Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

[Lavande]

Good morning kids!
Thought it was time to start the week 3 thread

So far today I have watched the sun rise (thanks Matilda), I'm on my 2nd cup of coffee & watching the Wiggles (thanks EB) :H :H
I am also being told that I need to get some new baby chickens ~ I don't think so

OK, I need to figure out what I'm doing today.
Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday!

Lav

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good Morning Awesomes!
Lav, thanks for starting us off on week 3. I really can't understand where the time is going and why it has to go there so fast! Not going to get chicks? This is not a good time of year to do that, but are you going to get some in the spring, or are you fazing out of the hen business?

SD, I hope your first day back at work is not too traumatic!

I watched the sunrise with Lav while walking the dog, Tessa. The light was just beautiful. Now I too must figure out what I'll get into for the rest of the day, but it will be gotten into with the confidence of AF!!!

[ladybirdheart]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Greetings on Week Three. Time flies, it is already now too dark to see what I am doing in the garden at 5:30. Dill, regarding your stepping in to help your family, it is an interesting change for me as well to be ?available? when people call in the evening. I still prefer to be left on my own after seven or so but at least I can rally if need be. I have been thinking a lot about something you said in passing about revealing problems with alcohol??people sometimes have so much to lose when they get honest. It changes everything?. For a long time I did not talk about my addiction with Lord Bird Heart and others. I told myself that it would diminish me in their eyes and kept on telling myself this even though I knew Lord Bird Heart had a history of his own. I told myself this even though in truth functional people with addiction can be really good role models for easing the shame of others, it is something that can happen to anybody and often does along the way. For me not being honest, however, had nothing to do with any of that. My secrecy just gave me another level of protection against stopping drinking, I could still go back to drinking without causing alarm or worry, if I told someone they might try and stop me and I didn?t want to have to deal with that, I didn?t want to risk not having access to an easy drink, that?s what I thought I had to lose. Fortunately I am finally getting to the place where I genuinely don?t want to drink any more so whatever side of the closet door I am on is irrelevant. Oh happy day. Once I got away from it then tried controlled amounts from time to time, I realized whatever I had once found in it was gone, no more buzz, just impaired, no more floating, just dim, no more relaxing, just stupid. Impaired, dim, and stupid, now that is something to lose:H. Hi Rusty, Lav, SD, Chill, IMT, Nellie, Cyn, Jolie, Rustop et. al. Where in the world are you my thoughtful Stargazerlily? And Pappy:h? Love, Ladybird.

[Kaslo]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Wow, very powerful post Ladybirdheart, and very applicable to my own situation. Its really only HERE that I discuss this failing of mine, even though my two adult daughters both know exactly what is going on and what has gone on. And Mr. Kaslo seems oblivious, but maybe its one of those things that goes to the grave.

My grandfather was a binger, used to fall in the ditch with the town judge and the two of them spent time drying out in the hoosegow. There are still people in the city where he lived (it was a cow town then) that remember this and think of my gf as being an unreliable cheat, which he most certainly was. Famously handsome, and devil may care, and a total souse. His problems were in the street and on peoples lips for decades after he died. I always wanted to avoid that like the plague and play the role of the professional toxicologist with no problems....and most I did but just because you control a situation doesnt mean its not potetially life threateningly toxic...

In the end it doesnt matter if we reveal ourselves or not, I think. I dont want to go back to where I was on the brink ever.

I enjoyed your post so much, I read it a couple of times.

kas

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

LBH, that is exactly it. You got honest and it changed everything, but in your case for the good. Because you were ready. I think my thought process when I wrote that statement was more along the line of Rusty's Uncle. What he might risk by being honest with his wife about her drinking and deciding not to cover up for her anymore. That's a game-changer and relationship-ender very often, if the drinker is in denial like you (and I) were. I know that when Mr. D confronted me in 2009 that he would leave me if I didn't get it together...well, he came pretty close to having to do just that, because I was not ready to give it up. I was close to choosing the bottle over him. I didn't want that though so I started trying to quit. But there was a lot of resentment in my effort.

Like Kaslo, I liked your post very much too. It gave me an honest look at my own reasons for not coming out of the closet about my drinking. You went right to the core.

Kaslo, that loss of public image and being fodder for gossip, the shame I might bring to my family, has been a huge fear of mine. I think it may be one of the most powerful reasons I had for trying to quit. I didn't want to be that person that everybody "knew" had a serious alcohol problem. Keeping up my professional image was a stumbling block for me in terms of getting help. I dragged myself in secrecy to a counselor. I spent a few sessions, but I came to find out that I knew one of the people in the practice and it threw fear into me. I didn't want him to mention seeing me there to anyone. I never joined the group counseling and I quickly left the individual sessions as well.

whatever I had once found in it was gone, no more buzz, just impaired, no more floating, just dim, no more relaxing, just stupid. Impaired, dim, and stupid, now that is something to lose

That about sums it up for me!

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hoosegow
Now that's a word I haven't heard in ages Kas

I feel no need to explain myself to people......
Everyone has something that they keep to themselves, right?

I subscribe to Carl Jung's belief -
'I am NOT
what happened to me
I am what I CHOOSE
to become."

I don't have room for new chickens Dill ~ EB will just have to get over it :H

LBH & Kas - great to see you

Greetings to all the MIAs

[Guitarista]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hiya Lav, LBH, Dill, Kas, anyone in the Hoosegow, and all youse Awesome AAAer's to come,

Yep, cool post LBH. Thankyou.

I strongly relate to when you talked about 'coming out of the closet' and the pressure that can put on us if we haven't decided, or arrived at that point where we finally accept and 'surrender' to the realization we cannot drink safely again.

Dill, I know for me in my recent struggles with AL, i seriously considered a 28 day style rehab (even longer), but i balked at this, and didn't pursue it 'cause i wasn't sure if stopping drinking was what i wanted, but also as i work pt. time as a community mental health outreach worker, this is something i wouldn't want work colleagues to find out about. Having said that, if i was still struggling today, i would have no hesitation in asking for help, putting my job on hold, and getting treatment. I'm sure my employers would support me, but i'd prefer they didn't know, cause if i take time off in the future (to drink), then the game is up. But, once we come to the realization that it is unsafe for us to drink, and in my case, the evidence is consistent, then the decision has to be made. Getting my brick head around this has proved to be a bit of a challenge, but the truth is slowly seeping through!

P.S. Around 22 days AF here and going great. Reaching for the stars.

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical week, and if you need time in the ol' Hoosegow, then get to it!

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning Awesome Ones

Hi G!
Congrats to you on your AF time
Hoping everyone stays out of the hoosegow today :H

Have lots of little things to do today so may as well get started!
Wishing a wonderful AF Friday for one & all!
Lav

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hi Lav, lots to do here as well. The first is to use my gift card to Chili's! I haven't been there in a long time so I am looking forward to seeing what's on the menu. Mr. D and a gf of mine will be along as well.

G, I am a step behind LBH on exiting the closet in a big way. That said, I am definitely past the realization that you mentioned. I know I need to stop, and I am for the most part af, but I still have that little part of me holding on. You aren't the only one with a brick head!:H We'll win in the end, I'm certain.

Happy AF Friday everyone!

[ladybirdheart]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Thanks, Kaslo, I have found in you a strong combination of science and heart. I too come from a line of charismatic and charming alcoholics, they tended to die young, however, fell off horses, boats, trains, cliffs, committed suicide, crashed automobiles and little planes, and I was raised alone and far away from their legends so nothing to so personally live down. It?s good to see you again here also G, I think we have both similarly flirted with drinking but found the returns diminished. I am in a good long stretch of AF time and it seems easier now, more natural. I think I have had to go back to drinking a few times to figure out what if anything it still meant to me. It certainly has not helped me recapture any feelings of youth and that sweet sense of an open ended future; there is something sort of pathetic about drinking for me now, more like buying a sports car I?m too blind to drive properly or having a stupid affair. I don?t seem to be a person who quits drinking per se but rather just gets further and further away from it, and I think you might be like that also Dill. Just ease away. Love to all, Ladybird.

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hi Dill, LBH & all the MIA

This AF thing does get more natural as time goes on ladies & gents.
Actually, that took me by surprise as I really did not know what to expect when I walked away from the madness

Awaiting some thunder storms & the arrival of some cooler weather ~ at least that's what the weather geniuses have promised :H

[ThreeDogNight]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning!

I usually post in the AF Daily thread, but started reading this, and wow--LBH, you hit the nail on the head! I never completely revealed everything to Mr TDN, as I always kept that thought os another drink with me, and couldn't risk his knowing all! But he knew ALL my hiding spots--had found them while I was in rehab months ago--except one. He found that 11 days ago (I'm on Day 10 now.) I was sloppy and stupid, and am now grateful for that. You have captured that horrible place where drinking is pure misery and nothing else, and I think about that every day now.
Hope it's okay if I start posting here every day, too. This forum has been my lifeline for a long time--depsite relapses.
G, didn't know you'd had another relapse, so good for you with 22 days! I did go to a great rehab last Nov-Dec, and it kept me AF for over six months. I also did AA, but haven't been there in a couple of months, and not sure if/when I'll go back. But the time away helped me heal. But I wouldn't go until my second DUI--job, money, etc. The money I've spent on the related DUI's is a whole lot more than the rehab.
Have a great AF day, all.
:lTDN

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning Awesone Ones,

I'm up way too early ~ Matilda couldn't wait :H

Nice to see you here TDN
Please stick around, the more the merrier.
So happy you are moving forward with your AF plans.

I'm waiting for this nice weather to arrive. I really need to get caught up with stuff outside. The summer's heat & PI really put me behind.
Have a great AF Saturday all!

Lav

[itsmytime]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good Morning Everyone,

Great post LBH, that is where I am. My hubby knows my intention to stay sober. I haven't come right out and told friends I quit, but I am just not drinking right now. I am too early in my journey and like what was said, if, I mean big IF I do drink again I don't want anyone pointing it out etc...That's my AV working overtime.

How long have you been AF LBH? I am on Day 34 and don't want to drink, but not thinking in terms of forever, only one day at a time.

It is getting more natural as Lav says, it hit me last night being Friday. The first thing I would have done 35 days ago would be to make a drink as soon as I got home from work. Any running around would be done before I got home because once I got home, that was it I'm not driving any where.

Boy, it feels great to be free from that and be available 24/7 not worrying about slurring on the phone. Drunk texting, facebooking, whatever.

It feels great to make plans without thinking about how we were going to get there and home.

It feels great to fall asleep reading, rather than passing out

It feels great to remember conversations from the night before

It feels great to enjoy the sunshine and not wish it was raining so I could lay on the couch all day

It feels great, to be present for myself and my family

It just FEELS GREAT!!!

Have a wonderful Saturday Awesome People!!

[Rusty]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hi Everybody!

I am delighted with the really heartfelt posts this week that I have read and re-read.

TDN..it's so great to see you here! I read your posts on the other threads and love your openness (sp?) Yes, please post here every day. I am so proud of you that you have not given up the fight. I admire your courage in telling us about your DUIs, the expense, and your husband finding your bottles hidden all over the place. When I read your post, I think of the movie, "When A Man Loves A Woman."

LBH-what an impact you have had on people with your post about secrecy. Oh yes, it gave me a level of protection....keeping my drinking problem a secret the best I could. My reasons for keeping my drinking problem a secret not only had to do with avoiding disappointing family members, but I was so afraid it would ruin my career that I had worked so hard to build. I read "The High Functioning Alcoholic" and I could see myself in alot of that book. My position is well-respected, high profile, a leadership role, and I didn't want my clients knowing about my problem. I had won numerous awards and oddly enough, when my drinking was at its worst, my income was well over $100K/year. I have no reason to feel deprived....only grateful, as my career is still intact as is my reputation. I could have easily lost it with the path I was on. Am I glad I kept it a secret? YES. It was worth it. When you said that the secrecy gave you an "out" so you could drink again, I confess that when I started seeing this therapist (see my post to Dill) she told me she and her husband had a summer cottage VERY close to where I live, and all I could think of was, "what if I am out drinking one night and she sees me?

For other opinions on my post, please read the other threads.:H

Dill-I totally agree with you that the honesty about our drinking can be a dealbreaker relationship-wise. I could have written your post when you mentioned going to see a therapist and knowing somebody in the practice. Our journeys are so similar. My family did an intervention October 13, 2008, and told me I was going to rehab-or have a plan to go to one....SOON. Well, I was not about to go...so I had to come up with another method that would show my family that I was serious about quitting drinking. I wasn't. So instead, to get them all off my back, I went to see an AL therapist who was an hour away from my house....thinking I could go anonymously. This therapist was great, but on my 4th visit, I recognized a man in the waiting room whom I'd been friends with in my running club. We hadn't seen each other in probably 8 years, and I don't know if he recognized me or not, but I was NOT going back. I was so ashamed. Regarding my uncle's enable my aunt's drinking....Anne confirmed what I had thought....if he told her to quit or curtail her drinking, then she would have fired right back, "well then you'll have to quit, too." He wasn't about to do that. He liked vodka, too. Despite the fact that he still likes his whiskey, at 90, he still plays a wicked game of tennis, drives, lives alone, is in a VA choir, and is very active. I think he's very happy. The constant care of my aunt must have been exhausting.

Mr. G:h, congratulations on your string of AF time. Even if you do have a brick head, it sure is cute.

Kaslo-good to see you here!

Jolie-did I tell you that a bunch of the people at the wedding in July were from MD? Inner Harbor....one of my favorite places.

SD-you're busy as ever....I can't believe you're already going back to school. Did you see the Packer game on Thursday? You asked me about my sister, and I told you I would send you a PM sometime to explain, well now is as good a time as any. My sister has ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS supported, and defended me. She she protected me. Still does. The turning point for her was when I had passed out drinking and forgot to pick up my mom at the airport. My mom called me after she had waited 45 minutes and said "where are you?" I lied to her and said I was sick. If my drinking had not had such a negative effect on our mother, my sister would have kept on defending me and refused to confront me. My family's full intervention left me so horribly humiliated that I drank even more after that. I had never been shamed like that before and that shame kept me drinking more to try and block the shame I felt. What I wanted to tell you was that I think since my sister and I were so close, that if she had pulled me aside even months before that intervention and said, "look I love you and I am so worried about your drinking," and given me examples of things I did while under the influence, I would have gotten help on my own and much sooner. I had no idea that my behavior had gotten so bizarre. She loves me so much and that intervention was NOT her idea....she was against it altogether. However, my manipulative sister-in-law bullied my mom into thinking that rehab was the BEST and MOST EFFECTIVE way to keep drinking. My SIL is a big know-it-all. Due to that incident, and a few others, my SIL, whom I really loved for many years, is now someone I have to grit my teeth to see it all. She has done things to embarrass my sister and her daughter, and me as well. I also think she was furiously jealous of how close my sister and I were, and continue to be...and she wanted nothing more than to put a wedge into our relationship. Well, it blew up in her face big time. My sister and I snicker at her now.

Star and Papmom-come out, come out....and let us know how you are.

Has anyone seen the documentary on Showtime about Ozzy Osbourne? It's on late at night (with good reason). It was produced by his wife, Sharon, and son, Jack, who is in recovery and has been sober for several years now. It's quite compelling as the program shows many of the lewd and abusive things he did whilst under the influence of drugs and AL....including biting the head off a bird, and numerous lewd acts. The saddest part was when Sharon talked about how he beat her, and all 3 of his kids said while he was drinking and drugging, he was not a father. They would come home from school to find him either passed out with a bottle of vodka in his hand, or he would be in a tirade. It also showed him watching some of his own concerts with Motley Crue, and he doesn't even remember them. I guess he's been sober for a few years now. Interestingly....Sharon Osbourne said Ozzy didn't get serious about getting sober until Jack went to rehab first. Talk about a career relapser....Ozzy and his friends said he had been to 10-12 rehabs, several being over 90 days. The longest he was sober was 6 months.

Geez....I've been on here for over an hour.:wow3:A big hello to Lav, Rustop, Chill, Star, Papmom, Cyn, IMT, Nellie, and anyone I may have missed....have a great AF Saturday.

I know this was a long post but it was therapeutic for me. Thanks for being here!