AF day Sunday 15th July
Hi all,
Here I am on Day 15! The weekend presented some challenges. Friday night I was feeling down and sorry for myself and desperately wanting a drink. No, not "a" drink - I wanted to get shit-faced truthfully. But I thought it all through - how much worse I'd ultimately feel - and instead made soup, watched some trashy TV, had a bath and went to bed early. As a result instead of waking up feeling hungover and angry at myself I woke up feeling fine.
Mick, you are doing fantastically - keep it up! Isn't it amazing to discover how different the weekends are - and how much more you can fit in - when you aren't drinking? It's both my most challenging time (Friday night particularly is a huge trigger) but also the most rewarding. I love being up early feeling great instead of crawling out of bed late hungover feeling I've wasted the day.
LifeChange, I'm happy to see you back. I've wondered what was going on with you. You might want to come join us in the Nest too? I think we're in a very similar place and I, too, have only started posting here since feeling a shift in my commitment. It's ultimately so much easier to take it off the table entirely as an option yet also a very hard shift to make. Glad you're also getting to that place.
Kaslo, great post, it's posts like your last one that really help keep me motivated. CONGRATULATIONS on a year and a half! Also, I really hope they find the missing people in your town - very sad.
Turnagain, I agree that realization - and information - is the other important flip side to acceptance. Doing a lot of reading about the physiology of addiction and the damages alcohol does to your body is helping me get there slowly.
Again, a bit of cross posting from the Nest to follow. Sorry to those reading both places...
I realize that around this time - two weeks - is usually when my attempts fail. I start to feel better and I forget why I'm doing this. I found those thoughts creeping in this weekend and had to fight them, so I'm aware this week I need to be extra careful and really keep reminding myself why it is important.
My other news is that I went to my first group on Friday, a SMART group. To be honest, I don't think it - that particular group - was necessarily a good fit for me. The people were, there's no nice way to say this, just so much more down and out than me. From what was said I think most of them were court ordered to be there. I felt and feel like a snob saying this and I had to actively remind myself that the only difference as far as addiction goes between me and these people is being middle class and educated and not as far down the path (and perhaps that's largely due to the good fortune of being born white, middle class and educated).
Still, having said that, being surrounded by guys talking about drinking 3-4 litres a day and junkies who seemed practically brain damaged by their use is dangerous for me - too easy to start thinking "Oh I'm not that bad" "It's ridiculous I'm here" "I'm not like these people" etc.
The upside is that I broke through my fear of going to a meeting. It wasn't ideal but I did it! So, I've decided to keep pushing on and go to a meeting a week for a month - different meetings not that one, both AA and Smart and see if I can find one I like more. I still think there's something powerful in being in a room with other addicts regardless. While in many ways I couldn't relate to these people, in some ways I could. Addiction may be the great leveler.
I still am so resistant to AA but maybe I can find a group with enough atheists like me to feel comfortable. So much about it turns me off but I still think some real life support from people in the same place is probably worth pursuing. Thoughts anyone?
Hi all,
Here I am on Day 15! The weekend presented some challenges. Friday night I was feeling down and sorry for myself and desperately wanting a drink. No, not "a" drink - I wanted to get shit-faced truthfully. But I thought it all through - how much worse I'd ultimately feel - and instead made soup, watched some trashy TV, had a bath and went to bed early. As a result instead of waking up feeling hungover and angry at myself I woke up feeling fine.
Mick, you are doing fantastically - keep it up! Isn't it amazing to discover how different the weekends are - and how much more you can fit in - when you aren't drinking? It's both my most challenging time (Friday night particularly is a huge trigger) but also the most rewarding. I love being up early feeling great instead of crawling out of bed late hungover feeling I've wasted the day.
LifeChange, I'm happy to see you back. I've wondered what was going on with you. You might want to come join us in the Nest too? I think we're in a very similar place and I, too, have only started posting here since feeling a shift in my commitment. It's ultimately so much easier to take it off the table entirely as an option yet also a very hard shift to make. Glad you're also getting to that place.
Kaslo, great post, it's posts like your last one that really help keep me motivated. CONGRATULATIONS on a year and a half! Also, I really hope they find the missing people in your town - very sad.
Turnagain, I agree that realization - and information - is the other important flip side to acceptance. Doing a lot of reading about the physiology of addiction and the damages alcohol does to your body is helping me get there slowly.
Again, a bit of cross posting from the Nest to follow. Sorry to those reading both places...
I realize that around this time - two weeks - is usually when my attempts fail. I start to feel better and I forget why I'm doing this. I found those thoughts creeping in this weekend and had to fight them, so I'm aware this week I need to be extra careful and really keep reminding myself why it is important.
My other news is that I went to my first group on Friday, a SMART group. To be honest, I don't think it - that particular group - was necessarily a good fit for me. The people were, there's no nice way to say this, just so much more down and out than me. From what was said I think most of them were court ordered to be there. I felt and feel like a snob saying this and I had to actively remind myself that the only difference as far as addiction goes between me and these people is being middle class and educated and not as far down the path (and perhaps that's largely due to the good fortune of being born white, middle class and educated).
Still, having said that, being surrounded by guys talking about drinking 3-4 litres a day and junkies who seemed practically brain damaged by their use is dangerous for me - too easy to start thinking "Oh I'm not that bad" "It's ridiculous I'm here" "I'm not like these people" etc.
The upside is that I broke through my fear of going to a meeting. It wasn't ideal but I did it! So, I've decided to keep pushing on and go to a meeting a week for a month - different meetings not that one, both AA and Smart and see if I can find one I like more. I still think there's something powerful in being in a room with other addicts regardless. While in many ways I couldn't relate to these people, in some ways I could. Addiction may be the great leveler.
I still am so resistant to AA but maybe I can find a group with enough atheists like me to feel comfortable. So much about it turns me off but I still think some real life support from people in the same place is probably worth pursuing. Thoughts anyone?
But I've been getting in some riding (in the evenings; GOD, it's freaking hot during the day)
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