still on our road trip but its almost over. Sitting here is a rather lovely garden waiting for breakfast to be delivered (yes!! this is a wee treat - staying in a very nice holiday house). I am ready to get back to work.
I especially felt for Nurdl's recent post on the being scared of alcohol/drinking - as I am almost up to my 3 month AL free mark. Yesterday was emotionally and physically draining for me - lots of me driving (which was great) but partner (I will call him G from here on) had one of his mood things - and just went on and on and on - while I was driving - daughter started crying, I started crying - etc etc. :upset:Here we are - in a f..king beautiful place and he wants to argue about how I deal with shit. Yet its me who has been dealing with my shit so much the past year (plus that of all the people and students I am responsible for at work), and I have not neglected the family. G has mood, mental health issues plus a big problem with overeating - and he will not take 'ownership' of this - just thinks it can all be solved by medication - that clearly is not working. So I had one of those moments - why don't I just leave - well I won't cos I love them - and I also know I need them and they love me - but sometimes its so bloody hard. My problems are really nothing compared to many....
anyway we get to this gorgeous house and I told G how it was for me - and I talked again about my year of dealing with AL therapists (more like non-therapists), AA, group therapy, going on Antabuse (currently off it but I might do another stint as it really helped me), paying $$$$ to see an addiction psychiatrist who told me f..k all, drinking copious non AL drinks, trying not to gain weight, etc etc etc - and how in fact I feel much much better. But I am so scared of drinking again, going back to detoxing myself, having bad liver function tests, and so on.
Anyway sorry to rant on and on and not say about you guys - but thanks for being there - MWO and this thread has really helped and will help.
Hugs all around and don't worry - I am not loosing it!
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