Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

[Kaslo]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Well SF you know everyones journey is a bit different. Eventually, after enough time away from the addictive substances in alcohol, your ability to cope without it and to start to have a nornal physiology gets stronger. What ever works for you, use it. But also check out the tool box in the monthly abs thread as often as you can. I know you refuse to plan ahead, its too scary for you but an ordinary life like a real one with joy in it, and personal strength will come to you if you are patient with yourself, and put your sobriety first before all other things.

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Hello all; I feel like the elves have been at work while I've been sleeping....really good discussion here.
I spent the last 20 mins writing my post and 'poof', it disappeared - must have been talking twaddle!!!
I really get what you are all saying. I want a sober, happy life and have strived to get there since October 2010; some AF periods longer than others, but I will not discount what I have gained in those times - I am physically and mentally in a much better place than I was back then.
I even find that if I have messed up, it is not just the going back to day 1, but coming back and admitting it here that gets me down, so maybe I put it off for another while until I am ready again, therefore staying away from here longer than I should and doing more damage. I want to remove that worry of being all fired up and making promises only to feel I have let myself and everyone else down again..... Meanwhile, I don't feel under pressure right now.
I am AF today and happy about that....

[TheSunFlower]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Kaslo....thanks i have checked the toolbox out and have taken what works for me. I never meant to implicate to anyone that I do not plan ahead or that it is scary for me. I do make plans. Lately too many....I am wearing myself out.

When it comes to sobriety I do tend to stay in the present. I really don't see any point making plans for that 3 months ahead. It's going to be the same thing.....I don't drink today.

I have several plans and goals for my life...and quite frankly it's those things that have given me more sober time in the last six months than anything else.

I guess my point was....that sometimes I see people get so hung up on numbers...that it can stall the recovery process. Number of days means very little to me....I have seen several very sick people with years of sobriety.

And for me.....it's not productive to discount the time I have. When a slip occurs....I can ususally see what lead up to it and learn from it. If I worry and plan about a party that is a week from now it can spell disaster...today. Instead I wait until that day to decide if I feel strong enough to attend. Sometimes yes and sometimes no.

[Tipplerette]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Very interesting. I made myself a callendar with a few goals on it including being A/F, getting some exercise, taking supps, eating my fruits/veggies and every day I check off what I did well that day. If the A/F happens most of the time, I'll be happy. What I don't want to see is 7 or 8 days with that icon not checked off. I want to see the odd miss (ie. romantic dinner with hubby=one glass of wine) and although this way of thinking or planning is frowned upon around this forum, I believe that with the right attitude, living a mostly sober life is achievable. Would love to prove myself correct.

Kudos to you both for not reporting hits and misses. It is too discouraging when we are not perfect and have to come clean here and get all the "jump back on the horse" talk which of course is just everyone's way of supporting us. The drinktracker is a good tool if one remembers to use it. It's kinda what I am doing on my own.

Hope the surgery goes A1 Daisy.

Stay well all.

[TheSunFlower]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Daisy I like your thinking. I too dreaded the admit it thing.....sometimes I would continue to drink for days.....because after all....it was going to be the last time ever. One time a gal in AA got pretty nasty with me for not re-introducing myself in a meeting. I just squarely looked at her and said....."then I'd be up doing that every week"....her head nearly blew off!

Tipper....I like the calendar idea. I used to do that with working out. I'll be picking up a calendar to track my personal goals.

No this thinking is not liked around here or in AA. But, I can already see that my AF stretches are getting longer and drinking happens for 1 day.....not days as it did in the past.

Daisy....I too tend to do better when the pressure is off. And I certainly do not need someone I don't even know to kick me in the ass....and most likely say things that will trigger me.

I don't anymore berate myself if I do drink. I just like to see what happened....and make note when I see that road happening again.

Progress, not perfection

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Feeling happy at the end of another AF day! Looking better, feeling better, getting more done - sober is the only time I feel this way and I know the more AF days I have, everything in my life gets better and better. I long to feel that 'peace of mind' I read about so often on these boards.
Reading how our 'success stories' on MWO have started their journey and struggled through to get completely sober gives me hope and an inner 'knowing' that I too will do it....could this be my time?
I know one thing; I will keep on going until it is.....
Tipps, thanks for the good wishes for my dad. I am bringing him in tomorrow with my mum, so will probably be there all day and then Friday too when he has the op. Can't wait for it to be over and he comes out cancer-free! I think I'm more nervous for him because he doesn't like the thought of surgery.....
Anyway, keeping focused on my sober life.....setting my alarm for an eary start. Body clock needs a little tweaking and I should be good to go!!!
Never lose sight of that goalpost.....lol!

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Whiteknuckled it home, but happily (now) home safe and happy with myself!
Will be thinking of you tomorrow Daisy, let us know if you need anything from us!
So agree Tipp, one or two little events will not break me, don't want to see tehm stringing together thou - really want to see the green dot days increase and increase!

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Good for you SLass! And you will be even happier in the morning....and thank you for your kind thoughts...
This is one of the things we need to change - whiteknuckling! Thinking positively about being sober and how good we feel about it - attitude of gratitude, which we hear all of our long-term AF members talk about. They have practised this so often that it is now a way of life and that is what we must do; practice makes perfect!

[patrice]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Daisy - thinking of you for tomorrow with your father.. My Dad hated surgeries too.
I like all of these thoughts here.. thanks everyone.
I've woken up to the day 1 but I do think this time i will not count obsessively but will do the calendar thing (thanks Tipps!)
And try to be positive
Take Care
Patrice

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Aw Patrice, thank you! So glad to hear you got started; now, let's get you through today and get a bit of sparkle back in your life.....

[Byrdlady]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Maybe I'm a little different, but AL became such a problem in my life that considering the possibility of letting it back is unacceptable to me. The roller coaster of emotions and guilt and shame and remorse...the whole amount of stuff that goes along with it is just not worth a little buzz to me. It nearly ruined my life. I think that once you get some significant amount of AF time under your belt your perspective might change. NO amount of AL is acceptable for an alcoholic, and I am one. It took me a long time to get here, but it is so much better than trying to make rules for myself and then breaking them. When you start making rules for yourself about AL....well, you might be one of us. Once you rack up a number of weeks and months...I hope you guard your quit with your life...I know I am. B

[TheSunFlower]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Scottish Lass.....sorry to hear you had to white knuckle it. Usually all that noise in my head goes away as soon as I pull in the driveway.

Today was a good day....al thoughts just did not make their way in. I was so busy....that even my normal triggers are subsiding.

Daisy hope all goes well with your dad.

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Daisy - you are right about getting rid of whiteknuckling - I am really trying to focus on the positive. I was just reading the thread about Kim/Beth's book and it seems to focus on this (by reading the thread) so maybe I need order it and have a jolly good read!

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Morning Sunflower, Byrdie and Scotlass.
Lovey bright, cool morning here in Ireland; glad to hear you are staying positive. I have ordered Beth's book and hope it arrives today....will be good to hear from someone that we really know has been there and done that and knows what we all have to face....
Byrdie, my intention is to be AF, which I am. I just am choosing not to put it out there until I feel more secure in my sobriety (like I have done before) - of course I am counting days but look forward to putting it out there when I get past those 'hurdle' times where I feel most uneasy.
The GSM brothers have been given too much time in this life of mine and I just do not want to go back.
Drinking sucks the life out of me and leaves me exhausted in every way....the bad effects are immediate for me and I am doing all I can to make this one stick.
I value any input and 'kicks up the arse' that will help me along the way.......

[mauritiusdodo]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Good morning Daisy hope you are having a good day? nothing much to report except an AF day yesterday