Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

[Rusty]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

IMT...sorry, cross post! You sound so great....and wow, you are over the 30-day mark already:goodjob:

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Greetings Awesome Ones,
Lav, you really help us "serial relapsers" when you say that it does get surprisingly easier. Can't hear that one enough! I do know it's true though, I've seen enough stretches to know that.

TDN, we would love to have you post with us. I enjoyed reading your post and of course saw some of myself in your story. I was impressed that you had the grace and presence of mind to be grateful your husband found your last hiding place. I still have a measure of resentment toward my hb if he involves himself in an active way in my quit. It's mixed up, I'm sure, in the framework of our relationship in general, and my feelings of independence. (How did G put it? 'brick headed'?) Your attitude will carry you to the winner's circle!

Rusty, I don't know why it didn't occur to me that your Uncle was covering so he could preserve his own habit!:duh::H Something to lose is something to lose in any case! He must have been able to keep his drinking in bounds though, was he? Good for him making it to 90! Thanks for sharing so much of your story with us today. I know you have shared it in the past, but it was nice to read it again and kind of more completely. (I ran over my amount of 'smilies' or I'd insert a hug here.)

:bowIMT, CONGRATS on breaking past 30!!!!:woot: Keep that focus on the positive going and thank you so much for sharing it. I think it is rubbing off!

LBH, yes, just moving further away gradually over time does seem to be what I've been doing. Making a subtle exit, shall we say? I never was one for drama! Thanks for all the times you've managed to clarify my thoughts and experiences, hopes, frustrations and fears, into words.

[Rusty]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hello, I'm back for a bit before I take off for a fun-filled AF Saturday afternoon.

Dill:l, I hate that we only can post 6 images...I had to reread and revise my post 3 times so that I would only have 6 or I would have put a :l in my post to you, too. Thank you for tolerating me telling my story AGAIN....I did it in the hopes of responding to LBH's great post and to SD, whom I promised long ago to tell her the complete story of my sister's role in the intervention.

LBH-yes, moving away from AL or the whiff of it in our lives. Brilliantly said, as always!

IMT-you are an inspiration to anyone on any thread.

Ok, off for more fun. I'll be back later.

[FlyAway]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

There are so many profound statements in this thread! I love reading here. It gives me much to consider.

Dill--"People sometimes have so much to lose when they get honest. It changes everything." Yes! It can end a marriage, end a career, cause one to lose his self-respect, or cause the loss of the ability to drink. For me it was the last 3. My husband, for some odd reason, loves me completely and this wouldn't cause him to leave me. But it could end my career, I am deeply ashamed of my problems with alcohol (self-respect), and was afraid to say anything about it because then I knew everyone would be aware and that would hamper my ability to drink if I relapsed. But I have now crossed that bridge. I have told numerous people that I no longer drink, including many at work. Work people know that I have health issues and assume that is why. And I'm going to continue to let them think that. As I said, this could end my career and I still fear that. About being ready to quit; I agree with you 100%. If my husband had asked me to quit a year or two ago and gave me an ultimatum, we'd probably be divorced.

LadyBirdHeart--I tried to pull parts of your post out to quote but really, the whole thing resonates with me. Thank you for another thoughtful and heartfelt post.

Kaslo--"In the end it doesnt matter if we reveal ourselves or not, I think. I dont want to go back to where I was on the brink ever." It matters mostly to the ego I think. But in the grand scheme of things I guess it really doesn't matter. Choose to reveal or choose not to reveal, the problem is still there. Deal with the problem one way or the other. I don't want to go back there either.

Lav--"I subscribe to Carl Jung's belief - 'I am NOT what happened to me I am what I CHOOSE to become.' " Simply beautiful. I feel no need to explain myself to people either.

Guitarista--Getting our brick heads around the idea of never drinking again and embracing it can be a huge relief! No longer trying to make alcohol work was a burden gone from my shoulders. One less thing to worry about. Congrats on 22 days.

TDN--It's a relief when it's all out there, isn't it? I love that you are embracing gratitude for what you once feared.

IMT--"Boy, it feels great to be free from that and be available 24/7 not worrying about slurring on the phone. Drunk texting, facebooking, whatever." Ugh. I can relate.

Rusty--Oh my gosh, an intervention would have made me run the other way and drink even more. The desire to quit had to be my desire, not someone else's desire. Btw, I hate the limit on 6 images too!! Especially if you're quoting someone who used the smilies in his/her post. :H

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

I know that when Mr. D confronted me in 2009 that he would leave me if I didn't get it together...well, he came pretty close to having to do just that, because I was not ready to give it up. I was close to choosing the bottle over him. I didn't want that though so I started trying to quit. But there was a lot of resentment in my effort.

Hi Fly, nice to see you. I would like to add more on this. Mr. D didn't give an actual ultimatum. It was more that he explained that he was so very unhappy in the marriage because I was no longer present. I was absorbed in the bottle and he was lonely and felt all the weight of being the only one capable of handling things if they came up in the evening/night. The implication was that he would leave because he felt deserted and alone already anyway. In a sense, I had left him. This conversation took place at a point after I had already acknowledged that I had a problem both to myself and to him and that I wanted to do something about it. I was lurking on MWO but had not yet joined. I was hoping to be able to moderate at that point. We all know how that goes.

[papmom3]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Evening my awesome friends. papmom checking in.

Still struggling to find my mojo and some consistent joy. Pets keep getting sick-now Mickey is dealing with a digestive problem that resulted in a vet visit yesterday. good news is she didn't hear the heart murmur anymore. He's now on some meds to deal with the inflammation and possible bacteria. he still vomited a few times today despite hand feeding him a tablespoon at a time throughout the day. Sigh.

What I did find some joy in the past 2 days are:
A butterfly bush COVERED in Painted Ladys and Monarchs. Apparently it is an irruption of Painted Ladys in the region. They aren't that common to begin with so this is pretty exciting.

I saw 2 fishies yesterday. 1 today but I'm sure the other is hiding

I have 2 frogs living in my pond now!! they mysteriously appeared today! Could it have been raining frogs last nite? I noticed one of them seemed to be having trouble climbing up out of the pond so i found a large rock and placed it in the shallow end for them. they were using it within minutes!! I've wanted frogs since I started this pond 5 years ago so I totally stoked and hope they stick around for a while.

2 whole days to myself with no committments. I was supposed to go sailing with my dad and sis today but weather was not condusive. Rescheduled for tomorrow but I just don't feel right leaving Mick while he's not feeling well. He stresses out big time when he vomits. Almost like he's afaid he's done something wrong. Poor baby.

I've finished the quilt top to my nephew's quilt!! On tuesday I have to peice together the backing and then off to the quilter it goes along with the the very first quilt I made. I'll be sure to post pics when I get them back and when I've finished the bindings.

I've heard from the IT job-they are hoping to make a decision by the end of next week. Totally baffled as to why this is taking so long but I've waited this long......

I've been almost happy today and expect more of the same tomorrow as I do chores around the house, spend time with my boyz, listen to the sound of the party next door (I'll probably go over for a few minutes just to be neighborly. Yes I was invited), watch the frogs and butterflys and read.
Too bad I have to go to work on Monday. I'm sure the depression will return then.

Secrecy. My way of handling this very private decision was to let my family and a few close friends know how bad it had got and that I was quitting for good. A number of people at work know I don't drink anymore but I've told them it was for health reasons. I was just thinking today that I would no more put AL in my body anymore than I would smoke a cigarrette, inject heroin, snort coke or smoke a joint. AL may be legal, but it wreaks more havoc than help at this point. They are all poison to me. Quitting AL doesn't mean life will be a bed of roses. Many of us on here can attest to that! But it does mean we have a fighting chance of dealing with whatever life throws our way. AL = Doom. no AL = hope.

probably should get to bed soon. good nite all!

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning Awesome Ones

Matilda has become an early riser so I am definitely up with the chickens!
Beautiful out there, 55 degrees 0 humidity, nice

Papmom, I look for something to be happy about every single day. Some days I have to look a lot harder but there's always something to find. Maintaining a positive outlook is essential for us I believe, we don't ever want to take a step backwards, do we?

My long unemployed son-in-law just started a new job this past week. It's an IT manager for a small but growing local company. This is what he likes to do & I hope there are no layoffs in his future. Keeping my fingers crossed.

I spent 7 hrs with a relaxed YB yesterday ~ apparently his AD is doing it's job :H
He still doesn't want to talk about what happened inside his head so I don't push it.....just trying to move on. Went to the outlets for some shopping & stopped at one of the numerous buffet type places for dinner. With all the food offered in those places I had a hard time finding something on the healthy side without cheese & cream sauce, ugh - a dairy nightmare :H

I hope everyone has a fantastic AF day!
I intend to enjoy this beautiful weather today,
Lav

[ThreeDogNight]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning!

Rusty, wow--your post was great! I have to go back and read your posts so I know your "story." I had read some previously, but can't always remember what I should! That sister-in-law sounds toxic. I feel that way about my sister sometimes.
Pap3, so sorry about the pups!! You know how much I relate to that! I wonder if Mickey got into something he shouldn't have? Have you tried the S&C's with them? Do they still let you buy vouchers at half price? I found six of them last week--had forgotten I'd bought a bunch last fall. I have fingers crossed and prayers in for the job! You deserve a break. You amaze me with your commitment to staying AF no matter what! That is what I am striving for now.
I just posted in the Monthly Abs section, so won't repeat all of that. Had my first manadatory counseling session yesterday, and the counselor is very nice and said that my case is a "mess."" That is putting it mildly! Having two DUIs in two different states ain't fun! But I am meeting with her for two hours a week from tomorrow.
Have to finish making an orzo salad now, as we have friends coming over tonight, and I work until 3:00. Then shower and dress to get to work by 8:30 to oepn the shop. Making my tomato pie when I get home.
Will be back to read all your posts later! Love this thread!
TDN

[itsmytime]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Happy Sunday Awesomer's,

Wow it's the 19th already, nice to remember each and every moment of the month. I feel like the veil has been lifted and everything is brighter. I really feel free from the shackles of the poison.

We were at a wedding yesterday for my dearest friends daughter whom I 've known since she was a baby. I was with my closest friends who love me so very unconditionally and I love them with all my heart. My not drinking did not and will not make one bit of a difference with them and for that I am so very grateful. There was wine at the table, and to be completely honest I did not have one craving, not one!! I could jump for joy. The music came on and I was on the dance floor without any hesitation - I do love to dance so AL really never played at part in that. But still, I was 100% me without feeling any deprivation at all. We had a great time with no anxiety today taking that joy away from me.

This is something I always remember K9 saying - You never wished the next day that you drank - so true, I woke up clear headed and anxiety free ready to enjoy another beautiful day.

Thank you so much for your kind words, the support here really does help. I feel accountable to you my virtual friends and it is cathartic to come on this site and type my feelings.

Have a Wonderfully, Awesome, August Day!!

[ladybirdheart]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good Morning! Late start for me today as I slept in for the first time in weeks. I let the doggies out at five, and when they came back they joined me in the ?Big Bed? where I had impossible dreams and only woke up when the parrot started yelling ?I see you? and (whatever this means) ?Trick or Girl? from the other room. So good to hear from you Pappy, I had a perfect image of you moving through your life, butterflies, fish, frogs, quilts, and little measured spoonfuls for your ailing butterfly dog. We love you. Catch up more later with everybody, it's great to have you here TDN, now it is off dig up a big patch of invasive daylilies and inflict them on a couple of neighbors who have room for them to roam and will like their bossy ways. I think I am going to take Rusty with me to supervise and make me laugh, Star to make me reflect, Dill to visit my soul, Lav to keep at least one of my feet on the ground, IMT to make me feel the light that is not the sun, and everybody to else to have a little dance! Love, Ladybird.

[dill]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Late check in from Ohio! It's been a busy day cleaning fence rows, walking the dog, playing with the grandkids and doing household chores. This was my last day of summer break. Nose back to the grindstone tomorrow.

I'm dog-tired at the moment so haven't energy for much more than to wish everyone an AF finish to the day!

[nellie78]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Hi all - it has been a mad weekend. Have had family to stay and wedding to go to both of which would normally involve lots of you know what. Guess what? Not once was I even tempted! Something has definately clicked. It's so weird I'm actually feeling BETER not drinking and I do not want to ever drink again! Before I've aways been on a route to moderation. Now I never want to taste a drop again. I'm so happy it's untrue. And thankful. And aware that I won't always feel like this so I'm cherishing it and using it to build up my armour for if/when temptation rears its ugly head....

[Lavande]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good Monday morning Awesome Ones,

Dark & damp here so far ~ oh well.
But it is on the cooler side, thank goodness

nellie, nice to hear you are doing so well!
Moderation is a pipedream for most of us, just doesn't work. The founder of this program finally gave up on her efforts to moderate & ended up abstinent as well. It is just plain easier & healthier too

Dill, I wish you a pleasant return to work tomorrow! I hope this final year is a good one for you!!

LBH, Matilda didn't get me up until 6 AM today so I suppose I am grateful for that......
If I could just get myself to bed a bit earlier at night this wouldn't be such an issue for me.

IMT & TDN, wonderful to have both of you on this journey with us

OK, off to get my day started.
Wishing everyone a terrific AF Monday!
Lav

[Stargazerlily]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Good morning to all...

I have been MIA due to being very busy and trying to just get through things. I have caught up with the posts and amazement at all the wisdom posted on this site made it a pleasure to reflect on.

Lots of family issues here, with old parent emptying out house, and the emotions that go along with all that. Plus, I have had allergy problems, with lots of swelling, and actually had to go to the doctor it got so bad. Basically, I have been a mess. However, there is now light at the end of the tunnel and I will make it through.

I liked LBH's post, Rusty's, Mr. G's, Dill's, etc about basically drinking less and less often and being honest first with yourself, and not always with everyone in your life. I liked Lav's view that our journey is our own business, period.

Right now my focus is being healthy, getting through the next few weeks sane, and alcohol has no part in that goal. Drinking would weaken me and add to my anxiety and stress, it no longer is a relaxant, but a burden. I hear everyone on this thread saying the same thing. We just keep getting farther and farther away from alcohol serving us in any way. It has come to the point where it is always a negative outcome.

Greetings to all, have a lovely day.

[itsmytime]

Awesome August Abstainers ~ week 3

Way to go Nellie, it feels great doesn't it

Stargazerlily, you are so right. AL was becoming such a burden and I feel a weight has been lifted getting it out of the equation completely.

LBH - your posts always bring a smile to my face - let's dance!!!

Lav, Dill, TDN & all the Awesome ppl on this thread, thank you for your insight, words of encouragement & wisdom.