Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

[Doggygirl]

Hi everyone. My name is DG and I'm an alcoholic.

Mary, thank you so much for your tireless effort over a very long period of time "chairing" this thread. I know I am not alone (far from it) in appreciating what you have done to keep this thread going every week, and helping keep it a safe and sane place for people to post thoughts and experiences and questions relating to AA.

Especially right now, I'm guessing it might feel good for YOU to know that this thread is here - a place where you can come and safely express yourself. So here it is. :l

Tradition #1 in AA says that our common welfare should come first - that our personal recovery depends on AA unity. One thing this tradition means to me is that the group presence is very important to individual recovery. As individuals we may come and go from this thread, but hopefully the thread will always be here - kept alive by "us" collectively - so as individuals we can have support when we need it. I have not done my part to keep this thread alive and going in a long time, and I will try to make a much better effort going forward.

Another thing this tradition says to me is that I need to keep any personal differences I might have with people out of the group. The unity of the group comes first. If I ever exhibit any behavior towards anyone that would best be handled privately / off of this thread, just let me know and I will do my best to honor that.

I went to a meeting today where we discussed a reading from "As Bill Sees It." The person who gave the lead from the reading really focused on overall wellness v. "stopping drinking." There was a strong message in that for me. I often catch myself thinking obsessively or acting compulsively about things other than alcohol. It's like my mind and body will find something else to "crave" other than alcohol. Food, shopping, even researching a topic "to death" rather than approaching things in a balanced way. I tend to gravitate to the extremes.

I really think my spiritual peace will be found in learning more and more to be moderate in many things. (or if I cannot be moderate, then consider abstinence just like alcohol!!) I am working on some issues with food right now. In order to avoid being obsessive and/or compulsive about food, I need to be abstinent from certain types of food. (sugar!)

Anyway...I don't want to ramble on but what this meeting really got me thinking about was true spiritual peace, and living a life of "wellness" that goes beyond just freedom from the compulsion to drink.

I would love to hear what these ideas mean to you, or hear about whatever is on your mind about AA or sobriety.

Strength & hope,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

DG:

Many thanks for starting this thread again. I do need it now more than ever. I just got back from my home group where I received my 24 hour chip. It was incredibly difficult to go up & get it, but I faced my fear & did it. I felt weepy & tearful, but it was something I knew I had to do. I noticed that God put every single person at that meeting that I wanted to know about this relapse. I got plenty of warmth & support.

For obvious reasons I read all the readings I could find on Step 1. In one of the readings, it was pointed out that the step starts out w/the word "we." We are all in this sobriety thing together. Without that committment to unity, AA wouldn't have survived all these many years. I really try very hard to overlook all criticisms of various meetings/people. I'm there for a reason, & it's not my place to criticize.

I can honestly say there wasn't a single person at tonight's meeting who even hinted at disappointment regarding my slip. There was just a feeling of open-hearted acceptance that I'm back from the brink.

Thank you so much for restarting this thread. I will renew my committment to it.

Love, Mary

[jenniech]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

hello! My name is jennie and I am an alcoholic. I went to a traditions meeting tonight. We discussed the 9th tradition (I think it was) about not assimilating with any outside influences. About how AA has survived for as long as it has because as a group, we haven't accepted donations or made any public statements...about how everyone has opinions, but those opinions do not belong in AA ....about the fact that AA is here for us all simply because the group only focuses on the common goal of sobriety. That is such a pleasant relief to me. sometimes, I think people lose sight of our collective struggle and start expressing opinions or start bringing things into the discussion that have nothing to do with our common goal of sobriety. What makes AA work is the fact that we as a group do not judge one another. I am so glad that this thread is continuing.....:thanks:

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

I really love the traditions & how they have kept AA intact. There is no better goal in my opinion than staying sober & living a spiritual life. For me, an alocholic, drinking is the antithesis of spirituality. I need not to judge others & their programs. I can only control my own sobriety & work in the fellowship of AA. Thanks for being here everyone. I need all the support I can get. M

[Stargazerlily]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Mary,
You have my support and utmost respect. Your honesty and willingness will make all the difference in your journey. Progress, not perfection. Know that this thread is helpful to all of us, whether we attend AA or not.

Hope you are feeling better physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I always thing that this is a marathon, not a sprint, as we are in it for the long haul. Continuing support is where it is at.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Good morning fellow travelers! I love how the Steps guide my personal recovery and the traditions provide wisdom and guideance for us in groups. I used to find tradition meetings boring - mainly because at first I really didn't have a clue what anyone was talking about or what any of the traditions really meant. I also viewed everything from a selfish standpoint. As an example, I thought the only value in anonymity was to protect ME. It took me a long time of sitting in tradition meetings going before the light bulb went off and I understood how anonymity at the public level is the best idea for the group.

Mary - I got a tear in my eye imagining all of your fellows at that meeting reaching out to you in love and support. I hope you feel it here over the internet! :h I'm so glad you had to courage to come back into the light with honesty - willing to do whatever it takes to get sobriety back.

Jennie - I was just reading something in "The Best of Bill" about Honesty. He talks about how being "righteously honest" in one area of his life (his business dealings) led him to use that as a cloak to 1) view himself as being better than others and 2) cover up other areas of his life where he was not so wonderful. That made me think about your topic - judging others. I have to be careful that I don't grab onto one thing I might do right, and then let that one thing become my self righteous cloak that I wear while judging others. That is all such a slippery slope, isn't it. I love the way AA makes me think.

Stargazer - you are sure right about this being a marathon and not a sprint!!

I'm really grateful that circumstances drew me back here. It's really easy for me to start letting things slide like daily readings. I'm grateful to be starting my day here with all of you, and filling my head with positive material to get my day going. It's better than :cupajoe:! (well, it goes well with :cupajoe: anyway!)

Safe travels,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Your comments made me think of HOW: honesty, open-mindedness, & willingness. I thought about that the whole time I was in relapse. I thought about how I wasn't doing any of that.

I do feel the love & support here at MWO & realize what a big part of my recovery it has been. I thank you all.

I'm doing a 90 meetings in 90 days committment. I'm having to find different meetings from my usual ones to go to in order to meet that committment. I can see now that so much good is coming out of my one fall from grace.

[daisy45]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Good for you Mary; hope you find the meetings you need. That is definitely a big commitment.
Thinking of you..........

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Hi Mary, good to see you back on this thread. May have to spend a little more time and effort on here as well.

At my last meeting the emphasis was on the step 1 "WE" as well. I find it interesting that the sharing at AA meetings and here at MWO seem to be cyclical. With the change of the season I noticed alot of us (me especially) struggling with things we hadn't struggled with in a long time. All it takes is one person to admit it and then you have a room/board full of I know what you mean, I feel the same way, and you're not alone any more.

Have a safe and happy AF Saturday all.....PPQ

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Thanks, DG for restarting this thread. I have always found the topics read here very thought provoking and a very helpful adjunct to my own AA program.

I may not have had a "physical" relapse, but had a "spiritual/emotional" relapse for a couple weeks recently. I'm not sure, from my experience, which is more painful. Having that bit of AA awareness definitely can be frustrating when my natural instinct is to slip back into all the "selfs"...self will, self centeredness, selfishness ohh...and self pity...love that one! I was also starting to feel the "I have to do the program" instead of the "I want to do the program"...the compliance vs surrender saga. But instead of giving in to that frustration and continuing on that negative path, the program really helps to restore peace and surrender. My sponsor has been a godsend! Fortunately, I was scared enough of the internal distress that I was able to tell her what was really going on, and trust her enough to help me get back on the right path, reflect on the Steps, and take an honest look at myself.

At my 12 & 12 meeting, we discuss a tradition at the last meeting of the month. Honestly, I have skipped that last mtg of the month a few times, as I thought they didn't seem that important or applicable to "me". I am now inspired to pay better attention to the traditions, and maybe seek a mtg out that deals exclusively with the traditions.

Loved the meditations I read this morning. Always very uplifting and thought provoking.

[lifechange]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

i really get so much from reading this thread and thank you all for being here and sharing.
i have been to a few aa meetings and have always had great experiences there. each time i was questioning something and forced myself to go to a meeting, the focus was always on exactly what i'd been questioning. - i found a sponsor a couple of months ago and started working with her, but i don't know if i just wasn't ready or if i wasn't being honest with myself, or if it was something else entirely, but i had several relapses during that time-- the last being the worst. i haven't had so much contact with her the past 3 weeks because i didn't really know if i wanted to work the steps or, for that matter, really stop drinking.
i'd always told myself (i've been trying to stop drinking for years, but Really trying the past 15 months) that i wouldn't start with sponsors and steps until i KNEW i was serious--serious to the bones-- and that's how i felt when i started with her. i haven't quite worked out wihat happened. or why. now i'm on day 4 and will go to a meeting and hopefully meet with her tuesday. i don't know what to do about continuing on with working the steps. sometimes i feel like there's so much pressure with aa. of course it could be i'm putting the pressure on myself.?

anyway, i love this thread, going to meetings (i don't love, but it helps), reading stories from the big book -- and Living Sober is a wonderful source of info and inspiration for me.

wishing you all a relaxing sunday,
Life

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Good Morning All

LifeChange I think that's the best part of AA. If something is troubling me I always hear about it in a meeting without even being the one to initiate the topic! When I started back in the program I was so excited to get on with everything, sponsor, working the steps, meditating, etc. and then life happened. They say you're sobriety should come first, try telling that to a judge to get out of jury duty.

My sponsor was pushing me to get started and I found myself avoiding her. Making excuses not to get together. I just found everything overwhelming all of a sudden. When I finally shared all my feelings I felt so much better. My sponor said maybe I need to wait for things in my personal life to get a bit sorted before hitting the books full on. I felt the pressure leave and I was able to just come to the meetings and take what I needed from them.

Good Morning Molly, welcome to the thread. I too am glad DG kept it going and look who it brought home....hi Mary, so good to see your posts.

I'm grateful to be sober and greatful for this thread....have a safe AF Sunday everyone....PPQ

[Guitarista]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

retteacher;1388430 wrote: I can see now that so much good is coming out of my one fall from grace.

You betcha! This is how i feel.

Hiya everyone. Great to see you DG you slacker. :H Where have you been young lady?

Wishing everyone a safe, sober and magical sunday.

G-bloke. :h

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Good morning! So wonderful to see everyone posting and just putting our thoughts out here. I find I like AA (meetings, sponsor, etc.) a LOT more when I don't put TOO much pressure on myself about it. The perfectionist in me wants "all or nothing" which is not the balanced approach that I have to stay focused on. The most important thing I have found is that whenever I am feeling unpeaceful about anything in AA, I need to talk to someone about it. Either my sponsor or a trusted friend around the tables or a discussion around the tables, if appropriate. Bottling up my feelings and frustrations is something I have just always done in life - that is how it worked in my family. Nobody ever REALLY talking about their feelings or what is going on. So it comes naturally to me to 1) expect perfection from myself and 2) be silent about any feelings of fear, uncertainty, frustration, etc. To break that cycle I need to learn it's OK to talk about that stuff. AA is teaching me that. It doesn't always feel good in the moment, but I can look back and see how far I have come.

There used to be a web link to a free "daily reading" site that had all the good ones - Daily Reflections, Keep It Simple, etc. Then it moved, and I remember having to make a small donation (which is understandable - lots of effort to manage all that) to gain access again. Anyway, I thought I would share the link in case anyone is interested. Today's Thought - October - Bluidkiti's Alcohol and Addictions Recovery Forums

There was a reading on there today as "thought for the day" about basically growing up past old ways of doing things that might not be working any more. That reading really made me think about what I posted above - my tendency to expect perfection and not discuss any feelings to the contrary. I learned that from my family. I learned all my original coping skills from my family. Some things instilled in me were good. I think I have a positive work ethic, and an ability to have faith and belief in a positive outcome, as a couple of examples. And then there is the stuff that doesn't serve me so well. I'm glad to have this reminder (in the reading) that ALL of us face this. We all grew up learning skills and behaviors that wre (and still are) working for us, and other skills and behaviors that don't work any more. AA has sure been a good place for me to sort that stuff!

Well, that is quite a ramble. Should have put a sandwich warning on top. G-Man - you asked where I have been - mostly school and life, and working on that stuff that still needs a lot of work, LOL!

Have a good day everyone,

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 1 - Oct. 8

Gosh! This thread just keeps bringing up so much thought provoking stuff!

Sponsorship: I do think it's important to have a person to count on when I feel weak, though the first question my sponsor asked when I told her about the relapse was: "Why the heck didn't you call me!?" Calling isn't easy, but within the past few days, I've called or been called by more people in program than in the previous several weeks.

HOW: Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness. Those are the 3 things necessary in keeping recovery going. I can now see that I must keep renewing those 3 qualities constantly. Otherwise, complacency can set in. In 2009, I had a disgusting bottom & had HOW for 3 years. I let that slip away. Now, I can see it is a constant effort.

Steps: My sponsor wants me to start the steps over again. I'm putting special emphasis on step 1. But, the steps are an ongoing committment I'll be making for the rest of my recovery. I might not be writing about them every day. But, I will be working on some aspect of the steps every day. I really feel they are the life blood of the program.

Mary