Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Sol:

You're doing all the right things in the committment you've made to AA since Aug. 6th. You're right that the AA thread had lost its mojo previous to my relapse. Possibly I had that relapse on my mind, & it inhibited me from speaking from my heart. I hope you will continue to share your experience, strength, & hope.

This morning's meeting was on prayer/meditation. I'm a very feet-on-the-ground practical kind of person. Meditation doesn't come naturally to me. I have been working on it daily, as I'm trying to do exactly what my sponsor suggests. I enjoy the reading, even getting down on my knees twice a day to ask for help & thank God is OK. But, sitting & trying to clear my mind is something I have to make a special effort to do. I keep trying.

Have a wonderful day everyone. Phil, it's lovely seeing you here.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Hi everyone!

Mary, I so appreciate and value your willingness to be honest about every aspect of your relapse. Especially the part about how it all started with certain stinkin' thinkin'. THAT is the part I need to really learn from. I am as vulnerable as the next person.

Sausage as I read your post my breath caught at this part:

I suddenely feel very vulnerable, confused and scared as I keep getting moderation thoughts, just as I did after 8 months last time.

When I first stopped drinking following most of the MWO program (no Topa, but did the other stuff in the book) I managed 60 days AF. Then I thought a drink would be OK - I'm different, I will have better results with that than others, I wasn't that bad, and if it DOESN'T work out, I know I can quit again, blah blah blah. Well, I drank. It didn't work out and within a week or so I was right back to where I started - daily drinking, morning drinking, "drinking against my will" day and night. I knew quickly that I had made a huge mistake and that I needed to quit again. Problem was - it was NOT that easy. Despite many, many "Day 1's" and even a few "Day 2's" and Day 3's" sprinkled in, it took 8 more months for me to find my way back onto the wagon. I consider that a miracle.

It was about 8 months later - still AF - that I started going to AA. The main reason I started going was that I was constantly gripped by a nagging fear. A fear that somehow I would end up drinking again without being able to stop the urge. I had a fear that despite the AF status, I still didn't have "control." During this time there was a regular poster here who was going to AA and just talking about his life and I could witness the growth he was experiencing. He was an example of someone who certainly didn't seem to be living in the fear I was living in, and was making progress in ways I was clearly not. So I went.

That was such a good move for me because I don't live in that fear any more, and haven't for a long time. The obsession with drinking has truly been lifted. I am so grateful for this gift - so grateful to really believe to the core of my being that if I stay focused on my program, this gift has the potential to be a lasting one. (I'm not trying to say AA is for everyone - just sharing what happened for me because that FEAR was no fun and I certainly needed to find some way to get rid of it before I drank over it)

Hi Sol! I've never done a lot of chat but I remember you from what little time I spent there! I'm so happy for you finding your way out! Congratulations. :yougo:

Hi Phil! Less than 3 years to go until Atlanta!!!!!!

From what I have seen, people do different things with there coins - whether they have relapsed or not. I don't think there is any one established "right way" - it's possible different home groups might have certain traditions about it. (mine does not) So far I have saved all my coins in hopes that in the years to come, I will be able to pass them on to sponsees. Some of my coins came from sponsors rather than from the "coin box." (and a lot of the coins in the box are recycled from those who give their coins back). It's always interesting to me to experience the comforting familiar things that tend to happen from meeting to meeting, but also to see the different traditions various groups develop.

Went to my early home group this morning. That is always such a great meeting! We talked about humility. Boy - I can get on my high horse in about a second. I need to work on compassion and gratitude. My sponsor was there too and after the meeting she reminded me of the importance of working on willingness for my character defects to be removed - not dominating my thinking and behavior.

One guy also brought up a "dental story" (problems he has had with his front teeth since they got knocked out in a bar fight 20 years ago). That prompted all kinds of dental stories - including my own which is painful, horrible surgery this past summer (and again next December for the other half of my mouth) as a result of 30 year of neglect. I had no interest in 1) spending good drinking time going to the dentist to get my teeth cleaned or 2) having a dentist turn up his/her nose at my alkie/hangover breath. So here I sit with a big problem. Anyway, I spent a lot of time being mad at myself and also very embarrassed over the way I neglected my teeth (despite the way I lived - good job, fancy house, etc.). It felt really good to leave that meeting and 1) laugh about some of this stuff and 2) know that even in dental neglect as a result of drinking, I am not alone.

I love you guys! :h Together we can stay sober.

DG

[SAUSAGE]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

I think the AA program seems great and I would love to attend meetings as im sure it wouod help to share with people face to face and work the steps. However i don't feel able to do this at the moment for various reasons;

Most significantly - I'm worried about "coming out" as someone who has / has had an alcohol problem. - i am worried it will affect my career. I' m a health care professional and I teach students too - i am bound to see someone who knows me, word gets around etc. Call me pathetic if you like, but this is just the way I feel.

I also simply would find it very difficult to find the time. I am so busy, i work part time, have to study and look after my children alone a lot as my husband works away from home and is only home for odd weekends / annual leave etc. I have looked up the timing of meetings near me etc- and they are such that it would be very hard during the day and i'd need to get someone to care for the kids if i attended at night.

So I'm left with MWO and reading Jason Vale etc. This is helping a lot though - I would have achieved nothing without this site.

I am struggling though at the moment as I approach the point in time where I failed last time and I've tried to articulate my reasoning for this in a new thread I've started in Gneral Discussion. I'm desperate for advice and suggestions so please do take a look if you have time. Thank you again everyone for your support.

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Saus:

I knew when I needed AA. I could not stay sober even w/MWO, but everyone is different. After years of heavy drinking & abusing rec drugs, my brother decided to stop & just did it. So, whatever is right for you is fine. I'm just glad you come here & share.

I was very nervous about seeing former students & people I know from "outside." As it happens, I actually welcome it now. I'm a recovering alcoholic, not a criminal. In fact, today I saw a very well respected & renowned children's author at a meeting. I've seen priests, doctors, nurses, lawyers, & like myself, teachers. We're there trying to live a better life. I will admit that finding the time to get to the meetings is a challenge...especially for someone w/young children. You are not "pathetic"...just human. Keep staying sober one day at a time. You're doing fine.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Hi again! Sausage I can understand your concerns. And I hope you don't think I was in any way trying to pressure you to go to AA in my post. The ONLY reason to go is if you want to and feel OK about doing it.

As a general comment to anyone who might be interested, every AA District in the US (just google locally) has a phone number. A lot of areas have meetings that are targeted toward professional groups. Someone returning a call from a District might know of such a thing.

Sausage I'm going to look for your thread. Am happy to help in any way I can!

DG

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Just got back from my meeting. The topic was on getting through painful experiences & learning from them. Those were just what I tried to avoid when I drank. I didn't want to feel anything but numbness. I wanted my mind to calm down & didn't know how to do that. So, I turned to AL to my utter detriment. I can now see that the very painful aftermath of my relapse was a perfect way for me to learn humility. I'm not wallowing in self-pity. I'm just seeing that there are lessons to be learned from everything. M

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Just thought I'd pop back on and say hi and welcome Sausage and Solitaire here!

Sol, I am inspired by your positive outlook towards AA, "And IT WORKS!"....amazingly it somehow does. Some days I need to remind myself of that and not take it for granted.

Sausage, strangely I went through a lot of the same feelings at 8.5 months, as 9 months was the longest I was able to ever stay sober. I don't know if it is a self sabotage thing, or what. Try to log on, read and post frequently. In time, this will pass and before you know it, you will have a whole year sober! You deserve it. Don't listen to the disease trying to make you blow it. Put on your boxing gloves and pulverize him! (the disease ).

DG, I hope you got your septic issues straightened out. What a pain!

Mary, I have learned from your sharing about your relapse. You have helped so many of us with your honesty and humility.

Talking about house repairs...well I am typing from my room at the Holiday Inn. Looks like we will be here for the next 10 days. Our tiles in the kitchen can never fully dry out because there are 2 layers of linoleum beneath them...therefore a mold issue. Thank God for homeowners insurance, but I dread what this does to our premiums. My son is loving this "stay-cation", 2 miles from home. We have every fast food surrounding us, as well as a huge Halloween store, a swimming pool and a huge jacuzzi tub in our living room. He wishes he didn't have to go to school!

Vacations are always a huge trigger for me, and I was feeling it big time yesterday as I was packing and making trips back and forth. I went to an AA mtg yesterday morning, but what really helped me was my therapy session in the afternoon. Really relaxed me and reestablished some clarity and peace in my head. It made me realize how important meditation is, as my therapy is somewhat like an hour's worth of meditation. It's just hard for me to do it on my own, for whatever reason.

Looking forward to the weekend. Have a great day, all!

[bettygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

i'm enjoying this thread...i've been here at mwo before under a different name, but had never been to aa. i started aa 9 days ago (aa b-day is 10-6-12), and am going to use this thread as back up! i am going to get a sponsor this week and have been to meetings everyday for the last 9 days...what i tried before didn't work, so aa and mwo plus a bit of meditation and learning about buddhism is my new road. i have some questions about aa and am wondering if it's ok to ask about it here?
thanks for sharing.

[allswell]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Hello everyone,

I just wanted to say how much I appreciate this thread. Everyone's posts are always so much food for thought. The correlation between sobriety and personal growth in other areas of our lives is very meaningful to me. Thank you all.

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Hi Betty and :welcome: to the thread.

I haven't been posting here lately but popped in to see how everyone was doing.

This is definatly the place to ask those AA questions....so have at it. In my opinion Mary has become an AA expert.

Molly good on you chairing for the first time....nope she won't forget who you are :H I remembered the first time I chaired and it just brought me closer to the group. You'll do great.

Will pop in later...be safe...PPQ

[retteacher]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

BettyG: So glad to see you here. Ask any questions you wish. I've been in AA for 3 years & will try to answer to the best of my ability. I was sober in AA for 3 years then recently relapsed, so my sobriety date is just before yours. We'll progress together.

MollyK: It's so hard to lose that self-centered fear. I keep trying to break through it, & it has lessened. I set a small goal each time I go to a meeting. I made myself stay a little longer after the meeting & talk to someone. Pretty soon, I started to feel part of the fellowship. It isn't easy for those of us that are kind of shy.

Mary

[GinaCA]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Good Morning to all!

Hi Betty! Ask away! I find the combo of the face-to-face mtgs in combo with this site very helpful to my sobriety. The meetings help with my loneliness and keeps me in check and accountable. My sponsor guides me through the Steps and provides much gentle wisdom to help me deal with life. This thread is a blessing to read during those moments at home when my mind goes astray. Also, I find it much easier to express myself in writing, than in meetings in front of a large group. I am always in awe of those for who that comes naturally, and I hope I am able to get over the anxiety with "sharing" at mtgs in time. Patience and practice, I guess.

Molly~ Congrats for the courage to step up and have the willingness to chair that mtg! I bet a lot of good things will come out of that commitment! I have taken commitments such as the "chip chick" (passing out the chips/coins for various lengths of sobriety), the cake baker for AA bdays, coffee set up, but haven't stepped up to chair or be secretary yet. When the opportunity comes about, I think I will consider it.

Hi Allswell~ For a long time, I was bothered by the notion that something was "wrong" with me besides the drinking. I would get annoyed by all these so-called "enlightened" people in mtgs discussing at length their character defects, etc... It makes much more sense to me this time. The drinking is truly just a symptom. There is sooo much more to addiction that what we do on the surface. Sobriety is truly an inside job. I pray for willingness every day to continue to honestly look at myself, good and bad, and take the appropriate action to change as needed. I tried all the methods, which I thought were the easier, softer methods to sobriety. It took me 8 years on again/off again, not really gaining anything as far as personal growth regardless of dry periods, to finally surrender to the program...prob the best thing I have done in the past decade. Finally, I feel a difference in my thinking and my actions, and am much more aware when I start to falter.

Went to a fun meeting last night. It was a fundraiser mtg for our Central Office. They are trying to raise funds for a Christmas party. All were welcome, whether they donated or not....no pressure at all. They put the names of those attending with greater than 25 years sobriety into a hat. Those whose names were drawn got up and spoke for 5 minutes. It was very interesting. I love listening to and imagining having gotten sober at the age that whomever spoke did. Many were in their 40's like me. Though, many much younger!! There was one lady who got sober at 13!! She did quite a bit of damage at that very young age to qualify, but I don't think I would have ever, ever had the maturity to stay sober for 29 years starting at that age! Her story was somewhat hard to grasp, esp since I have an 11 year old who is still a mama's boy.

Pumpkin festival weekend! Lots of them going on around here. Time to get going! Have a great day, everyone!

[porqoui]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Morning Mary...didn't mean to make assumptions about your expertise but in my eyes you're the best!!!

Molly, will be anxiously awaiting the results of your first chair. You'll do great I can just feel it.

Work today but home AA group tomorrow YAY! if I can make it through the snow they keep threatening us with. Oh! just looked out the window and here it comes!

Have a great day everyone.....PPQ

[bettygirl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

thanks for the welcome all! it's funny, i was going to ask how people feel when it's their turn to share! always feel like i say the same thing over and over (i am new to all of this and just starting on my spiritual journey, but i am ready and willing to do what it takes...etc...). i have yet to really share any of "my" story...i too feel sort of outsider-ish, but i think with time, that will change. i also don't really hang out after meetings like some do. i'm not a smoker and don't like smoke, and rather than be rude, i just say goodbye and head out.
anyway, do we just find someone who we feel we would be comfortable with to ask to be our sponsor? how does that work? i feel like i need someone i can be accountable to, especially in times like now, after two weeks of being sober and the newness is wearing off and thoughts of drinking are entering my head...my husband is out of town for 8 days, and that used to be PARTY TIME...or rather, drink and feel like crap and be hung over for a week time...i don;t feel like i am going to drink, and i have a phone list from my home group, so i know i can call a couple of women from it if i need to...i'll be ok. i'll hang out here and go to meetings and call someone if i need to...that's how it works, right? argh! i'm such a noob!

mary, i remember reading your stories from when you first started aa, before i was even willing to give it a chance. glad you are back into the swing of things after the relapse. scary stuff, i'm sure. also a learning experience. i can see how easily it could happen, though...we are experts at drinking! i too was a hider...i could drink all day, and noone seemed to ever find out. i am a master at hiding my alcohol...not proud of that skill.

take care all...i'm going to find a meeting to get to...i have only gone to two different ones so far, so i think i'll branch out today and check out some other groups...i think i need it today, for sure.

thanks again for the welcome.

[nurdl]

Weekly AA Thread - Oct. 15 - 22

Hi all,
I've enjoyed reading this week's thread. This seems like a very calm and supportive thread on MWO. I've just begun attending AA meetings in the past few weeks. I found a lovely sponsor and am doing a lot of reading. I mostly attend women's group meetings. They are a lovely group and its a safe place to be. I have 45 days of sobriety. It's going well but I became a bit overwhelmed this past week thinking about it all the time. I took a break from meetings this week as I had some work to finish up. Now I feel like I'm ready to start working the program again. I didn't drink, I just needed to feel normal and not "in recovery" like I'm broken.

I'll be sure to check in again. Be well and enjoy this gorgeous AF day!
~nurdl