af day Sun 9 Dec

[CanToo]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Nurdl, can I ask what kind of production?

Hi PPQ - feel hungover today. Up way too late with ' bingo' food in the system. :yuk:

[Determinator]

af day Sun 9 Dec

hidy ho ABeroooooonies near and far!

I'm so bloody sore I'm walking funny, but it's a good sore indeed.

jeepers those are some cold temperature reports from our friends up north.

Porquoi, understanding this disease/malady from a neurological perspective is key to my being able to isolate and confront this enemy. as is perhaps obvious I love to study the human brain and body. one thing this alcoholism has done for me is motivate my studies which really has been and continues to be a fascinating journey. one interesting nuance of the brain is that the frontal cortex (where our higher conscious thoughts take place) can only function one thought at a time, much like a series of film clips that operate one frame at a time. whereas the limbic region (beast area) can function subconsciously and parallel to our front brain, which makes it so tricky and interesting. this is why it's so important for us to 'steer' our conscious mind as soon as we realize we are in jeapardy of falling to the whims of our middle brain.

well, back on the road tomorrow driving through norcal wine country again. passing all the 'wine tasting' signs etc and spending the night at hotels again. feeling strong and determined.

be well everyone

[scottish lass]

af day Sun 9 Dec

day 1 again, but now resolved

Well, sadly I did it ? drank a bottle of wine. I think I can look at HALT, with a C in front. I was cold, still no heating: hungry ? nipped into store between dropping girls off at various events and had not had lunch; Angry as heat not working and various other things; Lonely - homesick at this time of year and reflecting as to what my life is now; and tired ? a crazy week running around trying to make everything work.
Maybe I just needed to do it to work it all out for myself ? the question was in my mind and maybe it was a self fulfilling prophecy? I have a little bit of me that is glad I did it ? today I am miserable, yes, I have the morning after physical affects but more impactful to me is how miserable I feel mentally ? and not just cross because I did it, but how low I feel ? and it is a feeling that I had become used to before giving up AL and had not really realized it ? I have been happy, not always bright and cheerful, but baseline happy and that has gone.
2013 will be a good year for me as I do not like feeling this way and now totally realize what I have given up by drinking ? so back on Day 1, but even more determined and also aware that AF is the only way for me.

[Determinator]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Scottish Lass xxxxxxx I can relate all too well.

do you think you can work through today without the 'hair of the dog'? that's where I usually run into my most serious problems and let an accident become a full blown binge.

[porqoui]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Thanks Det...I actually understood that. :H

I did not know that the frontal cortex could only function one thought at a time....

I know that's where my AL intake would hit first as I would loose all my inhibitions instantly...

It is a fasinating study isn't it?

[Turnagain]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Greetings FABbers not so near yet not really that far....

We got a nice little topping of about 3 inches of fluffy, sparkly snow last night. Sooooo beautiful. Hubby is excited about using the new snowblower. We'll see how long that lasts! I imagine it will end up being my job soon enough.

Det - I am right there with you about understanding what alcohol (or any addictive substance or activity) does to the brain. It is THE key to my present and continued state of living free of addiction. One of these days - when I have a chunk of extra time - I would like to put together a resource list of some of the online sites that helped me understand what happens in the neural soup.

Once I understood the mechanics of what happens when the brain gets hyper flooded by dopamine...it became apparent that the only way to avoid the inevitable outcome of that is to eliminate the substance. Addiction has nothing to do with being weak-willed or morally defective or a lack of following steps. If I decided to water my garden with a fire hose I wouldn't expect a great outcome, would I?

Keeping the addictive substance out of the system is just the beginning. Alcohol does a lot of damage to the brain which researchers are just starting to truly understand. That is why it is crucial to rebuild the damaged neural pathways and repair the biochemical balance that has been disrupted. Like replanting that garden that was denuded with the fire hose. It takes time and care.

Knowing this gives me the confidence that I will not relapse. It's not some mysterious unknown out there waiting to surprise me at any moment. It's pretty clear. If I drink alcohol, I will end up addicted again. Just as certain as I would destroy my garden by blasting it with that fire hose. I know better now. And that knowledge is power.

There is an 8-part video series called Pleasure Unwoven which uses some interesting metaphors to explain what happens in the brain. While the video starts out with the question of whether addiction is a 'disease' it quickly gets into the mechanics of brain process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxiKVQR90VM&list=PLA8F89537FD4C3FD1&index= 1[/video]]Addiction: Is addiction really a disease? (DVD Trailer) - YouTube

Hugs to all who have been here...and to all to come!

[porqoui]

af day Sun 9 Dec

:hallo: SL and :welcome: to the new and determined you.

I think you've learned a valuable lesson and you have definetly reminded me of that "low" feeling that I never, ever want to have again...:thanks:

[RunningCourage]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Turnagain;1424454 wrote: If I decided to water my garden with a fire hose I wouldn't expect a great outcome, would I?

Keeping the addictive substance out of the system is just the beginning. Alcohol does a lot of damage to the brain which researchers are just starting to truly understand. That is why it is crucial to rebuild the damaged neural pathways and repair the biochemical balance that has been disrupted. Like replanting that garden that was denuded with the fire hose. It takes time and care.

Evening abbers. As ever some fine posts here. I especially like your metaphor of the garden, Turnagain. Gonna nab that and put it on the Stella thread!

Have a fine evening all.

[kuya]

af day Sun 9 Dec

SL ....... Don't worry too much about this, you have been in a bit of disbelief about making it so far this time and all this stress was too much. Not long after I quit I had four terrible weeks professionally but they hit when I was on the pink cloud of early abstention and passed before the kinda crappy second month.

Now you know you can, you will, make sure it is from today and doesn't , like DET warns, become an extended binge. As he and RC will remind you they are much harder to get over.

:l:l

[nurdl]

af day Sun 9 Dec

A brief break from the mind numbing audition process. CanToo, it's a community theatre production of Gypsy. A well loved musical with some lovely songs. Only one today that was worthy of the "thank you for sharing that with us" comment. This evening one of my favorites will audition, who will most likely get the role of Mama Rose, and she is a joy to work with. Porquoi thanks for the P's I had enough to share. A bit of tea and then back to the trenches.
~n

[ThreeDogNight]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Just want to say that I'm glad you came here and told the truth, SL.. Very hard, as I well know, having done it a few times myself. I am like Det and many others in that I let a slip become a relapse. Hope you don't go there, but just keep that renewed determination to remain AF. You can do it, and e are all here for you!

:lTDN

[scottish lass]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Thanks so much for this support.
Det - you have hit the nail on the head and I was in the kitchen just thinking about a hair of the dog and how much nicer that would make things - so decided to sign on again and saw all these posts - I will abstain! I WILL!!

In a way I am glad that I did this, it has been on my mind for a while - KY , you are right, there has been some disbelief - hopefully this has put those crazy thoughts to rest - I cannot believe that I functioned so miserably - all I can thnik of today is what a misery I feel and what a waste of two days off - one drinking and the other regretting so much. I hate feeling this sad, I understand that AL is a depressant, but did not always believe that - why it made me so happy - what a load of *!@#$! for sure, I am depressed today - and nagging at the girls I sound like such an old harpie - I do not want to be this person, so I won't be!

TDN, I admit to lying in bed this morning thinking about my post and the thought was there that it is only one day, noone will know and I can carry on - it is about 40 days and who will know - but i did not want to give myself the ablity to cheat, I am scared if I cheat once, I will cheat again and again - so for myself, I had to confess.

:thanks: for the support, it means the world... P, I will also like the new me, once I have got rid of this worthless feeling....the joy is knowing that it is there for me to achieve, and that is a lovely thing. Happy Sunday all

[kuya]

af day Sun 9 Dec

None of us knows tomorrow SL and you are so right to see cheating here as the road to true hell.

This is THE place for honesty. If I lie here I am finished.

You have identified THE trigger, hunger, when you remove hunger all the other factors diminish. This is why I keep it in my signature, because I, too, forget to feed myself, forget to care for ME, and like caring for a small child I have to learn to be my own mother again.

You KNOW you can do this SL..... Because you have already been doing it. The longer the habit, the stronger the habit.

[Determinator]

af day Sun 9 Dec

so....that's what I've been doing wrong with my garden

[TheSunFlower]

af day Sun 9 Dec

Just checking in. Had a busy and good day.

Therapist called and she wanted me to start some homework before our meeting. It was instersting to really refelect on what AL has cost me. But, more in importantly....she wanted to make sure I had a game plan for today and tomorrow....before we meet. She does not take insurance....which is fine....because she costs just the same out of pocket.

SL....I understand. Many here have been able to slam the door shut on AL. If you you leave it open even little bit....you are most likely to got try it again. My therapist asked me today if I had slammed the door shut.....and honestly....I just told her I was too weak to give her that answer. She said that was great because we now get to work on the bolts.