can't moderate back to abs for me!

[bear73]

hello everyone - decided i can't moderate at the moment and need to go back to Abs.
I had decided to drink at party this weekedn, one i n March and my birthday in April.
So far this week i had 2 big glasses of wine on Tue and felt bad.last night I had a pint and 5 small glasses fo wne.
i feel like shit today, have lots of work to dso and prep for party.
I think part of me was going back on booze to fit in, I was anxious before i went back on it and ever since I've been on it.
tellingly I've not exercised once this week - partly due to cold and exhaustion but maybe booze affects that too?Life was simpler AF, I was happier, had more money and more energy and time.
seems crazy not to carry it on really, need to get chocolate habit under control and have a few more diet cokes few less alcohol free beeers and could seriously shift weight in time for my birthday.
anyway it's good to be back

[blondie]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Morning (or evening here) Bear
I think that it's good that we discover by trial and error what does and doesn't work for us. We so often get tricked by our brain into thinking that we're now in control, but, in practice, sadly 'tis not the case! But I do think that it all adds to our determination and commitment and allows us to see where we really stand; not comparing ourselves to what others here are doing. Below was a recent posting from "the Universe" which I thought was great!

When one stops looking for the quick and easy wayand just deals with what's already on their plate, the quick and easy way soon finds them

Enjoy your weekend, it'll all fall into place
love blondie

[bear73]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

thanks Blondie - I think I do need to just accept what is and stop looking for instant fixes with everything - weight, self esteem, not smoking and alcohol.

[Rocky]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

I wonder how some of the folks that have been here for a while and their goal is moderation are doing...Do you have to stay of Topa to do so? Are more then not finding that they can't moderate and need to be AF...

Just curious. Bottom line I suppose each individual needs to determine what they are able to do and make adjustments to meet the gaol they really want for their life.

Best to all.

[AAthlete]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Bear, you're in good company, as the same thing happened to me when I decided to have a drink last weekend. I was going to reward myself for being so good and just have a couple of drinks. After a couple "more" drinks, I realize what I've known all along - I was fooling myself to think I can moderate - and that I need to stay AF.

Hang in there, and glad to have you back. After you get a couple AF days under your belt, you're going to feel loads better!

(Rocky, I'm not on the Topa so that's probably why I can't even try to moderate).

[Newyear]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Bear- glad you are back to af. Even before you were going to drink I felt you didn't really want to. But I think Blondie is right - we can learn by testing and trying and seeing what happens. We just have to try to learn from it and move on. It helps me to hear about these trials too and reminds me that I too am happier being af.
Have a great Friday everyone!
Lisa

[mikeupnorth]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

I think many people come to MWO with the initial goal of moderation. We are able to see that alcohol is causing some difficulties in our lives, but we can't quite make that commitment to stay alcohol free for the long term. Somehow it seems too drastic. But many folks, after coming into the program, either learn that that moderation isn't a reasonable option for them, or after some initial period of abstinence, they just choose to go on with it indefinitely.

When I came to MWO I knew I had a serious drinking problem... I had been struggling with it for YEARS and had been in and out of AA and through a traditional outpatient program once. What I really liked about MWO (and what made it different than other programs) was that it recognized there was not a one-size-fits-all solution. For the first time I was introduced to a program that said "moderation might be a possibility."

So I came into MWO a little unsure of what my goal was. In Fall 2005 when I tried MWO the first time, I had the goal of abstinence. I even took Campral, which helped remove the cravings for alcohol at first. I got off to a good start for a little while, but ultimately I hadn't made the right shift in mindset -- so I ended up going back for another round of drinking that lasted almost a year. The next time I came to MWO it was with the professed goal of moderation and with Topamax (under doctor's supervision)..... but it became clear to me very quickly that I was trying to fool myself. Moderation was simply not possible for me, even with Topamax. For me, abstinence is much easier than moderation -- it's black and white whereas moderation leaves me with a hundred shades of grey. Moderation puts me in the impossible situation of having to make (and stick to) decisions -- after introducing a mind-altering/mood-altering chemical into my body. After years and years of abusing alcohol, my brain goes from zero to 60 on alcohol too quickly to handle that.

But the thing is, it was something I had to learn on my own. No one could have sat me down and lectured me about how moderation was not going to work. I know at least one person who felt like doing that.... but she just kept her feelings to herself, until after I came to my senses. Nope, it's something each person has to work out for him/her self, and if someone tries to tell them what to do, it's going to make them want to do the opposite.

Do I think moderation is possible for someone who has had difficulty abusing alcohol in the past? Well -- yes -- but that is a very hesitant yes. I think that for most people, it's easier to stop completely than to go down the moderation road. With abstinence, you only have one decision to make. Do I drink today? NO. With moderation, you are always negotiating, setting limits, putting safety nets in place, etc. So it seems to me to be the harder road to follow, and it takes enormous dedication, and (most importantly) honesty with self and others. "Healthy moderation" can so easily slip back into an unhealthy pattern, along with the denial of a problem -- which is the hallmark of all addictive behaviors.

The question for me came down to this. My real goal was to be indifferent to alcohol. If I was going to have to work so hard to have alcohol in my life, then it must be something very, very dear to me. So even if I could "successfully" moderate my drinking, what does that say about my relationship with booze? It certainly isn't one of indifference. If I could truly "take it or leave it" (as alcoholics love to say they can do) then why not just leave it?

~ Mike

[southernbelle47]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

What Mike said!!

[xtexan]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

mikeupnorth;97137 wrote:
The question for me came down to this. My real goal was to be indifferent to alcohol. If I was going to have to work so hard to have alcohol in my life, then it must be something very, very dear to me. So even if I could "successfully" moderate my drinking, what does that say about my relationship with booze? It certainly isn't one of indifference. If I could truly "take it or leave it" (as alcoholics love to say they can do) then why not just leave it?

There is a real gem there. I will remember this one. Next time I am with a group that are drinking, and it comes to why I am abstaining, this one is great!

I can say, "Well, you know quite a few say they can take it or leave it. I decided to leave it."

Neil

[changing]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Very wise words Mike. I agree with you. I have just returned from a conference dinner where a lot of alcohol was consumed by others. Not me thankfully. I was at ease in my alcohol free state of mind tonight. It is less effort when you decide to stop rather than as you say to negogiate and ALL that goes with that etc..why not just leave it as you say?...did that tonight and will sleep easy as a result of same...another day on....great post mike...thanks....changing.

[tea]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Morning all, just wanted to say that I LOVE the sayings so much I write down the ones that mean something to me and stick them on my pc at work, they really do help me. Thanks to you all, maybe I will come up with one of my own someday.

Lorna

[Pebbles]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Me too, I love Mike's posts although I generally have to read them twice to really get it! He's so wise and has so come so far on his journey and I'm glad he's sharing with us.

[mikeupnorth]

can't moderate back to abs for me!

Hi Fan,

I love a good devil's advocate. And you are absolutely right. If you can take it or leave it you do have both options open to you. I still have both open to me.

The problem with taking it is that I haven't found a way that works. I have tried switching from hard liquor to wine or beer. I've tried drinking only on weekends, or only after eating meals. I've tried drinking only out with friends; I've tried drinking only at home. I've tried drinking a glass of water in between every drink, and timing my consumption. I've tried buying smaller bottles, and put notes to myself on the door saying "I will not go out and buy another bottle," (which got ripped off on my way out the door to the liquor store). I tried drinking while taking Topamax and kudzu and all the other supplements suggested in RJ's book, and I still got drunk, regularly.

So my problem is not that I can't drink. My problem is that I can drink far too well.

But let's just say, for the sake of argument, that my last attempt to moderate -- the one with topa and kudzu and a cabinet full of supplements -- had allowed me to drink that precious glass of wine or two with dinner now and then. That must be some pretty amazing stuff in the glass -- it must be something really very important to me -- if I'm going to go to that much trouble just to be able to have it. [I can't shake this image of Gollum caressing his ring and whispering My Precioussss.] Would anyone take a medication and supplements, join a support group, and constantly monitor their intake of anything else that wasn't necessary for their sustenance? Let's say, for instance, chocolate? You might really, really love chocolate, but would you go to those lengths to be able to have a truffle once a week?

If the answer is yes, and you are able to limit yourself to a truffle once a week, then more power to you. You can take it or leave it. There may very well be people in this world who can do such things. I am not one of them, and I don't personally know any. But I don't doubt they exist. For myself, I would rather just leave the bloody truffles behind and be done with it.

Mike