Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

I too wanted to be in the heavy drinker crowd, but:
-I drank whole bottles of wine in one day...sometimes more.
-I drank & blacked out.
-I threw up regularly.
-I hid my drinking.
-I had the obsession.
-I sneaked drinks.
-I couldn't stop once I started.
-I couldn't cope w/life wo/AL.
-etc.

That's not heavy drinking. That's alcoholism.

Mary

PS: My brother was a heavy drinker but one day decided to stop & did. No program, no therapy, nothing. Everyone is different.

PPS: I don't know how I functioned after pouring poison into my aging body, trying to function w/a hangover, all the the while pretending I was OK. What a life!

[TheSunFlower]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

Thank you Mary. I doubt I need any more evidence....that I have this. And darn it....I worked hard all these years to become a member of an organization that offers a way to live. Still just wish there was a simple blood test

I don't know how I functioned either. I guess I would be what they call a "functioning alcoholic". What a joke that is. Who really functions with a hangover? I skimmed through life.

It is amazing to hear stories of how people went down so far. I can see how it could happen. But, my disease worked hard to stay alive. Crafty little devil. It even said "no" to drugs....because it knew that would have been the death of me and it.

I am packing for vacation. Ususally I would be nervous. But, we planned a totally kid centered vacation. I will be on high guard.....but, I am glad we were smart enough to base this vacation around the kids.....and not what kind of party we could have. Those never ended up being all much fun. Here's to me being on a waterslide....and not just watching!

[briseus]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

Ugh...my first disastrous AA meeting...

Rusty suggested I post my story in this thread...since I posted it in the General Discussion area...so here we go.



Okay - maybe it wasn't THAT bad...okay...maybe it was a bit.

I have gone to an open AA meeting last September (2011) and wasn't too comfortable there and decided I didn't want to go back - and I didn't...until I realized that I can't do it all on my own - or at least that's what the counsellor things...or rather he wanted me to try at least one meeting...so anyways...
I decided I would go to my first closed women's only meeting today...

I was excited yesterday and then super nervous leading up to it - I was very fidgety and the boyfriend noticed this and told me to just calm down and everyone else was in the same boat as I was...I was paranoid about my phone because I couldn't turn it off (I broke the top button on my Apple iPhone) so I made sure I turned the volume ALL the way DOWN and put it on vibrate...well, mid-meeting...while someone was sharing their story my phone....went....off....omg.
I thought to myself "HOW THE HELL COULD THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!!" I was so nervous and cautious. MY FIRST MEETING! And THIS happened. I got a few glares...omg. I was mortified I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom where I almost had a panic attack and all I could think of was "Grab your purse - GET OUT of there - and get yourself a bottle of wine because you totally f**ked up".
Ugh...

Needless to say...I did go back and sat and the entire time - instead of listening to everyone I was worried what everyone thought of me. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and I was shaking like a leaf. When it was my turn to speak my voice was so shaky and I thought I was just going to pass out.

After the meeting I really thought that people would approach me. I was the newbie.
Only one or two people said "congrats for coming in" and that was it...everyone else was off in their groups and I stood their stupidly rummaging through my purse feeling sorry for myself.

I left there...sad. But I am glad I went.

It was so embarassing. I was so worried about this meeting and I f**ked it up.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!



No joke, that voice was chattering away...I almost told the boyfriend to go to the liquor store...

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

briseus: I can't tell you how nervous I was going into my first meetings. I go late & leave as soon as it was over. I was actually glad when nobody spoke to me. I didn't want them to. I knew I had to keep coming, as I had tried everything I could to stop on my own. I'm happy to say that I now like to go to meetings & feel like I'm a part of the fellowship. It didn't happen overnight. I just kept going. Good luck. Mary

[briseus]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

Thanks Mary for your kind words.
I guess going into this meeting I was just tired of fighting this battle on my own and was looking for my own little battalion (if you will)...coming out with none of that and no tools kinda of left me feeling ostracized in a way and just not overly optimistic about the whole thing.

BUT. I will keep on going. I know that when I wake up sober tomorrow I may just have a different perspective on things.
And I hope to find a group that works for me.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - June 25 - July 2

B: I did just keep going. There were tons of meetings that I just didn't feel applied to me. I'm a grandmother, an older woman who really got into alcoholism later in life, & it seemed like the meetings were mostly young people...especially guys. I now know women around my age & can identify w/even the unlikeliest people.

SF: We've gone on several sober vacations, & they're much more fun than drinking one. I remember everything about them & have no regrets. Have fun.

mary