af day Tues 22 Jan

[RunningCourage]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Cat - yes here can be a place for you to release and express what you are going through and the challenges may lie ahead. And know you are only a PM away too.

Cinders - Hmmm... that's a good but difficult question to answer. I think to say "I know" is about sensing/knowing something is different with this quit, having experienced other failed attempts at quits, as it is also about trust in oneself that this time they can come through good in leading a life AF.

You are much more experienced with the quitting CInders. I am a total newbie in comparison and I will be honest and say I DON'T know whether this quit is forever or whether something will come along that turns my hand and has me reach for a drink. I hope not. I hope not because, similar to what Cat mentioned, I don't want to find that actually having one drink again just has me fall as I did back in November - back into there only being one way of drinking for me: to get drunk. Just as TT said - the thought of just one slowly sipped drink over a meal seems a bit pointless. Unless of course that was the aperitif of drinks and more was to come after! I want to stay sober so I can grow. I want to stay sober to see me grow.

Just my tuppence. There are far more sage peeps here who may answer with more clarity.

Waifs and strays today Mick.

[scottish lass]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Cat, in my humble opinion, the door is open here. I am not going thru what you are, but have my own messes to deal with - and that is hard enough, so my heart goes out to you.

I do really like this thread - I do see it as my daily reminder as to what I can become, who I really am. I could not take the constant discussion completely about starting and stopping drinking, but I see this more as to how people live without drink, and manage to do it successfully, and their lives are not without ups and downs, but they continue to succeed - that is what I need to here. No matter how bad it is, it can be faced without drinking. i find it helpful that people are living real lives with all that that brings and being AF.

The thread reminds me that today (and today only) I will not be drinking, but today and forever on that I can live.

Cinders, I don't have replies for you - it has taken me two years to get to this point, and I hve no idea at all as to why it actually feels as if I may have managed it this time - I do wish I knew, but I am really happy just to accept it. I have read a little about PAWS, but in all honesty when I started to read I soon stopped as i did not want to know that things could get bad - I would rather stick my head in the sand just now, but there was a good thread about it a while ago with lots of info. I wish I could remember where it was posted - I am not very adapt at searching on here.

[Kaslo]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Afternoon check in.... Cat, thats really harsh, and I cant help asking where is your ex husbands family? Are they not just as responsible as anyone? You CAN get out of that I am sure. A settlement and then its up to his family to support him, I would think not you. You have paid your dues! You have the right to the pursuit of happiness the same as anyone else.

Seeing as how it was asked, how did those of us who quit for long term periods actually get there, or some such thing, I dont even know if i qualify, but here are my thoughts. It will be two years for me in three weeks, and I cant see going back again. I dont want to lose what I have now.

Before February of 2011, I had quit in disgust a few times but I always had a back door open. I didnt really COMMIT to it until it became apparent that if I didnt quit it would really impact my health, and possibly shorten my life. I quit when I was preparing for major surgery. Each time I quit and got some AF time, I realized it was a better situation, but I never forced myself to think about it very much. That back door was open.

One day I was driving back to the house from picking up some food and the usual bottle or two of wine to last me x number of days, and I realized that I had spent a large part of my day thinking and planning the alcohol part, and very little on anything else except work. That disturbed me so I took some internet tests to see if I had a drinking problem. The same ones as I had taken before many times only this time I didnt cheat and I didnt lie to myself. It didnt hurt that at the time a friend was dying of AL abuse at the age of 71.

So that night, I had the usual "glass" of wine, the second of the evening and possibly the last of the evening when it clicked. What a chore. I dont even like the taste that much. I get nothing from it, but Im assured of feeling like crap. Spider red lines in my face, bloated. Sore gut. Sore back. Not fit. Getting older faster than I liked. Crap. You all know the drill.

So I took the glass in and pored it down the sink, and as I was aware that my husband had walked up the stairs as usual leaving me to finish my usual wine thing, I realized he was not challenging me or interacting, but he was having none of it either.

I had no one to talk to. I didnt discover MWO until a few months in. I went through the hard bit by bucking the hell up, finding something AF to drink, making lists of why I fucking hated alcohol, excuse my French, and reading the toxicology of AL addiction (Im a toxicologist, that helps a lot believe me).

My worst periods were finding that its possible to fail for very innocent reasons, at various stages along. If I had a list of how to get past the Honeymoon period I would say its this.
[list type=decimal][*]Stop blaming others for your problem.[*]Stop thinking entirely of yourself.[*]Wake up and look around you, and start noticing the beauty of nature, of every day things. e.g. a clean kitchen, a tree with snow on it, the morning light.[*]Get medical assistance if you cant sleep, are depressed or angry. These are residual effects of pouring crap down your hole for years. They can last for a long time.[*]Get some fun personal hobbies back, stuff you like to do, keep busyGet outside and get some exerciseVolunteer or go to church or something but make contact with other people. Normal people. Not former boozers. They are losers. You are not one of them any more.Build a happy life for yourself.Repeat 1, 2 and 3, as necessary.[/list type=decimal]
I am not belittling any real hardships faced by Det or Cat or anyone with a painful thing in their past. But you are responsible for you, and you have to be the one to put an end to the monkey chatter in your head. Dont let assholes live in your head rent free, is the saying I believe.

I had to grow a pair on a couple of occassions. Quitting was hard but accepting life as a normal non drinking person is not so bad, when you consider the alternative.

[Cinders]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Kaslo;1448700 wrote: [list type=decimal][*]Stop blaming others for your problem.[*]Stop thinking entirely of yourself.[*]Wake up and look around you, and start noticing the beauty of nature, of every day things. e.g. a clean kitchen, a tree with snow on it, the morning light.[*]Get medical assistance if you cant sleep, are depressed or angry. These are residual effects of pouring crap down your hole for years. They can last for a long time.[*]Get some fun personal hobbies back, stuff you like to do, keep busyGet outside and get some exerciseVolunteer or go to church or something but make contact with other people. Normal people. Not former boozers. They are losers. You are not one of them any more.Build a happy life for yourself.Repeat 1, 2 and 3, as necessary.[/list type=decimal]
I am not belittling any real hardships faced by Det or Cat or anyone with a painful thing in their past. But you are responsible for you, and you have to be the one to put an end to the monkey chatter in your head. Dont let assholes live in your head rent free, is the saying I believe.

I had to grow a pair on a couple of occasions. Quitting was hard but accepting life as a normal non drinking person is not so bad, when you consider the alternative.
Now THIS is what I am talking about. I absolutely love the Dont let assholes live in your head rent free, is the saying I believe.

I know this isn't going to be easy because I have gone through the honeymoon period before and then hit the other side.

One thing I did do different today than ever before is tell my daughter that I absolutely cannot interact with her when she is drinking. I have to stay away from that for my own good. I felt good about telling her that and she completely understood what I was saying. It is not my fault she is an alcoholic herself and I will not allow my alcoholic brain tell me it is. I make my own choices and she does hers.

Thank you, Kaslo.

Cindi

[treetops]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Thanks Kas. You summed up my take on quitting nicely. It's not nearly as bad as I thought once you ride the beginning really tough bits. I am still v early on this quit. My last!

[Mick]

af day Tues 22 Jan

just thought I would jump in say hi before I hit sleepsville.

[kuya]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Cinders...... Kaslo's points are awesome but I just want to add that I believe quitting has been easier for me because I had the epiphany during the first week of realising that I had been drinking poison.

Not metaphorically and by way of a judgement.

I repeat this often but I feel people read it but don't 'hear' it.

Alcohol is a fuel suitable for running engines not bodies. If I told you that I was feeding alcohol to a baby to shut it up you would be HORRIFIED. Your body is no different but you have been duped, lied to, conned by society into thinking it is 'normal' to swallow engine fuel.

SAY WHAAAAATTTTT!!!!!!

Every time I think of drinking I hit this wall of logic. I don't need it, I NEVER needed it and I don't WANT it.

I am not being strong, I am no longer being brave, I am simply unable to go back to ignorance. Once you get this 'switch' in thinking you will no longer fear drinking. I now 'fear' drinking as much as I fear taking crack. Possible but so unlikely as to be laughable.

I sometimes want to get 'out of my head' but there really are loads of other healthy ways to do this.

[Lavande]

af day Tues 22 Jan

Cindi,
For need this quit absolutely had to be my last quit, for so many reasons!

i took DG's advice very early on. Take your focus off of AL & take drinking, as an option completely pff the table. It never made anything better in the past, it won't make anything better in the future.
I believe the MWO Hypno CDs really helped me change my thinking. I used them nightly for a year or more until I really & truly believed in myself I am coming up on 4 years AF in March & there is no way in hell that I'm going to turn to AL again.

Cat, I hope you feel free to come here & talk all you want!
I can't think of a better place for you to do that & I hope we can provide some emotional support for you :l

Det, how are you doing?