Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I'm doing well but must always remember that I cannot go wo/my:
-readings
-meditation
-meetings
-AA friends.

It's so easy to let life get ahead of all or some of the above. It's so easy to get complacent about my sobriety. I must remember what a gift it is. Just because I wasn't homeless, family-less, jobless, etc. doesn't mean that I wasn't an alcoholic. I coped w/it well, and I hid it even better.

Sunday's BB meeting was pretty incredible. There were a couple of people "just coming back" & a couple who are in some trouble & just realizing that alcohol has a lot to do w/that trouble. There was a lot of emotion in the room, & some of the older members let these newcomers talk about their situations. Also, I saw many of them being approached after the meeting.

I can only say that AA & recovery works if you are really willing to go to any lengths to get well. I dial back at times & feel I might not need as much of AA as I used to...but I do! I've been renewing my committment to the program of late, & that feels good.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Good Morning Mary and all,

That is so very true, Mary. Once I start letting me up on all the little things, I start feeling blah, along with the restlesslessness, irritability and discontentness so often mentioned at meetings.

I went to a speaker mtg at my alano club yesterday. They had around the clock mtgs all weekend. I walked in to a packed house, and felt like I was at a huge family reunion. It was such an amazing feeling seeing so many I have gotten to know from various meetings all together in one meeting. The speaker was absolutely fabulous. She had 56 years of sobriety. She had attended some meetings with Bill W. Her message was so powerful and inspiring, it brought tears to my eyes! Her talk about our spiritual condition was sooo right on! And like you said about the importance of maintaining our program on a daily basis, she compared our relationship to our Higher Power to a cell phone...how we need to keep it charged up in order for it to work. She had some great and amusing analogies. She also said our GPS system in our cars are, in a way, like our HP and the program. It guides up step by step safely to our journey. If we make a right instead of a left, it tells us it is "recalculating" and finding a way to get us back on track.

At the end of the meeting, they did a sobriety countdown. We all stood up, and they counted from 60 years and down. As your year was announced you were to sit down. The room erupted into applause each time a person sat down. When they got down to less than 30 days, they counted by days. The last girl standing had one or two days. The whole room standed and gave her a standing ovation and a Big Book. I felt so overwhelmed with emotion after that! The whole thing really recharged me. I want to start looking into retreats...maybe twice a year...to have the same effect in getting me excited and motivated about the program and my sobriety. Sometimes the monotony makes me take the whole thing for granted.

I wish all a wonderful week. I really enjoy reading this thread!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Gina: Thank you so much for your post. I LOVED the idea of the sobriety countdown. I've never seen that. When I go into a large, energetic meeting, I too get that wonderful feeling of belonging. I've met so many wonderful people in AA. Take care of yourself & your sobriety. Mary

[4theboyz]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

I have not been here in a while or to an AA meeting in about same time. Does anyone else do this and if so how goes it? I feel I need to go back to my meetings as this draw of drinking just doesn't go away. I don't drink but the noise of drinking gets pretty loud for me sometimes.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Hi 4theboyz,
We all work our own program. I attend at least 3 AA meetings a week. If I'm home I will attend a meeting every morning at 630am. So that works for me. I come to MWO when I'm on the road and need a little fellowship. I have not had the desire to drink for quite some time.
I'm grateful for that little miracle.

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

4theboyz;1373563 wrote: I have not been here in a while or to an AA meeting in about same time. Does anyone else do this and if so how goes it? I feel I need to go back to my meetings as this draw of drinking just doesn't go away. I don't drink but the noise of drinking gets pretty loud for me sometimes.

Hi 4theboys I jump in and out of this thread and thought I would just respond to your post. I stopped going to my AA meetings and logging onto MWO after 30 days AF. I found I started isolating myself again. Although I didn't crave AL I had all the same feelings of a drunk. I've heard it called a Dry Drunk. All the feelings of worthlessness, nobody cares, I'm a failure....

On AF day 47 I slipped and beat myself up for two days then sucked it up, went to my home group AA meeting and shared what had happened.

Best thing I ever did and now I'm another 20 days AF. I need the fellowship of AA and the fellowship of MWO to keep me engaged with my life and on the right track.

Stay strong and good luck to you. PQ

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Congrats to you, PQ, on the 20 days! I too learned this time that I need the fellowship of recovering alcoholics/addicts to stay sober (and happy!!!). It's pretty easy to distinguish between those who are really serious and committed to their sobriety vs those who are just passing through, by going to a lot of meetings and really listening. I have developed some wonderful sober support in the program...not so much "friends" yet, but in time I believe that will come. I LOVE the old timers wisdom as well as the newcomers who really seem to want sobriety and who have the willingness to try something different. I am more than willing to give them rides to/from mtgs, etc... as long as there is any sign of commitment or interest. I also love hearing people from all different ethnicities, lifestyles, religions, beliefs....all together sharing similar experiences without religious dogma. The higher power is mentioned by many, but NOT all who are still able to find success with the program. I hear many people say their HP is the people in AA. I started out that way as I saw them happy and successful and saw something in their eyes and voices...true joy which I see as God. Some of the recovery stories are just so amazing and always give me hope that I can do this thing!! There is nothing like it, in my opinion.

The Steps are very important to me now like never before. I view each and every one of them as an experience I get to grow from, not "work". That gets me excited to continue, as it does really work! The Steps and my sponsor are what are really connecting me with the program, as well as my very early developing relationship with a higher power. All these provide me the most healing. I felt soul-less and useless when I came in this time. I couldn't pray because I was paralyzed with shame and guilt. I am truly learning to forgive the things I did, though I still need to write myself an amends as my sponsor suggested.

As I was reminded of this wknd said, "cancer kills and destroys parts of the body at some part in some lives; alcoholism destroys our entire lives". Which is worse?? It seems like such an easy answer, but the solution sure isn't an easy thing to accept or find sometimes. Everyone is different and responds to all different methods. For me, I have never experienced such inner peace as I have lately. Something is working this time and I pray I never take my sobriety for granted again! I now understand why it is a "we" program. Alcoholics tend to isolate and fear asking for help. We are meant to interact and truly care for our fellow man/woman and all of mankind. I see the reluctance to ask for help in sooo many that I have given my number to. There are very few who do make calls to those they ask of numbers. I hear it all the time. The telephone is a huge tool in the program.

And welcome to you, 4theboyz! I hope you stick around!

I wish you much peace on your journey!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

4tb: I couldn't have put it better than Gina but wanted to weigh in anyway. I've heard hundreds of stories at speakers' meetings. When here is a relapse, it usually follows a period of falling away from meetings. We begin to feel that:
-maybe we weren't so bad.
-maybe I can drink just one.
-I don't feel like going out tonight.
-meetings are kind of all the same thing.
-etc.

Meetings are at most 1.5 - 2 hours out of my day. I certainly wasted much more than that drinking. So, even when I don't feel like it, I go. I call people, & I meet up w/people.

Good luck.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Just reflecting on things that kept me from AA in the past and how I feel now, esp after reading your post, Mary.

-The God thing. This made my stomach churn and made me feel anxious and want to run. I always knew something was wrong with me when it came to understanding God. I felt such a lacking for having being deprived of a church upbringing, and raised in a home where God wasn't discussed...it was one of those things you just don't talk about...just like politics, etc...it wasn't "P.C." to do so. ( once again, blame!). I told a therapist once "I just don't *get* God." She wanted to explore that with me, but I decided to stop therapy instead. I had tried religion on my own, even took a lengthy conversion program to become Catholic (like my husband) because I wanted to raise my kids with faith, as I knew how painful life could be without it. When I came to AA and looked at the Steps and how it was a Spiritual program...I wanted to cry because I had tried that already (I had thought!), and how DARE they say that is how they got better. I felt it couldn't be the program for me. I was so hurt and insulted by my first sponsor when she told me I should read the "Chapter to the Agnostics". "What?? She thinks I don't believe?? She can see right through me and the struggle I feel??" I am slowly understanding and developing a connection I try to maintain on a daily basis...a HP of *my* understanding...not a religion's.

-I'm not THAT bad...yet. I didn't want to believe it was a progressive disease, and as I started recognizing I was progressing, I blamed AA for putting a curse on me.

-These people have no lives and I do. I thought they were absolutely crazy to attend so many meetings and judged them as losers for making AA such a huge part of their lives. Who was I kidding...I was the one with no life! My life was in constant turmoil mentally with the struggle drinking and esp the times not drinking. I could piece months together on my own, but couldn't stay stopped because I had too much discomfort inside after the pink cloud settled down.

--I am a great mom, and don't you dare tell me otherwise!! This one was hard. The mommy guilt was too much, and I had a hard time looking at the truth of how it was affecting those I love.

--I am an RN. I can't be that bad...I never go to work drunk, I am a great nurse, I am always on time and always ask others if they need help. Those things were true, but too much of my identity was being a nurse. I clung to that when I was doing things amoral and uncharacteristic of me. The guilt and shame were too much...at least I was good at something! When I was forced to quit, it was really scary looking at myself!

-I am an anxious person, was born that way, and I will always need something to fix that, be it alcohol or a pill (Xanax). The program has truly helped diminish this painful state of existence. I still get anxious at times sharing at meetings, but I try not to put too high of expectations on myself regarding that. I actually did a panel at a hospital inpatient detox...something I NEVER imagined myself doing....ever!!

---I am told all the time how self disciplined I must be when it comes to exercising and eating right...if they only knew how I drink...what would they think?? When it comes to drinking, I have no control over anything. One drink is all it takes to get the game running, and off I go! That is when I realize this is truly a disease and realize it's not a choice once I take that first drink. I am powerless from that point on.

-It's too much work, It takes too much time, the people are different than me, I feel judged, too preachy...the list goes on. I don't feel any of those things this time. I had to fully surrender and take suggestion. I had to learn I don't know the answers, and I am not God. When I try to be God and close myself off, things don't go so well.

Sorry for the rambling. It does help to write it all down.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Gina: Your posts are so interesting. i too have anxiety but have found so much more calm in the program as a result of being sober & of meditating. M

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Well, Mary, it seems we are the only two on this thread for now. Thought I would say "hi" and check in. I am up early (since 0500) making 4 dozen scones...half are choc chip, the other half are cranberry orange. I regularly volunteer at a large facility for girls ages 12-17 who are there until they find placement or family members who are qualified to take care of them. They are there for a variety of reasons. Today is a glamour day for the girls where hairdressers, manicurists, makeup artists, etc, come and gussy the girls up. My group, 5 of us, were assigned as greeters and breakfast providers for the volunteers. Should be fun....once I wake up that is...yawn! I am grateful for the opportunity to be of service outside of my AA service once in a while. It really keeps me out of my head and think about others needs for a change. What a concept...lol!

I get to watch my son's soccer tournament this afternoon, then will go to my regular meeting tonight.

I hope your weekend is off to a wonderful start!!

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Greetings all,
I had an amazing moment yesterday. Driving home from Austin, TX the traffic came to a complete stop on I35 just south of Temple. I left the interstate and decided to find my way back to DFW without using the major roadways. A little after 11am I stopped for lunch in Mexia, TX. While eating I overheard a conversation that seemed to be about alcohol. I left my table, approached the three gentlemen and asked "are you guys friends of Bill W"? They smiled, said "yes", introduced themselves and invited me to a 12 noon meeting at a local church. I had not been to a meeting in four days, just about my legal limit, so I was pleased to join them.
As usual I felt great after the meeting, even though I added another hour to my trip.

There is no logical reason for me to have been at that meeting. I am going to have to go with a "higher power" or something else for making that opportunity available to me.

Once again I am grateful for the fellowship of AA.

[caysea]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Hi All
Just a note that although I am not an AA person I do read daily. One of the messages I always hear from AA is staying connected. I can't add to the aa tread but do feel a connection and it keeps me aware of what al will do to someone like me.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. Don't feel it is only one or two here I am sure there are many like me reading and learning.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[FarfallaP]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Wow, cpn, your experience sends shivers up my spine! How brave of you to approach the other fellows, and what an astonishing "coincidence.". FF

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 3 - 9

Phil: Yep, that was probably HP at work in your life. I LOVED that story. I would have had trouble approaching the table but glad you did...you're a role model.

caysea: Don't feel that you have to go to AA meetings to share here. We usually talk about a concept or idea & anyone can join in. Thank you so much for your kind words about this thread. It means a lot to me.

Gina: Just like w/meetings, there's a ebb & flow to this thread. Thanks for being here. I went to my grandson's soccer game this morning...great fun! I know I would have missed out during my drinking days, as Sat. was hangover day for me.

Mary