AF Daily - Thursday April 26

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

My heart is sore again tonight, the cold rainy season has started as well and its a start of a very long weekend.

I know we don't need roosters for eggs but don't we need roosters to fertilize the eggs? Hmmm.

Anyway, I'm going to go crawl into bed with a movie, any movie.

XOX

[shueaddict]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Hugs, Dizzy, get a light movie, something to make you laugh.

Nighty night.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

I lost the plot........... :upset:

OK, I am posting this because I absolutely need to.

On the evening of April 20th I decided to drink. Completely overwhelmed with life, stupidly bought a bottle. Drank until blacked out.... woke up, and proceeded to finish the bottle because I felt so horrible. All 2 days before my 1yr of complete sobriety.

I have no 'valid' excuses. I have no excuses. I let myself and feel completely ashamed. Little AFM was at a sleep over; and I did it.

So on Tuesday I was able to get in with my GP for a prescription for 'Antabuse' it is compounded here by the generic name of Disulfiram. I had none left from my prescrip 2 years ago. I also have an appointment today to visit with an alcohol & drug counselor (I don't do drugs) at 1pm. I need to learn how to not let so much shit build up and go on a deathly binge each year.

On April 22, 2011 I ended up in the ER by ambulance; which I did not remember at all. I was stone-cold out. Could have died then. Which brought me to almost a year of sobriety.

I know so much has happened this past year, but I cannot let that be an excuse for what happened. I need to find another way of dealing with the 'shit' life brings. Because I honestly think that alcohol will be the death of me if I don't.

Thanks for listening. I needed to get it out here for me, and start this process again.

Love and peace. xoxo

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Oh shite, AFM. So sorry. How are you feeling today compared with earlier in the week? You certainly, of all of us, have a huge weight to carry, and I dont know how you kept it up. I have had a bit of bad news and thot about caving, but you have had dump truck full.

Well one serious topple off the wagon doth not the end of a life of sobriety make.

Good thing you posted here. Its obvious you are doing what you need to do.

Rest well, recover, let us know how you are doing.

Kaslo

[Wildflowers]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

AFM,

I do not know you, but when I read this my heart sank & my breath was heavy... Some of us are dealt extreme cards in life to deal with. Tho they aren't fair & we often do not have any answers as to why. Which can sink our minds, hearts, spirits even further into despair. Sometimes when it becomes to much to bare we remember from the past what helped us to cope. Sometimes those choices are healthy & sometimes they aren't. Alcohol is a great deceiver. While providing short term comfort, giving us that instant relief from pain. It can quickly turn into chaos for those of us that are alcoholics.

Please know that your 363 days of sobriety aren't lost, they are not without recognition. You are to be commended for them! No one, nor anything can take them from you.!.... Let this slip be your teacher. Keep reaching out here to those you know & maybe some new people. Try not to let your pain isolate you from people who understand, care. People who have kind hearts, lifting you up & encouraging you to get back on the path of an AF life.

Be gentle with yourself. Love yourself. Do something nice just for you today. You deserve it!!!.... You are beautiful!!!...

Namaste,

Wildflowers :l

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

On my phone tying from a lovely bistro in downtown napa ca. A better work day!
Afm xxxx dear one
Back later when on comp
Be well

[MumOfTwo]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Quick stop in before flying off to work to say a big thanks you to Shue and Dizzy for chatting to me yesterday (my yesterday..god these time differences make my head spin LOL). You have certainly put some perspective on the issue and I have decided to leave him in his cave and let him come out when he is good and ready and to not take it personally (this is the first time I have EVER done this, usually I would badger him and badger him until he told me what was wrong) I'll let you all know how it goes.

TGIF xx will pop in later

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Good evening Abbers,

AFM, I am so sorry!
You have had an extremely rough year friend, I can only imagine. Please just take care of yourself & stick around, we'll rub off on you again, you know we will

Mum, I left my husband in his cave after years of straining myself trying to pull his head out of his a$$. When he finally emerged on his own is when he packed up & left without explanation. I'm sorry to tell you that & I hope that is not the case with you. We just cannot control anyone else's behavior.

Kaslo, I kept one rooster here in the beginning because I read that he was needed to keep the girls 'motivated'. Well, when I saw how he beat the crap out of the hens & how he beat the crap out of me (bruising my legs horribly) I decided the fecker just had to go. He was a big beautiful specimen, a Buff Orpington but all I wanted to do was kill him :H It's so nice to be able to walk in & refill the feeders & water cans without carrying a baseball bat for protection :H

OK, had 4 1/2 hrs of kids & puppy this afternoon so I'm ready to call it a day - Oy!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Dinner in napa as i type on my phone
Must say this is a rough place to be af
Just connecting for moral support. The romance and beauty of wine country
Is indeed alluring.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Sending lots of strength your way, Det! :l You will remain AF because the alternative is Hell as you know! xoxo

Thanks for the support guys. I only have myself to blame. BUT, my appointment with AL counselor was fabulous. I am going to be attending group meetings at the office in the mornings during the week for a while. They have a different group each weekday. Support Group, Motivation, Relapse Prevention, Treatment, and Cognitive Skills to Enhance Recovery Group.

I am looking forward to the additional help. I need to learn how to not let life build up for a major binge each year.

He also gave me a list of meetings around the town. I will check out the one at noon on weekdays. Why not? I feel lonely in this town. No real friends. No real friends that don't want to tie one on; so I don't associate with them anyway.

I will be checking in. I need my Lavin-tude now. Plus reading this thread has been wonderful too. So happy to see so many people partaking in it!

Thanks all! Much love!!

ps. Det, you stay strong, luv!

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Oh, AFM.... I'm glad you survived that ordeal. That's scary as hell. Glad to see you've grabbed hold with both hands, getting right down to serious business.

Kas, did you really?? I'm so sorry for your disappointment. I under-estimated it's intensity. :l

Det, wear blinders! Or a bag :anon: Don't you have antabuse as well?

Wildflowers, that was such a nice post.

Night all. Have sweet AF dreams.

[papmom3]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Oh Fabbers-many many :l for those who need it!

AFM-I'll let you in on a little secret: I'm 14 days away from my 2 yr anni and I've been having serious thoughts of just chucking it all and giving up the fight. Because some days it just feels like all I do is fight-for everything. So, I get it but I am sorry you gave into it. However, when I read your post, I knew right then and there I would not give in. You could never have known but you saved my sobriety and I thank you and love you for it!! I'm glad you found a fabulous counselor right off the bat-that is very cool.

Kas-I too underestimated your disappointment. Please don't cave. The Universe has great plans for you my dear!!

Shue and Dizzy and Almost-so sorry about the partner problems. I sure hope everything works out for the best. Shue, in terms of what you should tell your hubby: Whatever feels right. I tried to tell my family how bad I was but they just can't understand. Not even the ones who don't drink normally. Or may they just don't want to as it's too familiar to them. At any rate, I'm glad I tried but have to accept their comprehension. Hope the talk went well.

TDN-wow, you are busy busy at this new job!! Can you refresh my aging memory and tell me what kind of store it is again? Sorry!!

Better day at work, good nite at the NH. I will be sad to leave but it's time. Can't wait for the 13th!!

Time for the sleep fairy to visit and she can't if I'm sitting at the puter!!

Nitety nite!!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

thanks friends, all well here in the valley of grape-flavored death.

not quite sure that drowning myself in fresh baked bigne's was the best approach but it's working.

AFM thank you for the update. you are taking this seriously I'm so happy to see, and inspired by you.

I wanted to take some pictures today as it was so lovely, but felt really conflicted about compounding the 'wine country' stigma. wait, i did take one weird one. lemme find it.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

for some reason I couldn't rotate this pic.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

jeez I gotta get a haircut. damn hippy!