Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

[Tipplerette]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Hey Daisy and fellow plonkers! I have just gotten back on after failing in my latest 30 day attempt. I went as far as 20 days this time.

Daisy, dealing with exes and their relationship with our kids really takes a lot out of women doesn't it? We want peace at all costs and it seems when Dad is being reasonable the kids decide to act like jerks and vice-versa. My heart goes out to you. It was when dealing with my rebellious 15 year old daughter that my drinking first began to be daily and without pause. She is 23 now so there's no excuse any more. We can't change any one but ourselves (and I am having one hell of a time even doing that).

It seems we have enough of a gang here with a lot in common to get a bit of momentum going. As some of you might remember I was pretty gung ho to drop my daily red wine drinking habit and was 'called' to Vancouver to help with my ailing 82 year old, cranky, alcoholic mother who had been visiting my brother there and had been hospitalized for weeks. I hated the taste of my first drink after 20 some days A/F but continued anyway. The stress of sleepless nights and horrible days just got to me; not an excuse but a fact.

Well Daisy, Mauri, Scottish Lass, Byrd Lady, here we are again. I, so want to LIVE and not exist. I asked myself why with the good fortune in my life, I chose to be slightly sloshed every evening... WHY???

Was laying low for a few weeks (tail between legs again) but your thread, Daisy, made me realize that there is no rejection here; only acceptance, encouragement and positive thoughts.

Thanks

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Aw Tipps - sooooo good to hear from you!
Glad you are back on board - 20 days is 20 days....can't take that away from you! I have said before that every and any day AF is a day of learning; a peep into the life we are all heading for.....
We need to take what we learn from those days and 'bank' it! - save every positive feeling you have from those days and reflect on them when the going gets tough. AF days are the building blocks we have towards the future we want.
Really good to have you on board. Now - Let's get this show on the road!!!!

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Hey Tipps, good to see you again! As said there is enough of a gang here that we really should be able to manage this - plonkers rule!
Glad to have your company, much better than being slightly (or more) sloshed every night!!

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Hey Scottish lass - how you doin?

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Hey Daisy - doing just fine, how bout you???

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Scotlass, that was my attempt at a 'Joey from Friends' impression - could you not tell???Lol
Doing grand today. My son and his da still humping with each other. My son is sooo grumpy and the atmosphere in the house is a little tense...so let him sleep most of the day and he is a happier bunny tonight. He is a workaholic like his da and is exhausted most of the time; that's my excuse for his grumpiness.....no excuses for the ex though - he's just a grumpy fecker....haha!
My dad heads in to hospital on Thursday for his op on Friday......so a little bit of tension in the air but it will be all good - feel it in me bones!!!!
As for the oul vino; AF!!! I have made a decision not to put a start date down or count my days publicly just yet as I want to write it loud and proud when I am ready.....just another strategy for me...I try something different each time....

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Daisy - it was in my mind and I could hear it, but couldn't quite get it out - Joey, of course!!
Sorry about the family problems, it is hard and sometimes more so when the ex has hos nose in it! The girls dad just seems to aggrevate the situation...
I will be thinking of you on Thursday - so hard to have our parents getting sick and needing us - role reversal is not always the easiest to stomach - let me know if I can help, shoulder to lean on etc...
and I can't believe your last sentence - I had made exactly the same choice, and it feels very comfy - I am not counting at home either, but little green dots on the calendar - how crazy is that - so many coincedences!!!

[daisy45]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

oooooooh.....coincidence or what??!!! Haha.
Thanks Scotlass. I better get my flat ass to bed - it's after 3am. Have to get back to those healthy sleeping patterns again......nightie, night!

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

I was just counting the hours forward to tell you you had missed bedtime!
Sweet dreams, and restful slumber - catch you in the day time...:l

[TheSunFlower]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

I read through some of this thread earlier. I am not asking for wonderful accolades. However, in the last 32 days, I have spent 28 of them sober. Even the 4 times I drank were not down and out bad. But, I hate that I have to throw all that time out the window and start at day one again. It deflates me and makes me think what is the use.

In this part of my recovery it is not useful to ignore the days that I was sober.....because I had a few drinks one night. In AA I will see people spin out of control. They will drink after years of sobriety. Then make everything that was feared into them in AA becomes true. And they continue to drink for years, months....until they lose it all.....to come back in.

I don't think that has to be reality. I think if you drink after 15 days or 15 years....it has to be put in perspective. Dust off and get on with your sobriety. But everyone wants to tell you that its all down the drain.

I personally have a friend who relapsed after a decade of sobriety. It happens. She could not deal with the fact that everyone made her throw all those years away. She kept on drinking. She now has been in detox 5x....and now in the hospital for her 6th attempt of suicide...yes, she has many other issues to deal with. But, in AA when no one would recognize her time prior.....she just spiraled and its not the first one I have seen.

I want to keep perspective on this. Is drinking 4 days out of 32 good...NO...but, it sure is a lot better than the alternative that I was living a year ago....drinking every single day.

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Sunflower - i really agree, I have had more time drinking as I have not got straight back to business due to having to go back to the dreaded day 1 - I am looking to celebrate my successes, and learn from why I have not succeeded, never mind make a slip up a hundred times worse.
No more day 1's, but lots more AF days for me and I think the days will mount up and up as new habits kick in.
28/32 works for me!!! Well done! Keep going like this and who knows what we might just realised that we have achieved - wouldn't that be cool
Keep going Sunflower - I am coming behind you.....

[1week a year binger]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

my trigger is flyfishing and i binge hard once i start drinking 7 days max and im done.I do it once a year for a week and the rest of the time im a fitness nut.My families even suggesting i give up fishing which i may have o do.Any creative ideas would bbe appreciated!

[Kaslo]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

This is an interesting thread. I dont attend AA. Although I think its got some value in providing a group of like minded people. However, the attitude toward recidivism is not helpful. From a strictly physical and human health perspective you DONT go back to square one when you have a short spell or a fall off the wagon or what ever. The stages of sobriety before a relapse have a real impact on your blood chemistry, on your psychology, your tissue integrity etc etc. All that time is clocked internally, flushing toxins and reforming brain patterns and healing damaged organs, metabolic processes, etc. To REALLY get back to square one you would have to go right back for the same amount of time prior to your big quit. With all the toxicology that entails. So sorry to the followers of AA, but the idea you go back to day one is not only psychologically harmful, demeaning, defeating, embarrassing and hurtful, its just plain physiologically WRONG. We need to dust ourselves off and keep trying. there is a big difference between years of drunken behaviour and getting a 60 day stretch. Its NOT day one. Its day 62 with a bad blip we need to learn from and build on.

Just my two cents, Sunflower and Scottish Lass. I think you are right to chalk it up to experience and keep trying, the alternative is hell.

And I week a year binger? Surely the fishin' aint THAT bad, lol! I would say figure out whats bugging you, and be honest about it with yourself.


kas

[scottish lass]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

Kas - thank you so much for this, it means a lot! I feel stronger and more confident than I have for a while - even changing my mood!!:thanks:

[TheSunFlower]

Reaching for the stars - after a good kick up the ****!!!

The alternative is hell. And many times I lived it. How many day 1 AA chips do I have in my bucket? Too many.

Everyone was making this big deal once that I had 30 days....and was getting the "red" chip. I refused it....and it made everyone uneasy...to say the least. I even refused the 6 month chip. I felt like it was jinxed....and there I would be getting a day 1 chip again....with all them looking at me...and how true that was. Now all that I want is the day 1 chip....because everyday....thats all I got...if that.

I know how this disease works.....and quite frankly all I want is the "24 Hour Chip"....because that is all I got. I gone days and months without a drink....but, I know how fast this thing can turn on you....and all you got is 24 hours.....which is all anyone has. Hell, I wish there was an 1 hour chip

I love AA. I love going into a room and everyone gets my craziness and many days it kept me sober. When I have to hide that I am really struggling or had a drink over the weekend.....you can place a bet on me that I will drive directly to the beer store after an AA meeting.

And for the Love of God....a girl can only collect so many day 1 chips.

I do find myself making deals with God...."I'll only drink a six pack on Saturday"....LAUGH..."ok fine...I'll drink a six pack 3x a year" (starting with the next 3 days)...LAUGH.

I do get a lot out of AA about learning to live....and nobody really reveals that fact to you....which I don't think should be a hidden secret. So I go into the meetings....I usually learn a lot from each....and I do leave with what I need.

Quite frankly over the last week I have been in meetings.....that clearly are going through the book....and i just am not down that far on the scale. I personally....just know that I have a lower pain tolerance than most in the room. But, I felt every emotion they did.

But, I am tired of them telling me that I have to be "desperate" to want it. I am not desperate and I want it. It is good way to live....and great people. But, its almost as if I have to lie about about how bad I was....for them to accept me. Just as I have to lie to normal people and act as if I am normal.

All this people pleasing is wearing me out