af day Sun 9 Dec

[treetops]

Morning here in New Zealand and it looks like I am starting the thread. I am sitting here at the airport waiting for my flight home (and drinking probably too much coffee). Really looking forward to seeing my loved ones (including the cat). I am off overseas without them in a few days time (another conference).

Read over the thread from yesterday (well its still Sat for many out there) and heard the loud AF message - so glad I have found this thread that takes abstinence for real and for life. You guys are an inspiration (like Mick, Lavande, Caysea and others) - even when you have doubts, work and business crap (like Catbuddy, Kuya) or are feeling shaky (SL, Sunflower) and deal with all the rest of the stuff that makes us humans. Stuff like dealing with the snow, heating going off, - these things can be so stressful and time consuming.

Hi there TDN - good luck with the DUI and driver's licence. Some years ago I lost my licence for 9 months and it was awful. That has now been deleted from my record (actually its the only thing I had on my police record) as in NZ we have a 'clean slate' policy after so many years for things like DUIs. Provided of course there are no repeats. I am surmising that your headaches may also be from the limited sleep you are getting. as I said on an earlier post I am sleeping far less now that I am AF - but its not quite enough for my body and I get headaches too.
Get this - I now want to wake up early - because I am so excited about starting the day!!! So I am like a little kid - can't stay in bed. How much is that a contrast to the mornings of guilt, recrimination and exhaustion - only just a few months ago.

Take care my dears and enjoy the rest of your weekend. We do live in economically tough times - and its still hitting those who have been in steady employment and running businesses. No more caffeine for me today!!!!

[TheSunFlower]

af day Sun 9 Dec

It is still Saturday night.....but, wanted to check in.

I went out today....and after having a diet coke.....I had a huge panic attack. I know the caffeine triggered it.....but, so uncomfortable.

I am not so much looking into the future too far(SL).....just concentrating on what I have to do today.

TND....I don't think I every really moderated in my life....no need to try that....when it is clear that isn't going to happen.

Cat....I am sorry about your job. Hopefully everything will be fine.

Cat..on the tattoo.....I have often joked that I want to take my picture to the local stores.....and have a warning not to sell me alcohol. Maybe I just need to get it tattooed on my forehead.

My journey has not been easy. And I wish I was one of those people who did not need it hammered into my head several times. About 17 years ago my boyfriend (now hubby)...went out and had shots. I was done with that. I tried hard liquor one night about 10 years ago.....it felt so awesome it scared the shit out of me. The wine I started after having my second son. I am not sure why.....but, I am going to guess it was because I thought it was more proper for a woman to drink wine than beer. That took me out in 9 months flat....and went to AA. Stayed there for 9 months.....then went back to lite beer. Its been an up and down battle since then to STAY sober.

For me.....the different types of alcohol do make a huge difference. 8 years....and the smell of the wine and the taste....got me. I am just glad it took me out quickly.

I am completely at a loss...as to say why I choose wine. I had to be out of mind. And with a few glasses I was.

I only post this.....because I do need support. The panic attack had me seriously thinking about beer. I could start to rationalize that. But, honestly the attack was so bad.....there was no way I could have made it into the store to purchase it.

I see the therapist next week.....and I have been to her before....she is one of us....and knows my history. I go to AA on Monday.

ODAT. Foot is still in my ass. I am trying to access why I made the choices I did.....and after the first bad episode.....I thought it would help me sleep. Or was I just lying to myself.....I think I know the answer.

[kuya]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Ah Sun, the lies we can tell ourselves are unbelieveable.

There is NO reason to drink poison is my only answer to any doubts.

I just posted on Newbies, Almost Free had an epiphany, conscious or subconscious , wwhere she referred to the slavery of alcohol.

That is exactly what this is, a form of slavery from which we CAN break free. But those emotions that act as jailers must be identified and seen as internal not external

[Mick]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Mornin all...cant stop long on my way out..tis Sunday..so bid you all a great af cay..ta for the start tt..........SF odat and you will be fine..morn KY
I put the AW thread up if anyone wants to use it..and also any comments

Have a great day

[CanToo]

af day Sun 9 Dec

I'm up so late it's Sunday. It was a lazy day with a volunteer gig at a Bingo.

It's one of those weekends were things keep getting cancelled. The morning run was cancelled which was fine with me. The morning temp with wind chill was -28 ish. And 'today's 11am group workout was also cancelled.

Oh well, the body must need a break.

Must sleep will check in sometime later

CT

[kuya]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Oh that's what you meant by the AW thread. Could be useful for people to monitor how quickly bad shit comes and goes. Useful for new peeps also who may think everything gets PERFECT after a magical amount of time. Truth is shit happens drunk or sober.

So yeah I'd use it as an online diary cos truth is we are more up than down just doesn't always feel like that. :new:

[ThreeDogNight]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Lost the post again--second one, and three yestrday!! This blasted laptop has some key I can't find that erases everything!! It is a refurbished thing I bought a year and a half ago and I will look into a new one soon. This one is going to be repaired after one of the dogs jumped on it and broke some hinges. Maybe I need to head over to the AW thread

Anyway, now I have forgotten everyone who has posted here already, but good morning to Mick, TT, KY, CanToo, SF and everybody.

TT, hope you got home safely. Travel for work is so hard, especially when you have to leave your family behind. But not having to worry about hangovers, guilt, shame, etc makes a huge difference. You are doing a great job!

[ThreeDogNight]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Lost the post again--second one, and three yesterday!! This blasted laptop has some key I can't find that erases everything!! It is a refurbished thing I bought a year and a half ago and I will look into a new one soon. This one is going to be repaired after one of the dogs jumped on it and broke some hinges. Maybe I need to head over to the AW thread

Anyway, now I have forgotten everyone who has posted here already, but good morning to Mick, TT, KY, CanToo, SF and everybody.

TT, hope you got home safely. Travel for work is so hard, especially when you have to leave your family behind. But not having to worry about hangovers, guilt, shame, etc makes a huge difference. You are doing a great job! Not sure about the headaches--maybe they are sleep related, but sugar may be part of the problem, too. Or PAWS, which can last so long.

SF, I really understand here you are at. It alwats seems that we don't know why we take that first step that leads us back to hell, but once we do, it is all downhill. I'm not sure that I ever had a full blon panic attack, but I definitley suffered from anxiety due to my drinking. Started Paxil last year when I went to rehab, but weaned mysef off of it after five months and started Amoryn, at Lav's advice. It works great, as long as I stay AF. I take one a day, although Lav and others take two. It has St John's Wort, 5 HTP and some other more natural ingredients. I also have Seredyn, which is for anxiety, and haven't taken it since I went AF 16 days ago. I remember the first time I took it--it worked so quickly and so well. It helps with withdrawals, too. Maybe you can give it a try? I hope the therapist can help, too.

KY, thanks for always helping us, no matter what thread we post on I know that so many of us here appreciste your wisdom and your willingness to be there no matter what!

Saw on the news last night that another NFL player killed somebody--negligent homicide. After a night of drinking, he drove and crashed the car and a fellow player died. I am so grateful that I didn't crash my car or hurt anybody when I got the DUIs. So grateful!

Okay--better stop before this one disappears. Apologize in advance for any typos--some keys stick, too

Have a great AF'in day (thanks for that, Det:H)

TDN

[Lavande]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Good morning Abbers,

TT, hope you are home & resting!

Mick, out for another mysterious Sunday morning, huh?
I had to make my own coffee, damn :H

SF, I know all about panic attacks - awful!
TDN mentioned the herbals I've been using for the past 4 years, they are wonderful. Visit their websites, they are very informative. (amoryn.com & seredyn.com)

Greetings CanToo & Kuya!

It's raining here this morning so I suppose I'll break down & finally stay inside & get some holiday decorating done, wrap gifts for the grandkids, etc. I just haven't been able to whip up any real enthusiasm

Have a terrific AF Sunday everyone.
Lav

[porqoui]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Good Morning Dily AF'ers....

TT...thanks for kicking us off..."Get this - I now want to wake up early - because I am so excited about starting the day!!! So I am like a little kid - can't stay in bed. How much is that a contrast to the mornings of guilt, recrimination and exhaustion - only just a few months ago"...made my heart feel all warm when I read that.

CB..."I love the name "aw crap." Sounds good to me. But we still come here too, whether strong or fragile, right?"...RIGHT, this will always be home with all the love and support you need.

SF...sorry to hear about the "panic" attack. It's hard to describe to people who don't have them and man I've had a few doosies! "ODAT. Foot is still in my ass" :H

KY...good morning and I think I felt like a slave to the bottle long before I started thinking maybe I have a problem.

Mick...morning and you have a great AF cay as well...

CanToo...glad you posted was thinking we'd have to send the dogs out looking for you, man where would they even start! Only you can quantify "a lazy day" with "Bingo gig" :H

TDN...just a thought but while you're waiting to have the lappy fixed you could always type your post out in word and then copy/paste it to the post. Might save a bit of frustration!

Lav...I know how I used to "whip up my enthusiasm" for Chrimbo...not happening this year! Thanks for posting the sites again.

Well it is -20 (-4) out there without the windchill factor. Going to need more coffee before heading to my AA meeting, and the nerve...we have to get our own!

As Det would say...have a great AF'ing Day all and all to come...PPQ

[porqoui]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Sorry bit of a lecture but made sooo much sense to me...

Posting this seperately as I didn't want the post to get too long.

I found this link on another thread yesterday and after a quick read through I had an epiphany. What stood out for me was changing my thinking from "I" to "IT".

Rational Recovery | The Crash Course On AVRT (Go to page 2 and click on "Bullets for my Beast"

In effect, you have two separate brains within your head ? a human brain, which supports consciousness, and an animal/beast brain which supports life itself. The beast brain generates survival appetites which drive the rest of the body toward what it demands, such as oxygen, food, sex, and fluids.



We call your desire for the pleasure of alcohol the Beast?. The Beast of Booze is ruthless in getting what it wants because it is about survival. It cannot speak, it cannot see, it has no arms or legs, and it has no intelligence of its own.
The Beast is utterly powerless to act on its own. Instead, it uses your thoughts and intelligence, sees through your eyes, creates strong feelings, and persuades you to use your hands, arms, and legs in order to obtain its favorite substance. It must appeal to you to get alcohol into your bloodstream.

Your Beast is your appetite for pleasure.
It expresses itself through your thoughts,
mental images, and feelings.
But it cannot act on its own.

It needs pronouns.
It needs you.

Your Beast's favorite word is "I."
Without that word, it is paralyzed.

When your Beast wants a drink, you hear,
"I want a drink."

In AVRT, "It wants a drink."
Too bad for it.

Do you want to continue drinking?

Or is it your Beast?

[Lavande]

af day Sun 9 Dec

I ran into that website myself last week PQ ~ very interesting & helpful

[Kaslo]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Good morning folks, how are yez? I just wanted to respond to SunFlower, re panic atacks and all of the ups and downs of AF life in the first couple of months, Kuya has said it better and shorter, probably... but there really is a lot of psychological wreckage from drinking and the longer in your life you do it, the worse it is when you finally quit. I think we all see a pattern of feeling better physically and in every respect really, but there are these reall god awful residual effects that hang on for a year, some people get panic attacks, temper flareups, depression is very common for much longer than most people realize. Sometimes we think, well shite, I quit six months ago, this cant be AL but it is. I just wanted to say please try and hang on. Use what ever aid you can to stay AFloat. Wether its amoryn, or exercise, or yoga, or paxil (not crazy about paxil mind you), anything to get you through this first year. It DOES take a year, or more, and some practical help with not relapsing because of the above is good too. Its been a year and 10 months for me, and I think I am finally no longer having bad temper flare ups, irrational obsessions with things, etc etc.

Big Hellooooo to TT, Mick, CanToo, PQ, TDN, KY, CB and all others. Lav up with the chickens again, eh?

Love to all, and peace on this fine AF Sunday.

Kas

[nurdl]

af day Sun 9 Dec

good morning all. Dark and drizzly here. Auditions this afternoon and evening for my next production. The day will be like back to back episodes of American Idol. Send good thoughts. When an audition is particularly bad the conductor will reply "thank you for sharing that with us" which makes it especially difficult not to snort or laugh out loud. Send P's Porqoui. I'll need all the positive thinking I can muster.
~n

[porqoui]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Good Luck Nurdl

:angel::angel:"PPP":angel::angel:

"thank you for sharing"...:H :H