Simply sober September week 4

[cyntree]

Simply sober September week 4

X-post, Lav!

Here is the quote that got me started: from the Holistic page, "Buddhist Philosophy on impermanence...":

Nancy posted: "I am reading Comfortable with uncertainty, by the Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, and finding it very enlightening.

Consider this:

We expect that what is always in the process of change should be graspable and predictable. Because we mistake what is impermanent to be permanent, we suffer.
We look for happiness in all the wrong places. The Buddha called this habit mistaking suffering for happiness. We become habituated to reaching for something to ease the edginess of the moment. We become less and less able to reside with even the most fleeting uneasiness or discomfort. What begins as a slight shift of energy -- a minor tightening in our stomach-- a vague indefinable feeling that something bad is about to happn-- escalates into addiction.This is our way of trying to make life predictable. Because we mistake what always will bring us suffering to be what we think will bring happiness, we remain stuck in the repetitious habit of escalating our dissatisfaction.

I recommend this author for anyone who is drinking to relieve negative feelings."

[cyntree]

Simply sober September week 4

OK, here's the info I alluded to about dreams: the author (Australian, not English!) is Robert Moss, apparently he's written several books. The one he is talking about in the interview I've linked here is: 'The Secret History of Dreaming'. I heard the interview on the Faith Middleton show (and she talks to an author of what sounds like a great book on Ethan Allen): Faith Middleton Show: Authors of The Secret History of Dreaming and Ethan Allen | yourpublicmedia.org
Enjoy!

[Lavande]

Simply sober September week 4

Cyn,
Rick Hanson's book 'Buddha's Brain' got me into that thinking quite a while ago. God knows i really needed the help & guidance when my husband disappeared so suddenly
I never knew a simple shift in thinking could make such a profound difference in the way I feel & view things in my life!

[Chillgirl]

Simply sober September week 4

Hi guys

Cyn - I loved your repost on the Buddha's take on suffering. I can relate and not just re AL. Most of our unhappiness and suffering is due to our constant arguing about the way things are and although a difficult one, when we able to reach a place of acceptance we find peace. I constantly strive to become better at this.

Papmom - I so sympathize with your dilemma. Although they should not run our lives, I'm afraid I am exactly the same with Elle and to give her the care I want to, it's at a huge cost and at the moment as I look to get back to permanent work I face the same issue. For daily care I need ?200 a month which is a third of my rent and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to find work that will pay me enough. Leaving her for 10 hours without a walker would be too long and unfair. If I'm honest, if I had known I would find myself in such financial hardship I would never have taken on a dog, it's a huge restriction on my life.

I would agree with Lav that to find a rental suitable in Boston at a reasonable cost wont be easy and to find work closer to home would make much more sense. Mr S and I have been looking at different options to help our finances as he is struggling to make mortgage payments even with my help after his ex wife and him refinanced the house a few years ago. Although reluctant to have to move to rented, it may be our cheapest option and I again will be faced with the "pet" issue imposed by so many landlords.

Lav - I know you love doing it but you truly are a Super Grandma and your DIL is so lucky to have you on hand. You do have to make sure though that you put your own life 1st.

Rustop - the whole country seems to be in a state of emergency re flooding and I can't believe I'm looking out to glorious sunshine. I seemed to have landed in the driest part of Great Britain and I'm so very grateful as I'm so bad at handling poor weather.

Star - I have a notebook where I used to record significant dreams but it's been a very long time since I've been able to remember very many. I wonder if it's when we are not listening to our subconscious mind and are in need of reminders that we remember them more? I had a wonderful analysis a few months ago by a dream therapist and it totally turned around how I'd seen the dream. the characters in our dreams are apparently all different aspects of ourselves and not who they appear as. It is a fascinating subject.

[ladybirdheart]

Simply sober September week 4

That is a hard one Pap. I think a long train or ferry commute can indeed be delightful, true personal time with no worries or distractions if you have one of those "quiet" cars where one does not have to listen to people blither incessantly or drone absurdly on cell phones. The only people I have know who have really pulled it off over time, however, have had either a life partner at home who enjoys taking care of the kids, pets, garden, dinner, whatever, or who have an uncomplicated home that can just be safely locked up and left on its own. Because I have lived alone most of my life, preferred a home with pets and a little garden, and have by nature a relatively low tolerance for stress, I have always placed being very near my job as the top priority. It just takes the stress off to be able to pop home over a lunch break and visit a sick dog or water a seedling. It made me a lot happier at work as well because there was less impact, and even though I often made less money and usually lived is a less "desirable" house than most of my peers, it worked for me. By my standards you make a very good salary for a single person now, and, as you have mentioned,more money per se is not always the solution for financial problems. We are all so different, and I am wishing for you peace of mind with whatever you choose as best for your dear self. I am getting ready to leave for a few days and arranging for care of my relatively complicated home, having as many bases covered as possible without tipping over the insanity edge, is my least favorite part of a vacation, I can't imagine it as part of a daily routine although many people find a way to do it. I really like all the Buddha perspectives that people are talking about today, and I realize that my dependence on alcohol has reduced my tolerance for simple ordinary shifts in my internal state that are temporary, just like everything else. I can be such a wimp. Love, Ladybird.

[Lavande]

Simply sober September week 4

LBH,
You're no wimp..........
You're a bad ass just like the rest of us :H
I hope you have an enjoyable time away.

Hi Chill, don't worry about me. I ended doing almost as much for myself as I originally planned for the day Tomorrow I WILL get my hair trimmed though.....

Rain on the way tonight but the sun & cool breezes right now are awesome

[Guitarista]

Simply sober September week 4

Hello Bad asses!

Quick drive by, depositing seeds of luuuurve to all. :h

Pappy, all the best with whatever you decide to do. Can't the dogs have in/outside access anytime they like during the day when you're away? Look forward to your next instalment.

All good here. Spring has sprung! Take care everyone.

October Orca's? October Oracles? Optomists? Omnipotents?

[Lavande]

Simply sober September week 4

Hey - Happy Spring G
I just ran around & closed all the windows in my house because it's chilly tonight

I think October Omnipotents is a great idea because we are all powerful, aren't we?? :H

[dill]

Simply sober September week 4

I have truly enjoyed reading today's posts from everyone. Thank you all. I've had one of those really long days at work and when I arrived home I was was on grand-kid duty until just now. I'm am exhausted and depleted to the point of being unable to make a coherent comment.

I will simply accept this and settle in for a pleasant AF autumn evening. It's somehow comforting to know it is spring somewhere.

LBH, will you be on an extended vacation? Will you be able to post while away?

Bon reve rose.

[ladybirdheart]

Simply sober September week 4

Hello Sweet Dill (that is a rare and cherished heirloom herb or will be). I am off on Thursday but only for a few days on a "mini vacation" to Seattle and shall take my iPad to keep in touch as I can't really do much more than keep track of email, house, and banking things on the little phone. Thank you so much for the ongoing quotes that anchor me one way or another, as you know I can be a drifter when least expected. Have a great dream everybody who is keeping track or not. Love, Ladybird.

[cyntree]

Simply sober September week 4

Ah LBH, I understand your travel planning anguish. Getting the house ready for pet/house sitters and explaining it all. lordy - my house has notes stuck up everywhere, and tonight I've written a novella on TVs, wifi, dog feeding, etc.

Still Lav, I am learning to embrace the flow. Gosh, i have to admit that I never thought of worrying as anything related to thinking. Hmmmm, now there's a thought.

Chill, sorry to hear of your doggy predicament; I understand. I'm sending energy that things will work out. G-Man how nice to hear from you! I love all your suggestions Dill - do take care, you sound so tired.

Wishing all a good night - I'm off to listen more to the 'Dreams' interview...

[rustop59]

Simply sober September week 4

Good morning everyone

Another wet one here, looks like it will be rain gear and wellies again!

Good to hear from you G man, I like omnipotent or optimist, great way to start the month. If I am up first I will go with one of those.

Lav and Dill, if I am ever a grandmother I hope I am half as good as you two.

LBH and Cyn, safe travels.

Chill, Papmom, Rusty, Star and everyone big hello.

Rustop

[Chillgirl]

Simply sober September week 4

Good Morning Guys

LBH - Have a good mini break. My ipad goes everywhere with me, i think its the most wonderful invention ever.

Dill - I hope you are well rested. There is something wonderful about feeling tired at the end of a day when you have been productive especially without the numbing of AL, i love to hit the pillow well spent and looking forward to sleep. Yes spring is happening as we speak, our very own G-Man can vouch for that as he spreads his love, its a beautiful example of how life just keeps going on.....

Im meeting my friend today who runs the Happiness Academy regarding the Hypnotic Weight Loss Program Im going to be promoting for her. Since my move we are now 3 hours drive apart and so are meeting half way. Have a wonderful peaceful day everyone :l

[Stargazerlily]

Simply sober September week 4

Good morning to all...

Great posts, really enjoyed reading them. Cyn, I will take the time to listen to the interviews and find the site full of ideas I would love to explore. I too read the thread about Buddha and impermance...thought alot about seeking happiness in all the wrong places. Why do we do that? Or, I guess another question would be, How do we define happiness? In the media, it is having lots of stuff, being busy all the time, luxury, looking sexy and young, drinking alcohol and eating big extravagant meals...yet that is not true happiness. In my studies of japanese psychology, we focused on accepting what is and focusing on the right now things in life: a beautiful day, a pretty flower, a lovely song, making music, having a purpose, preparing a meal, service to others, interaction with a pet...maybe those moments have happiness in them. They are fleeting too.

I had a meaningful experience yesterday. I was out for a walk and live near a walker's park. On the way back I was accosted by a person I used to work with who was so happy to see me and wanted to talk. I have been asking the Universe if what I do and who I am means anything, and this kind of hit me as an answer...to meet an individual who shared with me that they were impacted in a positive way through knowing me, well it was a clear answer to my question. Isn't that amazing?

Papmom, again, opportunity = risk accompanies any big change. I think it is wise to list all you DO have with your current situation. I think I could go back, I have kept some contacts but hope I never have to. Sounds like many of us this thread treat our pets better than many treat their children. I know I spoil my babies...and they don't talk back!!

Rustop, the weather sounds challenging. Good thing you have lots of rain gear!

Lav, you are a trooper. I so enjoyed Buddha's Brain, and that led to other similar books that I have found helpful. It is the daily PRACTICE that is so important, in shaping our brains, thoughts, feelings and actions. What are you reading now?

Chill, hope your meeting goes well today. We are having lovely, warm, fall weather and I am enjoying every day!!!! Good to hear you are having lovely weather too. I looked up Suffolk and it looks like a great area to live in. So happy for you.

LBH, have a lovely trip. I agree that traveling and the preparations and care both before and after can be alot of work and stressful. However, it is often worth it to get away and explore. I have never been to Seattle, but would love to go there...

Mr. G., good to hear from you, spring sounds wonderful, it is interesting to think that we are on opposite sides of the seasons.

I am super busy today at work, long day and tomorrow too. Acceptance and knowing that everything is working in Universal Order. Have a great day today to all.

[Rusty]

Simply sober September week 4

Good Morning Sober Friends,

A cheery hello from beautiful Alexandria, VA. The weather is gorgeous here....I am having fond memories of covering the White House when I was a graduate journalism student in 1985. I am working with my new client, an engineering firm who builds ships for the Navy. I met a lovely woman on the plane on the way to DC. We ended up having lunch together (at her invitation) at the DC airport. She lives in Milwaukee and is starting a new career as a specialist who finds long term care for elderly people. We've made a date to get together when I get home. And....and....she doesn't drink. She's exactly my age, very fit, and is into natural and organic health. Alcohol has never been part of her plan. I told her, "nah, I don't drink either."

Cyn-you mentioned you had Boxers and I was never one who really thought about them, until my friend got one. What a sweet dog! Weimys are great, too. Wonderful dispositions.

LBH-have a great time in Seattle.

Cyn-you

Pap-I echo Lav's comments and everyone else's here. Please tread lightly when it comes to that job in Boston. You will indeed have an impossible time finding a landlord who will take one dog much less 3. And I know how stressed out you get when it comes to your pups. We all care about you here:l

Star-I was delighted to hear you met someone from your past who remembered you in a very positive way. Obviously, you were a wonderful person, even before we met you. You asked me about entertaining. I've loved to entertain since I was in my 20s....I am like my parents. I loved having dinner parties, and when I was in my twenties, parties with my running club. You asked about dreams, and yes, I have them quite a bit....and they are many times about people with whom I've had conflicts/negative experiences, such as ex-bosses, partners, etc. But in the dream, we're great friends. Isn't that bizarre. I think it's because maybe my subconscious is saying that I felt badly that we didn't have a better relationship, even though the people in my dreams have many times let me down in some way.

Lav-I must get Buddha's Brain. However, at the moment, I am stuck with his body.:H

Hmmm.....names....AF October Octopii? (sp?):H

Happy hellos to everyone I missed. Must run now. Have a fabulous sober Hump Day!