Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

[retteacher]

I just read that reading you posted, Gina, at the end of last week's thread. Denial. I had it when I was drinking. Isolation. I had that too. I minimized my drinking & the insane behaviors that went w/it (hiding, lying, denial etc.), & all that was just as crazy-making as the drinking. I never want to go back to that lifestyle. Yes, it was a lifestyle. I didn't drink like a normal person. I drank alcoholically & can never forget that.

As far as staying close to the program & the people in it: yes to that. I cannot let meetings go. I cannot let contact w/my sponsor & friends in the program go. If I do, I'll drink again. It's as simple as that. I've heard this at countless speaker meetings. Relapses happen when we get away from AA.

Again, if you don't go to AA meetings: There are plenty of people who stop drinking permanently wo/AA. My brother is one of them. He decided drinking was not for him & simply stopped. That didn't work for me. I needed a fellowship. So, I don't want to put you off if you don't go to AA. It isn't for everyone, but I couldn't get sober wo/it...even MWO didn't work for me.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Hi Mary and all,

Just a quick "hello". Been running around all morning and have to leave for my nurse support group followed by a book study in an hour.

I had a wonderful evening last night catching up with a group of former coworkers from my Disneyland job back in the 80's. It was sooo nice and exactly what I needed. I have been quite inundated with everything "recovery", esp due to the job thing, that it was relaxing just to be around non-program, non AA speaking, but very healthy thinking people for a change. I noticed how much better a listener I was than when I drank. I was always distracted and in my own head to really pay full attention. I have plans to go hiking with 3 of the girls on Wed evening. So looking forward to it! I feel like I am finally slowly transitioning back into mainstream life, but while keeping my sobriety #1. If anything feels like it is threatening it, I think I will be much more aware this time around.
I've been feeling a little isolated at times minus my meetings, so it was very refreshing.

I hope everyone is having a happy Monday. Take care!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Gina: Early on in AA, I heard that I'd have to get a whole new circle of friends. My "drinking" friends would only lead me back into active alcoholism. However, I didn't hang around w/heavy drinkers. I was the only one in our crowd w/the problem drinking. So, we have hung on w/our normal-drinking friends whom we've known for decades. I wouldn't & couldn't just drop them. In fact, tomorrow night we're going out to dinner w/some of those friends. They'll all have their pre-dinner glasses of wine...which really doesn't bother me at all. It is refreshing to be w/them & be functional in the real world.

I know exactly what you mean by being a better listener. I was so caught up w/thinking about when, where, & how I could refill my glass that all the conversation just went right by me. Also, I drank very fast & my concentration skills were very under par. So, now that I'm sober, I remember everything & follow conversations so much better.

Mary

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

The daily readings have been on the cultivation of a Higher Power. I've always been a "feet on the ground" kind of person. Not a meditator, not a religious type of person. However, I have begun meditating at the suggestion of my sponsor. It helps to calm me down (I tend to be hyper) & ground me. I used alcohol as a calming substance but am trying to get something healthier to do that job in my life. It's not easy for me to sit quietly but I'm trying ODAT. Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Same here, Mary. Meditating/praying/relaxing do not come naturally for me. I have to remind myself to do these simple things on a daily basis because they do fill the void left that alcohol used to fill quite well.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

I have a small BB study on Thurs. night. We study the first 164 pp of the BB. Tonight's reading is "There is a Solution." I usually pre-read the chapter if I can. I just did that & was struck by the emphasis on the development of an HP. Spirituality is something I often put on the "back burner." I let the mundane events/duties of life take precedence. I've got to remember that HP is responsible for my getting/staying sober. Looking forward to this meeting tonight. Mary

PS: Where are the other contributors to this thread? If you're out there, please give us a shout-out once in a while. Your words/sharings are valuable.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Last night's meeting was great! There was plenty of talk about HP, & we read the part in the appendix which talks about a spiritual awakening. My spiritual awakening is of the educational variety described in the BB. There has been no real big flash of inspiration...just a gradual awakening to the realization that there is something I can "turn over" my problems, issues, past guilts, conflicts, etc. to.

I never thought I'd say this but the meditation is helping w/raising my consciousness. I feel better having this daily spiritual practice...even if it's only 5 minutes. I even take some time throughout the day to let my breathing slow down & concentrate on that...a mini-meditation if you will.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Great posts, Mary!! The meditations really help me too, I just wish I was self disciplined enough to do them each and every day. When I do I feel so much better in my head. I should go to the morning meditation mtg at 6 am, but I move too slow in the morning! When I have gone, I get a lot out of the readings, reading and discussing them as a group.

I spent all day yesterday down at the beach with 2 friends in the program. We went to 2 mtgs in the evening...a BB study and a speaker mtg. I love going to alano clubs I have never been to before. We had such a great time talking with people and enjoying the fellowship. This club is in a very wealthy area so it was fun to people watch. Many get all dressed up there that it felt more like a big social event. Still, the message was the same and I left feeling inspired as usual.

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of the weekend!

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

I just noticed Gina that you your first your anniversary is coming up. M

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

It is coming up fast! It's crazy to think back a year from now and how by this time of the day (1 pm), I'd be just about through a bottle of wine. I maintained a steady blood alcohol on my days off from work just to maintain and douse out any feelings of discomfort. So sad to think about and I hope I never let myself return there. I know I don't "have" to, but I could very well allow myself to if I stop doing the things necessary on a daily basis.

Thanks for noticing, Mary!

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

Sorry for butting in without pre-reading the posts.

I was at my home group meeting this morning and someone said something so profound that I had to share it on my regular thread but not all of my "home thread" peeps are into AA.

Acceptance is letting go of the hope for a better past.

That just hit home in soooo many ways!!! PPQ

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Sept. 17 - 23

I like that one, PPQ. Thank you for posting it! I love it when I hear something that really hits home. Today our AA speaker, a former prosecuting attorney, spoke about how he used to judge everyone and think everyone was wrong, he knew everything, etc... He said how he changed his thinking with difficult situations and began thinking/feeling "How would *love* look at/handle this difficult situation, this difficult person, or whatever what may trouble him. He learned to handle things and people in a much gentler manner, he became much more compassionate and better to his fellow man. I've heard the phrase "What Would Jesus Do", but I really liked this take on it a little better.

Coincidentally, I went to mass for the first time in ages this evening. It was all so new...I heard all the readings in such a different way today than ever before. My mind was actually quiet and nondistracted. I imagined the servants that were mentioned in the readings, as those who have helped me in any form during my life, and the *love* they gave me. It crossed the message we hear in AA so much about being of service. My AA spiritual journey really made an impact on my ability to finally realize how important fellowship is. I really am going to try and go to the 6 am AA meditation mtgs, as after this evenings church service, I believe that doing meditations, even though non-religious (which I love about AA), is assisted and more beneficial for me if done and discussed with others. Also, my conception of a HP was so different tonight than in a past, and it was very apparent tonight in my heart and in my mind. I don't know. Just random thoughts for a Sunday evening.

I hope you join us more often! We would love the support and wisdom you have.