Saturday 17th February

[Mackeral]

Good Morning Absville,

Glad to be back home this morning and waking up with a sober head...It feels like things can actually move on now and i can concentrate on getting some real AF days behind me..
It was great meeting up with friends and family i hadnt seen for over ten years...Its just a shame about the circumstances it was under.

I did carry my grandads coffin...and i did manage to keep it together..Until we actually got inside the church..And on the cover of all the hymn sheets was a photo of my grandad in my dads back garden holding out a pint of guinness....He looked so happy..And while i didnt go wailing like a banshee....I couldnt read anything for a good ten minuets..

I know its an old cliche about looking at your own life after going to a funeral...But afterwards me and lisa didnt get back in the limo..We decided to walk home and have a chat....We came to the conclusion that we didnt want our children going through what we had just done...And i think thats something that is going to help me a lot over the next few months..

I'm looking forward to catching back up with friends here and finding out how your all doing..

Speak soon..I wanted to speak more but the kids are going crackers...Things are definatly back to normal

Love Macks:l

[capto]

Saturday 17th February

Hey Macks,

I'm up a bit early, but I noticed your post this morning, and wanted to say it's great to see you back.

My very best to you,

Capto

[Mackeral]

Saturday 17th February

Thanks Capto

Its very much appreciated

Good to be back

[bear73]

Saturday 17th February

morning, glad you are getting through your loss.
well up early for me as i didn't drink last night - feel so much better.off to gym in bit then supermarket to stock up on fruit/veg and diet 7 UP.
feel so much happier, calmer and with more energy when i don't drink.
posted this bit on yesterday's thread but will rehash a bit.
i began to moderate last sat - with plan of not drinking in week.
well i had 2 more drinks than planned sat (not a huge disaster but anyway)I smoked, i had a takeaway, wed and thu i drank and had huge hangover yesterday resulting in another takeaway and more cigs,I also haven't been to the gym since and have put on 2 pounds.
clearly i need to be af and wil be tomorrow or maybetoday - let me explain...
bloke's 40th tonight and this may sound mad but i feel i f i tell people i am af again today i will get stressed and convince myself i will fail,they'll offer me drinks or make a big thing of it - and then i will drink loads and then i'll smoke/eat shit/not exercise/see self as failure and it will be harder to go af again/not smoke/eat right/exercise.
so plan is buying own drinks - diet coke or 2 drinks and that's it. weird it's called social drinking meant to be fun but feel stressed out about it not very social is it???
anyway hope this makes sense have a good af day all and I will be af tonight or definitely tomorrow

[Mackeral]

Saturday 17th February

I know exactly what you mean Bear...Now the fun has gone out of drinking....It causes more stress and worry than not drinking..
I also know about being expected to drink...It sounds daft but sometimes i feel like i drink for the sake of other people...( is that me passing blame?)..Sometimes because my close friends and family know i have a drink problem, i dont want to bring the atmosphere down, and i say i'll make an acception tonight and get back to normal tomorrow...If they only knew how hard it was to do that.

Best of luck tonight Bear

[Java]

Saturday 17th February

Macks I am glad things are getting back to normal, and Bear I hope it all works out for you and you can just have fun.

I am supposed to run this morning with my friend...just woke up...turned on the news...it snowed a bunch...I am still game to go on the run but i am sitting here dreading that any second i will get a phone call saying she cant make it b/c she doesnt want to run in the snow. I love my saturday morning runs with her. We run a distance run so we get plenty of time to talk about all the crap that has happened all week, i feel like I am in best friend therapy, I feel renewed if that makes any sense?

I hope everyone has a great day..I will check in later and update on this mornings activities...Day 36 AF


Victoria

[Accountable for Me]

Saturday 17th February

Macks good to see you back. Sorry for your loss. Losing a grandparent is so hard as they are very important part of our lives. I am glad to see you back on the AF train. It is worth every bit of effort, believe me. I know you can do it. Especially with the support of your family. Welcome back buddy!

Bear, I know you want AF. So why not just shoot for it? Who cares about what other people think. I know your blokes birthday celebration is tonight, but there will always be a celebration of sorts we will have to endure. You know what I mean? I hope you have fun tonight regardless of what you decide to do.

Victoria - wow, you have energy! I use to be an avid runner in my 20's. It was something I LOVED to do. I hit about 29 and bam..... party, party, party. You are inspirational! I hope to get back into running myself in the near future. Good for you on your 36 days!

Nice to see you Capto. You are still going strong! Keep up the good work!!

Day 50 for me! After my bout of depression this week, I have to say if I had of turned to the bottle I would of felt a lot worse. Every AF day that builds up and for every emotion I ride through to stay AF gives me a better view on life. We cannot change the past. We can deal with the emotions from the past. We can apologize to those we hurt, but most of all we need to start forgiving ourselves and continue to move forward.

I wish you all a very happy Saturday!

[Java]

Saturday 17th February

Congrats on Day 50 AFM!!!!!

My running partner did not cancel...thank GOD!!!! We had a wonderful run. We discussed life, what was going on in our lives, our relationships, and many other things. I cherish this sooooo much I cannot even put it into words, I think i need it to keep me sane. You know how you sometimes talk to yourself?? Okay maybe thats just me...but them when you say it outloud to someone else it can sound different and maybe you need that other perspective, i like that. She has no idea what and impact she has on me...maybe i should tell her sometime.

Have a wonderful weekend!!!

Victoria

[Lou]

Saturday 17th February

Hi

Hello fellow abbers...and a especially macks...good to see you back and sounding so positive.
Iv been absolutely snowed under with financial stuff the last few days but at last it is all properly sorted...i have a new bank acct so no one can touch my pennies and i have a company dealing with everyone else so its now all officially off my hands, iv also managed to get the people whom i have my car finance with to reduce my payments and freeze the interest so all is good. Plus i have a return date for work..6th March, im scared about that tho cause iv been away so long but im sure ill be fine.
Dinner with new bloke tomorro and i now have the cold that he had which prevented our valentines dinner....typical!!! just hope i feel better tomorro and dont have to cancel...if i do then surely were jinxed!!
Anyway enough waffling im off to eat jam rolly polly and custard...naughty i know but when i have a cold i have to eat stodge!!
Well done to all on your AF days....day 40 for me...wow!!!

Loves

Lou-Lou x x x

[irishlady]

Saturday 17th February

Hi Macks, Its great to have you back... You sound as if you are having some sober thoughts ( no pun intended ) about the direction you want your life to take, and they sound like very good ones to me...

I know you have all just been through a very sad and painful time but you can take something positive from all of this you know... As you said, you do look at your own life after a funeral, so as you and Lisa start to evaluate your life and make decisions as to how you want things to be in the future, look on those positive thoughts and words as your legacy from your grandfather, and Macks, it goes without saying, we are all behind you every step of the way..

Lots of love to you all, Louise xxxx