AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

[shueaddict]

It is another roaster of a day, fabbies,

Good thing when it is this hot I really don?t feel like drinking.

I made coffee again, hope that Pap?s interviews go well and she comes over for a cup of tea.

TND ? I really feel for you. I think that in this current company I hold the record for the number of slips, at least in recent history. I hated myself each time and regarded each one as a huge failure ? honestly that did not help me so much, it only made me even more anxious about AL ? I find it hard sometimes, part of me wants to drink just to prove that I can handle it, ?see, it is not a problem anymore, you?re cured?. I really hate becoming so addicted to AL and would just loooove to go back to the good old times. But a small part of my brain is shouting ?don?t go there !!!! too risky!!!? I know I am still struggling with this but at least I am taking steps in the right direction. LillyE ? great for you for being so proactive about it!

Mick ? great getting into the second week!!!

Porquoi ? I am trying really hard to distance myself from negative emotions. I know it is not always easy.

Turn ?. You are back and full of wisdom, as ever. I always think about your ?turn? moment of acceptance. I tried to emulate it many times ? but somehow still fall short ? I just have to be honest with myself ? Maybe mine is a different road, at least I know where I want to get to.

Apologies for my ramblings, wish you all a fantastic day.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

shueaddict;1349001 wrote: But a small part of my brain is shouting ?don?t go there !!!!

I worked for a long time to learn to hear and follow my inner guidance system. It took a beating with the alcohol and some marital subterfuge. That little voice, your higher self, that piece of the universe that flows through you. Somewhere in all the brain chatter that mostly comes from the ego trying to feed itself is that voice. Shue I know what you mean about longing for "those" times. But they were "before". The playing field is different now, you're not cured. You won't be cured. You just learn to navigate differently. Recently I was handed a glass of very high end wine to pass to someone standing beside me with a "try a taste of this". There was not a lot of mental process that went on in that moment. It was an immediate flash to a sweaty me in the middle of the night sneaking a gulp or two to ward off the shakes. I think that came from my little voice that I couldn't hear for so long. It is a protective mechanism for me that came about as my little voice learned to shout or I consciously created it. I handed the glass to my friend and we looked at each other for a moment. I said well, that kinda sucks for me but this way is much better and it's how it has to be. And the night went on. However, I'm around 4 years AF except for MY "turn". After a year, I had to know if I was different, that I was one who defied the statistics and was indeed cured, and maybe it was situational after all. No. In a completely different set of life circumstances, I still have an undeniable alcoholic reaction to alcohol. I am a pickle. My cucumber days are over forever. And for me, being a pickle is good way to live. That is all.

Welcome porquoi!

Lily, good post yesterday!

Lav enjoy the fam - hope to see lily pics!

Cindi are you doing alright?

Gotta go do stuff in the attic while it's not an oven. Ick.

[porqoui]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Good Morning Everyone
Two Weeks AF today and am keeping front and centre what I was like 14 days ago. Not going back there again. Thanks for the welcomes and advise about resentment. I do think things happen for a reason. It just felt like the right time for me to move back to alberta and start my life over again. Once I got here, my Dad fell, and ended up in the hospital till he was declared incapacitated and released into long term care. About 3months of daily hospital sitting added more resentment to the list when my sister stole money from my Dad and went on a 2 week cruise during this time. After my binge and resolution to deal with my AL addiction I was able to start sorting out the emotions from the facts. Currently in court to have my sister removed as guardian and replaced by me. Couldn't have gotten this far without AA and MWO especially as when you need to vent...you need to vent and this is the best place to let it out. Can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel regarding my Dad and am feeling stronger and more confident about myself every day. I am grateful all of you are here. Have a wonderful AF day and I'll check in later. PQ

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Porquoi, resentment is typically a common denominator here. Colin Tipping has extensive work on forgiveness from a different angle. You might find something useful there if you check out his work.

[porqoui]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Thanks Greeneyes. I'll check Colin out. :thanks:

[Lavande]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Good morning Abbers!

shue, loved your pictures from yesterday
I don't desire AL, food or much else in all this heat either so we're on teh same page!

Welcome porqoui! Glad to have you here with us & congrats on your AF time.
Listen to greenie - she helped me through a particularly rough period of resentment in my life too. Colin Tipping was very helpful

Greenie, Lily is sitting in her high chair covering herself with Greek yougurt at the moment - I should get the camera :H

Have a terrific AF Thursday everyone!
Lav

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

"I worked for a long time to learn to hear and follow my inner guidance system. It took a beating with the alcohol and some marital subterfuge. That little voice, your higher self, that piece of the universe that flows through you. Somewhere in all the brain chatter that mostly comes from the ego trying to feed itself is that voice. Shue I know what you mean about longing for "those" times. But they were "before". The playing field is different now, you're not cured. You won't be cured. You just learn to navigate differently. Recently I was handed a glass of very high end wine to pass to someone standing beside me with a "try a taste of this". There was not a lot of mental process that went on in that moment. It was an immediate flash to a sweaty me in the middle of the night sneaking a gulp or two to ward off the shakes. I think that came from my little voice that I couldn't hear for so long. It is a protective mechanism for me that came about as my little voice learned to shout or I consciously created it. I handed the glass to my friend and we looked at each other for a moment. I said well, that kinda sucks for me but this way is much better and it's how it has to be. And the night went on. However, I'm around 4 years AF except for MY "turn". After a year, I had to know if I was different, that I was one who defied the statistics and was indeed cured, and maybe it was situational after all. No. In a completely different set of life circumstances, I still have an undeniable alcoholic reaction to alcohol. I am a pickle. My cucumber days are over forever. And for me, being a pickle is good way to live. That is all."

Very nice.

[Raven.joy]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Its been a couple of years sober for me, every aspect of life has improved, but it is still there. A madness beckoning me to have a drink sometimes, finding my mind fantasising about the nice moments fleeting the drink gave me and brushing under the carpet the very negative bigger picture drinking was creating.
I wish it would stop but it has not yet and just learn to live with it, smile at the little voices and see them like the little devil on my shoulder
I need MWO time to time, the constant reminders of where it can take you and the mutual understanding from other sufferers is invaluable.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Thursday, July 12th

Raven! Great to see you!

TDN, wish you'd check in.