December Determination ~ week 2

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ week 2

Just a quick stop, I have to take care of the little furred and feathered house troops and then figure out what to wear to the party I thought was last Monday but wasn't. It should be unusual but fun, a group from Lord Bird Heart's profession which is heavily represented it seems by highly intelligent males with at least mild forms of Asperger's disorder. Speaking of the socially oblique, we are with you in the midst of streaming Doc Martin, funny and quaint. I shall leave the talk of God and souls to those of you with more experience. Love, Ladybird.

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ week 2

Evening, all -

Good luck with the party that is tonight, LBH, can't wait to hear the reports - the description alone was charming...

Thanks for the new heads-up on food, Lav. I meant to tell you that I made your Barley/Chicken dish last weekend - spiced it up a bit for my beloved, he was happy and we got many a meal from it. Last night I made a roasted sweet potato/pear dish: it was supposed to be finished with pecans and golden raisins, but it didn't get that far, it was too delish just the way it was.

Rusty, so good to hear from you, and glad to know that I can enjoy holiday decorating 'virtually' through your happiness. Rustop, so glad to hear your voice whenever you can stop by, thanks. PMom, it was good to hear how your weekend gig went, sounded like fun.

I spent a bit of time yesterday looking at the Tools thread, and reading about relapses and start-overs, etc. I was curious about the Rational Recovery method Lav, and followed that link. It was 2 years ago that a real move forward in my AF life began (I'm fairly certain I have the date right, it was not a dramatic moment, it just happened to be the start of real accumulated AF time). For a few months now I have been having unfortunate 'chatting' going on in my head about 'why not?', etc. After reading a bit of the Rational Recovery materials, I am now seeing the ridiculousness of listening to that voice for even a second. So, tonight I'm using this date to re-calibrate my AFness, to re-dedicate myself as it were, to see again with fresh eyes. Chill, you said it so well once - that in the beginning, you knew that your sobriety was the most precious thing in the world, and had to be protected at all costs. I think I lost that focus some time ago, and so will be holding those thoughts close to myself once again.

Take care all, and hope your week started well --

[Catbuddy]

December Determination ~ week 2

Cyntree, what a wonderful inspiring thought. Rededicate yourself to avoid complacency. I am often amazed by folks who have years of sobriety and return to drinking, THEN do not come back to sobriety. My dear sister is one. Her pain was a major reason I sought outside help, as I don't want to walk that road (5 years sober, then last 3 very drunk).

The saying that compells me is "you pick up your relationship with AL exactly where you left off."

I can tell you the moment I decided to quit. I was a 24/7 drinker. It was Monday, I decided to work from home and started drinking wine about 8:00am. I needed a nap by 10:00, and had an 11:00 phone mtg with my boss. I slept thru the meeting. When I work up, this road I had been travelling down came to an abrupt stop. I called him, made an excuse, had the meeting and hung up. Then I said to myself, I deserve to be fired. That moment, I knew I had to end it.

You may relate to this, or this may be way worse than your experience. If so, this is the future of that decision to drink - loss of self respect, loss of functioning. I hope this is incentive to quell those voices. No good can come from that drink if you suffer from dependence.

Sorry, not very cheery.

Cat

[Stargazerlily]

December Determination ~ week 2

Good morning to all...

Kas, Dill and Lav, thanks for the comments on organized religions and what they have become. I too want to be able to attend one, but if they don't tolerate GLBT or consider women equal, I just can't do it. Can you tell I feel guilty? I do I do. Ongoing struggle.

LBH, hope you find something in your closet that is appropriate. If I dig around enough in mine, I usually find something for the party.

Cyn, love the recommitting to sobriety, I think every day AF is a success and can be so easily lost. Especially at this time of year.

Catbuddy, loved your story about finally being done and being really honest with yourself. So great you are feeling better and liking yourself again.

It snowed here last night and there is snow on the ground this morning. It has started. Have a great day.

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ week 2

Good morning friends,

No snow here, looking forward to the return of some sunshine too

LBH, can't wait to hear about that party ~ unusual group of folks, huh?

Catbuddy, at the very end of my drinking career I was much the same as you. I knew then that I had been trying to drink away the pain of a long term depression ~ nothing else worked, of course AL just made it all worse Thank goodness that is all history now!

Star, working on developing my spiritual side has taken away most of the angst related to church. We are perfectly capable of having our own conversations with God, aren't we?

This morning is dedicated to work, this afternoon I'm meeting my old work friends for lunch. I love the strength I draw from spending a little time with those girls!!!!

Wishing everyone a great AF Tuesday!
Lav

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ week 2

Hope everyone had a good day. Finally it's getting a little crisper here - the air smells good, and we actually saw a little sun today. I prefer cold and sunny!

Lav - your lunch date sounds like a good time - so glad that you have old (I mean long-time!) friends.

Almost finished with my huge painting project, and now that I'm done paying bills, I'm off to put the heating pad on my neck for a bit before bed...

take care all - sweet dreams

[cyntree]

December Determination ~ week 2

PS - thanks for sharing your story, Cat. Wonderful that you are on the other side...

[Chillgirl]

December Determination ~ week 2

Happy 12:12:12 guys

Cold and crisp here and can't believe I'm saying it but I'm really enjoying it! Perhaps helped by the fact that my little loft is very cosy.

Cyn - just to go back to Rational Recovery, I read the book in the early days and found it helpful. At the time I was a sponge for every bit of help and advice out there and our own tool box here is hard to beat.

Catbuddy - how sad your Sister returned to drinking, I think it must be awful after a long spell of sobriety because by then we truly know its a losing game and it must be harder to rid yourself of the self loathing. I pray she reaches the point again and goes AF.

Having a hysteroscopy at hospital today. Just routine but I'm getting anxious, they say you can't drive for 24 hours but I have no option as there is no one to take me to the hospital. Will be very happy when I'm home tonight and it's over.

My Parents are coming this weekend for 4 days for a pre Christmas visit and I'm so looking forward to seeing them and showing off the lovely area where I'm now living

[Guitarista]

December Determination ~ week 2

Warmest greetings to one and all!

I'm living in a loft these days too Chilli. A bit warm being summer here now, but groovy and good airflow nonetheless, and near the beach. Yeaah.

All the best with the hospital procedure Chilli. Maybe they can keep you there for awhile till you're safer to drive?

LBH, a 7' metal tree? Industrial baby! Sounds cool.

All ok here. Have a bonza week everyone, and take care out there.

G-bloke. :h

[Stargazerlily]

December Determination ~ week 2

Good morning to all...

Chill, get better soon, hope it goes well and you heal quickly. Wonderful your parents are coming to visit.

Not alot going on this Wednesday, just work and making it through the day. Lots of work this weekend for Christmas...have to tie up loose ends and complete shopping. We are having a potluck at work and I have to get a few presents, I guess I am lucky I work with just a few people. I found out I am getting something so I have to return it. DARN. This is the reason I feel stressed...buying something just to buy it, wasting money, etc.

Hello to Lav, Cyn, Dill, Rusty, Rustop, Catbuddy, Guitarista, Pap, LBH, and all.

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ week 2

Good morning friends,

Sunshine & chilly here as well today Cyn, feels normal for this time of the years. Hope your neck aches are gone (I'm very famiiar with them too).

Chill, wishing you a speedy recovery today!
Hope everything turns out well for you. Today 12-12-12 happens to be my brother's birthday which means mine is only a week away

Hi G, nice to see you!

Star, I'm still chasing the Bah Humbug spirit.....hope I'm over it soon!
I have lots of work waiting for me after a trip to Curves.

Here I go
Lav

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ week 2

Cat, I want you to know how fortunate we are that you joined our thread, your voice is intelligent, kind, and credible. Chill, we shall be sending you all sorts of get well loving. I have often been on my own, and the staff can find a stray shelf to keep us on until we can be on our way. We love you. And Cyn, thank you so much for the reminder regarding Rational Recovery. I had heard of it but never looked at the website until last night and it really struck home with me. As people have unfortunately seen here I can be cavalier about my sobriety, I don't keep alcohol around the house, just like potato chips and desserts, but every few months I have a drinks in a controlled setting. The longest I have made it so far is five months in a row. Years ago I did the same thing with cigarettes, people thought I was insane, but I went from a pack a day to maybe five or ten cigarettes a year and then eventually lost interest. I have not had a cigarette in thirty years but I didn't "see" myself as a non smoker for perhaps the first five of them. Lav, I think that it is the cognitive shift you have talked about, to see yourself as a non drinker not as drinker who has simply reduced his or her rate to zero. You are probably saying "well duh", but I think I may finally be getting the importance of that difference:H. Hope everybody finds a way to have a fine day, being AF opens up the possibilities and makes things more simple at the same time. Hi G. It is industrial, glows like a glacial starship. Lord Bird Heart made me hang a few antique glass ornaments on it, peculiar but it works. Love, Ladybird.

[ladybirdheart]

December Determination ~ week 2

It seems I can keep blabbing and blithering on as the old YMCA pool where I swim got closed at least for today by the Health Department. I probably don't want to think too much about the details. I forgot to mention that for all of you looking for a loving and tolerant church, they do exist. Lord Bird Heart attended a Catholic Church in the upper Midwest for years where many members, perhaps even a majority were openly LGBT. The priest performed commitment ceremonies before just about anybody else. I think the church may have been functionally excommunicated or whatever you call it but it was going strong. Also I take Tai Chi in a University area Episcopal Church and they evidently have a woman priest and lots of openly gay and lesbian members. There is an openly gay Bishop up the chain of command somewhere. If I were church minded, I might choose the Hippie Church (it is really called that) a couple of blocks from my house. I also like the Church of Beethoven, but that is music and poetry, humanitarian intentions. There may not be such things near enough to you but people have moved for far less than a like minded community. I tried to live alone in the rural "country" but did not have anything in common with anybody aside from my horse, I felt like a freak. Perhaps there are also online communities like this one, it is awful be alone with our thoughts sometimes. Off now to make breakfast and wrap a few little presents for mailing. I am in the Spirit. Love, Ladybird.

[papmom3]

December Determination ~ week 2

Howdy!!

I know I've been absent since the weekend but I have some tentative news that I just couldn't share and if I started a post I knew I would blow it!

First tho-Chill-my sista-I so hope you are safe and comfy cozy back in your loft with Elle on your lap. I can only imagine how alone you must have felt today. Please know we were always with you. Please check in.

LBH-I just love your writing! The visuals are stunning! yes, there is a shift that happens gradually. I now truly see myself as a non drinker. If I imagine a drink in my hand, I also see death. It is poison to me. I don't even want it in a controlled setting. I don't need it to help celebrate anything nor do I want or need it to get me through the ups and downs of life. I can celebrate any occassion with a nice juice/seltzer mixer. Its not what you have in your glass that counts anyway. I don't want or need it to be social. Definitely a shift and my wish for 2013 is that it is a shift for everyone on this site that is still struggling. :h

Hey G-so good to see you! Saw your posts on FB-looking hot as always!!

Ok, so........ I applied for yet ANOTHER job. this one is 45 min away (same commuting time I do now but a much more relaxed commute) and it is for a position that will be a step up for me but at a community college, not a state university (which is fine by me). I had my interview on Monday and I don't ever remember an interview going as well as this one did. I truly enjoyed myself and liked all the search committee members right off the bat. I definitely have 90% of what they are looking for, some things they didn't even know they wanted and the rest I can learn in a snap. I sent my thankyou email when I got home and a couple of hours later I got a return email saying how much they enjoyed meeting me and they would be in touch to schedule a second interview. that interview is with the Executive Team of the College (all the higherups except the President?) and is next Wednesday at 1:30. I will spend almost 3 hours meeting with different people. They said they were bringing 2 or 3 back for the second round. I then got another email today saying that they would be checking my references starting tomorrow so I notified everyone that the calls would be coming.
Obviously I am very excited about this and if I don't get it, I think I will be crushed worse than ever. You all know what I've been through with this job hunt. I'm not sure I have another one in me (of course I said that after the last rejection). This one just feels so right. So, fingers crossed for me next week.
I didn't want to say anything until the first interview was over and I knew I was getting a call back. I just felt like I had to do something different this time. Even my family doesn't know about this opportunity. I think I'm going to hold off on telling them until I get an offer and then surprise them at Christmas. If I don't get the offer, no harm no foul, they don't need to know it even happened.

In other news, gave my mouse killing kitty his sub-q fluids tonite. First time in 12 years I've done this. He took it well, got a little antsy near the end but his food was in front of him and he was hungry so that kept him distracted. At least he ate his whole meal (which he did not this morning). I have about 10 days to find all the supplies on line and get them ordered before the ones the vet gave me run out.

Have a great nite all!!

[Lavande]

December Determination ~ week 2

Wow Papmom
I am very happy for you & will keep my fingers crossed. I'll get Stella & the girls to keep all of their muddy toes crossed for you as well
Have you ever considered a career as a vet tech? Sounds like you have the stuff for that!

LBH, I live in the land of cows, corn & many, many churches :H
I won't go to any of them though. Maybe a branch of the Church of Beethoven will open up here someday. I think I would enjoy that! Someday I'm going to have to force myself out of here & into a more community/neighborhood area. The cows & corn definitely do not provide a whole lot of mental stimulation, if you know what I mean

Chill, nurse Lav hopes you are OK.

Well, YB stopped in & dragged the heavyweight Christmas tree up from storage. Maybe now the spirit will come.

Goodnight wishes to one & all.
Lav