of time.
The fact that I let so many other things 'slip' in my life - my general health, my finances, my relationship, my work.....

To other people though, my life looked ok. Didn't look like a shambles.....I certainly didn't tell people what was going on.

As you say 4theboyz - alcohol ran my life.

I most definately am an alcoholic. I still don't like the label, but that is more about how I think society in general has a specific view of what they 'think' an alcoholic is.....

But I too can sit in meetings and think 'I wasn't that bad' compared to some. When I do that I remind myself of the many days I started drinking at 8am or the mornings I woke up and couldn't remember how much I had drunk or where I had hidden the bottles.
(hiding bottles and drinking in the morning!!! and I can still think I wasn't that bad!!)

Consequences don't have to be outrageous. Any type of suffering that is a result of drinking can be enough to create a desire to stop drinking: whether it be emotional, physical, spiritual or financial.
I like that 3rd tradition too.

I have just come from a meeting. The speaker was celebrating his first birthday. His talk was filled with humility & gratitude. I am glad I went. Afterwards I took a newcomer for coffee. She is 8 weeks sober. I talked a little about how my life had changed for the better. She talked about how worried she was about having to deal with social situations 'unaided' by alcohol. I reassured her that a lot of people in early recovery have the same concerns and that by being patient and gentle with ourselves, we can learn to enjoy social occasions sober. I briefly told her about 3 or 4 fellowship outings I had enjoyed in the last 2 weeks and she couldn't believe how much fun we had had.
I hope she sticks with AA, I really do. She seems like a lovely soul.

Anyhow, enough rambling from me! I have to go do some work.
Wishing you all a happy & sober week.

Amelia

**retteacher** · March 5, 2012, 01:05 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

4tb & Amelia: You've addressed the specific issue I brought up so well! 4tb: I didn't try to do anything more than go to meetings the first few months:
-I didn't try to make friends.
-I didn't try to understand the program.
-I didn't share.
-etc.

All I did was listen & learn. I'm finding out that there are as many types of alcoholics as people sitting in the room. My drinking was far from normal. My brain was fried. I was full of shame. That's enough for me.

Good luck.

**4theboyz** · March 5, 2012, 01:42 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

retteacher;1274649 wrote: 4tb & Amelia: You've addressed the specific issue I brought up so well! 4tb: I didn't try to do anything more than go to meetings the first few months:
-I didn't try to make friends.
-I didn't try to understand the program.
-I didn't share.
-etc.

All I did was listen & learn. I'm finding out that there are as many types of alcoholics as people sitting in the room. My drinking was far from normal. My brain was fried. I was full of shame. That's enough for me.

Good luck.

Thank you for saying this as the more I go to meetings the more questions I have. I find I am over analyzing things....everything about my life, my addiction and of course the program to the point where nothing makes any sense and I am reaching for the easy answers of which there really are none. Quitting AL is not easy as I have discovered. I do recall many others in meeting saying this same thing and all said that things will gradually begin to crystallize, even make sense and ultimately change your life forever.

I will try and be patient!

**Unwasted** · March 5, 2012, 10:05 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Thanks for all these posts everyone - very helpful. I'm going to my second meeting this Friday. I think AA is going to work for me.......the insight you've given here alone will help me go into it with a better understanding, which I find helpful. Thanks again.

**retteacher** · March 6, 2012, 10:01 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

UW & 4tb: It's exciting for me to see people going into AA & identifying w/the fellowship. Try to reduce your expectations of yourself. Just go to meetings one day at a time. Eventually, you will understand what's going on. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to get it. All you need is willingness & a committment to stop drinking. Excellent job!

Last night's speaker meeting was awesome. I almost didn't go, as I had to take my g-son to karate. But, I put my car into autopilot & ended up there. The 2 speakers were friends of mine & inspiring.

Mary

**Doggygirl** · March 6, 2012, 10:49 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Hi everyone! I too love Tradition 3. Simple and welcoming to all who would like to stop.

I can identify with what sounds like "internal intensity" about the decision to go to AA, about the decision whether it's "right" for me, and the attempt to get it all figured out. (maybe that is what I'm hearing in the posts and maybe not - but it's how I felt early on). I approach so much in life with that sort of intensity. I suppose that is a strength at times, but it is also stress inducing.

There is a man who is legendary a the club where I attend a lot of meetings. He passed away before I arrived. But he is widely known by his first name for his gentle, kind and wise ways. He is remembered for often saying "wear the world like a loose garment" which appears several times in the 24-Hours a day readings.

When I first heard that saying, I had no idea what it meant. Over the years it has come to mean something very important to me. Don't hold on so tightly to things. Don't grit my teeth with intensity over everything. Live and let live. Accept. Walk gently. Let go of my rigid beliefs and expectations.

Anyway....I often think of that saying when I go to a new AA meeting for the first time. I never know what I will find there. Maybe some people I feel comfortable with. Maybe some people I don't. Maybe some ideas I agree with readily. Maybe something that challenges my thinking. If I'm "wearing the world like a losse garment" I will proabably gain something positive out of every new experience.

AA has also been like a bit of a petri dish for me in terms of working on my human relationships. I come from a rather dysfunctional family when it comes to connecting with other people, and appropriate emotional regulation. In AA I am learning what it means to establish relationships with varying levels of closeness. I am learning to be open instead of closed. I am learning that I don't have to be "right" and someone else "wrong" in order to feed my self esteem. I am learning to be loving in my attitude, even towards people I don't like. I am learning not to talk negatively (gossip) about others. (everyone in AA has unfortunately not learned this, but I like that the subject can be openly discussed in meetings as a goal) The list goes on.

Well that was a novel!

I took on too many classes this semester. I am working my way through it, but my life does not feel balanced right now. I think this is an important lesson for me too. I don't have to be "super achiever." I'm thinking I will take the summer off from school, and a light class load in the fall to get myself re-centered. I wouldn't even be thinking this way if not for AA.

DG

**Doggygirl** · March 6, 2012, 10:52 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

Oh....

* No DUIs (despite the fact that I "earned" thousands of them)
* No lost jobs (I quit before I got fired, and I'm a good bullshitter)
* No homelessness (thank goodness for family)
* No rehab
* No divorce (single through my 30's, and then carefully selected a "party pal" for marriage number 2 - thank goodness we have both quit!)

I can see how it was really a matter of sheer luck that I have NOT experienced some of those things we typically associate with "bottom." I am not better than anyone because of my difference in luck, that's for sure.

DG

**retteacher** · March 6, 2012, 01:30 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

DG: In our neck of the woods, we call those things (i.e. divorse, dui's, homelessness, etc.) "YETS." They hadn't happened YET but would have had I continued to drink.

I too live at high "C" a lot. I try to outdo myself in some ways. I'm toning down as I go along the AA path, but it's something I need to watch out for. A lot of my drinking was a "reward" or a "destressor" for all the overdoing. I'd work, work, work & then I'd have an excuse to veg out. Now, in sobriety, I have to find new ways to reward & destress myself.

M

**Unwasted** · March 6, 2012, 02:21 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

DG, I think it's important not to expect too much - to go with the flow as you describe. What really speaks to me about AA so far is just the reminder of how bad it can get and how good it feels to be in the company of people who truly understand addiction. Thanks for your posts - and thank you Mary.

**retteacher** · March 6, 2012, 04:26 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

UW: I never let my last disgusting drunken experience go too far from my consciousness lest I think that maybe I can have "just one." There is no way to romanticize being taken to the ER w/a houseful of dinner guests looking on. My poor husband didn't know what had happened to me. (I had started "happy hour" way earlier than anyone else.) I still cringe when I think about it, but that was my bottom...mild to some but not to me. Mary

**4theboyz** · March 9, 2012, 09:47 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

The threat of "YET" is exactly what brought me to AA. The harder I tried to quit the harder I drank. I was fighting a battle I could not win and realized I was ready to lose in a very big way if I didn't do something right now!

My marriage, my relationships with my kids and special friends, even at work were all like standing on a frozen lake and the ice was melting and cracking all around me. If i did not reach shore fast I was going to die or at least get hurt real bad. I have not yet lost everything....but I have lost something even more precious....I have lost time...and lots of it. Something I am working very hard to invest more wisely and AA meetings so far have been the best investment I have made in a long while.

**Unwasted** · March 9, 2012, 10:49 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

4, I'm following your posts and appreciate your insight into AA. Thanks to everyone for posting here. I'm going to two meetings tomorrow.

**retteacher** · March 9, 2012, 03:33 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Mar. 5 - Mar. 11

4tb: I loved your metaphor of the cracking ice.

As far as all the time wasted: one of the promises of the prog. (in the first part of the BB) is that "we will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it." I must admit I still have regret, but I'm seeing that my past experiences can help others. Thank God we realized we needed sobriety before we went even further into alcoholism.

UW: Good luck. In the beginning, I went to many, many meetings just to keep myself sober. I still go almost every day...at least 4 times per week.

Good luck. Mary

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