Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Just got home from a really good Big Book Study. It was a women's mtg. I used to hate going to women's mtgs...perceived them as whiney, cliquey, judging. I am finding I am now drawn to women's mtgs more and more. So many light bulb moments tonight, so much love I feel from this group.

One of the women compared the occasional struggles/rough patches in sobriety and working a program to going on a long hike. You trudge through the hard parts wanting to give up and turn around, but hope that the reward will be worth the journey. You reach the summit and you are so happy you stuck with it and were rewarded for your hard work.

Just one of the many, many good things I heard tonight.

Good Night.

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

GinaCA;1390537 wrote: Just got home from a really good Big Book Study. It was a women's mtg. I used to hate going to women's mtgs...perceived them as whiney, cliquey, judging. I am finding I am now drawn to women's mtgs more and more. So many light bulb moments tonight, so much love I feel from this group.

One of the women compared the occasional struggles/rough patches in sobriety and working a program to going on a long hike. You trudge through the hard parts wanting to give up and turn around, but hope that the reward will be worth the journey. You reach the summit and you are so happy you stuck with it and were rewarded for your hard work.

Just one of the many, many good things I heard tonight.

Good Night.

Thanks for sharing that Gina. Perfect thing to read before going to bed. Good Night...PPQ

[lifechange]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

good morning everyone!
Rainyday, i love what you've written in your signature. "chores can wait until tomorrow" is a great thing to always keep in mind!
sounds like it was a great meeting, Gina. thank you for sharing that analogy--it's a really good one and for me, very easy to have a clear picture of because my favorite mountain (which happens to be about the only one i climb "regularly" -every 2 years when i visit my parents!) is exactly that. you feel like you might keel over at times, you have to take lots of little rests-- sit down and look around and take a deep breath, you think about turning around and heading back down, but then you look up, stand up and push on. i'm always SO happy, at a very deep level, when i reach the top.
DG and Mary, i think most of us (at least all i know and have spoken with) have issues with contol. i have the same as you DG with my bf. i realized at this meditation retreat (it was a 10 day silent retreat where all we did was sitting med. 11 hours a day) that i am fully responsible for my happiness and my misery and that trying to control my surroundings is a great cause of misery. i'm still very new to realizing this, accepting it and actually FEELING it to be true and i still have a lot of work to do, but my beginning to be aware and act on it is already improving our relationship.

having been said, i spontaneously went to a meeting last night because i was angry at my bf (even after all the work!!). i rarely go spontaneously to meetings 'cause we only have one each night in english and it takes me 45 minutes to get there. the topic was patience and serenity and as the first couple of people talked (guys droning on...) i found myself thinking, would you just shut the f*** up and get on with it. damn. i thought what a waste of 3 hours of my evening! during the 4th i just closed my eyes and meditated. then an older man, an old timer i guess you'd say, said that when he first began his sobriety he wanted badly to be patience. his sponsor told him, concentrate on humility. humility and the first 3 steps and patience will come right along with it. plus tolerance and a lot of other things. then he said that when he finds himself going off track and becoming irritated with people, he holds this up like a mirror to reflect on himself. i've heard this said a lot before, but last night it really hit home.

man. have to get off to work. wish i could put that off like the chores!!

big hugs, Life

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Very good postings. Thanks everyone! Meditation is very difficult for me...especially when I'm busy. I know how important it is in terms of keeping balance & serenity in my life. Mary

PS: I never thought I'd say this, but I really like the AM meetings.

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

GinaCA;1390537 wrote: I used to hate going to women's mtgs...perceived them as whiney, cliquey, judging. I am finding I am now drawn to women's mtgs more and more.

I can relate. I had all kinds of *reasons* but the REAL truth is that I have trust issues with women that go WAAAAY back in my life. I too have gotten past my *reasons* for not wanting to go to women's meetings (or get too close to women in the program) and it feels good to be growing past some of those issues.

LC - I too always hear something at a meeting that I need. I like the wisdom about humility. There is a woman who sometimes turns up at meetings I turn up at who talks a lot about her early years of sobriety and how she would think to herself "geez would you shut up already" when somebody was talking and she wasn't interested in what they were saying. (I too have this issue and response to some people) She always says that with time, she realized that the problem was really hers, and the lesson was that she needed to be less self centered, and more patient and tolerant and understanding that others are just doing /saying what they need to do/say to stay sober. I really took a lesson from that because I can get really on a high horse in my head with my opinions about what others are sharing. What I like about AA is there is always something to be learned from every meeting if I just go with an open mind.

Hi PPQ!

Mary - so happy you are turning into a morning meeting convert! I really love morning meetings.

Survived 2 midterms yesterday. One easy, one really hard. They are over now and today is a new day!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

The morning meetings are wonderful. Today we read from "As Bill Sees It," a reading about powerlessness. Could anything be more appropriate for me? I was into thinking I would use alcohol ONLY when I needed it to sleep & ONLY a little. Pretty soon, I saw it as a solution to a lot of issues. So, today, admitting my powerlessness was a gift.

When people go on a long tim, I too sometimes think: "Wrap it up already!" I too have a lot to learn even from the long-winded. There is often a nugget of truth that I can identify with.

Take care one & all.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

"his sponsor told him, concentrate on humility. humility and the first 3 steps and patience will come right along with it. plus tolerance and a lot of other things. then he said that when he finds himself going off track and becoming irritated with people, he holds this up like a mirror to reflect on himself. i've heard this said a lot before, but last night it really hit home."

Thanks, LC...I really like that advice! I do, like you, during those shares...close my eyes and meditate, except mine often turns into thinking about my laundry list of things I need to do after the meeting...and oh, come on....you're still sharing!! I will try to remember the advice given to that man and give it a shot. Patience is definitely not one of my better virtues in situations like that!

Grateful today that my husband has the day off! What was supposed to be a quiet day together, enjoying the very rare event of rain here, will end up being spent calling our homeowner's insurance to see if they will cover a major water leak in our kitchen we discovered this morning. Water is seeping through the grout of our tile floors. 5 minutes later, car won't start, and now needs a tow. (not the battery). Such is life. Thank God I don't have to deal with it by myself!

DG- Congrats on surviving the midterms! I often think about going back to school, but the thought of all those papers and studying...ugh! Maybe with more sober time my thinking will change towards that challenge. I admire you for doing it! Oh, and also, I hear many women share that sooo many of us have trust issues related to past issues with women that influence our feelings towards the women's mtgs. I guess it is pretty common!

Have a fabulous day, everyone!

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Hi all! Very grateful to be getting back into the habit of visiting this thread on a daily basis. Love all the discussions about powerlessness, and also the sneaky thinking that can take us away from our truths about alcohol. I'm grateful to hear it because I need to maintain vigilence. The stinkin' thinkin' could creep up on me just as easily as it creeps up on others with this addiction. There is nothing *special* about me in that regard. Thinking that somehow I'm different (with regard to matters of this addiction) kept me in pain for a long time.

Gina, I can relate to what you said about my mind drifting off thinking about the days tasks, or whatever and losing focus on whoever is sharing. That is something I REALLY have to work on. I remember one meeting a couple years ago where a guy I really respect talked about exactly that. He talked about realizing that when he allows his mind to wander, it is NOT a humble thing - he is basically treating (in his mind) the speaker as being less important than whatever other thoughts are rolling around in his head. I really thought about that a lot. Why do I think other people would be interested in hearing what I have to share if I'm not interested in listening and paying attention to them? I'm sure people tune me out too (:H) but it's not really the spirit of where I want to be mentally. I don't think I'm relaying this in the way that this guy said it, but it was just one of those "aha" moments that told me I was being rude to others (and lacking humilty), even if only in my thoughts. It sure showed me a way I still have growing to do. I'm glad to be reminded of this so I can continue to work on it when I'm in meetings - listening respectfully to everyone - not just appearing to do so on the outside while I'm really doing something else inside my head.

Love the thought provoking conversations!

DG

[cpn1004]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

PS: I never thought I'd say this, but I really like the AM meetings.
Wow, Mary! Good for you. I just returned my 630am meeting. Good to see y'all here.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

I too just got back from the morning meeting. I'm planning on going again later today. I want to put a few meetings in the "bank" in case I absolutely have to miss one during my 90/90.

This morning's meeting was on isolation. Boy! Did I love to isolate w/the bottle. No pesky thinking, people, activities, challenges, etc. to think about. I just puttered around w/my head in the bottle. Not a way to live!

I'm not yet grateful for the relapse, but i can certainly see that my program has been jump-started. I was definitely coasting even though I was going to meetings. I was attending meetings where I knew everyone & said what I thought others wanted to hear. The humility I've gained from this is invaluable. I can see that my program friends view me differently as well. I'm not the all-wise, all-knowing Mary. I have clay feet just like everyone else.

mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Hi all! Phil - always good to see you!

Mary - I used to isolate with the bottle as well. Even in the earlier years while I was still a "party girl" I recall being conscious of what others thought of my drinking. I would often go home, but continue the "party" by myself there. Loud stereo, dancing around my living room, then passing out - all by myself. Ugh. Of course the later years were just filled with depressive drinking in isolation to the point I saw no reason to live.

I love the Daily Reflections reading today:

October 13

Daily Reflections

UNREMITTING INVENTORIES

Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment,
and fear. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove
them. We discuss them with someone immediately and make
amends quickly if we have harmed anyone. Then we resolutely
turn our thoughts to someone we can help.
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 84

The immediate admission of wrong thoughts or actions is a
tough task for most human beings, but for recovering alcoholics
like me it is difficult because of my propensity toward ego,
fear and pride. The freedom the A.A. program offers me becomes
more abundant when, through unremitting inventories of myself,
I admit, acknowledge and accept responsibility for my wrong-doing.
It is possible then for me to grow into a deeper and better
understanding of humility. My willingness to admit when the
fault is mine facilitates the progression of my growth and helps
me to become more understanding and helpful to others.

I bolded that part because it's real easy for me to slip slide into taking inventories of other people, which is NOT my place. I don't need to be telling other people what to do, or to criticize whatever they are doing. It's very easy to fall into the trap of evaluating the behavior of others, and take the focus off what *I* am doing that is not very good or nice or thoughtful or serving or humble. I am just as imperfect as the next guy.

Acknowleging and accepting responsibility for my wrong doings right away - no matter how "slight" I might percieve them to be is SUCH a recovery gift if I just do it. Sometimes I fall in the trap of minimizing the hurt I might have caused rather than just accepting that I did something wrong, and making amends for it.

I am grateful for this reading today and I'm going to try really hard to live in the 10th step today.

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

DG: The 10th step does keep us rigorously honest if we do it consistently & open-heartedly. That honesty (I can now see) is so crucial to staying sober. I can see from my recent relapse that one lie leads to another & another. It all landed in my heart & mind & kept me drinking. It's only through the grace of God that I admitted what I had done.

The humility I have at this point is invaluable to me. I must keep it, as I know how easily I could fall into my old false image that I presented to the world.

I have my "Burning Desire" meeting tonight. Today, one of our members is having a party...a sober party. Couldn't be better.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Wow, DG! That hit home! I recently have first hand experienced and recognized situations and my behavior, as described above, which resulted in that discomfort I felt, and the awareness of my part and how I didn't want to go back to that sick thinking and behavior.

I find myself easily reaching out to the newcomers whom I judge as someone who is willing to embrace and work a program, but not as easily towards those I assume who don't get it by their body language, texting during meetings, apparent lack of interest. Who am I to judge what they are feeling, their need for help, etc...?? I see my behavior as selfishness when I judge and not welcome all without judgement. What about just kindness towards others despite their intentions? I know I displayed those behaviors at times as a newcomer because sometimes I was resentful of people exactly like me and felt lonely and ignored, and thought "screw AA!!". I really need to work on that.

I also, recently, handled a situation, where I felt wronged, in a way where my ego and pride instantly took over. I hurt the person deeply by lashing out and saying inappropriate things. I judged her. I forgot to give pause and think of my part first and show compassion. The good thing was, which I consider growth, was I was able to work through the 9th Step (which I am currently on), and make an amends from my heart, not expect forgiveness, and move on. I knew there was no way I could repair the past....only take responsibility for my actions and my part. I felt at peace afterwards and no need to lash out or respond to continued criticism, a brief threat of repercussions, and lack of forgiveness. I can only control my thinking, my actions...no one else's. Forgiveness and the restoration of trust take time, sometimes a lifetime, if ever. I would have a really hard time forgiving me too. I learned from this experience, even more so than some of my other amends, because it was the first amends I needed to make for behavior post-drinking. I can see how the 10th Step will allow me to feel first before hurting someone, but if I "relapse" in that way, I will make amends immediately, without expectations of forgiveness, and gradually grow in the program resulting in, hopefully, less and less need to make so many amends, but awareness (much different than apologies) of when it is deserved and owed.

Thank you for sharing this! Such food for reflection and thought!

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Just one more thought. I will still cringe at how I hurt others through my actions. It doesn't take that away. I recognize some of my actions were unforgiveable and downright unfathomable. But, self forgiveness and release of shame (not guilt!), is crucial to my continued sobriety

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct.8 - 14

Gina, I really like what you wrote today. Very thought provoking. I am contemplating a situation right now that has me hoping I can do the right thing. Be honest, but not cause undo pain just to "get even." Turns out my friend who relapsed and went back to treatment recently was less than honest about her drinking for quite some time. On the one hand, I understand, because that's what we alkies do. I've done it too and I'm sure would lie again if I started drinking again. It still hurts though. I need to write her a letter. I don't plan on blowing fictional smoke up her skirt, but I don't want to be mean either. I've drafted a couple of letters today but still am not sure I've hit the sweet spot. I'm planning to call my sponsor. I love having a guide in this program. When I first contemplated going to AA (and in my early time) I viewed a sponsor as someone who would be telling me what to do - and LORD I didn't want or need THAT. I already KNEW everything, right? Anyway, now I am so grateful that I have a wise advisor to go to when I feel uncertain.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

DG