April AF Flock - Week 4

[BlondeAFAmbition]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Hi everyone!

Glad to have the day off, phew! To those who are working, hope it is smooth sailing for you! Grateful to have woken up to sunshine this morning as I wasn't too sure about the weather on my days off.

I'm so happy to learn that I am not alone here with what LBH, Cyn and Star are posting about. After meeting 60 day goal, the waters have been a bit testy for me to be honest. Not that I am going back to drinking but just that I have to really accept this way of life FOR LIFE and sometimes it still feels like a part of me is missing because I spent half of my life as a drinker and now I am completely changed. There is fear in that. But nothing feels better than a sober morning and I embrace that fact every time I wake up!

Here's to our "new" selves and staying on the right path. The path might venture off at times but as long as we find our way back, we can continue to walk towards the light.

Bright blessings to all!

[Lavande]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Happy Humpday Honkers :H

I'm sitting here with my 2nd cup of coffee & still haven't seen the sun yet - not fair!

I forgot to mention cyn that I listen to NPR in my car

OK, need to get myself to Curves & deliver eggs - those ladies have turned into very steady customers, love them!

Wishing everyone a terrific AF day!
Lav

[Lavande]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Wow Dill & Blondie -0 you snuck in ahead of me. Glad to see both of you
Dill, I was wondering if the near end of the school year was bothering you as it has in the past. Just very happy to see you back!

[FlyAway]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Good morning Honkers! I haven't checked in for a few days and it'll be a few days more before I can really spend any time here. Life is crazy right now. Mostly involves work, but other stuff too. I'm doing great and am approaching 70 days.

Yay for Sausage!

LBH so glad to see you back here.

I'm sorry I really don't have time to chat with you all. I'm heading out of town for 3 days of training for work.

Love to you all. :h

[sooty]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Hello all and thanks for thinking of me. I haven't been missing in action, but things have been tricky domestically as Mr Sooty not well and finding this difficult to cope with, I have consoled or rather punished myself by drinking.

It was stupid and I regret it but I just got overwhelmed. I'm not dwelling on it cos that's counter productive and i can't change what's gone before.

I feel much stronger today and my resolve is back in charge. I am truly glad to be back amongst you and will happily walk towards the light.

Have a good day everyone and keep safe - just realised what day it is - happy humpday

[sunshine_gg]

April AF Flock - Week 4

:l Sooty
I hope Mr. Sooty's health is improving? And I'm glad you've decided to not punish yourself further. As we all know, the issues/problems remain the same and as long as we're drinking we never 'deal' with anything... just drown it out temporarily. Stick around, please?

Lav, there's sun here!!! Yay! And I no longer have to use fence/clothes line/trees/dog to move from point A to point B! It's calm and bootiful today! Here's to hoping your day will turn into the same!

Blondie, I've struggled with 'Now what?' previously, after achieving some x-amount of AF time. I can't really tell you what's different this time around, but something is. The mere thought of doing 'that' again makes me shudder. I still don't say never/always etc... I guess it really is one day at a time. Have you read the Jason Vale book? I still haven't (but am really meaning to).. it sounds as if what he has to say may help with that fear factor...

There goes the phone. Work interfering with my life again. Tally-ho and hello to everyone!!!

[ladybirdheart]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Hi Sunny as you tally-ho, I am so glad you feel a change and am encouraged. My heavens, Dill AND Sooty are here, I am thrilled. Sooty our bus driver! I feel like I just came home and that none of us are going to get out here all alone with what ails us. Thank you so much for being here, back on the bus, it really is a one way ticket, you give me hope and courage. Now if I just also had some sleep. Last night it was so hot I was up for several hours and then when I finally fell asleep I was quickly awakened by two raccoons thrashing around in my fishpond. I pulled out a humane ?large raccoon? trap at 3:00 but I am not sure it will be sufficient, one woman I spoke with who removes them (for $200 a coon) said she has to use ?wolf traps? (wolf traps? I am doomed). I was on edge the rest of the night but did go off to the ancient midtown YMCA pool for aerobics which helped bring me around. You are right, Lavie, about taking care of oneself and finding compassion where we can. Off to run errands and see you later, Ladybird.

[sunshine_gg]

April AF Flock - Week 4

I found bleeding hearts today. There is life up north. That is all :H

LBH.. wolf traps!??? What the heck are you feeding the coons down there!?? :H
Hope you'll convince them to move to greener pastures!

[cyntree]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Sooty - so perfect that our bus driver has come back on Hump Day! I'm sorry to hear about Mr Sooty - will he be on the mend soon? Are you OK? Coping with sickness in another person is one of the most stressful things, I think. Good luck, and please stay close.

Lav - I hope that the energy from our little band of compassionate hearts can somehow help fill your heart. If those around you aren't seeing the phenomenal, rock-solid, funny and compassionate woman you are, then sick Matilda on them, and tell them they don't want to meet up with the MWO gang. We've got your back.

Great to hear from you Dill, good luck with the crazy end-of-year issues.

Here's something I read last evening (from a gluten-free magazine!) written by novelist and poet Jax Peters Lowell. I think she wrote it just for us: "Living well is not a sprint; it's a long-distance race. A balanced life is fluid and ever-changing, not only day-by-day but sometimes moment-by-moment. The goal is not to allow ourselves to be driven by an unrealistic need to be perfect but to remain, cliche that it is, connected to what matters most - friends, family, a circle unbroken by our special requirements. Simply put, balance is the idea that success cannot be canceled by the inevitable setbacks - but made stronger by them. A full and rich life does not result from an experience we can point to: it accumulates".

Hope all have a good midweek evening (or sleep, to you all in the easties).

[papmom3]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Evening fellow goselings!

I can relate to what a lot of you are talking about. I am just shy of 2 weeks until my 2 year anni and I've been having a ton of thoughts about going back to my "old" life. I know I can't mod. I know I won't just have 1 or 2 glasses and stop. Or maybe I will.... for awhile but intellectually I know I will get back to where I was very fast. I know that AL won't do anything about what is going on in my life right now. It will just make me feel worse. But god, some days I just want the pain to be dulled for just an hour or so. there have been some great things that have happened since I went AF but I've also gone through some of my lowest points ever and they seem to keep coming. Some I have control over-weight, exercise -some I don't-boss, work environment, economy, housing market. I just can't bear starting over after going on a binge and because I know it won't help anything that is going on I just can't justify it but I've been fighting with myself every nite. Anyway, I do hope that all of us find the best way for each of us.

Sooty-I'm so sorry you are dealing with Mr. Sooty's illness. I do hope it isn't too serious but if it is, I hope we can offer you some strength.

Dill, LBH-so great to see you both here a again. Keep writing down those thoughts. You never know if you will be helping others besides yourself.

Cyn-feeling a tad better, thank you. I love NPR as well but I get the Boston stations, not the wonderful small town one you get to listen to. How cool you found a Reiki practiioner so close!

Blonde-hope you are enjoying your "weekend"!!

Sunni-I love bleeding hearts!! Glad the wind has died down for you finally!! Are you headed for a workshop/lesson this weekend?

Crappy week so far at work-not worth talking about but I'm not sure how much more I can take yet I have no other choices at the moment. I guess I just have to trust that the Universe does have a plan for me and I need to be open to it. Meanwhile I need to do a better job of taking care of myself and once this chest rattling cough goes away I'll get serious about a little exercise each day. Really wish I hadn't entered the agility trial this Saturday. I could really use a day of complete rest. But I know it will be fun once I get there (at 7 silly o'clock!!).

Over and out.

[Guitarista]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Jolie;1303608 wrote:
For me, my 3rd serious try, I am finding it easier because number one, I am just tired of that same vicious cycle that being addicted to alcohol brings. Two, I'm tired of starting over - like waking up in the morning without that awful feeling of dread, and three, I'm finding out who I really am. Discovering a side of me I don't think I ever gave myself the chance to know - MY SOBER SIDE!

HONK HONK!

Hi y'all,

Hi Jolie. Yep, i am finding this time around AF i'm a lot wiser, and a wake up to my alkie mind a bit more than i thought i was last time. Wiser as in, i know that i know less and less everyday :H, but i am just more aware of myself i feel, and am closer to my true path.....err, i think!

Hi Pappy! How are ya going there? In answer to your question posed to me somewhere recently, yep, i have 30 days AF, and around 40 or something now.

Good to see you LBH. I always enjoy reading your thoughts.

Wishing everyone a safe and sober day or evening.

G-bloke. :h

[Guitarista]

April AF Flock - Week 4

papmom3;1304570 wrote: Evening fellow goselings!

I can relate to what a lot of you are talking about. I am just shy of 2 weeks until my 2 year anni and I've been having a ton of thoughts about going back to my "old" life. I know I can't mod. I know I won't just have 1 or 2 glasses and stop. Or maybe I will.... for awhile but intellectually I know I will get back to where I was very fast. I know that AL won't do anything about what is going on in my life right now. It will just make me feel worse. But god, some days I just want the pain to be dulled for just an hour or so. there have been some great things that have happened since I went AF but I've also gone through some of my lowest points ever and they seem to keep coming. Some I have control over-weight, exercise -some I don't-boss, work environment, economy, housing market. I just can't bear starting over after going on a binge and because I know it won't help anything that is going on I just can't justify it but I've been fighting with myself every nite. Anyway, I do hope that all of us find the best way for each of us.

Sooty-I'm so sorry you are dealing with Mr. Sooty's illness. I do hope it isn't too serious but if it is, I hope we can offer you some strength.

Dill, LBH-so great to see you both here a again. Keep writing down those thoughts. You never know if you will be helping others besides yourself.

Cyn-feeling a tad better, thank you. I love NPR as well but I get the Boston stations, not the wonderful small town one you get to listen to. How cool you found a Reiki practiioner so close!

Blonde-hope you are enjoying your "weekend"!!

Sunni-I love bleeding hearts!! Glad the wind has died down for you finally!! Are you headed for a workshop/lesson this weekend?

Crappy week so far at work-not worth talking about but I'm not sure how much more I can take yet I have no other choices at the moment. I guess I just have to trust that the Universe does have a plan for me and I need to be open to it. Meanwhile I need to do a better job of taking care of myself and once this chest rattling cough goes away I'll get serious about a little exercise each day. Really wish I hadn't entered the agility trial this Saturday. I could really use a day of complete rest. But I know it will be fun once I get there (at 7 silly o'clock!!).

Over and out.

Hey Pappy,

I just read this.

Well young lady, you may recall that i decided to try drinking again recently after 2.5 yrs AF. You describe your future sequence of drinking events accurately if you choose to go back to that hell.

I am here to remind you, that with 1 drink, (yep, for us, it only needs one, even if we stop after 2 or 3, or a day/session) you will open the flood gates, and as you say above, it won't be very long till you're back to previous destructive drinking levels, and it will get worse as everything will combine to encourage you to drink at even bigger and without doubt, more dangerous levels. I know you suspect this, and i could control myself for awhile, but i soon saw the gates of hell slowly opening, awaiting happily for my return. I am lucky that i came back. You may not. This is a chance we take.

NOW. Dulling/numbing our frustrations and worries needs to be dealt with in other ways, AND..... they can be. You know it is a mind set, a head space we allow ourselves to be dominated by, but we have the power within our minds, to change what we are thinking, and we have the ability with some practice, to change how we think, who we are, and what we allow to worry us or affect us. I know the old drinking thinking mindset can hang around for hours, days, months, years.....it did for me, but we must grow within ourselves. Self growth and care, which includes our thinking, what we allow ourselves to focus on, and how we deal with stress, worry, relationship, work, financial, and other life issues.

Mindfulness, meditation, exercise, distraction and getting out of our head/negative worrying thoughts any way we can. In my last AF stint, i note that whilst like you have done, i've kicked arse in many, many ways, and turned my life around for the better, i now see i neglected my own self growth, my self care strategy's, tools and armoury ready to deal with lifes drama's. I respect you whatever you decide Pap, but i see that you might need to remove yourself from your current thinking, re group yourself, re-charge the batteries, and remember why you stopped drinking, the incredible path you have forged, and never forget or disrespect your unlimited, amazing potential.

Get over this little hump, cross over to the other side with a big joyous leap, and revel in all that treasure that is yours, free for the taking. :h

[Lavande]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Good evening all after a fairly long day......

G, what you just said to Papmom is absolutely correct & the best way to handle the day to day things in our lives

Now I'm going to tell Papmom that I will drive north & personally give her a major case of
Lavan-ittude if she continues the stinkin-thinkin

Wanting to numb out is pretty average & I believe that after the enormous effort it took to remain AF for two years - we are anything but average!!!!!!!
We need to keep reminding ourselves that we no longer operate in that mode
Reading, meditating & truly being open to new ideas is the way to go!!!!

Sooty, so sorry to hear Mr Sooty is unwell. I'll keep both of yuo in my thoughts.

Jolie, I think the main thing that keeps me away from AL, besides my grandkids is I was seriously tired of disappointing myself (over & over). I would stop, start again, stop again - oy!
Finding MWO when I did was a true gift & blessing. I saw it as an opportunity to finally break that damn cycle!

OK, good night to all. Watching kids again tomorrow afternoon. The older they get the harder it is, honestly :H

[ladybirdheart]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Many wise words. G., you are kind and funny and smart. Hold fast Pappy. I can not express how much I want freedom for each and every one who has the dream of it. Speaking of dreams, I am off early to seek one after last night?s sleepless dance and the anticipation of my huge orange cat doing his usual six AM bopping at my head only to discover (horrors) that he can?t have ANY breakfast as he has an early veterinary appointment for dental work. He will not take this well. Speaking of teeth, I hope I do not also hear the snap of the please-be-not-flimsy trap, followed by the raging scream of a marshmallow betrayed raccoon the size of a Volkswagen. Spring. So nighty, night birdies. Love, Ladybird.

[rustop59]

April AF Flock - Week 4

Good morning everyone

It is absolutely lashing rain here this morning. However, just logging on and reading Mr G's supportive post to Pappy and LBH's poetic words and Lav with her dose of Lavitude has brought a smile.

"Living well is not a sprint; it's a long-distance race. A balanced life is fluid and ever-changing, not only day-by-day but sometimes moment-by-moment. The goal is not to allow ourselves to be driven by an unrealistic need to be perfect but to remain, cliche that it is, connected to what matters most - friends, family, a circle unbroken by our special requirements. Simply put, balance is the idea that success cannot be canceled by the inevitable setbacks - but made stronger by them. A full and rich life does not result from an experience we can point to: it accumulates".

Cyn - I just love this quote, going to print it off and put it on my fridge. In the beginning of my AF journey I expected everything to be immediate but this sums up my journey beautifully, thank you.

Sooty and Dill, welcome back and stick close to the flock. We are going to bloom into beautiful flowers for May. Blond suggested a flower theme, any ideas on actual title? Flowering Flock, Beautiful feathered blooms etc. Hope Mr Sooty is soon better, you too Pap.

Big hello to Star, Chill, Jolie, Fly, Blonde, Mr G and anyone else I missed.

Rustop