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**Solitaire** · November 19, 2012, 12:53 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Thought I'd share this...

What follows has been called "The Step Three Parable" because it captures what we think is the essence of the Third Step:

A drunk is staggering along the street and he meets God.

"God, I can't do this anymore," he says. "Please, please, will you give me sobriety?"

God says, "Sobriety isn't free, how much money do you have?"

The drunk reaches into his pocket. "Fifty bucks."

"I'll take it," says God, "you're sober."

The man stands up straight, drunk no more. It feels pretty good. "Yeah but, God?" "Yes?" "I know I gave you my money willingly. But, you see, I need to get gas for my car."

God says, "You have a car?"

"Well, yes."

"You didn't tell me that. I'll take the car."

"But..."

God interrupts and says, "I'll take the car. It's part of the price for your sobriety."

"But how will I get to work?"

"You have a job? I'll take the job, too."

"But God, how will I pay my mortgage?"

"Mortgage? You have a house? I'll take that too."

"But God, my family. How will I take care of them if You have my house and my job?"

God says to him gently and lovingly: "In order to keep your sobriety; you must give Me these things. But I will let you drive My car, as long as you remember it's MY car. You can have the job, but remember you're working it for ME. It's My house but I will let you live in it. And as for the family, they are MY family but I will trust you to take care of them."

Even though we have taken a considerable amount of time on the first three Steps, all we have done is make decisions. Now we are going to begin to take some specific actions that will carry us the rest of the way to God... (Steps 4-12).

**retteacher** · November 19, 2012, 11:48 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Sol: Many, many thanks for your wonderful posts. And if my relapse/sip/decision-to-drink has caused you to come back to MWO, then something good has come of it. I continue to be grateful to be sober. I'm not grateful (yet) that I slipped, but I can see the benefits to others & myself.

Your parable reminds me to place my sobriety & relationship w/my HP above all else. Without them, I have nothing.

In my area, it's emphasized that women sponsor women & men sponsor men. Good luck on the 4th step. It's a biggie. Since my relapse I have to do another one.

Mary

**retteacher** · November 19, 2012, 03:53 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

BettyG: I'm so glad you enjoyed the potluck. We usually have one around Christmas every year. It's good to socialize w/AAers. Mary

**Doggygirl** · November 19, 2012, 06:11 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Well, first off, another Beth here.

BG - the potluck sounds HUGE! Some of the events at the Alano Club where I go to meetings are like that. I'm not as up for the elbow to elbow crowd thing that I was in my younger days. :H So Lincoln is good, eh?

Sol - love your 3rd Step Parable! Thanks for sharing that. I too love all the great energy on thsi thread lately! Sounds like everything worked out well on the sponsor front. I too had a series of events that led me to a temporary sponsor for my 4th step, and then on to a new sponsor at my 5th step. I've learned a lot from all of them - especially the ones that I thought weren't working out at the time. (proving once again that the best place for me to see my problems is in the bathroom mirror...)

Hello to all other fellow travelers! I was overcome with some very powerful emotions today relating to my mother. My Dad's death has "stirred the pot" I guess and I'm realizing I have some unresolved issues that I need to work on. I buried a ton of emotion and hurt under an ocean of booze over the years. I feel truly ready to work on this stuff and once and for all, let it go. I did NOT think of drinking. For that I am so very grateful.

DG

**Solitaire** · November 20, 2012, 12:07 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Tuesday morning here...
I am grateful for so many things...
I got a call from our area office and was asked to write an article for our AA magazine, called the Regmaker if you wanted to Google it. Our local Grapevine if you will... And like any good AA's, when asked, you say yes!!!!
We had a discussion meeting: the impact our drinking and now sobriety had on our loved ones... It was very raw...
Be blessed, be loved
Sol xxx

**retteacher** · November 20, 2012, 10:25 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Sol: Where else but at an AA meeting do you find emotions discussed w/such honesty. It's unique.

This morning's meeting was from Living Sober. It was the chapter that advised people to NOT get into a romantic relationship until at least one year of sobriety. For myself, I've been married for 40 years, & our marriage has stretched over pre, during, & post drinking. Yes, our marriage is stronger, but there have been changes. For the years I was drinking I was MIA (missing in action), & I went along to get along. I wanted to keep the peace because, 1. I felt so guilty about the hidden drinking and 2. I wanted to get back to drinking unobserved.

Now, my husb & I are finding we have to do more discussions, because I'm not just agreeing to everything. I'm thinking things through & asking myself if I want to go along. I'm not doing as much for him, because I don't want to substitute codependency for alcoholism. So, after many years of marriage, we're going through changes.

My husband's trust in me is unwavering even after the relapse. He lets me have my program, & he has his in Alanon. I didn't have an opportunity to share, but this is what I would have shared.

Enjoy the day.

Mary

**bettygirl** · November 20, 2012, 11:20 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

dg, no kidding! 3 more sober beths in the world is a good thing!!!

yeah, the potluck was too much for me, even sober! i like people, just not when they are all up in my grill! i made 7 layer bars and i'm glad i left them, or i would have eaten more of them, and ruined my no added sugar kick! that is going well, thanks for starting the no sugar thread.

my 15 year old daughter has been having high blood sugar readings on our home glucometer and so we decided to start going to the gym and went to the store to get her a bunch of healthy fresh food. while i eat very well, she is a teenager who doesn;t choose wisely alot of the time, and it has shown inher blood sugars. i hope this is a wake up call she needs. she did great at the gym and ate well last night (we made it fun), and her sugars were31 points lower after fasting this morning, thank goodness. i'm still going to make her an appointment to get blood work done. i hate fast food, and that is what she and her friends choose to eat after school everyday. i am not giving her money anymore (it was lunch money that they used after school for fast food garbage), and instead sending her to school with healthy lunches...ok, i'm done with that tangent! i will say though, that i am so glad ot be sober and able to go to the gym with her, instead of hungover and full of excuses!

off to my am meeting

thanks sol, mary and dg, for starting my day off!!!

peace

**retteacher** · November 21, 2012, 10:13 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

It was a packed house at this morning's pre-Thanksgiving meeting. Lots of emotion in the room. The reading was step 3 which is not easy for me...willful alcoholic that I am.

Last night the local, very strong men's group had its 29th anniv. party. They allow women for the anniv. & the room barely contained the hundreds of people that were there. Inspirational is all I can say. Where do you find that much feeling, gratitude, sobriety in one place? Honestly, I know I've said it many times, but AA is completely unique in all the world. People coming together in order to stay sober & live a better life. Can't beat it!

Americans: Happy Thanksgiving!

Mary

**bettygirl** · November 21, 2012, 11:13 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

sounds awesome mary...carry that feeling through thanksgiving, eh?

i'm feeling a bit weird...thanksgiving without extended family always feels sad...i won;t drink though! heading to a meeting now, then to the grocery store and home to start cooking! yay!

may you all have a grateful beautiful thanksgiving. i am so thankful for all of you!

**Doggygirl** · November 21, 2012, 11:44 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Hi Sol, Mary, BG, everyone else yet to pop in or just reading along!

Sol - good for you writing an article! I just love your energy for the program - I find it contagious!

Mary - you are so right about the honest emotional discussions. Thank you too for sharing the changes that are happening in your marriage. My marriage has gone through a lot of change since I stopped drinking. It hasn't always been easy but it has been very good over the long haul. We have a much better and stronger relationship now that AL is not the "third party" in it. I am still working through a lot of emotional issues with my Mom and family. Our family "rules" have never involved fully honest converstations about emotions and feelings. As I gain more emotional sobriety in my life, the family "rules" feel more and more wrong. However - I am also learning patience in AA. I don't need to open my mouth and let just anything come flying out in the interest of "honesty" if it's unecessarily hurtful. At any rate, it all seems more complicated sometimes than just "drink" to solve it! :H

BG - good for you being sober so you can be available to help your daughter and teach and guide her. BG issues can be managed, or they can cause devastation and it's so good you are sober and availiable to help her learn to manage it!

I am hoping to be at my early home group tomorrow for Thanksgiving Day. There is always a big turnout!

DG

**Solitaire** · November 22, 2012, 12:43 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

Lovely Thursday morning here, luckily it won't be as hot as yesterday!
I chaired last night, we got a speaker from another town, lovely Irish guy. 2nd Meting this week where family gets discussed. The gift I got from his share was how we can't rewrite history. I have such regret and guilt about my kid, and what they were exposed to, and his words gave me hope...
I am one of those alkies who heard all my life what "potential" I have. I come across as strong person, etc... Last night, a few people came to compliment me on the value I add through service etc... I was humbly surprised... So... I am getting so much more from AA than just quitting dinking.
Be loved!!!
xxx

**Solitaire** · November 22, 2012, 12:54 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

My story:

I wrote this for the SA version of the Grapevine. I thought better to post here than in the "Tell us your story" section?

Here goes:

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF....

I go to sleep, more often than not in a semi-comatose state. Before my God-given rest can reach the R.E.M. stage, I awaken, sweating or shivering, not knowing what woke me up... Tossing, turning, and then the realisation: I did it again! But, exactly what did I do?!?! Did I argue with my kids? Did I make phone calls that I will have to apologise for sometime, or do I just pretend it never happened, and witness how my circle of friends shrinks like an exposed oyster?

I wake up... Panic, guilt, fear, remorse, feeling more second-hand than the junkie prostitute on Walletjes street... What did we eat last night? How much did I actually drink, best to go check the bottle... Or not... Why are they looking at me this way... The list is long...

And the only remedy, is to have another drink...

For me, alcoholism has forced me to Step 9 very often albeit not in the AA way! I was willing to say sorry, at times not being sure what for... And there was little or no honesty in those apologies, 100% remorse and guilt driven.

My name is Solitaire, and I am an alcoholic.

My 13 year old daughter asked me yesterday at what age did I start drinking. Thanks to the AA program, I now have new terminology, and I started trying to trace when I started drinking ?alcoholically?. I got drunk for the 1st time the year I started studying. My mom is an alcoholic, as is my brother, so booze was as common in my childhood as Zinc tablets were in the 70's. I hear in some shares and I read in my Big Book that some people recall the occasion or date of their 1st drunk, but in my case I just did what all 1st year students do, we partied! But this is where the normality ends, and my drinking career takes off:

?But what about the real alcoholic? He may start off as a moderate drinker; he may or may not become a continuous hard drinker; but at some stage of his drink*ing career he begins to lose all control of his liquor consumption, once he starts to drink.? BB P. 25

How many times have I heard and read stories about becoming bigger, better, prettier, stronger, wittier, brighter, sexier, etc. in that booze cloud where life eventually makes sense to you? I now know, that it only made sense to me... That was 28 years ago...

A bit about me:

I have never been able to see my own beauty, gifts, talents or strength. I have incredible qualities, and yet, I always felt that I fall short on all of Life's requirements. People would talk to me about my potential, to the point where it became a swear word! Could they not see that I was a nothing and a nobody? That all this ?potential? was a farce, fumed and maintained by vodka? And so the show goes on....

The essence of me resembles that of a good social worker, however, I tried to adopt the persona of a Margaret Thatcher. With every fake thought and action, the lies and dishonesty, I slammed the door shut in the Face of the God of my understanding, time and time again...

I met my husband-to-be at the age of 23, moved in together, lived together for 5 years, and married him at 28.

I grew up in an Afrikaans family, NG Kerk and all, but decided to seriously complicate my life by choosing a life partner who is Eastern European, Catholic, and for sure not Afrikaans speaking! But through him, I met my next lover: VODKA! And that relationship grew stronger than any other I ever had. Many years ago, whilst chatting to a friend, she told me that her mom is an alcoholic, and that at the age of 12, she knew that if her mom had to choose between the full bottle of Gin or her own child, that the bottle would win. I thank my God, that I was never put before that choice!

We soon started a family, and I had 3 kids in 5 years, all healthy by the Grace of my God. I took to motherhood in a big way because for the 1st time in my life, I knew nobody could be a better mom for this small human being in my arms and at my breast. Something came naturally, at last! Now, I wish my story could end here, with a ?lived happily ever after?, but that was not meant to be...

For the next 8 years I was either pregnant or breastfeeding. I drank, but I don't recall any fall-face-down sessions, they came later. I met a drinking partner of note in 2001. That is also the year my 1st born went to Grade 1. I recall, having ?lunch? with her early that year, and asking a stranger to take my son home! Off course I told a lie about car trouble or whatever... NOTHING could come between my glass and myself! From there it was downhill.

I am clever! Or cunning rather... I found it rather easy to arrange my life around my drinking: someone popping in for a glass after work, a supper for that single friend, meeting for drinks, because my friend ?needs to talk?, and of course hosting parties at home.

?Welcome to the house of fun ? Madness ? 1992?.

Someone near and dear to me said once that he can't believe that I still get up in the mornings, that he thinks I have a liver of steel, and that he admires me at times... All of this was sarcasm of course. I would always be the last to leave the table, but most of the night's memories would be in File 13, and I had no access to that file the morning after...

I have photo's of my damaged face, I just could not put my hands out in time, my swollen face because my kidneys got fed-up with me, the letters I wrote during my drunken stupors, many of which I could not decipher the day after... And yet, I still didn't get the message. Often I would promise myself that I am done, go look for help on the Internet, and even worse: promise my kids that I am done. You see? They grew up, and could now see and understand. My stories of ?tummy bug?, or bad headaches did not work anymore...

In 2010, just in time for the Soccer World Cup, I quit drinking for the 1st time in my life. I did so with the aid of a website, based in the USA. On the 5th of May that year, without planning it, I just stopped. I spent a LOT of time online chatting to my new friends, but little talking about the issue at hand. My previous drinking time was now consumed by online chats. I was still unavailable for my kids, and had little interest in anything outside my laptop. Thanks to AA, I now know that I was a dry-drunk! I gave up my favourite past time, but nothing else changed within me. Hence the sense of deprivation.

We had guests on the 9th of August, and, why I don't know, I decided to have a glass of Chardonnay. It tasted vile!!!! The very next day I poured a vodka and coke, like the ?good old days?, and the rest is history for many of us.... Insanity took on a new meaning for me...

?Therefore, the main problem of the alcoholic centers in his mind rather than in his body? - BB P23

2011 was a very good year for all liquor stores in my immediate area. You know, I supported them all as I did not want to arouse any suspicion by buying a bottle a day from the same place...

On Valentine's day this year, 2012, I was extremely hung-over, filled to the brim with resentments and self pity, so I quit again. Same story as before... I gave up on that bad idea after 2 months only. I went to Namibia for 10 days, and sad to say, I don't remember much of it...

On Monday the 6th of August 2012, I walked into my 1st AA meeting, the Moreleta Group in Pretoria. I was all bloated, and when I was told that I was the most special person in that room, I released some of that water retention, through my eyes... Somehow I knew, that this was it: I got my Big Book, found a sponsor, and started working with the same zeal as I approached my drinking.

The God of my understanding must have seen my willingness, and from then onwards only angels crossed my path. I almost immediately got involved with service, made coffee, washed cups, and just being open and available. I have realised that service is not just 12 Stepping, it is that hug when needed, the little text message, giving a lift, in short, total commitment to this programme.

"Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery" BB ? P.97

And when I read:

There is a solution.
Almost none of us liked the self*-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its success*ful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopeless*ness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet. We have found much of heaven and we have been rocketed into a fourth dimension of existence, of which we had not even dreamed. BB ? P25

I had a feeling of coming home!!!

And this solution is not a short-cut to how to stop drinking, it envelopes my entire being, and has catapulted me into spiritual growth I never thought possible...

Keeping It Simple
When I showed up at your doors, you kept it very simple for me.
You said, "Don't drink, go to meetings, get a sponsor, and keep coming back."
You said that if I did this, things would get better.
You didn't tell me when but I believed you just the same. . .
I was an alcoholic who wanted a new way of life, and that was all you cared about.
- Thank You For Sharing, p. 88

If I, Solitaire, follow the simple suggestions in my Big Book, attend my meetings, work with my sponsor, and be willing to listen to suggestions from my Higher Power, I know in my heart of hearts, that the following promises will remain true for me through out my life!

THE A.A. PROMISES
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us?sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
BB ? P.83, P84

Life is not all fairytale all of a sudden, and yet I have joy! I feel equipped to deal with the world of the worlds, as long as I keep my connection open with my Higher Power, Let Go and Let God!

I have laughed more in this short period, than in the previous decade. My kids ask me often what is wrong with me, their mom is happy, and they have never experienced her like this! Sure, I regret and hurt immensely if I think how my drinking affected them, but I am open with them about it, made them part of my AA journey, and I have hope that we are creating memories today that will make the older ones fade in time...

Just for today!

With love,

Solitaire

**bettygirl** · November 22, 2012, 03:50 PM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

here here...aa is better than any therapy i've ever experienced. i love listening and occasionally sharing, and being of service. it really is a great philosophy.

happy thanksgiving all, even in sa! everyday is thanksgiving for us recovering aa's!

peace!

**retteacher** · November 23, 2012, 08:07 AM

Weekly AA Thread - Nov. 19 - Nov. 25

We ate our Thanksgiving dinner in mid afternoon. By evening, the family was gearing up for my SIL's sister & fam to come over. We decided to take our leave at that point, & I found that I could go to my meeting. It's a small meeting in which we read the first 164 pp of the BB over & over...really study them. Last night we read "A Vision for You." It was just what I needed to read at that point in the day. We all had a chance to share & most shared about the gratitude of being at a meeting on Thanksgiving. I'm so glad I was able to get there. My husb ended up going to his Thurs Alanon meeting, so we got a dose of good food & some spiritual food as well. Hope all is well w/you & yours. Mary

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