A revelation-of sorts

[YoungAtHeart]

A revelation-of sorts

Your honesty is humbling, Beth. I admire you without reservation.

[mikeupnorth]

A revelation-of sorts

Beth,

You have done several good things here.

First, you've reached out for help. Most people with drinking problems just sit back and suffer in silence and shame.

Second, even though you didn't reach your goal, drinking less IS better than drinking more. What's that saying? Aim for the stars and you'll reach the moon? Something hokey like that -- but it's true. And there is a lot to be said for harm reduction.

And third -- maybe most importantly -- you are being honest with yourself and others. That's key to recovery.

Keep on getting up on your feet and don't give up.

Mike

[Java]

A revelation-of sorts

I remember when I first joined this site, one major thing that got me thinking was something mike just said above. I had tried to quit everyday for years. Years. Then I came in here and felt I had failed over and over, but this time in front of people, and each day I told them I was going to quit, then one day, I was really determined, and I didnt managed to quit, but I had 3 or 4 less drinks than I would normally drink. Now, i tore myslef up over drinking, but when I posted that i had failed, like mike just said above, less is better than more. He is right, and that is always a step in the right direction, if you keep making those steps you will do great. For me that moment happened about 40 days ago, and I am on day 36 AF, so it really oped up my eyes to seeing what achievement actually meant, it does not mean everyone must quit in an instance, especially a habit we have all spent so much time making a part of our lives. Just understand that even a small step in the right direction is such a major accomplishment and you should be proud of yourself for the effort you have put forth, just continue to do so, and it will fall into place.


Victoria

[Lucy Van Pelt]

A revelation-of sorts

Thanks guys..

It is a beautiful Saturday, and I am going to try, try again. If nothing else, I am going to keep on trying, and keep on being honest...it is the best I can do.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day!!!

Beth

[hidden_gem]

A revelation-of sorts

Beth,

You're great. Hope you know that.

Gem x

[Lucy Van Pelt]

A revelation-of sorts

ok dont know how many are going to read this still but....saturday night...I was not totally sober...but...I had the first almost completly honest day in my life in terms of my demons..so...first, I had no cigarattes today...I haven't told you all, but I am an ex smoker, who in recent years, became a closet smoker, along with the drinking. My husband knows about both...hates both...cant relate to either....thank god. anyway...Some good things are happining....my husband has become more understanding...I used to have to hide everything.....now, he is better able to understand, which is helpful....not that it gives me alawance to drink, but it it makes it ok for me to talk about why I am struglinging. This is huge. Ugh. I Cant spell...but...here is the thing...I am trying so hard to be honest...it is so hard...I have not had a cigaratte for a day, that is hard, but my 17 year old daughter found my cigs in my purse and left me note in the pack..."why get addicted to sometihing else.." this is a child who is 7th in her class, absolutely an amazing individual, who I love with all my heart, and, with all my stupidiy, loves me so much. We have had so much fun lately, enjoying eachoatecher, talking. shoping, etc....she is such an an amazing young lady. I don't know how much I share this here but my kids mean more to me than anything...I have two...my daughther, 17, and my son, 15. Anyway, my drinking, and what it has done to them hurts more than anytning, but also, what they mean to me, and how that helps me in terms of staying sober is also profound. Geez...I am takiing over this bord...sorrry

Beth

[blondie]

A revelation-of sorts

Beth
What a lovely family you have; with such love and support and your determination, you can't fail, whatever you do
love
blondie

[YoungAtHeart]

A revelation-of sorts

Hi Beth,

Keep up with the honesty. It will be your best ally in the end. I can completely relate to your love for your children. Somehow, our love for them isn't enough, however, for us to completely stop drinking, or smoking, if we have that addiction. (I've done the closet smoking thing too, but my daughter is like a blood hound and not nearly as tactful as yours!) Ultimately, we have to both love ourselves enough and somehow work up the courage to know that we will survive the battle with our addictive demons to beat this thing.

I'm glad that your husband is being a bit more understanding. It is hard enough to fight what is inside of us without having to fight our loved ones too! If he can listen to you talk about things that is HUGE.

Keep on with the struggle, you are very dear....

Hugs,
Kathy

[Java]

A revelation-of sorts

hey Beth,
That is great that he is becoming more understanding, and it does sound like you have a great family. Don't worry, you are not taking over the board I hope you have a wonderful day!

[southernbelle47]

A revelation-of sorts

Beth.......
:l :l and more:l s!

I wish I were there to hug you in person. You are a good mom and wife..
Just think of how much you love your children.....
Your "Father" in heaven loves you even MORE.

How can that be possible? I dunno! But He does and I believe that with all my heart.

:h Nancy

[Lucy Van Pelt]

A revelation-of sorts

well, ok so it is sunday. and I am still trying. Really hard. I upped my topa today. to 200 mgs. I don't know if that was smart or not. I have been taking 100 so that is a big jump. But I have taken 150 before many times, so I think I am ok. at 150 there hadn't been any discernable difference, so i just decided to go for it. I also took my gaba, and L-glut. Something I don't usually remember to do. I haven't smoked since friday. I am chewing nicorette gum like crazy, and pretty darn anxious, but since I took the meds...I actually feel calmer. Dont know if that is just in my mind, but I will take it. We (my family) are discussing going to the movies, which would make it very difficult for me to drink today. We would probably go to a late afternoon movie..like at 4pm or something...really would mess up my drinking time, as well as any chance for me to buy alcohol. We would probably eat a late lunch and then go, then have a late bite after the movie. I would normally avoid a plan like that as it would mess up any drinking plan...so, I guess if it turns out to be a plan I will go.

One day at a time...yes..this IS hard. I will keep you all posted. Thanks AGAIN for being here.:l

Beth

[southernbelle47]

A revelation-of sorts

Beth..................sounds like a good plan....
My "kids" just left and I got on here to read.
I'm going to take a bath and watch some tv then bed.
Hope all are well..
Love,
NAncy

[imnewhere]

A revelation-of sorts

I have been away for a bit but have been practicing mods quite well can't seem to get the motivation toexercise after work -- sooo tired.

[gldngal]

A revelation-of sorts

AH HA!

Hi Beth - I am new here and your email was the first one I read. You describe EXACTLY what I am thinking at this moment....what if I don't go to the store to get the wine?.....how will I sleep....what will I do....how will I feel...what am I going to do with my time. Drinking doesn't even feel good anymore. Today I woke up with the worst stomach ache (drinking the night before of course). I'm sick of being short with my kids, I'm sick of excuses, I'm sick of looking like crap, I'm sick of lying, I'so sick of being, well, SICK and TIRED! Today I did not go to the store to get my "fix"yet I have until 9:00 CST until the stores close. I know I can do this! I want off this train. Is anyone out there??

Cheryl

[Lucy Van Pelt]

A revelation-of sorts

cheryl

so glad you replied!!

I obviously, am not the best to help you at the moment, but this is an amazing place!! i am glad you related to my post, because I speak the voice of many. Come on in, the water is fine. Check into the General discussion, the New Person area, and read about the book, the information for newbies, all about the program...ask lots of questions, post questions, etc....Lots of great support here...you are not alone!!!

all the best!!

Beth