Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

I went to meetings all weekend. I don't usually do that but other plans fell through, & I had the time.

I get a daily computer spiritual reading: (paraphrasing) Life can sometimes be a struggle, but curtailing that struggle through addiction (drinking) is not helpful. We have to go through to get through situations. We can't numb ourselves through situations in life, which is what I tried to do through drinking.

That has been my biggest lesson of all. I was always trying to "get through" something w/alcohol. When I finally sobered up (temporarily), I found myself in the same situation w/an additional burden of guilt & remorse.

Life on life's terms was what I tried to avoid while drinking. I didn't want to deal w/the ups & downs of life. Now, I have to learn that lesson later in life...but thankfully I am learning.

Hope all is well.

Mary

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Greetings all,
I am home this week so am able to attend my 630am meeting everyday. Yesterday I also attended the speaker meeting. Great way to start the week, for me anyway.

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Hi Mary, Phil and whoever else follows along,

Yes, I would always plan in advance to use alcohol/xanax to get through most situations in life that I would anticipate to be difficult in the slightest. That perception of stressful events and the necessity to numb myself seemed to grow and grow and grow every year, to where I felt it necessary to drink even before back to school nights, soccer games, family gatherings...who's kidding?? Even going to the gym was more fun after a couple drinks. Crazy!! I felt anxious if I didn't have a stash with me "just in case" of either pills or a water bottle filled with wine. It's so nice to realize that I don't need to do that...that I can get through life without it. My 1st 6 months of sobriety was pretty drama and crisis free. It wasn't until about 8 months that I had to face some challenges that give me the fleeting thought of drinking now and then, but thank God, the craving is not powerful enough to take me out at this point. Drinking is just not an option, and I always feel the reward inside when I do get through something stressful without it.

I got to see my friend get her 9 mo chip today at the 1130 mtg we met at when we were newly sober. It is a mtg with lots of newcomers, esp from a local rehab. It was nice to be there and esp hear the newcomers share. It brought me right back to that pain and hopelessness I felt in the beginning.

Sounds like we are all off to a good start on the week!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Gina: You said it perfectly! It got to the point where I too drank before/during everything...even church! Every time we get through something difficult wo/a drink is another reinforcement that yes, we can do this. During the first year of my sobriety, my father died...arrangements were made wo/alcohol. That was my biggest accomplishment in my first year. In my second year, my daughter (age 36) was diagnosed w/breast cancer & a long & difficult series of surgeries/treatment followed. That was definitely my biggest sober acocmplisment to date. She has 2 young sons who needed a sober grandma. The craving/obsession isn't as strong, but I still get thoughts of numbing out. I just ask myself: "What good would a drink accomplish?" Nothing that I can think of.

Phil: Wow! 6:30AM...that's early! We have some early meetings here, but I'm not a morning person, so I choose the evening. Good speakers are always fun. Sometimes, if I can remember, I come home & write tidbits from their talks in a little notebook I keep.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

I just got back from my women's 12x12. We finished discussing Step 6 and began with 7. I think these two Steps have been the hardest for me to have the willingness to do. When I did it with my sponsor, I was relieved that she didn't require any writing work from me. It seemed pretty simple at the time. I thought I took it seriously, about wanting to give up my defects, but I have been really fickle ever since about the whole thing. In some ways I fear having to change and doubt that I can always do "the next right thing". I now see how the other steps, though more laborious, were easier for me...even Step 9 right now is very emotional in a good way and freeing. Why am I afraid to let go of some of those defects...esp my control issues I have with my husband? He is a very passive, easy going person by nature and I have been the one in charge in our relationship for 21 years. I fear giving up that for some reason...maybe because he is the only person/thing I think I can control in a way. Change is scary, but this time I know it is sooo necessary to fully grow in the program. I have to remember "progress not perfection". It's a lifetime job to work on our defects. I do recognize them a lot more now, and I find I give pause when I do before I speak or take action too quickly.

The action part of the Steps (4-9) is what I never attempted before in AA, and from what I hear and see in AA this is where people really start to change and find peace. I did the AA 3 step deal over and over again at least 3 or 4 times. Time to move forward. I am on 9, but just reflecting on those two steps. Learned that my allowing my defects of character back in every now and then is pretty common and I don't need to expect myself to be too self critical when that happens. Before today I felt I wasn't doing the Steps right or something, and by going today I feel much relief!

Hope everyone's week is going well so far!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Gina: Nobody does the steps perfectly. All we can do is our best. I too would love to control my husb & am constantly catching myself doing that...or trying. The 3 A's just popped into my mind regarding my character defects: Awareness, Action, Acceptance. I've had plenty of time to get comfortable w/my char. defects. It's not going to be an overnight experience to get rid of them...or at least be willing to get rid of them.

Take care of yourself. You're doing great!

Mary

[txbird]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Hello all!
I'm home from work. Sober. Day 3 has almost come to an end. Sober. I feel really good. Sober. Thank you , thank you, thank you!!!
I did think about drinking today after work. I mean, I thought about drinking at about 2pm or so, planning it for after work. Instead I went to the grocery store and got some delicious food, fed myself and (almost) like magic, no more drinking thoughts. I never could drink on a full stomach. So, still sober and still here.
Hope you all had a great day, sleep well.

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Good for you txbird.
It is pretty much a one day at a time deal. Sometimes for me it was one hour at a time.
Congratulations on your sober days.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

txbird: You'll develop strategies as you go along in sobriety. One of the things I do is think about the last time I got drunk. It was ugly! No romanticizing alcohol. M

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 10 - 16

Just finished reading today's meditations. They sure hit home, almost uncomfortably so! Just thought I would share this particular one. I know that, over time, I began to think my insane behavior while drinking wasn't that bad. It was just part of me and made me who I am. Interesting read.

Father Leo’s Daily Meditation
September 16, 2012
DENIAL

“The worst vice of the fanatic is his sincerity.”
– Oscar Wilde

The disease of alcoholism is “cunning, baffling and powerful”, and it manipulates us to believe “the lie”. There is a point that we reach in our disease where we believe that crazy behavior is acceptable. Insanity becomes the order of the day. And when friends or therapists try to give us a message, we discount them.

How can we break down this wall of denial? Well, there is strength in numbers. If everybody we respect is disagreeing with us, then it is time that we change. If our isolation has become a source of martyrdom, then we need to reorganize our attitude for living. Insanity and isolation are often companions; they feed off each other.

We need always to stay close to our recovering community. Strength and sobriety is in numbers.

God, You gave me the message to become the message. Help me to live it in the recovering community.

This was taken from a wonderful meditation readings site:

Just For Today Meditations – Daily Recovery Readings – September 16, 2012

Enjoy today! You deserve to!