hanging in there

[aquamarine]

Hi. I'm still not too sure where to post but I really want to be AF so here I am. I drank again on Saturday. It was probably a total of seven to eight glasses of wine over the day and evening. I just gave in to it once again. I definately cannot have even one or I just cannot stop- unfortunately. I'm once again extremely angry at myself. However- I somehow feel very optimistic at stopping for good. It's kind of a strange way to feel but I do feel strong. In the past when I gave in it would really hold me back for a long time. But this time I just feel alot stronger. I think you can go for years with this disease ( I really don't like to call it that but using it for lack of a better word) and just not even really think about it. You just drink almost blindly not really figuring thinking about why , when, how etc. Then, at least with me, you try to stop and you really have to spend time to figure it all out about what is really going on with you. I feel like I was pretty clueless just a year ago but now even though I am still struggling I understand alot more about myself and what is going on. Thanks for listening. I really does help to know that you are all out there.Aquamarine

[rivergirl]

hanging in there

Aquamarine, I know just what you are talking about - you are on a journey - a journey for the truth and for your freedom. For years I wanted to believe that I could drink moderately - and often I could - but sooner or later I would end up with an excuse to get clobbered and wake up withe the painful knowlege that I had failed again. But it took time after time after time for me to know for once and for all that I must go AF. Here is something I read that helped to encourage me in the process and helped to explain what I thought was my inabilty to succeed at first. "Even though you've discovered false beliefs, uncovered the lies and know a new truth, there is a time lag between what your limbic system believes and what your neocortex has learned. This is called limbic lag, a process that can be anywhere from a couple of months to years, but it will get shorter as you continue to challenge the false beliefs (traumatic memories) and risk trusting people. You may have fear and panic attacks, but once you go through them without doing the old behavior, your limbic system will say, "Oh, we went through that and actually survived." The next time you experience the fear it will be less, and you will be able to make a good choice rather than overreacting with a "fight or flight" response. "

But Aquamarine - do investigate the tools available and read posts regarding how they work for other son this site. I am 59 joyful days AF but could not be in this position without the CDs.

Blessings on your week,
Rivergirl:l

[aquamarine]

hanging in there

Rivergirl, Thanks so much for sharing what you read with me . That was really encouraging. For me having some sort of solid almost physical understanding of what is going on really helps me to deal. ( Must be my medical background.) Glad to hear the CDs helped I just got them and am starting them tomorrow but was not to sure about them. Thanks Again! Aquamarine

[sri]

hanging in there

Rivergirl,

I am using the CDs to the letter and think they are helping but you seem very sure they are. What makes you believe that? I am curious. I have never used something like this before so I'm trying to understand. I am also using the supps, topa, exercise etc....not sure what's working but so far, am 17 days AF and glad. I'll keep it up but I'm curious about your experience with the CDs....

Thanks for your insights!

[Determinator]

hanging in there

Rivergirl, I'm also curious as to which CD's have been most helpful....thanks!