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[scottish lass]

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Mary, thank you for sharing - it makes all so much more aware. I have appreciated your wise wisdom in the past, and yet again, you are showing more of that wisdom. I appreciate you and what you stand for, :thanks:

[papmom3]

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Huge :l Mary. You will get through this and come out the other side even stronger.
:h

[retteacher]

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I do think this will make me stronger. Facing my fear of telling everyone in my AA group was pretty darn difficult. I cannot ever take my sobriety for granted. It was amazing how quickly the craving/obsession took over.

[Warnie]

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gidday. your made of stuff tuff luv. 3 years is a bloody super effort. cant ignore that.

warnie

[paula]

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Your very brave, Mary. I'm sure you feel a lot better now, you will certainly be a stronger person.

[SAUSAGE]

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So sorry to read about your relapse Mary, but as others have said, I admire your honesty. Picking up that 24hr chip must have been difficult, but it's done now and you can hopefully learn from this and turn it into something positive. Hope you don't mind me asking but what triggered you to take that drink after over 3yrs sober? You frighten me when you say how quickly the obsessional thoughts return. Stick close to the site and your meetings. I am sure you will be feeling positive again soon - after all you returned quickly and didn't let the relapse go on, so I have every faith in you. Take care x

[GinaCA]

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Mary-

Welcome back...we need and love having you here. I am very sorry about the relapse, but I am inspired by your ability to humble yourself and come back so very quickly. That is something really hard to do when we have stepped off the path. You will, and have grown stronger from your experience. Thanks for your honesty. You have always helped so many and continue to now.

[retteacher]

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How did the relapse happen? We all have different triggers. My main trigger, & the reason I started drinking in the first place, is/was insomnia. I began by taking a small drink in the wee hours when I couldn't sleep. From that, I started to drink to ward off any kind of uncomfortable feelings, stress, etc. Well, that's exactly what happened this relapse. One night in the very small hours of the morning (my husband conveniently away on a retreat), I took a drink to fall asleep. The obsession started the very next day. I began the whole rationalization process the BB talks about: other people take sleeping pills, anxiety pills...this is just the same, blah, blah blah. From there, I began thinking about it almost every night, though I didn't drink every night. Then I started in during the day when I didn't like what I was feeling. This pattern went on for about 3 months...drinking a little here & there, but more & more frequently. All the time I was guilt-ridden & obsessed. This relapse is absolute confirmation that I am an alcoholic. Any ideas I had otherwise are completely dispelled. That doesn't mean that I'm no longer vulnerable. The complacency, stinkin thinkin can set in at any time. So, please learn from my experience. Going to my group & owning up was incredibly painful. However, if I hadn't done that, I would drink again, no doubt about it. I filled you in the best I could. Mary

[caysea]

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Hi All
Mary glad you are able to be so honest with yourself and us. imo that honesty is the key to breaking away from al. Please don't let this way you down but use it to build on. Three years is not thrown away. I know from reading your posts you have gone through some very tough personal times in that period without resorting to al. You have a very solid foundation in the sober world and the support in your AA fellowship to get back on course. Everyone of us realizes that there can be that day that we let our guard down. It is what we do after that is the difference.
I had been trying for over 10 years to control or get al out of my life. Each time I relapsed I spent over a year drinking before I tried again. I know this won't happen to you.


Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[Doggygirl]

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Mary, thank you so much for sharing the details of your experience. I can imagine how the little sneaky thoughts could creep in, especially during a time when my husband was away. I was a "party girl" in my younger years, but the later years were filled with private drinking. I thank you for giving the rest of us a chance to see how easily this can happen, no matter how much sober time we have under our belts.

DG

[retteacher]

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Since I've relapsed, I heard many relapse stories. The most incredible one I heard was about a guy who drank after 45 (yes, 45) years sober.

By the way, how did I have access to alcohol in my home? We kept bottles way down in the basement to bring up in case we had company. They had been down there for 3 years untouched until I "decided" to drink. Needless to say, on the day I told my husb about the relapse, we dumped them all down the drain. That's it. No more temptation...I'm not immune.

I'm not beating myself up about this too much. I have to feel my feelings of disappointment & yes, some shame about this. This sure was a humbling experience!
M

[Doggygirl]

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All we can do is learn and move forward. Self flogging doesn't accomplish anything. Good for you getting the booze out of the house. I can see where that could be a slippery slope - thinking with more sober time that it's "OK." There are times when other people drink at my house, but I'm going to take this as a warning that I need to make sure all the booze is gone when they go - no different today than the early days. I don't want to make a decision to drink be as easy as heading to my kitchen. Thank you for sharing this Mary.

DG

[retteacher]

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This has been a learning experience for me, first & foremost. But, my AA friends have shared that this has been a learning experience for them as well.

[catch22]

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Just seen this Mary :l
They say honesty sets us free and you have been set free. Am so glad that you come back straight away this is where the program is working in side you those 3years have paid off well done i admire you so much. The 24hr chip is the most important one i keep mind with me all the time in my purse, to remind me that it is just for today !

Thank you for sharing your experince strength and hope, it helps me, you will grow from this. x