hello everyone - well my drinking experiment was over.
I had 2 glasses of wine adn 3 spirits wiht mixer. two more drinks than I had planned but not bad at all - and certainly lot less than former times.I had a couple of soda spacers too. Up early due to OH snoring and really thirsty.
Weird thing is I didn't enjoy myself as much as recently when I've been out socially sober.
It's tiring thinking about not having another drink. I also felt left out last night, 5 of us were out and i always seemed on periphery.I feel like that more when i drink, and my thinking starts spiralling I'm not as attractive as other 2 friends, i'm boring, I have nothing to say etc.
I also smoked 5 cigarettes which i wouldn't have done if i was sober and the crap thing is i know why i did it - to fit in and be likeveryone else.I am off the booze now until birthday next sat - plan to start with diet coke until quite late and then have 4 vodkas later on from about 10 (place is open until 2) and I'm off the fags forever again.
Next time i get a fag craving i will go and sit in loo for few mins and breathe.
It's my sabotage thing too, i do so well with a plan eg diet/no fags people start congratulating me so i stuff up.it's like i'm scared of success - i do it with weight too.
i guess if i was thin and didn't drink or smoke i might really need to face my problems and not divert myself with putting all my energy into those things and trying to change.maybe that's what i'm scared of...
I also had takeaway at mates after- and i know i wouldn't have smoked or ate more food if i hadn't drank.
So all in all drank a bit more than planned but for me I'm not too unhappy with how much - but more the consequences of it.off to gym soon to pound out my frustrations.
tired- but -awake- bear -at -ungodly- hour- on -a -sunday -morning
I had 2 glasses of wine adn 3 spirits wiht mixer. two more drinks than I had planned but not bad at all - and certainly lot less than former times.I had a couple of soda spacers too. Up early due to OH snoring and really thirsty.
Weird thing is I didn't enjoy myself as much as recently when I've been out socially sober.
It's tiring thinking about not having another drink. I also felt left out last night, 5 of us were out and i always seemed on periphery.I feel like that more when i drink, and my thinking starts spiralling I'm not as attractive as other 2 friends, i'm boring, I have nothing to say etc.
I also smoked 5 cigarettes which i wouldn't have done if i was sober and the crap thing is i know why i did it - to fit in and be likeveryone else.I am off the booze now until birthday next sat - plan to start with diet coke until quite late and then have 4 vodkas later on from about 10 (place is open until 2) and I'm off the fags forever again.
Next time i get a fag craving i will go and sit in loo for few mins and breathe.
It's my sabotage thing too, i do so well with a plan eg diet/no fags people start congratulating me so i stuff up.it's like i'm scared of success - i do it with weight too.
i guess if i was thin and didn't drink or smoke i might really need to face my problems and not divert myself with putting all my energy into those things and trying to change.maybe that's what i'm scared of...
I also had takeaway at mates after- and i know i wouldn't have smoked or ate more food if i hadn't drank.
So all in all drank a bit more than planned but for me I'm not too unhappy with how much - but more the consequences of it.off to gym soon to pound out my frustrations.
tired- but -awake- bear -at -ungodly- hour- on -a -sunday -morning
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