Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I'm home from FL & glad to be on my own turf. While we were there, we went to 2 meetings. It's very affirming to see AA...so familiar, so warm & welcoming, far from my home. There are small differences, as each group is autonomous, but the message & feeling in the room is the same.

Tonight's BB story was the housewife story. It's my story...the hiding, the misery, all of it. I was so glad to be there.

I'll check back tomorrow. Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Hi again: With AA, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. If you're a newcomer, there might be some aspects of the program that are unsettling. There's a saying that I've heard: "Take what you like & leave the rest." For me, there benefits really outweigh anything I might find negative. I wouldn't be sober today wo/the program. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Hi Mary and welcome back!!!!! Good to hear that the similarities in the FL meetings were comforting. Hope all is well with your family.

I just started reading an OA book called "For Today." It is a book of daily readings. Todays reading hit home to me. It's about anger. At the end of the reading it says:

For today: To the extent that I can accept my own and others shortcomings, I can be free of anger.

Anger is something I really want to reduce as much as possible in my life. My Dad is a very anxious person - he always has been. He has a hair trigger. He has never expressed that anger through violence or anything, but his inner anger (over the silliest things) has eaten him alive throughout his life. I realize I can be that same way. I don't typically release my anger in violent ways, but I can have a mean streak. I don't like feeling that way. And I DO have tools I can use to change that channel.

What struck me about this reading is that when I am angry at someone else, I absolutely am seeing what I think is a shortcoming in them. But in that moment, I have no short comings. When I am angry with myself over something, all I see are my own shortcomings. This teeter totter is not a balanced view.

We all have shortcomings. Other people do, and I do. I want to get better at ACCEPTANCE of my own and others shortcomings. This will reduce angry moments and increase my peace of mind.

Have a good day one and all!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

I just spoke w/my sponsor about anger. I'm a pretty laid back person...you really have to go some to get me angry. But, when I do get angry or feel offended, I can really hang on. There are a couple of people in my life who I feel offended me. I've been hanging on to my resentment toward them. I actually don't want to let go. I feel "justifiably" angry. I know the BB says that justifiable anger is not good for the alcoholic. I know this could be a relapse trigger. My sponsor has gently inquired about what I could do to relieve myself of these resentments:
-Do I need to talk to the person?
-Do I need to let go let God?

I'm a work in progress as we all are. The people around me, including those whom I feel wronged me, are also works in progress. There's a "sick person" prayer in the BB that a friend of mine says when he feels aggrieved. I'm going to give that a try.

Hope everyone is having a good day. I have a GSR meeting tonight. It's a business type meeting, but it's my way of doing service to this program that has done so much for me.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Hi Everyone,

I have a question. In my Saturday meeting the subject was acceptance. Everyone talked about a hardship they were having and how they related to the passage read from a book written by Bill. The issues were never related to alcohol, though. Is it just supposed to be "understood" that without acceptance the person would go back to drinking? It's kind of strange...I'm so early on, my issues are different than theirs by a long shot. I guess that's just the contrast between someone new to the program and someone with 20-30 years of sobriety?? It felt like people were just talking about their problems, not about alcoholism if that makes sense.

There was a young woman there, though, who spoke and it really helped me. Amazingly, she got into the program at age 24 and has been sober 9 years. She was very inspiring. She talked about how she had tried everything - self help books, exercise, diet, you name it...........but it wasn't until getting in AA and working the steps, and getting in touch with her HP that she was able to maintain sobriety. After the meeting, she told me she often couldn't relate to what people talked about because she doesn't have a husband or kids, but she had learned to find the similarities. She is also now a Sponsor.

Anyway, just thought I'd throw that out and see what you guys have to say.

UN

[4theboyz]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Hi Unwasted. I too am new enough to AA to not have the wisdom of 10 + years to validate what all these euphemisms of AA mean. Acceptance for me though exists on quite a few planes and each is unique at least for me. I had to accept I was powerless over alcohol. Big leap for a Type A control freak. I discovered a new level of acceptance this week in having to accept all these things I used to use alcohol to numb away. My anger, my frustrations my stress, and the biggies of step 4....my shortcomings in all their glory. I interpret accepting these things and living with them as opposed to numbing them away with booze is one of the bigger steps to learning to live a sober happier life. Hard to see life in a happier light embracing all these shortcomings but I addressed that as simply embracing me and all my warts. These shortcomings were there long before booze took them to a whole new level and they will remain today as I learn to live a sober life. I just have to accept them as they are is how I see it.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

I'm certainly not an old-timer, as my experience w/the program is only 3 years duration. I think once some years sober go by, the program becomes a life program, rather than just a way to stop drinking & stay sober. The 12 steps (which contain the whole acceptance concept) can be used on any problem at all.

When I was a real newcomer, I wanted to hear about how to stay sober. I can now see that any time I'm not accepting situations & people are they are, I'm vulnerable to taking a drink. Acceptance leads to serenity & sobriety.

Hope that helps.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Mary, I think you've described it EXACTLY right. Thanks for putting into words what I was trying to say.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

UW: You are doing extremely well! It isn't easy in the first few months to make sense of the program. It's difficult to speak up & even ask questions. I was so low-down when I got into program that I just made myself go to meetings w/no expectations at all. I knew I had no other choice, as I had tried everything. Everything has a way of clearing up, & a year (or even 6 months) from now, you'll be in an entirely different place w/AA.

Last night's speaker meeting was a young man. You'd think I wouldn't have anything to identify with, as he was arrested, homeless, lost everything, etc. I was much more a functional alcoholic...not that one is better than the other. But, I did identify. He spoke about the self-centered fear that got him started in the first place. I certainly had that...living in my head & feeling like everyone was looking at & talking about me, me, me. Also, he spent years, as I did, trying to drink like a normal person. I made up rules (when, where, & how to drink), & I failed miserably each & every time. For me, abstinence is the only answer. One drink sets me off into the mental obsession. After 6 years in AA, he's turned his life around 180 degrees.

Mary

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Mary, thanks. It is a bit confusing but I'm going to keep at it. Nothing so far has been negative at all........just trying to figure it out. So far I haven't said much and I feel like I should but I get there and just kind of clam up......I know I'll get past my shyness eventually. It's just strange when you're a private person.......but I get how talking would help you figure things out.

Regarding the young man who spoke at your meeting..... It reminds me of something I hear a lot, which is how selfish a disease addiction is. Ultimately everything revolves around getting the alcohol......when, how much, who you're going to be around, etc. It goes on and on and leaves little of us to share outside of that maelstrom of torture. I really hate alcohol and am so happy to have it out of my life.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

I think it's human nature to want to feel comfortable & know what you're doing. When we start something new (like AA), we're bound to feel a bit confused now & then. It's always good for me to go out of my comfort zone now & then. I was so fear-based while drinking that I just couldn't take any chances. I can now see how that compounded my problems. The less risks I took on my own behalf (not crazy risks like we take when we're drinking) the more fearful I became. By the end of my drinking I was isolated by fear. I hope this makes sense.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

Hi all! Just a brief drop in here to "touch the life line" so to speak! I love the posts about acceptance and how you all view that. I know it's a mainstay for me too, and I continue to learn new ways acceptance (or failure to accept what I cannot change) contributes (or takes away from) my peace of mind. I'm coming to REALLY treasure my peace of mind. That is making me willing to take a new look at things that upset me. I used to focus endlessly on being right and getting frustrated/angry/upset when others didn't behave as I think they should. These days when I get upset, I am much more focused on what is going on that is causing me to lose my peace of mind - and how do I get it back? Acceptance of something I cannot change is usually the answer.

I will be manning a tabletop display at the school health fair all day. Then I was asked to speak as part of a panel at school tonight - I will be talking about the new face of heroin and how it is affecting our community and especially our youth. Then tomorrow is the bit HERO HELPS event - community awareness and education about heroin addiction. And a memorial for people to remember their lost loved ones.

I'm grateful to be clear and present and a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem when it comes to substance abuse.

DG

[Unwasted]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

DG, I was thinking about your work at the schools......have you read Kristen Johnsten's book Guts? It's a pretty amazing read about her addiction, but aside from the book she is starting an high school in New York for kids in recovery called SLAM (society, learning and motivation). Pretty noble cause, I'd say. But then, she's pretty famous, so I guess she has the kind of influence to be the name behind something along this line. Actually, before I read her book I didn't know much about her - actress who was in Third Rock From the Sun with John Lithgow and a new series called The Exes.

Trying a big book meeting this morning......celebrated my 5 months sober anniversary yesterday..........YAY!

Hope everyone has a good day.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

UW: You are doing so well. The first-year milestones are so significant. My BB meeting is on Sun. nights...I really like it. We read the whole book, including the stories. Some BB meetings just read/study the first 164? pages...the intro to the program. Those are great too. Enjoy. Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Apr. 9 - Apr. 15

UW - thanks for the book recommendation! I will add that one to my summer reading list! It sounds interesting. Congratulations on your 5 month anniversary!!! :yougo::yougo: I LOVE helping people celebrate milestones! I wish I could have been there for yours!

I sometimes go to a BB study on Saturday mornings. We read the whole book including the stories in that meeting. On Sunday morning there is a 12&12 I like. We refer the the portions of the BB that are specific to the steps, along wtih the 12&12 book for the steps and traditions. We alternate steps and traditions each week - Step one, Tradition one, Step 2, Traditions 2 etc. One meeting can't possibly get into every nuance of a step or tradition. But over time, I collect more and more pearls of wisdom about a step or tradition every time we discuss it. There is lots of long term sobriety in that meeting, so lots of wisdom and experience with how the steps and traditions can be employed productively in our lives.

The panel presentation went well on Thurday night. I had quite a few sources for info, but this link has subsequent links to some very recent research that is specific to my geography about heroin use among young people. Heroin Prevention - Robert Crown Center I found it very interesting. The Robert Crown Center is developing prevention programs based on this research which was conducted by Roosevelt University.

The HERO Helps event was fantastic yesterday. Here is a news clip about the event if anyone is interested. Heroin epidemic subject of suburban conference | Video | abc7chicago.com

Have a great day one and all!

DG