Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

[retteacher]

Well, I got up for the 7AM meeting this morning & will leave in a few minutes. I'm not a morning person & have never been to this meeting. The beauty of doing 90/90 is that I must go to meetings I've never been to before.

Yes, Phil, it isn't easy going back to AA after a relapse. But, AA is so non-judgemental. I couldn't have felt more welcomed & supported.

Last night's reading had a section about walking through your fear. That certainly has been true for me of late. I absolutely had to walk through my fear & face up to what I had done. That's been the case w/many of my fears big & small. Fear was the foundation of my drinking. So facing my fear & going through them is essential to my staying sober.

I'll come back later. In the meantime, I hope everyone is OK & doing well.

Mary

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Morning Mary. I love the early morning meetings, sets the tone for the whole day. Just wish I had the energy to go to more of them. Fear is a biggy for me too. Fear of the future. Practicing One Day at a Time helps me with that. Hope your meeting goes well....PPQ

[daisy45]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Mary, glad to hear you are enjoying the meetings again.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

The meeting was from "As Bill Sees It" on the concept of a "daily reprieve." What an incredibly apt reading for me. Yes, just for today, I will stay sober. Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Mary- I love changing up my mtg schedule now and then to see what else is out there. I did that last night and loved the meeting I found. It was a large mixed discussion mtg. It felt like a nice way to wrap up the weekend. I saw several people from my previous stints in AA that I haven't come across over the past 11 months. Really nice to reconnect!

My husband and I get to go see one of my favorite bands....Florence and the Machine...tonight. I am sooo excited! I haven't been to a concert in a long time, and even longer time (if ever!) sober!

Have a maaaavelous Monday!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Hi all! Mary, it was so wonderful to come here and see you starting the thread for the week! I am so happy about that!!!!

7AM meetings just ROCK!! (my home group meets every day except Sunday at 7AM )

Wow Phil - 7 is about my dizzy limit. 6:30 is EARLY!

You all are making me want to get out my meeting book and pick a bunch of new ones to try out! I am guilty of getting complacent about that. I get into my routine and don't stretch those limits. But when I DO go to new meetings, I always learn from the experience and usually enjoy the experience!

Mary - I love the message of a daily reprieve. It is such a relief to know I only need to think about today.

At the end of last weeks thread, there was some talk about fear. (i.e. fear of doing certain steps) It was actaully FEAR that drove me to do something I always swore I would NEVER EVER do - go to an AA meeting. By the time I went, I have already been sober 60 days, had a HARD relapse that lasted 8 months, then gotten 8 months of sobrity back. But I had this over arching FEAR that somehow I would drink again, and would not be able to stop myself from taking the drink, and then I would be drinking alcoholically again, and not be able to stop that. That nagging fear was with me each day. Most days just a little bit, and some days a lot. But that low level fear was always there - wearing me down.

In the mean time, I head been reading posts here by someone who had started to go to AA. I could just tell from the posts that this person was changing. For the better. Handling life situations better. Growing up. Improving relationships. Making better decisions. Being calmer and more peaceful and even HAPPY. I wanted what that poster had. That is why I went to my first AA meeting. To try to overcome that fear, and to started getting better.

I've had plenty of rocky moments in AA. I have learned and grown from all of them. And I've had tons of wonderful moments in AA that I will always treasure. I have never been sorry I started going.

Wow - where did all that come from??? :H

Anyway...Gina - have fun at the concert tonight!! My first sober concert was somewhere between one and two years ago. I saw Buddy Guy (and also the opening act - Jimmy Vaughn, who is NOT his brother, unfortunately - RIP Stevie Ray...) at a small local theatre. There were plenty of people boozing it up but I was very happy to be sober - really enjoyed it! I don't remember a lot about the many concerts from my younger (and even middle year) days.

Have a good day all!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Hi All: I feel a little like a newbie. I'm going to meetings I've never attended & thinking/writing a lot. It's all good. I'm meeting w/my sponsor today to discuss step 1. That is the crux of everything...admitting that I'm powerless. As soon as I start thinking:
-Maybe I can have just one.
-Maybe I'm not so bad.
-Maybe just one to fall asleep.
-etc.

I'm doomed if I think those thoughts.

I'll be going to a nice speaker meeting tonight at the local VA soldiers home. I'll check back later.

Mary

[lifechange]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

good morning!

Mary, is that what it means in step one? that one admits they're powerless in those situations? i had never thought of it like that-- i'd always felt like i had to admit i was powerless in a much bigger scope. maybe because of a fear i have in general about feeling powerless, i never understood, or saw clearly the meaning behind being powerless over alcohol. am i making any sense? Life

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

LC- I was told that what powerlessness meant was not so much being powerless over alcohol, but what happens after I decide to take that first drink. All defenses are down and the game is on. We are not powerless over the thinking that precedes taking that first, all the insane thoughts we use to justifiy it will be ok, if we are paying attention to them as HUGE warnings that a relapse is on it's way unless we take measures to stop that sick thinking in it's tracks...go to a meeting, work the steps, call someone asap, etc...

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Yes, I am powerless over what happens after I take that first drink. The examples I gave above was some of the stinkin thinkin that led up to my taking the first drink. Once that happened, the obsession started right up.

Today, my sponsor came over & we read step 1 out of the step book. We took the step paragraph by paragraph. The word obsession came up several times in the chapter. Alcoholism is a mental obsession combined w/an allergy of the body.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Hi all! I love the discussion about Step 1 and powerlessness. I REALLY had a problem with that word before I finally went to AA, and bothered to find out what the AAers meant by that. When I reflect back, it's amazing to me that I somehow believed I had control over alcohol (and tons of other people and things and situations in my life!). Clearly once I took the first drink, I did not have control over what might happen.

The way Step 1 helps me in my day to day life (beyond the fact that I am powerless over alcohol if I take the first drink) is the recognition that I am responsible for my life, but I do not have control over everything. Sometimes when I am experiencing great frustration, it's because I am trying to control something or someone that is outside of my power range! By stopping to consider this, I can spend less time being frustrated and more time working out realistic solutions to my problems.

The realistic solution to my problem of not having power over alcohol is to not drink it.

That's what the first half of Step 1 means to me!

DG

[lifechange]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

good morning all!

reading your posts really helped me to understand powerless differently.
i'm definately powerless after taking that first drink-- this i know with certainty.
i wrote to my sponsor and told her about what had been going on and she sent such a supportive reply. she said it took her a very long time as well to work through the first step and accept it. she said it took her a long time to even be able to accept aa for herself. i've heard this from many people --- so i'm looking forward to a meeting tomorrow at noon and then friday evening.

DG, this control issue is really something-- daily meditation helps me a lot-- when i find the discipline to sit and do it!! i'm so much happier when i'm not trying to control everyone and everything around me. what a challenge!! i feel happy that i'm recognizing more, those times when i'm creating my misery by trying to control others!!

wishing you all a wonderful day, Life

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

LF & DG: Are all of us alcoholics control freaks? I know I am. One of the main reasons I drank was to soothe myself when everyone wasn't doing what I thought they should be doing. Talk about arrogance! If I regularly practice the 3rd step & turn my will & my life over, I have no reason to meddle in other peoples' lives. And yes, LF, sitting for meditation is so very important. When I do it, I'm very grateful I did. It brings balance & serenity to my life.

I went to the "Eye-opener" this morning & the reading was the 11th step. There was much good discussion. I can see why people make the effort to get there so early in the morning. It really is a great way to start the day. This whole situation of having to find meetings in order to meet my 90/90 obligation is just another benefit that I received from having that slip.

I must admit that I do understand that my previous 3 years of sobriety are not for naught. But, I still have to grieve the fact that I'm now only a week sober. A new sobriety date marks a kind of loss. I'm trying not to dwell on this, but I see that working through my feelings is something I have to do.

Have a wonderful day one & all.

Mary

[Rainyday]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Thanks AA-folks, for giving me a clearer picture of Powerless. I, Like LC, thought it meant control over the entire situation. It makes it so much better to know I am in control of my thinking, just not in control post-drink!

Rainy Renee

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

LC - I love your point about meditation. I could use a lot more learning in that arena. I'm glad I'm back here participating in this thread because I'm getting so many good reminders about things I can do to improve my sober life.

Mary - yes I do think many of us are control freaks!! I know I can be and I sure hear a lot of that around the tables. Funny...learning how to let go of my gripping need to control has actually brought some things closer to me in the end. My husband is the example I'm thinking of here! By letting go of my need to constantly try to control him, our relationship has improved and we are closer than we were before. Amazing how that works.

I think all things happen for good reason. Sometimes maybe a bad decision or circumstance might have actually saved us from a worse situation. We never really know, do we.

Hi Rainy Renee! Really considering this whole issue of what I can and cannot control has really made a difference in my life - I spend much less time being frustrated, that's for sure!

I went to a seminar at school this morning about the legal consequences of substance use. A police chief was the presenter. Of course this presentation gave me pause to be extremely grateful that the consequences I have suffered as a result of drinking could have been much, much worse. We saw a video about a young kid who partied with the other kids on a Friday night at the High School football game. On his way home, he crashed into another car and killed 3 people, and maimed the survivor for life. He wasn't a regular drinker/driver like I was - taking chances nearly every day. He was just a kid who had one too many. 3 lives lost, and 2 more changed forever. Not to mention the families of all of these people who were deeply affected.

And I thought my drinking was only hurting me.

Whenever I hear stories like this I also reflect on the selfishness of my drinking & driving thinking. It was all about me and my "luck" in not getting DUIs. I never stopped to consider who I might kill on my way home. (or on my way to the liquor store to get more)

I am so grateful that I don't risk other people's lives (nor my own) in that way any more.

One teacher who was at this event spoke up about her sister, who recently lost her 35 year old husband to an alcoholic death. He was still very "functional" - went to work, provided for the family, etc. Nobody realized how much vodka he was drinking every day. One minute they were dialing 911, and not too much time later, he was gone. He left behind a 2.5 month old baby in addition to his wife and other family. Nobody *chooses* that. Cunning, baffling, powerful.

I am grateful today to be sober.

Well, I need to get back to the books - two midterms later today!

DG