Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

[retteacher]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

D45:

I just read through this thread. I'm so glad you've decided that abstinence is for you. You are so right when you say that drinking doesn't make a bad situation better. I tried that many, many times. I was absolutely the relapse queen until I got sober in March of '09. I always came back here to MWO, because I knew I had no other chance of getting & staying sober if I didn't. I did join AA, because I needed the face-to-face contact w/other alcoholics, but AA isn't always for everyone.

As far as getting through difficulties sober: I can attest to the fact that it's much, much better. In the first year of my sobriety, my father died & my daughter was diagnosed w/breast cancer. My life is complicated, but I handle it so much better sober. Instead of the obliteration of alcohol, I have the real strength of my own power...a higher power, if you will.

Continue to come back here & let us know how you're doing.
Mary

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

ThreeDogNight;1314248 wrote: Just wanted to say congratulations, Daisy!! You sound so good. It is pretty amazing what can happen when we give up AL.Keep posting and come over to the AF Daily thread. Lots of support there!
:lTDN

Aw, thank you TDN; was out all day, so nice to come back to lovely comments. I will pop over to AF Daily. Have been keeping kind of quiet while I got through my first month. Things are definitely turning around. Ta

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Janice;1314310 wrote: Daisy just wanted to say well done & how much reading your thread has inspired me!! Today will be day 3 for me. I first found MWO 5years ago, the mistake I made once I did get AF time under my belt was those mind games you talk about & allowing them to take control. "I couldnt possibly have a problem" was exactly what I thought & once I decided I could moderate (duh!!) I just stopped coming to MWO....... It then becomes even harder to turn that switch back on & get back on the AF trail. I see so many posts from people with their sobriety date under their signature & I now know I have to keep coming here no matter what, MWO has to become part of my life, part of my therapy. Wishing you lots of luck & looking forward to following your journey.... xx

Janice, thank you; yes, after 10 months I have finally got past 31 days - I know I am at a stage now where I must be vigilant and bear in mind that the only reason I am feeling so good and things are changing is because I am AF; to drink now would be starting all over again - I just don't think I have another start in me right now so like I say 'there is a choice', the wrong one would lead me down a dark road that I don't want to see again. Stay strong....

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

SAUSAGE;1314423 wrote: Just wanted to add my congratulations Daisy. I am so glad you can see the benefits already at 30+ days. I'm now on day 78 and I can say it gets even better. You can never be complacent ( look at my signature from 2009 and how long it took to get started again) but around day 65 or so it was like I moved up another gear, I feel better than I did at day 30 - especially mentally. Physically I was feeling much improved but suddenly I felt my mind was sharper, clearer, positive. - seeing everything from a glass half full perspective but most important of all not worrying about things I have no control over, sorting out situations with so much clarity.

Hope things continue to get better and better and keep updating us on how you are doing.

Sausage x
Day 78

Hi Sausage; you are doing great and you know, reading your post just now has really helped me as I was feeling a little 'funny' tonight, so glad to hear how you felt that bit further on.......I am a worrier and find my head full of stuff that was normally pushed into oblivion on a nightly basis, so it's time to be a big girl now and deal with the real world. Turns out it's not so bad after all.

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

retteacher;1314513 wrote: D45:

I just read through this thread. I'm so glad you've decided that abstinence is for you. You are so right when you say that drinking doesn't make a bad situation better. I tried that many, many times. I was absolutely the relapse queen until I got sober in March of '09. I always came back here to MWO, because I knew I had no other chance of getting & staying sober if I didn't. I did join AA, because I needed the face-to-face contact w/other alcoholics, but AA isn't always for everyone.

As far as getting through difficulties sober: I can attest to the fact that it's much, much better. In the first year of my sobriety, my father died & my daughter was diagnosed w/breast cancer. My life is complicated, but I handle it so much better sober. Instead of the obliteration of alcohol, I have the real strength of my own power...a higher power, if you will.

Continue to come back here & let us know how you're doing.
Mary

Mary, you are an inspiration; I am sorry to hear you had so much to deal with, especially in the first year - what a testament to your strength! I truly believe in a higher power and that alcohol stands in the way of spirituality.....
And, yes, coming back to MWO no matter how many slips is crucial; there is something to learn with each one; and just by signing in here and reading you will always be a little bit more educated be the time you sign out.
I am going to bed happy now just to have found these lovely posts; it means a lot that you took the time. Thank you.

[retteacher]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

D45: Isn't it amazing that after a relapse, nobody judges? I love that. Mary

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Hi all; just a little update. Hoping this will give some of you a little glimpse of what's on the way.....
52 days AF today.
I finished a 20x10 mural on a school wall yesterday - and I'm getting paid for it!The children, 24 of whom had a little part in it, came out to thank me and cheered - what a lovely feeling that was!
I made contact with 2 old friends in the last 2 - 3 weeks whom I haven't seen for about 16 years - so lovely and we will keep that going.
I have lost about 7lbs in weight even though I love my slap-up dinner and a few snacks thrown in.
I am exercising regularly and feeling good.
I am in a rowing boat race this Sunday morning even though I've never rowed in my life. (part of a team with a few pros; phew!)
I have a tan for the first time in my life.(painting outside for 8 hrs a day in a heatwave)
Held a family bbq for about 40 guests last weekend as a farewell to my daughter who is away to Oz for 3 months - everyone was drinking - none for me.
Went out to the pub the week before (my daughter had a very long farewell party!) and stayed out 4hrs. Enjoyed the craic.
At the gym this morning I chatted away to a man I knew from years ago and realised afterwards that I had instigated the conversation and that I was very chatty.....not my usual hiding away. I actually had plenty to chat about; I find I'm getting more confident and never saw it coming.
My daughters have pointed out that I laugh at the silliest wee things; singing about the house using my tv control as a microphone and having great fun with the kids.
I enrolled for a 2yr access course which can lead to university - this starts in September; I don't know yet which direction it may take but I'm on the road.....
I had so much trouble sleeping since being AF and thought that I was just going to be a 2-3am night-owl for good; happy to report bed before 12 this past 3 nights running and sleeping soundly and up early and full of beans.
Now, all perfect? No, there are things in my life that are not quite as they should be as regards family, work, etc, but everything now feels doable.
Do I crave drink daily? No, but I do want 2 full bottles of Chardonnay every now and again. Not the craving that I had in the beginning but a 'want'.
So why not? Because when I read over or think about any of the above and have to choose which one is working best for me, the answer is so clear. The reason I find I am saying No now is because what is building up around me in such a short time AF feels so fecking good I can't wait to see what lies ahead.....
I'd say this is what we call 'living'!
Still on my guard, but I can see the light......

[Byrdlady]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Daisy....your post brought tears to my eyes, and chills. It is amazing the hell on Earth that AL is. It is equally amazing how much more living there is to do. I am so thrilled for you...just wait til you hit 100 days! It just gets better! I am 52, and for the first time in my life, I feel on top of my game. I am sharper than I've ever been and my memory has returned with crystal clarity. Making better decisions....every single thing is better. I am so proud of you, for where you have been and where you are going! Luv, B

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Byrdlady;1326297 wrote: Daisy....your post brought tears to my eyes, and chills. It is amazing the hell on Earth that AL is. It is equally amazing how much more living there is to do. I am so thrilled for you...just wait til you hit 100 days! It just gets better! I am 52, and for the first time in my life, I feel on top of my game. I am sharper than I've ever been and my memory has returned with crystal clarity. Making better decisions....every single thing is better. I am so proud of you, for where you have been and where you are going! Luv, B

Aw, Byrdy, thank 'you'!

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Just had to post this as a reminder to myself to be extra vigilant! As you can see only 2 days ago I was feeling great.
Last night, feeling a bit down, hormonal, I had a craving like I haven't had in a long time. I got through it with a little extra help from Mama Bear's thread 'need some encouragement', and also with the distraction of my little niece coming to stay. BUT, it shocked me big-time.....!!!
I have been feeling really good and did not see this coming; I have read stories here about others experiencing 'out-of-the-blue' cravings but I suppose you don't get it until you experience it for yourself.
When mid-craving, you can come up with any excuse under the sun to make 'having that drink' ok. Last night was myself, alone at home, debating in my own head. I knew I wouldn't drink last night but I was even thinking ahead to the next couple of days, of when I would say 'feck this, chill and get the wine in!'
Yet this morning, I am so grateful, no thoughts of alcohol whatsoever and soooo on my guard for the next temptation........

[retteacher]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

daisy: It's amazing how the cravings come out of nowhere. I've heard alcoholism described as "cunning, baffling, powerful." I've heard stories of people relapsing after many, many years (17 years & 21 years). I stay vigilant on a daily basis, because I could get into the thinking that "maybe one wouldn't hurt." I know from experience that would set me on a very destructive course. Mary

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Hi Mary; now forewarned and forearmed. It's a big eye-opener. And yet when it passes and you are fine and wonder what the hell just happened........what got me this time was it just wouldn't go away for soooo long

[retteacher]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

When I was constantly relapsing, it was the small things that drove me into drinking. A small argument, someone offending me or vice versa, anything. I think I was aware of the big things, so often I wouldn't go into drinking over those. So, I guess the bottom line is to keep aware that at any time I could make the decision to drink. Mary

[daisy45]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Mary, I'm just wondering, can you remember how you felt at 2 months? I am 8 weeks today and while I know everything is better, I also know that even up to last night, which would be about 4 days in total, I have battled with what I wouldn't describe as a craving, but a 'want' to have a drink.
I am grateful to be sober and for all that it brings to my life but this is the nearest I have been to caving in and it left me dissatisfied....I don't want to feel that. Will it pass? Did you doubt yourself for being abstinent and any time? Maybe that's what I'm doing subconciously - trying to convince myself that I can drink at a normal level like I used to.....
I am grateful this morning, as I am every single morning, that I did not drink; it's just that recently the feelings to drink have been what I can only describe as overwhelming......and I just don't like it!

[FlyAway]

Choice is always there -God, help me make the right one now....

Daisy I've found that 2 months was my most dangerous time. I don't know if I was relaxing my guard or what, but every time I've gotten to 2 months I've really struggled. There has only been one other time besides now when I've gotten past 2 months. I had my guard up this time and was expecting to be hit hard with cravings when I got there and I wasn't disappointed. I went through a bad time for 3-4 days in a row. And then it was over and I haven't had a craving since. By no means do I think I'm in the clear now though!