AF Daily - Sunday April 22

[shueaddict]

Good glorious morning, Fabbies,

It is a wonderfully sunny day here, I am enjoying the rays on my face while waiting for my son to finish the math contest, coffee in hand.

Left you a big pot of Java and some French toast.

BBQ later, I plan on making some ginger beer (Jaime Oliver's recipe)

Big shout out to Almost for 60 awesome days.

Love love love from me.

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Morning all and CONGRATS Almost.

I'm having an awful day. My mom's bipolar is bad and when that happens she goes from a very shiny happy mom to another person who criticises and everything and is paranoid about everything. I can't stand to see her like that and I've never been around her sober like this. My counsellor said that I have to move away from her to get distance as I will never remain sober as it seems impossible for me to create boundaries in this one area of my life.

I have to make her lasagne and then go visit. Please send some prayers/positve thoughts that I make it through today sober.

If my mom gets worse and or tries to commit suicide again she will be hospitalised again which means I will have to move in with my dad again to look after him as he's just had an operation. In that case it will be really difficult for me to work and even more difficult to remain sober as I have more issues with him than I can count on my fingers and toes.

Oh and yesterday was my boyfriends birthday and we ended up having a terrible row as he was having a huge pity party. Weve both been so busy and under stress so the plan was to spend the day in bed and just talk on skype to catch up and reconnect. Instead when I phoned him awake to say happy birthday (it was already 10am) he put the phone down in my ear after I made a joke. I sent him an eternal love rune which I attached to a keyring to celebrate our first home together (which shouldve been finalised by now) and I managed to have it delivered on the day of his birthday bith a long love letter. He sent me a mail saying how insensitive it is to send keyrings to 'homeless' people. He said such mean things in his mail. Then later he said sorry he's stressed, birthday pity party, i'm wonderful, he just misses me, but I havent talked to him yet. Yes he's stressed but if he bothered to check although I don't work as long hours or live in a B&B I have plenty enough stress of my own. I'm just so sad and not strong at all today.

Thanks for listening.

XOX

[Almostfamous]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning loverlies!
Thanks Shue and Dizzy!

Shue- Great luck to your son. I am finally going Google ginger beer since I still have no clue what it is.

Dizzy- wow girl, that is A LOT to deal with. I'm sending big hugs (I have long arms) your way. Please stay sober. Remember that alcohol will only make things worse. You do not need to add that to your life. You need a clear head and your fabulous energy! I'm thinking of you. I really am!

Kas- love the photo and that tiny fleck of blue in a gray sky. National Geographic needs you!

Sunni- Poor peanut and poor pooch.. Scrub those paws in your hotbed of germs. Keep chanting, "must stay healthy, must stay healthy...." while you're chanting, feel free to throw in the word "turbulence" if you need to exercise too.

I'm off to scour other posts. I'll be lurking later. Just call me "Lurking Laura." Well, actually my name is
not Laura so that might be weird. Ok offee for coffee.....

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good luck for your sun Shue. Will you let me know if Jamie's recipe is any good, I am looking for a good one but am a bit put off after hearing stories of bottles of ginger beer exploding...

Thanks Almost. Its just one of those days. :l

Remember that today's Earth Day guys. You can check out Google's cool pic today if you don't believe me.

Take Action | Earth Day Campaigns | Earth Day Network

[ThreeDogNight]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning, Shue, Dizzy and Almost--and all to come.

Shue, good to hear your fun attitude! Coffee and French Toast--perfect! Hope your son does well in the contest.
Dizzy--my God, you do have a ton on your plate!! I agree with Almost--alcohol would just make it all so much worse. Easy to say, as i am not in your shoes, but I am sending huge positive vibes and prayers for you. I hope your BF is just having a rough spot, but you need to take care of yourself. You are about to make a huge move and it needs to be right for you. I know you'll do the right thing. Extra :lto you today!
Almost, sounds positive on the home front and sure hoping the house sells soon. Congrats again on your sober days!!
Blondie--where are you?? Hope the VT seminar went well. I know your community has to be so saddened by the disappearance of the toddler--sounds like she had to be swept out to sea, but how it happened so fast with Mom there is puzzling. Such a tragedy.
Loved your pic from yesterday, Kas, and loved your pics of Peanut, Sunni! Saw them on FB, too. So sorry he's so sick, and wishing him get well vibes!! He is so cute--love his spikey hair
Det, will look at your link later. Had too much sugar yesterday--friend made cake balls in several flavors, and we had to "sample" them after dinner last night Also chocltae covered almonds. But we did have marinated shrimp, stuffed portabella mushrooms and spinach salad w/chicken and gorgonzola before all that.
Did see some info about Paxil and arthritis on line, but need to go back and look further. Cutting back to 10mg every other day, but have that wooshing feeling in my head off and on, especially in the a.m. Looks like it can take months to successfully wean off of this!
Okay--going for a walk (if neighbor doesn't cancel due to rain), then later have a BD party for an 80 yr old lady from AA group. She is now in a nursing home and we are having a surprise party today. I have to go to the flower shop (have the key) and blow up balloons--which is not one of my strong points--and pick up a plant I bought her. Also going to check out my new place of employment later, but skipping church for the first time in several months.
Will check back later.
Have a wonderful AF Sundy, everybody!!

[Almostfamous]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning TDN,
All of your food sounds fab!
Sending plenty of my" hot air" in your direction so you can blow up those balloons. Enjoy the party and hopefully your walk. Rain, rain go away.....

[BlondeAFAmbition]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning Glories!

Happy Earth Day! I'm off to work and plan to do an Earth Day display at the Front End. I'm going to promote green cleaning products for Spring cleaning inspiration...I know I need some housekeeping inspiration...lol.

Well, catching up on yesterday's posts...AlmostFamous and I are "sober" 60 day twins...ehem...61 day twins as of today and I must say that it just keeps on getting better, doesn't it AF?

Happy Sober sunday to everyone! Make it a trully wonderful day...you only have one shot at today, there will be no other like it.

PS, I bought myself some gorgeous huge white lilies yesterday on my lunch break at this lovely florist shop downtown. For six bucks, I got the most fragrant stalk of white lilies which I put next to my bed. All night long, I could smell their lovely scent and it reminded me of how great it is to be sober. Now...that's something to celebrate!

Peace out

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning tiny dancers!

I've been hearing that Elton John song a bit lately.

I woke up to a delicious gentle rain and the birds twittering this AM. From the bed I see only trees outside the window and can feel the breeze....... so nice! I can pretend I don't live in a regular old neighborhood. :H

Shue, I'm interested in how the ginger beer turns out. I don't think I've ever had it. I do love ginger.

Kas, I loved the photo! I look back to the prior day's thread to see what I missed - usually from the west coasters. Not everyone does that? Oh yeah and that pic of the peanut was fabbie, sunnybutt!!

TDN, cake balls again..... I know that whooshing feeling. I can't remember how I came off but I remember breaking them in half was part of it. Maybe you could go to 5 mg a day for a couple weeks and then every other day from that. Blowing up ballons could be considered aerobic exercise? Just think "turbulence" whilst blowing and you've got it all! :H

WOOP! WOOP! Blondiegirl and Famous!

BlondeAFAmbition;1301981 wrote: I bought myself some gorgeous huge white lilies yesterday on my lunch break at this lovely florist shop downtown. For six bucks, I got the most fragrant stalk of white lilies which I put next to my bed. All night long, I could smell their lovely scent and it reminded me of how great it is to be sober. Now...that's something to celebrate

I LOVE THAT!!!!

Dizzy, wow. :l:l You can get through this day. You absolutely have all the strength you need. And if you doubt it, then DON'T GO OVER THERE. I worked on boundaries for a long time. They still are not easy for me but one thing that was helpful was to get past my perception of what other people thought of my boundaries. That maybe I looked uncaring or selfish. Maybe I do. And if so, sorry about that, but..... I'm annoyed at the words your therapist used but I do agree that if necessary you should stay away from your parents. They can sort out their own care alternatives. Your job is to not put yourself at risk. And stop spending time with toxic people even if they are related to you. Easier said than done sometimes so here's a concrete suggestion - Colin Tipping He has an online program for forgiving your parents. Long distance relationship must be hard. Have you spent much face to face time together?

It quit raining so I'm going to the river with my friend. I love the woods on damp rainy days. Surprise, surprise, eh? :H

Tally ho!

[momof3]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

DizzyBee;1301931 wrote: Morning all and CONGRATS Almost.

I'm having an awful day. My mom's bipolar is bad and when that happens she goes from a very shiny happy mom to another person who criticises and everything and is paranoid about everything. I can't stand to see her like that and I've never been around her sober like this. My counsellor said that I have to move away from her to get distance as I will never remain sober as it seems impossible for me to create boundaries in this one area of my life.

I have to make her lasagne and then go visit. Please send some prayers/positve thoughts that I make it through today sober.

If my mom gets worse and or tries to commit suicide again she will be hospitalised again which means I will have to move in with my dad again to look after him as he's just had an operation. In that case it will be really difficult for me to work and even more difficult to remain sober as I have more issues with him than I can count on my fingers and toes.

Oh and yesterday was my boyfriends birthday and we ended up having a terrible row as he was having a huge pity party. Weve both been so busy and under stress so the plan was to spend the day in bed and just talk on skype to catch up and reconnect. Instead when I phoned him awake to say happy birthday (it was already 10am) he put the phone down in my ear after I made a joke. I sent him an eternal love rune which I attached to a keyring to celebrate our first home together (which shouldve been finalised by now) and I managed to have it delivered on the day of his birthday bith a long love letter. He sent me a mail saying how insensitive it is to send keyrings to 'homeless' people. He said such mean things in his mail. Then later he said sorry he's stressed, birthday pity party, i'm wonderful, he just misses me, but I havent talked to him yet. Yes he's stressed but if he bothered to check although I don't work as long hours or live in a B&B I have plenty enough stress of my own. I'm just so sad and not strong at all today.

Thanks for listening.

XOX

Hey Dizzy,

Great advice from Greenie. She is very wise and intuitive. I too was thinking about boundaries when I read your post. I struggle with boundaries too but I am getting so much better at it. I imagine my boundary as a soft impenetrable space around me that keeps people's shit from absorbing into me.

It is their shit Dizzy and has nothing to do with you. Stay strong and grounded on your path to being AF. You are doing so well. It sounds like you need some space right now from both you and your mom. Go take care of yourself today.

xxoo
M3

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Good morning Abbers,

Loving the coffee shue, thanks!
Good luck to your son.

Dizzy, I am so sorry you have to deal with your Mom's extreme mood swings!
I found patients like that so hard to just be around, can't imagine if it was family. Please pull up an iron shield around yourself & try not to absorb her negative energy. Keep yourself a bit distant - right? Wishing you the best

TDN, have a terrific busy day today

Almost, the rain is going to hang around here for a couple more days, I think

Blondie & Greenie, Happy Earth Day to you & everyone
No outside activities for me today so I guess I'll get my surroundings cleaned up a bit!

Sunni, I just love Peanut's picture ~ so cute!
My grandsons both have the snotty nose thing going on so I keep a pocket full of tissues to go after them. If not I find them wiping their faces on my pant legs :H

Have a great AF Sunday everyone!
Lav

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Hey everyone on Planet Fab! Wow I feel terrific this morning, and you all know why!

I have to say this to DizzyBee, parents are connected to you and they really use that connection sometimes to make sure they still have control over you. Its possible to break the connection and still do your filial duty for them. You can physically seperate yourself by not showing up, or you can hire someone to show up with you, instruct the person on what to do, OR you can take yourself into a place where you are talking to an AQUAINTENCE. This is for dealing with yer DAD. Here is the example I use. My mother was manipulative, spitefull and cold. She LIKED to hurt people. It took me a while to learn this but when I had to deal with her I had to train myself to step back in my mind, look at her as an aquaintence, someone I knew but was not attatched to. It took some patience but I just put her in her place a couple of times by saying to her You cant say that kind of stuff to me, calmly, never reacting, and then changed the subject to something very neutral. Falsely cheerful, even. When faced with a person they dont know in a body they do know, manipulative parents are stymied. She was kind of taken aback but she did start to respect boundaries, and our relationship improved after that up to her death. We never had that closeness of an acolyte or devotee (me) trying to impossibly win affection from the demigod (her), it was more like friends from that point on. You would never treat a friend like you treat me is the message i was giving her. You would not pull strings and play mind games, so dont pull them on me. ANd it worked.

With your mom, its different, she is very sick. And you have a hard time coping with this person who is GREAT sometimes, but when she is shifting to the other side of bipolar, she is hell on wheels. Use the same mind control on yourself as above. It may seem impossible, but here is the thing. YOU are a well person again, with a huge investment in your personal achievements. You are sober, and although fragile you have some power over yourself, to see her as a sick person in you mothers otherwise caring, happy body. So protect yourself. If it means staying away from her for now, please put yourself first and stay away. Because she cares for you, if she knew what was really happening to you when you are drinking...she would not want that for you.

I sincerely hope this helps. You have some space between when you are drinking and your new healthier self, but you are still fragile. Getting better but vulnerable.

As for your bf, he needs to grow up. What he was doing is the sign of a person who is taking out his frustration, anger, fear, etc on the only victim he thinks he can get away with doing this to. That sucks and its a sign that when he is not feeling so hot hes going to lash out.

Diz, you ARE a great person. You are bright, funny, happy, sweet, inventive, creative and FUN. You diserve better than what the Irish used to call Wagons, or at least what Roddy Doyle used to have his characters refer to a relative as when they were being painful, "Shite, shes such a WAGON". Dont be pulling all of these wagons around Diz, old girl


Kaslo, who is going to Erie Lake (as apposed to Lake Erie) to kayak and swinging back thru Nelson to go grocery shopping in a real store for a change).

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Yoohoo FABs and FABettes!

Quick check-in as the peanut is down for the count (nap) He seems better today, not nearly as much goopy stuff from various facial locations. Does not apply no nether regions, though! TMI? :H

Too funny, we were feeding horses this morning (he carried one bucket all by himself, etc.) and I grabbed a handful of treats for them. Fed one to each and then the little guy stuck out his hand, presumably to give to the horses... nope! Went straight into HIS mouth! :H

Dizzy... strong and good vibes going out to you. I don't suppose you have any siblings or other family who could chip in? I'm with Greenie and M3 on the boundaries but realize this is awfully hard to pull off if you're alone. Any chance you could get a nurse to come in for your dad?

Blondie, your lilies sound divine! No wonder you dream of flower shops, though! :H

Shue, good luck to the junior, TDN... much blowing power to you (dear Lord, that could go all sorts of ways), Did someone say 'Turbulence'? Almost? Greenie? :H Yeah, I dunno if chanting is gonna keep me outta trouble here.

Ok, who'd I forget? Lav... I think my pant legs are safe.. he's gotten quite efficient with his sleeves (which is why is coat is in the laundry as we speak) :H

Happy Earth Day, Sunday, Happy Sober Life, etc, etc! I do love this new lease on life!

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

x-post Kas! Didn't expect to see you so early! :H

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

I forgot to mention, that in order to start to look at a parent who is manipulating you, you have to kind of look at them as a stranger. Look at what they are wearing, and pretend you have never seen it before. Look at the surroundings and set yourself apart. Its like to listening to your native language and PRETENDING you dont understand it. Its a very special state of disconnecting yourself from the power they have over you. Believe me, it sounds like I am demented but I urge you to try it. It helps if you squint at them, and kind of make thier features fuzzy, and the sound of their voice turns into kind of an unknown dialect.... you guys prolly think I am nuts but try it. IT WORKS!

PS dont do this while driving. You can actually put a manipulative parent in a car and achieve the dissconnection from them much easier than when on their turf. So no squinting is necessary.

And remember DONT raise your voice, dont react, and watch what happens, You may be surprised by what you see in the first few minutes.

[momof3]

AF Daily - Sunday April 22

Wow Kaslo. Powerful post!! We are lucky to have you here.