af day Thurs 17 Jan

[YoungAtHeart]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Oh, maybe I didn't really address Pauly's concerns here. I said that the Monthy Abs thread really helped me get sober the first time around; this time is the second.

Before I got sober the first time, the crew here on Monthly Abs saw me through a number of attempts and relapses and general farting around while I worked up the strength to really give it a sincere try. If people had been rejecting when I screwed up, I likely wouldn't have been sober today. Part of the reason I relapsed was because I let myself get away from MWO for way too long.

It never occurred to me that people would think this thread off-limits or that someone didn't have enough abs time to "qualify".

This was all long before the current crew here on Monthly Abs, but after a big relapse, I knew that this is where I needed to come to get my butt sober again. If you want to be here, I think that the only requirement is wanting to be AF.

If you aren't sincere, you can expect to be challenged at some point, but don't we all need that if it is done kindly?

I love my Abs buddies here. I'm proud to be one of them.

Hugs,
:l
YahYah

PS: Lav, I'm doing a good job of feeling sorry for myself here. Thanks for your kind words!

[Lavande]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Thanks YahYah,

It was important to me to be 'challenged constructively' when I first arrived on MWO ~ otherwise I might still be sitting here, feeling sorry for myself & pouring wine down my throat. Instead I have adopted better coping strategies, the old ones obviously were no longer working. I made the changes, I did the work & I found success. I really wanted to quit my wine habit & not return to it everytime I had a bad day. Making permanent changes = AF success!

[kuya]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Pauly..... This is monthly abs and I came to it before I had been sober for a month and so should you. We are talking about a thread in long term abs, for long term abstainers.

I wouldn't post on NN about my day to day sober life, that is not what it is for. Similarly monthly abs should, as YAH says entail the struggles of getting to that place of sobriety being reached. But there is also a place for a long term abs, where the struggle of GETTING sober has passed yet frustrations arise and the body and mind is still healing.

I think it is healthy for visitors to the site to know there IS a place beyond the struggle, the light at the end of the tunnel so to speak. I wonder if it is daunting seeing EVERY thread containing STRUGGLE all the time...... Like it never ends.

Perhaps a thread for those with six plus months????

[Byrdlady]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

I was just passing by, but am intrigued at the thoughts of a Maintenance Thread...where the struggle is gone and we are just freinds bouncing things off each other.... Count me in...I know how to start threads now...I'm not skeerd!!! Hope you don't mind me hi-jacking your thoughts, but I really like the idea!! Hugs to you all, B

[scottish lass]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Just a quick opinion here, I like that this thread allows honesty. It seems to concentrate more on peopel protecting their sobriety and moving forward, how to live this life and succeed at it. You all support each other in the struggle to remain AF, but are still able to support when someone slips. For me the NN had a big place for me for a long time, and was a huge part of where I am today - and I am so thankful for it - but after a while, I felt that it was allowing me to slip a bit as I would read someone had drunk, so I could to - I understand that this was all me and not passing the blame at all, but it was a mind set. Here I felt a lot more ability to not focus only at being AF, but onto the next step which was to live AF. People are not posting constantly about trying to stay free, but more about daily living without drinking - which was and is refreshing to me. There is posting about alcohol - after all that is why we are all here, and a huge amount of support. For me the NN and some other threads allowed me to find ways to avoid drinking and start to get on the road to give up, but I feel that this thread is for those who have got on the road and want to stay there.
I know I inserted myself here and at no time did I feel not welcome, even though for the first while I was still struggling to get on the right road.....
One of the less frequent posters (can't remember who) commented how wonderful it was to have this thread for those who are protecting their progress at all counts, and that summed it up for me.

So moving on, hi to all - another busy work day but able to do it from home....have to go into office tomorrow :upset:
My weight is just not budging at all - but thanks to the chat about eating gummies in bed, I went and bought three packets the other day!!! I have to cut down!! That might just help don't you think!

Friday will soon be here, and a three day weekend for lots of us in the US.

[paulywogg]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

scottish lass,you put words to what im thinking,somtimes reading of a relapse makes me feel on shaky ground,no blame I make the decisions.i liked the idea of long termers living sober happily,isnt that the point? i try to emulate what i read on this thread,and mick jokes are truly a great start to my day,all i can do is read around and try to give some advice if anyone has qeustions on the boards,i have to stay active here or i feel myself slipping,just saying

[Lavande]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

I like the idea of a Maintenance thread Kuya & Byrdie
Let's do that!

[kuya]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Exactly Pauly, there is a place for this thread AND a place for long term abstainence ...... Answer me honestly that when you get to a month sober a long term abs thread (which you would read but had to have longer sobriety to post) would give you added incentive to stick at it?

And like you say when you read about people drinking it makes you want to drink. Sometimes I don't want to talk booze, I don't want to cheerlead, but under two years sober we are still vulnerable according to statistics.

I will still need a safe place to unload and those giving advice should not have to mince their words as they might for the early abstainant. There comes a time when we are past the 'softly, softly' stage and need a good kick up the arse IMO

[RunningCourage]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Evening Affers, Hmmmm... as a relative newbie I was going to pipe in thoughts re this discussion but the lovely ScottishLass and Molly seems to sum up well some of my thoughts.

Have to say I have felt very welcome here and of course on my 'home' thread in the Army. I think too that the longer peeps have been AF then different things come in to play - different way of looking at their lives, not necessarily through the prism of AL or trying to free themselves from AL; different relationships with themselves, their friends and loved ones, colleagues, with AL itself; dealing with LIFE. There is too a deeper, maturer understanding of their own (and others) addiction and the battle to overcome it. One only knows what it means to run a marathon when one has...well... run a marathon. For those at earlier stages of their AF journey these may not be relevant or paramount yet, as getting passed the physical and psychological affects of AL abuse is what IS relevant and paramount.

That was more of an observation than a suggestion about threads!

Hope you have all had a good - or are having a good - day. :hiya:

[kuya]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

mollyka;1445811 wrote: I started a thread a good while back with that exactly in mind Ky - it sort of got lost - and I can't even remember what I called it - but I do think the concept is very good, that's why I find the Army so helpful - it's mainly day to day chit-chat and normal hassles and problems that life throws at everyone - but if someone wants to talk about an alcohol related problem - that's when the business end of the thread kicks in - and we all remember what we are here for - I find it essential and I feel everyone should be exposed to people who've learnt to live happily soberly long-term

Hi Molls.... You having a great holiday I hope!
Interesting that you started a thread before..... Perhaps it wasn't 'advertised' correctly.

I would love to have that place to pose those problems brought up by day to day stuff. I don't feel I can here when some people are still struggling to hold on.

Examples in the last three weeks

Irritability
Boredom
Weight
Relationships, if and when
Libido ( yep I THINK I found mine down the back of the sofa last week, was wondering where I dropped it :H)

But when someone is having an alcohol related problem the focus turns to that ( rightly) but I am left feeling like its a merry go round which is depressing.

I don't yet feel that I have earnt the passage to be admitted as a long termer, but I sure as heck want to be there

[Determinator]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

I so badly want sobriety, but htis last 7 mnths have been aa real bitch
last night while badly drunk my dear Dx talked me away from suicide. I'm in that bad of shape
right now. i'M SO very sorry to dump on you. I'm just at my wits end. I love you all and wish you the best.

[Determinator]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

I'm so sorry

[Determinator]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

my busted knee and tore bicep are no excuse for my behavior

[scottish lass]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Dear Det, there are not many excuses for a lot that we do - doesn't make us the worse for doing it.....please take care of yourself, you are worthy of so very much more....there are many people who care for you and you care for so much too - please don't lose sight of who you truly are....:l:l

[TheSunFlower]

af day Thurs 17 Jan

Just a mention to DET. Hang in there.....I have had a week of shitty stuff thrown at me. I wanted to drink so many times. Appparently, people don't want us to post here.....it seems a bit silly to me. If AF is your goal....you should be allowed to post here....getting advice. But, they seem to feel different. I am off this board and wish the very best for you.

And I will repeat.....there is a thread for "people that are long term abstainers". Except they want to post here and "put rules on it".....personally.....you people should be kicked off this thread....and moved over to the new one