AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

[FlyAway]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Hooray for me! I actually forced myself up off my ass and made myself workout. I lifted weights for about 30 minutes. Lord am I weak!

[FlyAway]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Shue-be-doo, I'm not sure how far ahead of me you are time-wise. Was it coming up on 8pm when you typed that? You better get your next bonus!

Speaking of being a closet drinker--that was me 100%. I'm viewed as a very serious, intelligent, and in control person at work. I'm one of the senior people there and people take my word and advice seriously. Little do any of them know that I'd black out from drinking 5 or so nights a week. One or two or 5 wasn't enough. I'd drink until I couldn't drink anymore. Not remember going to bed, waking up at 3am with sweat pouring off of me, heart racing, and swearing that I was done with drinking. It's sickening and embarrassing to me. There were times I prayed that I would die in my sleep, there were times I considered suicide. I just hated myself and found it so hard to go about the drudgery of life. I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to shower, didn't want to work, etc.

I am done, absolutely done with that. I will never go back.

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Hello hello again!

:H I did miss Kaslo's ode to snow. Amen, sistah. I'm with ya.
Although, today is boootiful here! In fact, I ditched work all morning and worked on flower bed #3 out at the barn. And my vet just left (can you say OUCH!).. the bill will be in the mail :upset: The chubby ponies did well although Atlas was in semi-melt-down-mode. He's such a stress bucket. And, the verdict on Shelby is good, actually. Yeah, his eyes and ears ain't what they used to be but in regards to his tumors (I call it tumors.. it's actually calcium deposits) she said that as long as his quality of life is good we should just keep on trucking. Once we see a lot of bleeding and possible infection we need to worry but so far, so good. Whew.

It's wonderful to hear everyone so positive and energetic! LVT, the discussion in your son's class probably needs more clarification. I also don't think that people change... as in the core person that they are but they certainly can alter behaviors. We're all walking proof of that.

MomOf3... have a great time! Sugarland fairy... keeping fingers and eyes crossed for that job for you! Fly, Sausage, Blondie, Mr. G, Shue and ALL... thank you for being here every day :l

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Did I forget to say Good Morning? What the hell is wrong with me?? :H :H
I think it's a case of granny brain again.

Kaslo, our don't know it poet :H
Hope the snow & ice let up for your trip!

Sunni, I can only imagine your Vet bills - yikes! Glad everyone passed their health exams.

M3, enjoy your family time - sounds nice!

I believe that people can make huge changess in their lives/behavior IF they truly want to. At the same time I DO NOT BELIEVE that people are born to be a certain way, behave & think in certain ways. That just the shitty excuse some people (like YB) use to avoid getting to the truth :tsk:

Oh well, time to get back to whatever it was that was keeping me occupied

[Turnagain]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Interesting how so many of us WERE closeted drunk drinkers. I only rarely drank too much in a public setting...the drunk drinking was for later. Even at home, hubby had no idea I was drunk drinking because I kept stashes around where I could get the buzz. The deception made me feel even more rotten. As if the addiction wasn't already doing a thorough job of that.

It IS a revelation and relief to be free of that shit! Way to go FABbies!!!!

I have a few who now really know the reason WHY I am AF. Strangely enough, I haven't been able to tell my husband about the whole sordid underside of my past compulsion. We talk about most things honestly so I am not sure why I keep this from him. Residual guilt and shame? Maybe I'll examine that. Maybe. He knows I no longer drink and I am committed to that. And he knows I'm no longer deeply depressed. So that works for now.

Sunni... I never really thought about just how durn spendy it would be to have a big herd of big critters. I just dropped off my little pug, Wolfie, to get his uni-ball removed (and presumably search for the missing one??) We will be lucky to get out of there for under a grand. I was given an estimate beforehand so I wasn't too shocked except to find out this morning that they wanted another $93 to do blood tests. Just to make sure that anesthesia wouldn't kill him! WTF. You would think that would be part of the package. Wow. Pet care is getting to be almost as spendy as human care. Better go hustle some $$$$$.

Here's the Wolf before. You can't tell he only has one descended ball, now can you? awwwwwwww!

[universal]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Hi guys,

I'm still here. Have been struggling. I am not living at home right now so don't have a lot of access to a computer. Good news is that I am starting a program of DBT therapy (6 weeks, very intensive) that deals with depression and anxiety. I have heard great things about the program and it has been very successful for a friend of mine who was also an alcoholic. She is now 18 mos clean. I am hoping it helps me because alcohol is my coping skill and I need some new ones. I am looking forward to it, meet with my individual therapist tomorrow, the psychiatrist on Tuesday and then start the therapy on Wednesday. I am currently in a sober living facility as well and will be there until the completion of the program. So at least I'll be 2 months sober again when I come home. Not sure if there will be a home for me to come to but we'll see. Anyway, that's the scoop. Love and miss you guys.

[FlyAway]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Turnagain;1291509 wrote:
Here's the Wolf before. You can't tell he only has one descended ball, now can you? awwwwwwww!

OMG!!! :H:H:H:H:H

[FlyAway]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

universal;1291567 wrote: Hi guys,

I'm still here. Have been struggling. I am not living at home right now so don't have a lot of access to a computer. Good news is that I am starting a program of DBT therapy (6 weeks, very intensive) that deals with depression and anxiety. I have heard great things about the program and it has been very successful for a friend of mine who was also an alcoholic. She is now 18 mos clean. I am hoping it helps me because alcohol is my coping skill and I need some new ones. I am looking forward to it, meet with my individual therapist tomorrow, the psychiatrist on Tuesday and then start the therapy on Wednesday. I am currently in a sober living facility as well and will be there until the completion of the program. So at least I'll be 2 months sober again when I come home. Not sure if there will be a home for me to come to but we'll see. Anyway, that's the scoop. Love and miss you guys.

I have never heard of DBT Therapy, had to Google. Sounds hopeful, especially after hearing the results of your friend. I am so sorry that you are struggling. I do hope that you have a home to come back to after treatment. May this be the answer for you. Positive light and love to you. :l

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Hey Uni! So glad to hear from you! I know you've been going through a tough couple of months and that you had to figure it out yourself. I'm glad you're being proactive and getting the help you so desperately want and need. I'm also glad you're out of your house for now. It always struck me as sort of toxic and I always worried about you there. Maybe you won't go back to that particular home but you will have a home, that I'm sure of. It just may not be what you you envision.
Lots of :h and :l being sent your way and please keep in touch when you can. We do love you and worry about you!

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Uni! So happy that you checked in. I've been wondering about you. I'm glad you keep fighting to get better.:l

Here's my vet story for the day.The vet I worked for for 17 years is a decent guy, pretty generous in some ways, but in other ways...not so much. Anyway, I stopped in there for some dog food today and my friend that works there now told me she brought her cat in for him to look at its hurt leg. She had been wrapping it, but noticed it was losing circulation. After several days of him not doing anything, she took it to another vet. He did what needed to be done (amputation) and it cost her over $800. She's pissed. I would be pissed. Our vet has never even asked her about the cat. I try to take my animals to one of the vets that left and started her own practice. When I worked at the clinic, free vet work (on the small animals) was one of the fringe benefits.

Sounds like my friend that went off the deep end this weekend came out of the coma. I hope and pray she gets the help she desperately needs, as well as my ex boyfriend. I talked to a couple of people about him and we mutually agreed that the best way to help him is to pray for him.

Sunni-I think you are right, the subject of change needs more clarification. I'm going to visit with my son a little more about it. He loves to have meaningful convos. I was thinking about it a bit more today. I feel that people DO change and grow and if they don't something is wrong. I don't think we are born the way we are meant to be our whole lives are we? The English teacher did point out that in my case I altered my behavior--I didn't really change, but he said, but she was addicted--so she did too change. I'm pretty sure I have changed--hopefully for the better. My son is 17 btw.

[FlyAway]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

LVT25;1291625 wrote:
Sunni-I think you are right, the subject of change needs more clarification. I'm going to visit with my son a little more about it. He loves to have meaningful convos. I was thinking about it a bit more today. I feel that people DO change and grow and if they don't something is wrong. I don't think we are born the way we are meant to be our whole lives are we? The English teacher did point out that in my case I altered my behavior--I didn't really change, but he said, but she was addicted--so she did too change. I'm pretty sure I have changed--hopefully for the better. My son is 17 btw.

But what are we if not our behavior? What would be an acceptable example of change for the English teacher? Our behavior defines us.

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Well... what I was thinking was: Let's say you're an introvert... you may be able to overcome certain symptoms that are visible to the outside world, but you would likely still be an introvert. I think :H

Turnip... That is one super cute pup.. and I'm not even a pug fan :h Btw.. has he forgiven you yet? :H The chubby ponies did alright... lungs clear (they both have respiratory issues), got their annual shots and the Strangles vaccine (injected way up into the nasal passage - yuck!) which is needed for traveling to other facilities. Atlas and I are going to Barrie (5-6 hours drive) for 2 days and next month I'm taking Trouble to a 3 day clinic on the island. Today's bill should be around $500 (oh, yeah.. Shelby got his annual vaccines, too) and then there's a booster in 2 weeks, that'll be another $150 and probably next month the horses will get their teeth done.. that's another $400. Oh.. and I would love to get Boris fixed this Spring, too! :egad:

Uni... very good to hear from you! Wishing you strength and success in your program :l

Oven timer beeped... gotta dash!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Flyaway, I was touched by your post. powerful, sad and gritty. i can relate all too well.

I was both a closet drinker, and an obnoxious fall-down drunkard on occasions as well. I had my manners and was liked and respected by all, which I think made it harder for them to watch me hurt myself.

Uni, so glad you popped in and are taking your health and well being seriously. please keep us up to speed as you go along. xxxxx

love the pug pics as usual Turn!

there was a young pug from Alaska
who like to sip from the flask-a ?
he passed out in the mall
slept with a panther
and now he's missing a ball.

thank you, thank you very much.

I'm wanted for 'crimes against poetry' in 14 states.

I think they are onto me. must run and hide

be well

FlyAway;1291478 wrote: Shue-be-doo, I'm not sure how far ahead of me you are time-wise. Was it coming up on 8pm when you typed that? You better get your next bonus!

Speaking of being a closet drinker--that was me 100%. I'm viewed as a very serious, intelligent, and in control person at work. I'm one of the senior people there and people take my word and advice seriously. Little do any of them know that I'd black out from drinking 5 or so nights a week. One or two or 5 wasn't enough. I'd drink until I couldn't drink anymore. Not remember going to bed, waking up at 3am with sweat pouring off of me, heart racing, and swearing that I was done with drinking. It's sickening and embarrassing to me. There were times I prayed that I would die in my sleep, there were times I considered suicide. I just hated myself and found it so hard to go about the drudgery of life. I didn't want to get out of bed, didn't want to shower, didn't want to work, etc.

I am done, absolutely done with that. I will never go back.

[BlondeAFAmbition]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

OK, Det, don't quit yer day job, alright?:H Lost a ball? Ouch.

Cute pic of the Pug!!! Thanks for posting Turn!

Hi and welcome back to Uni! So glad you are doing well! It's great to hear from you, please keep us posted

Well, it's been a nice day off for me. Didn't get as much done around the house but then again I never do! Did manage a decent work out this afternoon at the gym. Came home and walked Coco for a bit and she managed to come back with 2 ticks...yikes. And then I found a flea on her, first time this year. I put K9 Advantix on which I had been meaning to since the weather has gotten warmer so now she should be all set for a while. It's the only thing that works on fleas and ticks and yes, I know it is strong stuff but I had quite the flea problem last summer and I don't want to ever go there again!

Took a nice relaxing bath earlier and did a raw honey mask on my face while in the bath. Leaves your skin glowing and soft! Then I had a healthy dinner. Tonight I am flying solo as Hubs is teaching his class. Won't be home till around 10PM. It's a long day for him. He came home after his other job and I made him a big plate of spagetti before heading off to the night class. At least he gets a good dinner before he leaves! As for me, I had a big salad with sprouted sunflower seeds, chia seed, 1/2 an avocado and some yellow pepper. Must have been craving vegetables...:H Now it's time to have a cup of tea and maybe do some reading in bed.

Hope you all have a lovely, relaxing evening!

[ThreeDogNight]

AF Daily - Wednesday April 4

Good evening, Abbers!

Never got a chance to post this a.m. I had to hard boil 2 dozen eggs and melt chocoltae and dip my cake balls. (Not pops this time, as I didn't have enough sticks.) Did a few strawberries, too, for my flower shop friend. Then I had to pack what I needed for dying the eggs with the kids. Wow, they were all more than excited for the project and hooped and hollered! I had to leave five minutes early to get to my massage therapist friend. I was hurting so bad on my right side. She agreed that I had been throwing that side off due to the left foot. Oh, i didn't even mind her working on me at all, and I did feel better when i left. Have to go back next week. I then went to the flower shop and I put foil around 50 lilies--the ones going to my church. Got home at 5:30 and was exhausted and hurting again. I will definitley go to the gym tomorow and plan some good stretching for the a.m.
Vet bills--know all about those. And supplements, meds, etc. Bud's next chemo is next week, and that is $500, including the blood tests. Crazy.
Uni, I am so glad you checked in, and I hope the new therapy and the sober living house will be just what you need. Don't worry about what comes after that--just take care of yourself now.
I was mostly a closet drinker, too, especially in my last year or two of drinking. The worst, of course, was the drinking in my car. Talk about insanity!
Okay, off to look at some of the other threads and probably fall asleep!
Nite-nite, all!
TDN