AF Daily - Thursday April 26

[shueaddict]

Wakey wakey eggs and bakey, Fabbies ,

I am back from my breakfast meeting with some big wigs and I am famished ? They had the questions, I had the answers, they ate, I talked ? now I am brewing my fave French roast and filling my office with that rich rich aroma. I bought croissants on the way back ? help yourselves. Sugar, your decaf is on the side, soon I am going to make you that "to go" because I am sure you?ll need to rush to work any day now.

I am so happy I did not drink last night ? it took me a long while to accept that drinking while exhausted makes you even more tired. But I did have to remove AL from my sight. So this morning I was full of beans and despite feeling my body tired my brain felt really switched on.

Hubby comes back tonight and I need to sit him down about AL ? again ... Honestly, I think that he believes that I am ? cured? since I was able to go without AL for so long. When I had that glass of champagne he actually cheered me. This is the man who, when I ?fessed up, he made me write down my goals and supported me achieve them. I have 2 choices:

a. Reveal the gory details of my drinking past (i.e. hiding the empties, driving intoxicated, the ever growing need to drink more than the other women ? because I ?deserve to relax? and they don?t work)- in hope that this will scare him and it may dawn on him that I was far worse than he thought.

b. Accept that fact that he?s a normie and will never fully understand addiction ? and just tell him that I am not ready to drink yet ? continue that line until finally he just gets used to me not drinking.

Thoughts?

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Thanks for the coffee and croissant Shue. Lovely to have you back.

Hmmm, I'm a newbie here. This is actually the first time I've been 31 days sober since I've 'developed' alcoholism. Well, you know what I mean. I think if you truly want to be sober and you want his support you have to be honest with him, otherwise he will never understand BUT that in this way you are removing a escape exit in case you want to go back to modding. As I'm still undecided, I know this is a difficult decision. I'm sending positive thoughts and love your way, you will know what to do tonight.

Lav - I guess he did you a weird kind of favour then. :l I'll have to speak to the wise Green-eyed one. Either that or the Divine Seeer. :H

Do you have roosters too? Chickens are lovely but I can't stand roosters. I'm sorry but we had five roosters at rehab and they were the sole reason I hardly ever slept there as they took turns keeping me awake. Try being active from 7-11 while being newly sober and suffering bad headaches on 4 hours max a night. Our neighbours also have two roosters and they start at about 2am, which is better now that I quit drinking and have started to go to bed before midnight.

Det - I will listen to those podcasts, they sound really interesting. And I named my worms Miso Scared after your miso remark last night

Kas, will you do me the honour of posting a pic of your garden on my new thread? Sorry, it really sucks about that project of yours.

Oh and that goes for all the other greenies here too - lease: You too Det, I thanked you in person for giving them their names

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f6...ing-63431.html

Papmom3 - Sheez, hard on yourself much? LOL I was single for 5 years before I met mr not so wonderful and sometimes I think I prefer it. Sometimes I wonder if God didnt just mean for us to procreate and move on...but let me not open another can of worms here.

Oh and Kas or anyone else here - do you know anything about MSM powder? Just wondering if its a good or a bad thing. https://www.mywayout.org/community/f6...der-63315.html

Have a super day peeps.

XOX

[shueaddict]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Skinny pants Greenie – I wish I had your problem – yes, designer does mean small (ouchie)

SunnySide of the Saddle – any chance of more pics of horses horsing around?

Dizzy – BF trouble is hard … but relationships are hard and never perfect. I am still young, still opinionated and having been married for 11 years now to a Mr. Wonderful I can tell you that when they say “marriage is hard work” they bloody mean it. Our parents met for the first time at our wedding and had no choice but to get along …

Topless Turn – I am all for meeting around LVT’s firepit around 2014 (either that of the legendary no booze cruise)

Raven – my Irish brother in law calls gin “ the mother’s ruin”

Almost – are your guests here yet? Make sure you buy them an exotic / different drink to your poison of choice … no point adding to the temptation

Kaslo – I mourn the delay of your project. Funny thing a budget is … just like sh1t … it happens .

Lav - gasoline is $7.29 a gallon here ...

33 boxes of TND, get well Pap, ever running Mo3, Flyby, missing a Blond here, Mo2, the travelling Det – big hug to you all, have a great day

[MumOfTwo]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Morning Fabbers,

Thanks for the coffee Shue..on the DH note - personally I would do option 1 with a bit of option 2 mixed in. That should scare the crap into him I think you need to accept that certain people in life will never understand the drive to drink and the affect AL has on us. No matter how much you try explain it to them, they never undertstand (just like I dont understand how someone can drink normally). You dont need to get your DH to understand why you have the problem, just that you do have a problem and that all he needs to do is support you (and NOT suggest you drink). Just my two cents worth

Speaking of husbands..things are not going too good on that front. ATM it feels like we are on two seperate planets and cannot communicate (we were not the best at communicating anyway - how the fleck have we stayed married so long!). He is very stressed and goes into his man cave and I am left walking around on egg shells. I hate feeling like this :upset: and I am not sure if it will get better or we are heading for splitsville..

Sorry to be a downer on such a great thread.

Dizzy - have you heard back from your BF - how is it going there??

Kas - your pics are amazing and an sorry to hear the new project has been delayed to next year.

Sunni - have a fab time at the clinic and drive safe with your precious horsie

Hi to everyone to come, xx to every one of you, hope you all have a fabu day

[shueaddict]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

X post, Dizzy ... I'll be honest here and tell you all that I absolutely dread option a. MWO is the only place where I felt comfortable splling the shameful details ... Hubby has me on a pedestal ... telling him I had a problem in the first place was the hardest thing I ever did ... I was fighting tears the whole time (and I only cry at funerals) ... I did not have it in me to come completely clean then ... Now ... I think about what I need to do to protect my sobriety ...

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

I know Shue...I just wish it wasnt so damn hard. Just as I wish I lived in a house that cleaned itself. Ever wondered how much time you would save if your damn house just cleaned itself? Whats the point of cleaning? :H

MumOfTwo, I think we are in the same boat here. Well in terms of not communicating and partners going into caves. I hate that damn cave. If I ever find it I would break it down with my bare hands and ensure that the sun penetrates every corner of it.

I told him what I need from him and he is angry now. Men usually need time to work through anger before they can get through to their real emotion - well, when approached directly in the way I did it. I guess I will hear from him over the weekend as he is on an important business trip.

Also, I think I already said too much about this thing on here. I have boundary/codependency issues (who doesn't???) and I think its about time that I take all the advice I received, let it simmer and then make my own decision.

I hope things work out for you though, although I'm the last person who can offer advice at the moment. But I can offer support and hugs. :l :l

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Cross post again, Shue.

Trust me hon, I KNOW. Only two people in my life even know that I've been to rehab so I'm the last person to preach to you about being honest to your hubby.

Is there perhaps a middle way as in you can explain to him how uncomfortable it makes you feel without coming out with the whole caboodle?
But you know that this is probably the last hurdle to cross if you want to go from modder to abber...

I'm going to step aside and let the wise ones dish out some real advice now.
:l

[ThreeDogNight]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Good morning, Abbers!
I was up before 6:00, but had to go back and read yesterday's posts, as I was too tired to do that last night. Worked eight hours unpacking those boxes--and more arrived in the afternoon--and hanging things up and trying to figure out what to put away as overstock. I could barely get on the treadmill and reclining stepper at the gym. I do really like the two young women I cam working with. I sent them around the corner to a cute place that makes pizzas and salads, etc. but they were closed until evening for some reason, so took one of them to a great kitchen supply/gpurmet take out place and introduced her to the owner and a guy who works there in the summer. Then we chose a couple of things and I went back and sent the other girl over. They were so excited that I bought them lunch, and thanked me over and over. So cute. We had to sit on boxes to eat--there is no area set up for eating there. The older girl (I say "girl," but she is 30) told me that I was the nicest boss she'd ever had! LOL!! A boss who knows nothing in this shop and will be lost when she goes back to her school job next week. Owner may come in on Friday--guess she trusts us, but we will probably have to shift things around when she does come. I will be in a bit early today, as hubby is going to meet a friend for breakfast and will drop me off early. Fine by me. I have to fill out some paper work and am glad I don't have to photocopy my license, just record the number. At least thats seesm to be the case.
Realtionships--well, when I have more time I'll comment on that. Never easy, that is for sure. Dizzy, I feel for you. It's so good that you have this place to "talk" out the issue. So much experience in that area here!
Shue, I used to avoid teling Mr TDN about the REAL problem and everything I was doing and hiding. It's because I knew I wasn't ready to give up the fight, and felt I may need those secrets in the future. Not sure if that makes sense? Anyway, I still don't tell him things unless he asks, and he does think that I am "cured," but I no longer have to hide those things and suffer the horrible guilt and anxiety. As he has bee cleaning up the property, he has been dumping leaves, branches, etc, in the woods and has found a few of my empty bottles there! There are more, and I am sure he'll be looking for them and if he finds them, there will be a bunch of them!! I think I already talked about the water filled bottles in our crawl space. Some had been replaced an filled twice last summer. I do cringe to think of it. Raven, the gin and tonic breakfasts were often my choice, too, though usually without the tonic!:upset: May I never know that way of life again!
Kas, I am so sorry about the job. That is a real letdown. Maybe the guy will somehow find the money, and I am hoping for that!
Lav, how is Matilda? I can send you that DVD, so just let me know!
Det, I will look at those podcasts soon. Thanks!
Sugar--news on the job front?
I was saddened to see a young guy from my AA group on the 11:00 news last night. Attempted murder of his girlfriend. They were around some fire pit and he hit her on the head with a rock about ten times and then forced her face into the fire pit!!! Her father called police, she is in the locl hopsital and he is in jail, Local police caling it the most horrible case of domestic abuse he's ever seen in his 16 yrs of service. This kid was arrested a few months ago and was in jail for a couple of weeks, and I remember it had something to do with the girlfriend. He is being arraigned on first and second degree murder charges and other things. Always so polite to me and had been at AA as late as Sunday. Addiction is truly hell, and I thank God every day that I didn't hit a worse bottom than I did.
Okay-a novel, as usual:H Now off to shower and get ready for another work day!
Have a great AF day, all!
TDN

[Almostfamous]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Hi all,

Thanks for the fabulous coffee Shue. This is just a quick note. Our company comes today plus we have a showing this afternoon. And so it begins....

I bought seltzer and juices galore for my daughter and me.

TDN- what an awful story. That's just sad and horrifying. On a positive note, your work day sounded great.

Mum- hugs your way. I believe all marriages have highs and lows. I hope your low is only temporary. Can you have a chat about it with him?

Shue- I know I always spout my" less said the better." Some people need a picture drawn!!!! They just don't get it. If you are not comfortable spilling the whole truth, then just tell him a bigger piece than you previously did. Something like, "I was drinking my stress away and it started to consume my thoughts.." "I was a person I didn't like when I drank blah, blah, blah"
I can tell you that I have not and probably won't ever tell Mr. Af about my past year. It's not about moderating again as I KNOW first
hand that just does not work for me. I just don't want him to know the ugly details.

Ok big hellos to the rest. I'll try to pop in when I can.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Fabbaroooooos!

PAst time for the robe to to come off but I wanted to toss out a couple things.

LAv, thanks for the suggestion of e-bay for both. Sizes are so crazy I feel like I need to try on. Consignment might be a good idea. Thrift hasn't coughed up anything. May just cruise for ipads on e-bay though! Your comment about YB made me feel sort of sad, but also bring to the front your fine qualities that I admire so much. :l

Diz, sounds like your heart is trying to talk to you. Meditation you've been doing may be opening channels so pay close attention! As for me, the end of my marriage was a long over-due blessing. I had emotionally checked out from it long before it ended - I just didn't know it as I was so numb from alcohol. My drinking habits were closely tied to it. My future mate or mates :H will be chosen carefully.

And one comment for shue and I have to go. Shue, it caught my eye that you fought tears when telling your husband the watered down version. I wonder what it would be like for you to be able to tell him and release all those. To be totally vulnerable with the one closest to you, that you trust the most, that you feel safest with. That might be an incredible healing experience on a soul level. Just pondering here. I know the flip side of that. The fear that it will be used against us is so very big. But I wonder if doing that would be a big step in overcoming that fear. A speech by Brene Brown on vulnerablility and happiness comes to mind, but I can't dig it up right now. This isn't exactly aimed at you. You have company in this area. Anyway, just thinking out loud.

One thing's for sure here!

here you go. 20 minues Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability | Video on TED.com

[DizzyBee]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Oh but Greenie... I'm too stubborn to let things be. Even my doctor stopped me in mid sentence this morning to say Dizzy (well, thats not my real name, that would just be weird) would you mind if *I* lead for a while here?

(I just cracked up laughing and was quiet for a bit while she attempted to lead.)

:sigh: I know...I know.

Momof2 if you were in SA I would find you and kiss you! After our chat I phoned up the doc and told them about how great the Topamax is been for me and they are now going to consider using it for my mom. Can you believe that someone who has been researching meds for 14 years and doing medical copywriting and translation for years could not *click* this bit by herself?

Bipolar is such a complicated disease. The first clue was also here when one of you said one of your friends struggled for years until they found the perfect med. And I thought *like Topamax for me* still this thick head of mine didnt focus. Then M2 just said do you think it will also work for your mom? I mean the Pdoc has put me on my mom's meds but have never put my mom on my meds because I stopped going to her because I started feeling subconsciously resentful because she couldnt *fix* my mom.

I don't think you understand how big this is. If this work it would free up such a big part of my worrying brain.

:bananacomputer:

I wrote a story called https://www.mywayout.org/community/f2...22.htmlTopamax to explain just how dramatic the effect was that Topamax had on me.

(OK, I'll stop pimping my links now and finally get some work done)

M2 you rock - :thanks:

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Well hello Abbers!

Mid-morning & I've gotten absolutely nothing done yet (not even a shower) :H
Just don't feel the need to hurry today!!

Glad to see everyone here enjoying shue's fabulous coffee & kicking butt too!

Dizzy, I kept a rooster for a few years (because I thought I had to - duh). I hated him & named him SOB:H I finally found some farmer to take him off my hands & I haven't missed the 4 a, wake up calls
It took a while for me to appreciate that yes indeed YB (my husband) did do me a favor by running away. He believes he is weak & can't do any better. He says that I'm much stronger than he is - ridiculous. His low self-esteem problems have just taken over & are running his life now. I am so tired of battling that whole thing. I never thought he was weak but that's what he believes. Trying to change someone's thinking is a daunting task

OK, I REALLY need to get myself together, get into my shop & get my work done!
Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Thursday!

Lav

[sunshine_gg]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Hello and Farewell for the weekend, Fabbies!

Dizzy.. wishing the best for you and your mom!
Sorry, no time to read back today... of course, the day I'm skipping town, all hell breaks loose here this morning with servers down, etc. Clients got me out of the tub, for crying out loud :H

Have a fabulous weekend, girls 'n boys... hopefully back in one piece on Sunday! :hallo:

[Kaslo]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Good morning Fabinsters, great threads this morning, so many issues to deal with... wow. I was immediately struck by TDNs answer to Shue where she said and I quote...

ThreeDogNight;1304777 wrote: N I knew I wasn't ready to give up the fight, and felt I may need those secrets in the future. Not sure if that makes sense?
TDN

Does it ever make sense! TDNs insight to this is brilliant. The thing about normal people, or NPs if you like, is that they dont understand the whole mind control and deviousness that goes with AL addiction. They may understand on a surface level that we are hurting ourselves with AL but they dont get, or it doesnt occur to them that while they are thinking about sex, money, rock and roll, the Dow Industrial Average, and fixing the washing machine, etc that WE, the ALs of the world are plotting, planning, coping with the current level of poison in the system. So, Shueski, I really like what Mom of 2 has said here. Only you can tell how much information Mr. Shue can handle, but like most NPs he doesnt fully understand and appreciate AL, but he possibly does need to learn to accept that if you start again, you will likely continue beyond what is good for you. The stats are that you will end up with any number of AL related conditions. NP (and ALs) often think this is hysterical thinking and hypochondria, but the facts are there, if you look. But even more likely you will have a crappy life, and not a fun one, in the end. Which wil come early. SOME people can drink but you can not. I have seen marraiges fail because of people deciding to take the AF route, its really a travesty. Preventable? I dont know. If you have a good friendship, and I am sure you do, I bet he can handle what ever you tell him. He must be nuts about you, you ARE terrific, and he is there for reason. Dont be afraid to take your relationship to the next level.

And after a while I believe the partners of AF people either cant handle it, or they wander off and be happy with us drinking mineral water or nothing at all when he is drinking. This is just one person, so hardly anything but a testimonial, but Mr. Kaslo really cut back for a year, and now that he is used to it, he is drinking slightly more beer than he has for a long time. Its probably his normal level. Two on one night, one the next, nothing for 5 days...etc. He has gone back to what his normal level is. NP dont understand that people like us are sponges as far as what other people think about our drinking. We obsess on it. Just like we obsessed on AL. So after a while, thank goodness, that goes away too.

Its all part of the hideous mess AL makes of our brain chemistry.

So thanks all a youse for your kind words re new manager finding out he doesnt have any money. The image analyst found out through ME and he may have already spent time finding appropriate space imagery, and at 500 bucks an hour he has just wasted a bunch of his potential cash flow, more than me. Its my staff I worry about . I am actually more interested in the rotational couch grass survey I am undertaking in my garden right now.

Sunni, have a great weekend...thank goodness we dont have image phones imbedded in our cerebellum yet, for those times when clients get us out of the tub.

Lav, please explain why we dont need roosters? I dont mean that symbolically either. I am deeply interested in this. Apparently we may be able to keep chickens in this little one horse town soon.

Almost, (comma necessary) GOOD LUCK with the showing and the friends and all.

Hello to DB, M3, P3, LV
and all thee
after me.

One thing is for sure


Kaslo

[shueaddict]

AF Daily - Thursday April 26

Oh, Kas, your post came just in time, as I was cooking, setting the table outside and having the mother of all cravings. WHY ? Because I know there is a bottle of WW open in the outdoor fridge. I kept telling myself this will pass, it ain't worth it ...

I thought of pouring out the vino, but I know hubby will want a glass when he comes back later.

In between my delicious dinner, surfing the urge and reading your excellent post the craving is gone and now I think I know what I'll tell hubby.

More later