morning all...no pitcher this morning....hmm too busy enjoying the sunshine :H How are we all today then?
Right lets get started ...Im doing chauffeur again today!!
Tea and coffee on the go now
Mornin pitcher ..and how are you today? take it you are a wee bit busy?
Mornin Rabsy..you ok today? where are we today? teachin waifs n strays? Are th schools not shut up there? Down here there were over 5000 shut I think they said...how come they never shut them when I was a kid...cant remember it ever happening!!!See Dunkeld is takin a hammering with the snow
Morning Kuya...how are you today? Nah you cant blame everything on drink...there is a wee word called age that you forgot :H
My friend got in touch yesterday..they are back in Auckland now....kids not impressed..they had never seen snow and had been promised that they would see it over here ...nowt...then yesterday and today there is loads of it! You behavin like Lav said? I am ..the mood says it!!!hope you are ok mate
Mornin Cinders...how are you today? that post you put up yesterday was excellent..thank you..Ive read it a couple of times now ..and still picked up on wee bits I missed..for anyone else well worth reading..what are your plans for today anything?
Morning Nurdl...and how are you this morning?Im chuffed that you like the how to annoy...and if it helps in any way to cheer your friend up even better..If there is anything I write that you can use help yourself...oh except for trying to blackmail me, extort money, or get me chucked in jail....hmm 3rd one aint that bad!!!Yep ,I noticed Patrick too...tho it doesnt make sense ...a silent Irishman
have a great day
Morning Lavande....every picture tells a story..look at my mood...of course Im behaving!!!How are you today?
How did the shopping trip go? spent out?Well sit down and have a coffee ..here you go.We got more of the same weather today, so wont be going far in this..quiet day..Have you any plans? Dust bunnies etc
Good morning Phil...nice to see you .Its great when people come back and say this worked this didnt etc. anyway whether this is a regular or guest appearance ..we wish you well
Yo hippyman and how are you? Think with some of us the fact that we cannot drink at all takes a while to sink in..in fact until it gets to a certain point in our life we are pretty much in denial..for me wish it had happened earlier!!!
Mornin Pauly ..you ok? what are you yup to today
PPQP....good morning to you..how are things with you today?..Hmm froom the way you posted I reckon you are a wee bit busy ..am I right..here you are , stop for a brew.
Morning merry ..how are you...welcome aboard..how you doing..seem to be doin ok at 3 weeks..have you a plan/strategy?Are you usin the toolbox? so many questions ..I apologise..but Im one of the nosy neighbours!!
Cat ...firstly...your post was lovely..secondly well done for not drinking when you were surrounded by all that ,..thirdly this is a post where you can feel comfortable hopefully..if something is hurtin ..shout out..or pm someone..dont hesitate..a problem shared...is a problem halved they reckon..Believe in yourself..it sounds to me like you are a lovely lady so be strong and part that curtain of tears..there is sunshine there :l
Mornin Det..how are you today? wondered where you had gone.. hope you can get to the bottom of it all mate..and progress ..go for it
Mornin SL....and how are you? wow what a wise 14 year old you have!!! keep your chin up..you are doing great..any plans for today?enjoy it whatever you do
TDN..well done you 60 days ..excellent ..hope you feel proud of yourself ..you should be .
Right folks ..gotta go and do me driving bit..whatever you are doing have a good one..hiya Shue and mmdu..you aint forgotten!!
At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, ?watch out for the wall!?
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn?t know what costume she?d be wearing, she thought she?d have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn?t around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said ?Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you?re not there.? Then she asked, ?Did you dance much??
He replied, ?You know, I didn?t dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I?ll tell you?from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it?s just a suggestion.)
On Tesco?s tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot?s children?s cough medicine: ?Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.?
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: ?For indoor or outdoor use only.? (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I?m curious.)
On Sainsbury?s peanuts: ?Warning: contains nuts.?
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: ?Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.?
On a child?s Superman costume: ?Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.? (I don?t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chain saw: ?Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.?
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, ?Where?s Mom and dad?? and she replied, ?they?re up in bed.?
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma ?where?s Mom and Dad?? and she replied ?they?re still up in bed.?
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma ?where?s Mom and dad?? and his grandmother replied ?they?re still up in bed.?
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, ?what gives? Every time I tell you they?re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?? The little boy replied, ?well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue.?
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, ?Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.?
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, ?I caught them at the dam, so they?re dam fish.?
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, ?Preachers aren?t supposed to talk like that.?
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, ?That?s the spirit dad. Pass the f*cking potatoes!?
Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
Don't leave a message at the beep, just hangup.
Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
dont use any punctuation
Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
Draw mustaches on posters.
Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
Right lets get started ...Im doing chauffeur again today!!
Tea and coffee on the go now
Mornin pitcher ..and how are you today? take it you are a wee bit busy?
Mornin Rabsy..you ok today? where are we today? teachin waifs n strays? Are th schools not shut up there? Down here there were over 5000 shut I think they said...how come they never shut them when I was a kid...cant remember it ever happening!!!See Dunkeld is takin a hammering with the snow
Morning Kuya...how are you today? Nah you cant blame everything on drink...there is a wee word called age that you forgot :H
My friend got in touch yesterday..they are back in Auckland now....kids not impressed..they had never seen snow and had been promised that they would see it over here ...nowt...then yesterday and today there is loads of it! You behavin like Lav said? I am ..the mood says it!!!hope you are ok mate
Mornin Cinders...how are you today? that post you put up yesterday was excellent..thank you..Ive read it a couple of times now ..and still picked up on wee bits I missed..for anyone else well worth reading..what are your plans for today anything?
Morning Nurdl...and how are you this morning?Im chuffed that you like the how to annoy...and if it helps in any way to cheer your friend up even better..If there is anything I write that you can use help yourself...oh except for trying to blackmail me, extort money, or get me chucked in jail....hmm 3rd one aint that bad!!!Yep ,I noticed Patrick too...tho it doesnt make sense ...a silent Irishman
have a great dayMorning Lavande....every picture tells a story..look at my mood...of course Im behaving!!!How are you today?
How did the shopping trip go? spent out?Well sit down and have a coffee ..here you go.We got more of the same weather today, so wont be going far in this..quiet day..Have you any plans? Dust bunnies etc
Good morning Phil...nice to see you .Its great when people come back and say this worked this didnt etc. anyway whether this is a regular or guest appearance ..we wish you well
Yo hippyman and how are you? Think with some of us the fact that we cannot drink at all takes a while to sink in..in fact until it gets to a certain point in our life we are pretty much in denial..for me wish it had happened earlier!!!
Mornin Pauly ..you ok? what are you yup to today
PPQP....good morning to you..how are things with you today?..Hmm froom the way you posted I reckon you are a wee bit busy ..am I right..here you are , stop for a brew.
Morning merry ..how are you...welcome aboard..how you doing..seem to be doin ok at 3 weeks..have you a plan/strategy?Are you usin the toolbox? so many questions ..I apologise..but Im one of the nosy neighbours!!
Cat ...firstly...your post was lovely..secondly well done for not drinking when you were surrounded by all that ,..thirdly this is a post where you can feel comfortable hopefully..if something is hurtin ..shout out..or pm someone..dont hesitate..a problem shared...is a problem halved they reckon..Believe in yourself..it sounds to me like you are a lovely lady so be strong and part that curtain of tears..there is sunshine there :l
Mornin Det..how are you today? wondered where you had gone.. hope you can get to the bottom of it all mate..and progress ..go for it
Mornin SL....and how are you? wow what a wise 14 year old you have!!! keep your chin up..you are doing great..any plans for today?enjoy it whatever you do
TDN..well done you 60 days ..excellent ..hope you feel proud of yourself ..you should be .
Right folks ..gotta go and do me driving bit..whatever you are doing have a good one..hiya Shue and mmdu..you aint forgotten!!
At the end of the funeral service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out. When they accidentally bump into a wall jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for ten more years and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket.
As they are walking the husband cries out, ?watch out for the wall!?
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party after all. In as much as her husband didn?t know what costume she?d be wearing, she thought she?d have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she wasn?t around.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could, getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife went up to him and being rather seductive herself, he left his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to this new babe who had just arrived.
She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would have for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked how the evening had been? He said ?Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a good time when you?re not there.? Then she asked, ?Did you dance much??
He replied, ?You know, I didn?t dance even one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I?ll tell you?from what I heard, the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!?
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed by stupidity, here are some actual label instructions found on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On a Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it?s just a suggestion.)
On Tesco?s tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of box): Do not turn upside-down.
On Marks & Spencer bread pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot?s children?s cough medicine: ?Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.?
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness.
On most brands of Christmas lights: ?For indoor or outdoor use only.? (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (I gotta admit, I?m curious.)
On Sainsbury?s peanuts: ?Warning: contains nuts.?
On an American Airlines packet of peanuts: ?Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.?
On a child?s Superman costume: ?Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.? (I don?t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chain saw: ?Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.?
A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, ?Where?s Mom and dad?? and she replied, ?they?re up in bed.?
The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma ?where?s Mom and Dad?? and she replied ?they?re still up in bed.?
Again the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma ?where?s Mom and dad?? and his grandmother replied ?they?re still up in bed.?
The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, ?what gives? Every time I tell you they?re still up in bed you start to laugh! what is going on here?? The little boy replied, ?well last night daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue.?
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish.
He was saying, ?Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale.?
A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish.
The kid said, ?I caught them at the dam, so they?re dam fish.?
The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish.
His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, ?Preachers aren?t supposed to talk like that.?
The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish.
His son replied, ?That?s the spirit dad. Pass the f*cking potatoes!?
Clear your throat every three or four words while speaking.
Click your mechanical pencils or your pens during a test in school.
Close your eyes and start snoring whenever anyone tries to talk to you.
Consistently refer to everyone as 'mortal.'
Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
Continually try to get all of the people who write you letters to put cellophane tape over their stamps so that you can wipe off the postmark and reuse them.
Continue to ask someone, "Is this annoying? Is this annoying?" over and over and over.
Continuously mumble during a conversation.
Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, "Have you got enough air in there?"
Convince people you are deaf and talk in an incredibly phony sign language.
Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
Dance fast to slow music and vice-versa.
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
Develop strategies for cutting into the front of lines.
Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
Don't clean the dryer lint screen.
Don't leave a message at the beep, just hangup.
Don't rewind videocassettes before bringing them back.
Don't stand during hymns and anthems.
dont use any punctuation
Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
Draw mustaches on posters.
Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners.
Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
Drive half a block.
Drum on every available surface.
always nice to have a new face.
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