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**shueaddict** · September 4, 2012, 04:03 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Good glorious morning, peeps,

I have a day full of corporate dry meetings so I am feeling rebellious for having to dress in black on gray on this beautiful and very warm day … hence the change in avatar (here’s looking at you, Lilly!)

Second coffee is out on the terrace, I am sad not to have to make any for Sugarbeat but happy to add a few more mugs for the many new and not so new peeps here. Tea is brewing nicely too. TND, I’ve got the EVCO out for you too, my friend. I hope you will stop by for a wee chat and a cuppa.

My mind was racing last night … a few thought provoking sparks from all of you people here but also thinking about the chat I had with Lilly. In retrospect , quitting now seems easier in the early stages (like Kas said, up to 60 days or less) – the sole focus was just not to drink and I could not see past that. Oh, sure it felt hard physically – the tiredness, when the carvings hit they felt soooo intense and sometimes I felt like crawling out of my own body or sitting on my hands. It took all my physical strength not to drink. But I did it and sure enough the body’s cry for alcohol subsided. But it was also easy, in the sense that all I had to do was not drink, not much else.

After that it became hard . And I feel it getting harder. Addressing what makes me unhappy and turn to drink in the recent F… it moments will take a lot of work.

I have worked hard on putting more “money” in the emotional bank account I have with those hold dear. I felt that all I did in my drinking days was take withdrawals only, no deposits, taking my friends and family’s love for granted. Investing more time and love into my immediate support circle gave me a feeling of balance and security. A nice (non AL) cushion to fall back on when things went “tits up”, which inevitable they do.

But I don’t think I actually took any efficient steps towards the rest of the aspects I am not happy about myself. Complacency about improving my skills and commitment to exercise.

Sorry for the long post … once I got started …

**LillyE** · September 4, 2012, 04:33 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

*Hello Mick* *Waves hi to Mick*

Of course Molly! I'm sure it goes without saying for the lot of us that you are most welcome here. I think I've said before that I've enjoyed your posts elsewhere and know your inspiring story and am happy to get a chance to get to know you a bit better here too. Welcome

I like your smiley happy avatar.

And speaking of avatars… SHUUUUUUUUEEEEEEE. I think those may be the most beautiful shoes IN THE WORLD!!! My covetousness knows no bounds. *Drools slightly* OMG. I love them.

Remember how we were discussing last night those feelings of 'oh I'm not as bad as that' and how they can mess with your mind? I just did it right then, while reading your post, when you talked about the physical cravings. You see, I don't get those when I don't drink really. It's when I START drinking I get these insane, fierce cravings for moremoremore. Yet, you said your max was a bottle - mine was twice that (admittedly not that often). My point is not who's more addicted but how those comparisons are just one source of delusion we indulge in. Our addictions take slightly different shapes is all and what's important is what's bad for us.

Just thinking 'aloud' here…

So, Molly, you are quite right… recovery from addiction requires (at times extremely painful levels of) extreme honesty, given that staying mired in it requires so much self-delusion and denial.

Shue, at 65 days I'm a bit aghast to hear it gets harder *sighs* but that is all very interesting and all makes sense… Once we tackle just removing the immediate effects of the addiction we have to get to the guts of the why.

Hmm…. I learn so much from you all every day. :h

**shueaddict** · September 4, 2012, 06:00 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

And now the second part of my post – that I lost earlier.

Irie – hubbies with or without drinking issues all share one thing: they love us - they hate to see us suffer and squirm and more often than not they’ll hand us a drink - unless they are on the same level of knowledge about addiction that we are at the time. I also think that none of them really wants to be married to an alcoholic so some of them could be in even more denial than we are. They are the closest to us and I really think it would be hard for them to dish out “tough love” when needed. I have yet to make that decision to fully involve my hubs into my recovery … that would mean getting him to read everything I read and coming clean about quite a lot of things I am not proud of.

Lav – I tried to race Mick today but phone calls got in the way. 12 hour shift with the energizer bunny? You’ll not need Curves for a week after that.

Turnieeee!!! Your posts have got so much insight. Ambivalence and dopamine be-damned to seven hells!!!

CanToo;1373259 wrote: Final chapter - age 48 looking to become addicted to a healthy full life without AL and stimulants.

Cantoo - I just love this!!!

YahYah – no, I am not the black sheep today, just grey ( that’s what I’m wearing). Well done on 30 days, that is huge. How are you feeling?

P.Q and K.Y … oh, my !!!! you chicks are game.

Mick – my golf improved tremendously, but I did not do the handicap course. Overall golf just takes too bloody long. I love it, just don’t have the time to get good at it. It is also maybe the only sport I know that makes people feel like killing themselves on a regular basis. My son, on the other hand thrived and came second in the kid’s competition. The young and funny Swedish pro is his best mate now … jealous here.

**kuya** · September 4, 2012, 06:23 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Morning all...... Though it is nearly bed time here on the right side of the world. Heads up ..... Tuesday was fantastic so none of you need worry . I saw it first and there is nothing to worry about

Day 4 was sweet, looking forward to day 5

Have a great day y'all

KY

P.s. the 65 day thing is another milestone in addiction I believe. It is when the pink cloud of abstinence becomes day to day living. It completely explains my slip at Xmas and I remember feeling overwhelmed by the knowledge that this is it! I am sober ...... I panicked and ran back to the bottle. Also I have some deeper thoughts which I want to share in a my story way but I need some more days under my belt before that.

**Lavande** · September 4, 2012, 06:36 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Good Tuesday morning Abbers!

Thanks for noticing Mick :H
I'm sucking down the coffee right now prepping for the arrival of the grandsons!!!!!

Molly, great to see you here in the land of serious abstainers

shue, honestly ~ an attitude of gratitude is all it takes to keep me honest.
Take your focus off of AL - forget it even exists

Lilly, I surely will get my exercise today, no doubt about that!!!

Greetings kuya, congrats on your AF time!

Wishing everyone a fantastic AF Tuesday!
Lav

**FreeFly** · September 4, 2012, 07:38 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Room for one more? Looking for some extra support to get to 30 (and beyond). I'm so tired of failing :upset: and am ready to kick this thing. I've had small glimpses of the AF life since being here but am so very tired of the merry-go-round. Not merry for me at all anymore. When I first came here the idea of 30 days was an impossibility. It feels very real now and I know it's my only option for happiness. I want more for my life than this nonsense. I'm on day 2 btw.

**greeneyes** · September 4, 2012, 07:47 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

I'm loving this thread today! Running out the door to work though.

**ChefRobaire** · September 4, 2012, 08:00 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Good Morning All,
Gettin' a late start...be back later ...have a GREAT AF day...Chef

**YoungAtHeart** · September 4, 2012, 08:19 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Just a fly-by at the moment. I have to get out of the house by 9:45 am, way earlier than I am used to.

Thanks for the congrats, everyone. I must say that after being here on abs for a month, I am feeling so much more trust in all of you. I'm still in the pink cloud right now, but I feel secure that you all will be here for me when it is back to learning to live on a day to day basis without alcohol.

I have the feeling that I have a lot to learn about being honest with myself.

I will be back later to post more, but now I have to run and get myself ready to head out the door.

Hugs to all, :l
YahYah

**Irie** · September 4, 2012, 08:28 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

shueaddict;1373362 wrote:

Irie ? hubbies with or without drinking issues all share one thing: they love us - they hate to see us suffer and squirm and more often than not they?ll hand us a drink - unless they are on the same level of knowledge about addiction that we are at the time. I also think that none of them really wants to be married to an alcoholic so some of them could be in even more denial than we are. They are the closest to us and I really think it would be hard for them to dish out ?tough love? when needed. I have yet to make that decision to fully involve my hubs into my recovery ? that would mean getting him to read everything I read and coming clean about quite a lot of things I am not proud of..

Thanks, Shue, I think you hit the nail right on the head.

Hi FreeFly. I think you and I have a lot in common with our struggles. I know I often read your posts and think "That's Me!". This time you and I are going to make 30days and more!

I've got to run or I will be late for work, but I'll be back tonight for sure.

**porqoui** · September 4, 2012, 08:37 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Good Morning Mick and what a great morning it is. Thanks for the coffee.

Was up late working on a deadline then finished it this morning. Wanted to spend time on my post this morning but am running late...like a few of you this morning.

I do want to say :welcome: KY Glad you didn't take offense to your new nickname. :welcome: Caysea Going to have to work on your nickname and :welcome: Irie Great to have you hear. And :welcome: FreeFly just spotted you on the thread.

Lil took me a bit to figure out your avitar. I was focusing on the orange and thought what a funny pumpkin, didn't even see the shoes. :H

YahYah Had to get my CONGRATS ON 30 in before I run.

Have a great AF day everyone. Will be back later. PPQ

**LillyE** · September 4, 2012, 09:15 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Yes, this is a lovely thread today. I'm glad I've had a pretty quiet day - as probably obvious by all my posting! - to enjoy it and soak it all in. Welcome to all our fabulous newcomers - KY, FreeFly, Irie, Chef and Molly - it's great to have you here with us.

FreeFly my dear - I'm glad you're here. I've heard the strength, clarity and positivity in your posts before and I know you are only down at the moment because of your recent bash with the booze. You can do this. I know you can. Now do you have a plan in place for how you will get there? What is it? :h

I must say that if both Mick and Porquoi thought my shoes and legs were a pumpkin then it's not doing me or them justice so back to the lilly pic. In any case, I can't compete with those amazing red shoes. I sigh a little each time I look at them Shue - in a good way.

Molly, the flip side is that I'm so tiny that even if I wear three-inch heels I'm barely a normal person's height so I'd take your natural heels any day

KY, you make me laugh, and not just the new moniker. It's true you guys - KY, Guitarista and I have all seen tomorrow and in it you are all happy and most definitely NOT DRINKING. So there's nothing to fear - sleep tight.

And with that, it's off to bed for me.

L xo

**shueaddict** · September 4, 2012, 09:20 AM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Lily, please remember to let go of the sleep fairy ... someone hogged it last night and I turned off my lights at 2AM (which is very unlike granny Shue who likes to go to bed with Lav's chickens ... and also likes to wake up with them too:H).

On the other hand, the book I was reading is probably to blame ... after finishing Game of Thrones's 5th book on holiday [how come is it not over yet ? the Others (the big mysterious baddies) did not get any action yet ... probably they'll get bored and invade Canada instead ... anyway, I started to read "Too big to fail" - and I failed to put it down. It is essentially the same plot as Game of Thrones, only much, much bloodier.

**caysea** · September 4, 2012, 12:40 PM

AF day Tuesday 4 Sept

Hi all
Being the start of a new month I thought it might be helpful to bring up the tool we have called Drinktracker. Maybe you don't count days which is fine but so many find that by using that tool it really brings in another level of accountability. Mick and Chef Rob are already using it. I did at the start of my recovery along with a few others who had some good AF time and it really helped us. I had to fight like hell at the start of my recovery and didn't want to have to be the one putting a 12 in the box. I would have if that was the case because I knew i could count on help from my fellow members. Just like everybody here can.
I agree with greeney its a good day!! Good to be with people who care and understand what each of us have had to or are dealing with in regards to recovery.

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

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