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**lifechange** · October 5, 2012, 04:42 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

good morning abbers! Molly and Mick are up and about early as usual!
thanks so much for the coffee, Mick. i have sweet potato muffins to go with it-- or fresh blueberries and lowfat yoghurt for you paleo people.!
really good going on those 90 days, Mick. i'm a bit late to congratulate you, but i'm very proud of you and so happy that you're starting this thread every morning with your humour and wisdom and thoughtfulness.

i have been reading each day but haven't been able to post because i wasn't sure if i wanted to continue on (being sober) and i didn't trust myself to even say peep without feeling some sort of a commitment to at least trying. i really scared myself these past 3 weeks. after having the most amazing 10 days of my life at the med. retreat, truly feeling happiness deep down in my bones for the first time in practically forever, i decided to drink again. i think i thought, once again, that i wanted to be "normal". i couldn't imagine this being the rest of my life. i thought i'd conquored something, found peace and maybe it wasn't really drinking that was the problem. i really stopped to think before i drank-- but i did it anyway and then i couldn't stop. and at some point i didn't think i could ever stop again.

**lifechange** · October 5, 2012, 04:50 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

i was reading here each day and was so disappointed in myself. i believe that you never fail until you quit trying and the fact that i wanted to quit trying made me feel quite desperate. i'vei said before that i came over to this thread because i wanted to abstain. i wanted to be a long term abber. and thank god i've found something inside that still does.
the meditation helped so much as did being here. and i was reading what Lav wrote on another thread-- that she doesn't think about al the whole day anymore, but that she thinks about it each day so as not to become complacent or cocky.--sorry i can't remember the exact words you used, Lav. but i don't think i was humble enough.

i've wanted to respond to so many of your posts but i've been so self absorbed. so for now..
big hellos and hugs to you all,
Life

**kuya** · October 5, 2012, 05:10 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

lifechange;1387769 wrote:
i've wanted to respond to so many of your posts but i've been so self absorbed. so for now..
big hellos and hugs to you all,
Life

you have some big things to think through so self absorbed is really what you should be.

I don't know if it helps at all but I drank heavily daily for 23 years. I thought about alcohol daily for 23 years, in order to make myself unwell. So I look at it that it is fine if I think about alcohol daily for another 23 years to make myself well.

It makes it seem fair, and I know I won't think about it for anywhere near the same hours in a day as I did when drinking.

Just a thought.

Anyway morning,afternoon and night Affers.........

KY

**Mick** · October 5, 2012, 05:26 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Hiya lifechange lovely to see you back again....When you look at it, it is such an awe inspiring thing to think..well I am never going to take another drink of alcohol, ..it as if you are going to be deprived of something forever and that something has been taken away from you..but truly it is not the case.. we get deceived. What we should be saying is I am grateful that I am not dependant on that crap.instead we feel cheated How long if ever it takes to change that train of thought who knows . don't worry lifee this aint a lecture

Quite a few times I have thought like that and.".I am sure I could handle it and know when to stop "but that is not the case, I know if a drink, I will be a drunk.
Anyway it great to have you back..lets get on with it..oh and get that garden done before winter sets in

take care

Mick

**lifechange** · October 5, 2012, 05:46 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Thank you Kuya, Molly and Mick for your support and thoughtful words.
it's all so relevant to exactly where i stand at this moment.
one day at a time, accepting that this is who i am-- and it's ok if it takes time for me to accept it, but i should stick with doing the work along the way. fake it until i believe it, perhaps. and to get this feeling of gratitude back and find a way to integrate into each and every day. i had shimmers of what it could be like.

**Lavande** · October 5, 2012, 07:17 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Good morning Abbers around the world!

Apparently this is Friday #2 for me ~ my granny brain thought is was Friday most of the day yesterday :H
I'll accept your coffee Mick & please make it a double!!!

lifechange, glad you posted!
Do you think it's possible that your 10 day meditation retreat fired up your fear of commiting to an AF life? It is hard to let go of something that is familiar & take the plunge into the unknown - been there & done that myself! There is absolutely nothing wrong in faking it until you make it - worked for me

I have absolutely no regrets deciding to kick AL out of my life. I have no anxiety, no depression, no fear of asshole-ism & that's just perfect for me

Off to Curves then back here for some work. I will be gathering the family here on Sunday for a belated 60th BD dinner for Mr Not-so-Wonderful :H :H

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Friday!
Lav

**nurdl** · October 5, 2012, 08:32 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Good Morning Abbers! I'm celebrating my first month AF. 30 days abstinence today with many more to come. Celebration plans include an AA meeting, picking up a cold bottle of bubbly... Perrier

and attending a local theatre production tonight.

Thanks for all your posts here on MWO. It's made my journey easier with your support.
~nurdl

**porqoui** · October 5, 2012, 09:06 AM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

:yay: :yay: CONGRATS ON THIRDY - NURDI :yay: :yay:

and Good Morning All....been having a lazy start this morning, lost track of the cuppas....just been sitting here sipping and reading.

Been a long week, easy day at work today and home early for the long weekend.

Sorry for the short post but now need to get my :moon: in gear....have a good one....

PPQ

**Turnagain** · October 5, 2012, 03:54 PM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Coming up for air from the depths of the project hole...and this place is poppin'!

LifeChange....my precious sister of the Bellows....I'm glad you are back. I can tell you that the concept of 'faking it until you're makin' it' sure worked for me in terms of dealing with the idea of long-term...or as I think of it now as....eternal....sobriety. I tried on the concept like I would try on a shirt. While it felt a little uncomfortable at first, it wasn't long before it felt like a second skin. Now I wear my sobriety easily and without effort. This is the REAL normal. Ethanol is poison. It is tragic that such an addictive, dangerous substance is encouraged, celebrated and so shamelessly marketed.

LC you're also right on target when you talk about arriving at a place of complete acceptance. I actively pursued that in my early days and really inundated myself with the attitude of gratitude. All this isn't about pop-psychology. REAL physiological changes take place in the brain chemistry and structure when we choose and practice positive ways of thinking about something. In essence, you are rewiring those neural pathways and repairing the biochemical damage that ethanol addiction created.

Now, if someone could guarantee me that I could drink again and have no dire consequences...I still would not do it. It adds NOTHING. Never did and never will. It's just so damn clear once you hit the other side and spent some time here. I am so grateful to be free....to be truly NORMAL.

Dest....congrats on your 74 days....you're really stompin' it....and Nurdl....way to go zipping through the hardest part of this healing journey....hope you stick around with us.

Det....I'm glad you're back posting. Will I see you in chat tonight? And speaking of Chat...Mick and Cantoo...I often see you are online about the time some of us chatters are popping in. Would you consider joining us when you can? In fact, I would encourage all of you to check out chat - it's a lot of fun to get to talk with each other in real time no matter where we are on this planet.

Lav....should YB have any reason to worry about any 'extra' ingredients in his b-day dinner ??? You are a very forgiving person.

Good to see you Mollyka, you lovely lass and Porquoi our little fancy French-ish one....

Hugs to all the rest of you FAB-ba Dabba Doers far and wide....hoping ya'll have a most marvelous AF weekend...

:hitme::hitme: By Sunday...I hope to be standing on my new upper deck....just in time for the snow! :hitme::hitme:

**Lavande** · October 5, 2012, 08:00 PM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

There you are Turn!
You mentioned the dreaded S word......
i saw LVT's pics on FB today, snow on the flowers.....sad.
Glad you are doing well!
Sunday's dinner will be poison free - don't want to upset the grandkids at Pop's BD dinner :H
I don't think in terms of needing to forgive him - it's more a matter of feeling sorry for him because he's been so mentally & emotionally lost for a very long time.

nurdl, CONGRATS on your 30 AF days :yay:
Just keep going & you'll soon be counting the months & years!

Greetings Molly, Porquoi & everyone!
Det, how's it going today buddy?

have a great night one & all

**TheSunFlower** · October 5, 2012, 08:41 PM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Popping in to say hello....Det I am so glad to see you are feeling better.

Mick....thank so much for keeping this thread going.

LifeChange....I will PM you.

For me....my family is tighter than ever. Work is going fabulous.....I got the job I described and more....and I am glad to say that my company compensates for it. I was approached by the competitor to join them for even more $$. I did not even have to interview....the job was mine. Except again....I had to move. I can't say that I wasn't tempted.....but, when I came to my senses....I knew the right thing to do and it was to stay with my company.

Now if I had been drinking....I am sure I would have been lured by the $$ and title.

Drinking flickers in from time to time. But, at the weirdest times. Its at a time I can't possible drink....company would frown on me drinking at my desk at 3pm

By the time my old witching hour rolls around....and I could drink if I wanted to...all desire is gone.

FYI.....tonight at dinner again.....3 people had a drink out of 50. I mean this is absolutely ridiculous in my past life.....as ALL alcoholic drinks are for the price of 2 for 1! But, I do get endless refills of ice tea for 1 price

Was my perception really that out of whack?

**Determinator** · October 5, 2012, 09:59 PM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

happy late Alooha Friday Aberooos!

Mick, what a fun/manic start

very nice

lifechange, I was touched by your posts. please do stick it out. I've been in places so dark I was really ready to embrace death. I shudder now at those thoughts.

Turn, Lav, yep feeling a LOT more like my ornery garlic-flavored self happy to say. even though Dx worked late and I ate alone I'm living my days like they are the last. I think I've finally come to know what that really means. anyway, broiled ling cod with crimini mushrooms and caper/garlic sauce. yumbo! and not a bad carb in the house. the only time I eat 'carbage' is when I fall off the wagon. double the reason to steer clear of the monster.

Three cheers to you Nurdl!

Sun your sounding so good and positive. what a joy eh?

it would be stellar to have some new blood in chat! I'll keep an eye out

be well everyone

**CanToo** · October 5, 2012, 11:26 PM

AF day Friday 5th Oct

Hello KY and PPQ, (I see you). I don't think I can chat on my iPad TurnA.

Life - long time no see. Helloooo and welcome back. Grab a seat and settle in. Get comfy

Det -you sound much much better. I took the boys out for dinner and couldn't find anything I wanted to eat. Ended up getting a side order of chicken breast after trying to eat a salad drenched in dressing yuck. It's going to be a long weekend if I can't find anything to eat. I'm getting 'the book' Monday.

Sunflower - Congratulations on the dream position! And the other job offer. You Rock!

Lav - don't know the details but you sound like a strong Woman if you're not going to cook up something 'special'. I hope you had a wonderful 2nd Friday.

Nurd - CONGRATS ON 30. You sound so positive. Stay strong and take nothing for granted. I have learned loads from these people and have been able to dodge some bullets because of their strength to post.

Molly - where are you heading to when you come to Canada?

KY - I hope you are well tonight. I miss your slippery humor and razor sharp intellect. Just saying.

Ronnie - I hope you have a good weekend before your vacation. Hmm well that sounds funny.

In the hotel room with my kids and we're booked for tomorrow :-) Hey Mick the youngest brought his GoPro, he should have video of his zip line ride.

I am raising my bottle of water to you all. Here's to another AF day. No matter where we are in this journey I think we all realize we're in it for the long haul. I see no bad in the fact that my bills are paid and there's a whole bunch of money left at the end of the month. I feel no loss in feeling healthier. And I am no longer mad at myself for going into work with a hangover... Day after day after day.

If I can get these young men to the top of a mountain I'll raise my bottle to all of us again.

Nite

Cantoo over and out

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