Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

[pingu1997]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

What makes me feel shit....
Well I've been to busy meetings, quiet meetings, women's only meetings....
I can't get the whole sharing thing. I'm a talker, a questioner, I want to know things. Every meet is the same. People talking about how fucked up their life was and how great it is now. Lots of swearing, lots of bad words, quite intimidating sometimes. Call me a prude but I dont want to hear about how x abused his wife and beat up his brother and went to prison. Empower me it does not. Frighten me it does
Yet I can see the good things too. We've got a close friend whose life has been saved by aa. I love his energy and his passion for life. He's the happiest person I know. It has transformed him
I cannot listen to stories of horror and depression. It makes me feel awful, even with the happy endings. I feel uncomfortable in meetings.i just want to go home. I don't get it. It feels stuck in a time warp and unwilling to meet people somewhere in the middle which is where I want to sit...
I will commit, I will work hard, I will reflect and think and talk and listen, but I just wish there was another way except 8pm on a Thursday night.....
I'm not trying to be egative either. I want to do it but I can't seem to fit in. Maybe it's my stubbornness. Maybe it's the autistic thing. Maybe it's not for me. But god I wish it was, but I won't lie to fit in, my self worth says no....
Sorry
P3 x written with love

[mauritiusdodo]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

mollyka;1354541 wrote: Hi - first time here, but I've read a bit - Mary's first post on the thread welcoming all comers caught my eye yesterday - so here goes. I was in a treatment centre in Jan. and part of the aftercare was agreeing to go to 2 meetings a week - which I do ---- but that's pretty much all really. I quite enjoy the meetings unlike Pingu - but no more than that. I am horrified at the thought of getting close enough to anyone to even dream of asking them to be my sponsor - and then if they turned me down - I would just curl up and die. I don't know that I'd have the hours in the day to do what I do already and commit to meeting with a sponsor and studying the steps and stuff.
At my Aftercare they tell me to take my time with AA - but I'm terrified that some awful monster is going to rear it's ugly head cos I'm not doing the programme etc.
I'm not trying to be negative - I envy the AA'rs at meetings that obviously 'get' it - and walk the walk - it just all scares me a bit tbh.
Molly

Me too Molly, lots of the people there seem so together and sorted and I am scared that will never be me, is that how the sponsor thing works then - you ask someone? I was wondering that and also how long before you are expected to do that?

[mauritiusdodo]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

pingu1997;1354545 wrote: What makes me feel shit....
Well I've been to busy meetings, quiet meetings, women's only meetings....
I can't get the whole sharing thing. I'm a talker, a questioner, I want to know things. Every meet is the same. People talking about how fucked up their life was and how great it is now. Lots of swearing, lots of bad words, quite intimidating sometimes. Call me a prude but I dont want to hear about how x abused his wife and beat up his brother and went to prison. Empower me it does not. Frighten me it does
Yet I can see the good things too. We've got a close friend whose life has been saved by aa. I love his energy and his passion for life. He's the happiest person I know. It has transformed him
I cannot listen to stories of horror and depression. It makes me feel awful, even with the happy endings. I feel uncomfortable in meetings.i just want to go home. I don't get it. It feels stuck in a time warp and unwilling to meet people somewhere in the middle which is where I want to sit...
I will commit, I will work hard, I will reflect and think and talk and listen, but I just wish there was another way except 8pm on a Thursday night.....
I'm not trying to be egative either. I want to do it but I can't seem to fit in. Maybe it's my stubbornness. Maybe it's the autistic thing. Maybe it's not for me. But god I wish it was, but I won't lie to fit in, my self worth says no....
Sorry
P3 x written with love

I know what you mean, I thought it would be more of a discussion thing not just people tellling their stories, I like to talk to and have millions of questions I want to ask but it just isn't like that, I have been told about a discussion group through OnTrak, my local council AL dependance unit and I am going to sign up for that in 3 weeks when the next group starts but plan to carry on with aa and just see how I go, we don't have any womens groups nearby or I would maybe try one. Are you far down the Autistic spectrum Pingu? I don't really know much about Autism except my friends son is borderline and he finds it difficult to socialise and communication is hard for him in certain situations.

[mauritiusdodo]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

mollyka;1354553 wrote: Mauri - I know very little about all this - that's why I'm reaching out here for a bit of guidance. My understanding is that you look for a sort of kindred spirit (same sex was recommended to me by my aftercare) - that is sober for a good while and that you feel you'd get on with - and then you ask them?!
Just read that article linked by 4 - it's very interesting actually.
I'm a little different to Pingu in a way - of course the 'awful' stories are just that - awful and sad, but they do keep me very grounded as to what I am - I can very easily go off and be the 'wonderful mother/wife/work colleague' when in reality if I stick to just being a 'wonderful recovering alcoholic' all the rest will fall into place - I DO believe that
I do apologise to the regulars on this thread if I appear to be monopolising here - I do worry about my lack of commitment to 'going forward' with AA tho.

I 'like' hearing the horror stories that end in success but I have a problem with hearing about failure at the moment, relapses are not something I want to consider just now, I can't afford to get back into the 'why am i bothering it is hopeless, i will drink again one day' frame of mind!!

I don't think I would actually dare ask anyone to sponsor me, I don't think I will be able to get close enough to anyone to decide if they are my kindred spirit!

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Hi everyone,

Pingu, fantastic posts, thanks for sharing your feelings and experiences, as they spoke to me loudly and clearly.

I have attended a few AA meetings and will attend some more, as i don't find them depressing, and i find people's stories of course, powerful and sometimes sad, but also inspiring. I note you say 'face to face' ain't your thing, and a forum such as our's is a better vehicle for you. Cool. We just have to take what we need and leave the rest. For me, i don't worry about the steps for now, nor do i feel any pressure to find a sponsor. In fact, i wonder if folk actually avoid making contact with me at meetings, 'cause i sure haven't been approached. lol. Though i always find a welcoming smile at any meeting. I drop into a meeting only now and then. This seems to be my pace at the moment.

I've been to 4 different groups in sunny Melbourne town, and they are quite different in vibe, so my question to self must be......which meeting, if any, will work for me? Doesn't need to be any stress either way, as long as i am honest and true with myself.

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

mauritiusdodo;1354550 wrote: I know what you mean, I thought it would be more of a discussion thing not just people tellling their stories

Me too. I suspect these sorts of conversations take place over a cuppa before and after meetings, but i'm sure the regular AA er's here can clarify?

Regard's and best wishes to all, G-bloke.

[mauritiusdodo]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Another thing, how long do people normally go before sharing? Is there some kind of rule of thumb? I don't feel ready in the slightest but just wondering if anyone is expecting me to?

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

I've been going to AA for 3 years. I'll give you a little of my history, but I'm definitely not an expert.

-When I first started going to meetings, I didn't say a word. I arrived right before the meeting started & left just after it ended. I didn't want to be a member, but I had tried everything else to stop & couldn't.

-At some point, I decided I would hang around & get to know a few people a little. Gradually I did, & there was a woman my age who had been sober many years...eventually I asked her to be my sponsor.

-I've been working through the steps w/my sponsor & learning a lot about myself. I'm now on steps 10, 11, 12 which are the maintenence steps.

-I usually go to 3 - 5 meetings per week. If I don't I miss seeing people & hearing about the program. I go to speaker meetings (with or wo/discussion), BB meetings w/a discussion, & step meeting w/a discussion.

-The discussions are usually sequential after the reading has taken place. We try to keep the discussion relevant to what has been read, but people do diverge. Crises, complaints, opinions, etc. are usually held person to person not during the meetings.

-The speaker meetings, drunkalogs, are supposed to remind us not to romanticize drinking & realize how destructive it once was.

-I'm sure this doesn't answer all questions. As I said in an earlier post, AA isn't for everyone. It works for me.

Mary

[pingu1997]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Thank you from me too
I want to consolidate my sober life but I can't admit to being unmanageable powerless or desperate. If that's what I have to do then thats a massive step back for me and I'm not prepared to do it

[TheSunFlower]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

In several meetings I go to at the end they ask people to raise their hand if they would like to be a sponsor. This is how I got mine, because not everyone wants to be a sponsor. I went to AA for years and just did not get it. Now I am and truly glad for that i get it a tiny bit Slowly but surely!

Listen to Mary. She took it slowly.

If you truly dread each and every meeting you go to and are 17 months sober, I'm unclear why you go.

[pingu1997]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

I go because I am truly worried that one day my will power will fail and I will give in to drink again. Hence for me aa was a way of trying to consolidate the work I have already done in staying sober. Plus I am sick of the cycle of trigger, fall apart, resist drink, feel shit, head explodes, pick self up.... Although those episodes are getting less and less

[TheSunFlower]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Ping I understand. I hate hearing that at 17 months you still experience that..... Not something I am looking forward to. I wish at some point it would magically go away. But I have heard too many relapse stories to know better. It's hard to imagine how someone with 18 years relapses....and it's no too thrilling to me to think I have to work on this for the rest of my life. That there is never a safe zone. You never know when a trigger is going to hit. I know that my disease waits until I am weak to pull the trigger......and literally trying to kill me. Somedays I feel like its the invisible hitman out to get me.

[pingu1997]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Thank you sunflower
The episodes of madness are getting less and less and I am learning to recognise the triggers and action them. I do crazy things when the madness kicks in, anything to distract my mind from the temptation to drink. The last time I hired a cello and started teaching myself to play. That was about 7 wks ago, then yesterday I snapped a string trying to tune it. Painted a room last week. Anything.....
That's why I wanted to be accepted into aa, to try to take some of the ups and downs away. But I refuse to go back to the wreck I was 17 months ago and it seems they are reluctant to take me on having started some of the work myself
Travelling today and going to e away and busy for a few days so hopefully the whole aa issue I can put to sleep for a while
Thx for listening

[mauritiusdodo]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

Thank you re teacher your post is very helpful

Molly I can't imagine speaking up in a meeting right now, in fact I am very self concious and I hate being the centre of attention and people looking at me so I doubt I ever will share!

Just thought about my last statement, I really don't think AA is right for me at all!!

[pingu1997]

Weekly AA Thread - July 21 - July 29

I think it's more important to listen than to share, especially in the early stages