AF Daily - Sunday April 1

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Guys... well, actually GIRLS... help me out here, please?

How do you tell your mate that his eating/table manners suck and you just really can't stand being around when he eats or drinks? Preferably without offending him too much? :H

Seriously, one of these days I'm going to lose it and explode. And, that's probably neither warranted nor helpful. I have mentioned before that slurping your coffee and noisily swishing it in your mouth is not considered well mannered where I come from. He did make an effort to curtail that habit a bit but the effort has long since died. Now what?

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Tell him you're going to eat in another room/ at another time from him while you work on your tolerance level of his table manners. "it's not about you dear, it's me."

sunnybutt, have some chocolate dear.

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Tough one. Its my impression that PWNTM (People with no table manners) seem oblivious to how revolting they are. If they werent taught, they just dont get it. Maybe if you have to calmly explain when hes being truly hideously annoying, just how awful this is. You can always record it with a video cam, just set it up on the tripod for a couple of days in the same spot, aimed at him and eventually have it on He wont notice. Then play it back for him, especially if you can be in the shot eating NORMALY. Then you can have a little apres film DISCUSSION. About talking with your mouth full, etc etc. I once left a man because he ate his breakfast with his front teeth out. Nauseating.

My sympathies

Kaslo

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Hmmm.. record it....

It's mostly the sound track that makes my skin crawl. I'd never be able to explain a video camera (he's rather observant) but even my little digital camera could record the sound and it could just be laying around inconspicuously.

But then there's the pushing food onto his fork with his thumb. Which then gets lickend/sucked clean, insulting both eyes AND ears. Sigh. Was I so friggin blind when we first met that I didn't notice? Or, is it just progressing the more comfortable he gets around me?

Don't even get me started on air escaping from various bodily openings :upset:

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Well I think you have to set up video + audio. Also there is nothing like reinforcements, ie adult children who have your back and can vouch for it with Mr. Wonderful in the post screen interview for who gets the job as a PIG!? ( a good carpenter maybe but cammman....)

Come to think of it that is a WAY to have it really sink in, have one other adult (no children, they steal the shot too much) and film them. Someone HE will be unafraid to show his real self in front of. If it is just the two of you, and you want to focus on him, you have the cam set up as if its to film something you doing, some project demo at the table, and get the audio and vid so its just right you can pull off the audio with him in the shot. Nothing wrong with more than one camera either. We do this all the time with birds, its called a set up. Lure them in they get used to the machinery, bingo. Try several dry runs, over a period of days with the cam set up. OR just run it once with the recording. Sound is better than sight in this instance if you have to chose. ANd again there is nothing wrong with multimedia here. Also it helps to serve something that is a good prop for the shot. I bet you can do it.

Kas

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

And PS. I knew Mr. Kaslo did not actually speak to me for days at a time when i met him. Honestly. He once let me walk down a 70% slope 200 meters through the slash above my head in boiling hot sun without telling us we were not finished the plot, just because he does not actually communicate. And then I had to hike right back up again, NOT good.

This little bad habit of his can have its advantages, however. I could not live with bad table manners. Thats just sickening. Table conversation, I would like to have, however.

[Rusty]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Hi Sunni,

I don't usually post on this thread but I just wanted to jump in here and say you have my condolences. One of my male co-workers, whom I've known for almost 13 years, burps (without excusing himself-inexecusable in my book) and chomps his food with his mouth open.....IN FRONT OF ME AND OUR CLIENTS!!!:upset: How the hell did I NOT notice this about him YEARS ago??? I have no flipping clue. I brought it to his attention and he just kind of said, "What's the big deal?" This guy is a lawyer, too. Anyway....as far as advice....is there any way you two could go out to dinner with some of your mutual friends....where they can see his bad habits, and maybe one of them would call it to his attention???? Maybe he's more apt to listen to his buddies than to you??? You're right, though. He's getting more comfortable around you, and he doesn't care....especially when he tried to curtail his activity and then went back to his old ways. Ahem....regarding the toxic emissions from various orifices....all I can say is...you haven't married him yet, right? Run while you can, Sunni!:H

[Almostfamous]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Sunni- I loathe bad table manners. If you are afraid of the direct approach can you pretend you are talking about an article (advice column) you read or a "friend" that was asking for this advice? Maybe then lead into how important good manners are and how some people don't even know what they are doing. My word, I wish I had the answer for you. That does not sound like fun. It might help my diet along to eat across from him though :H

[Rusty]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Hey Sunni-

I know you are a very classy and intelligent person and his bad table manners must embarrass you so. I did not mean to make light of the situation in my last post. Sorry if I offended you. I agree with AlmostFamous, I loathe bad table manners, too....and I liked AF's suggestions. Maybe there will come a day soon when he wants to go out to dinner, and you would have an easy transition into saying....'I want to go out to dinner, but your lack of manners embarrasses me. I don't think you realize how you look when you're chewing your food with your mouth open. You're such a goodlooking guy but when you do things like that, it takes away from your attractiveness (stroke, stroke....I know)." I think the soft-spoken feedback is more effective....at least from my experience. Just my two cents.:l

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Rusty you have made me realize I might have been offensive too (although I think Sunbutts probably used to me).

My first husbands brother had the WORST table manners, and manners period. He fancied himself as a bush man, the kind of guy who keeps a gun wrapped in oil cloth and buried upslope from his cabin in the woods. He mortified my ex MIL, and his sister was a Middle English professor, brothers were doctors, bla bla, He did it on purpose just to piss everyone off, and everyone tiptoed around him. All that fluty classical music and erudition and poetry reading stuff in the family, and there he was in the middle of it looking like Grizzly Adams on a bad hair day farting and belching and spraying crumbs, eating with his fingers, he used emit explosive vapours at the table, and his mom was so attatched to her favorite son no one said a word... till I pointed out he was being astonishingly rude Needless to say I did not last long in that family.

Anyway thanks Rusty for the wake up call, hope I didnt offend anyone with my turns of phrases.

kaslo FN, skulking off.

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

:H:H:H
Oh dear Lord, you people should know me better by now! It takes a LOT to offend me.

No, I'm really thankful for your suggestions, honest!

Rusty.. no worry about marriage. I did that once. I try to learn from my mistakes, not repeat them. I think recording him one day is a good idea. Just so he can see or hear what I mean. It's baffling to me that he went to a high folutin' private boarding school (Interlochen Arts Academy) and they wouldn't have taught their students better. He is very refined in many ways... just not when it comes to food/drink consumption. Sigh.

Greenie, pass the chocolate please.

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Sunni-you could always take your meals to the barn. If he asks why, just tell him the horses, cat and dog have better table manners.

Shue--what is nice about this place is the accountability. I'm pretty sure this forum is what has helped keep me from making some pretty stupid mistakes. All the talk about 1 drink and not getting back to an af life for 1-3 years scares the hell out of me! But you should know, I certainly did not get sober and stay that way my first try. Now you know what NOT to do.

It was 88 degrees today! I spent the whole afternoon at 4-H archery practice and now all I can think about is a NAP! But, I better go do something outside, it is suppose to cool off again this week.:upset:

[Almostfamous]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Sunni- whoa that school IS incredible!!!! I guess they figure that kids already have manners when they show up!!!! Apparently not everybody....... ; )

[Rusty]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Kaslo,

Geez....I was NOT talking about you at all. You always have great advice, and I read EVERY one of your posts....I was speaking entirely about myself. My ex-cleaning lady (I fired her bony, stealing ass) used to say I have Tourette's Syndrome because my thoughts just blurt out of my mouth before I realized what I have said.

Sunni-regarding your mate, I'm at a loss for words. I'm glad he has other positive aspects. :-)

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 1

Rusty;1289788 wrote:
Sunni-regarding your mate, I'm at a loss for words. I'm glad he has other positive aspects. :-)

Geez.. I probably made him sound like a creaton. He's not. He's the most caring and honest man I've ever met. He's supportive, intelligent and puts up with a lot of my sh*t.

I should just get up the nerve and talk to him. I complained last week about his wine corks being on the counter after every bottle of wine he finishes (probably about 5 a week)... and haven't seen any since. He does try.