af day Sun 27 Jan
Morning all,
and how are we all today? Is it a monotonous mundane Monday..or a montage of mirth and merriment? (what a lotta crap...but at least its got you reading!)
Scuse me while I do something ...aaargh :headbanger: second post..lost the first one!!
Tea and coffee on the go..for anyone
Morning tree..and how are you this fine day? I see you are working ,so thats half a day in already.Yes I have the same probs with computer as you can se..would love to think it was techie...but I think its more operator!!!Latest on on mine ,is I cant open any folders normally...got to right click them and go through all that rigmarole!!
Morning Kuya..how are you?on holiday today? see from the wee green light that you are up and whizzin about the boards at the mo..any plans for today? or just dossin
Hiya blondey and how are you this fine day?Pics never came out, so you will need to try again.What are you up to today?
Mornin chef..you ok? feedin the thousands today? now that you are back you need to chuck in the odd recipe every now and again.
Mornin Lav...and how are things in the kid free zone today?Now thats definitely one thing that good ole Uncle Sam and John Bull have got in common...give us your taxes and if you dont pay by April then we will charge you more !! And for what?????my favourite subject..not.Anyway a coffee for you ma'am? there you go
have a great day whatever you are doing
yo hippyman ..and how are you this fine day?Before we moved into this house, the last one we had only had a little yard at the back..and thats exactly what I did..grew everything in pots.When I think back , it was quite a challenge growing veggies!!!Before that I lived in Southport...no not Southfork!!!!Its near the sea and the ground was really sandy.Used to grow fuschias..must of had over 100 different species.What you up to today?whatever it is have as good one.
Pauly...good morning to you..and how are you this morning?Glad the jokes make you laugh ..brightens the start of any day.how you doing beating the booze?Ok?
Have a great day
Cantoo ...welcome back..no you aint just sneakin in the back door..theres a thread for you.Really chuffed you have got to where you are. Remember this little fella? :truce: huh goodbye!!!So how was the hols? we need detail!! have a great day..and well done
Morning Turn...and how are you today?I was trying to work out what your avatar was ,but couldnt.Ive noticed it staying a bit lighter at nights now...a sure sign summer is on the way...also the rain is warmer in summer!! Imagine what the replywould have been like if you had been rude!!!
right peeps ..time to go...take care all, have a great day...for any lurkers..jump in dont be shy!
A doctor says to his patient, ?I have bad news and worse news?.
?Oh dear, what?s the bad news?? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, ?You only have 24 hours to live.?
?That?s terrible?, said the patient. ?How can the news possibly be worse??
The doctor replies, ?I?ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.?
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ?What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!?
The guy answers, ?My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.?
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
?Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!?
Paddy asks Murphy, ?Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards??
Murphy replies, ?If they fell forwards they?d still be on the f*cking boat!?
?Does your dog bite??
?No.?
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
?Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn?t bite!?
?That is not my dog.?
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
- Ok boys, he said, who?s shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
- Me coach, but I?m good in the air!
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, ?Are we venomous??
The other replays, ?Yes,why???
?I just bit ma lip.?
A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, ?What are you doing ??
His dad replies, ?Making you a brother or sister!?
Boy say, ?Do her doggy style I want a puppy.?
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, ?You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years??
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, ?I?ll explain the toy, you explain the kids?..?
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
?You get worse and worse every day!? yelled his boss.
?That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.? said Paddy.
How To Annoy People
At An Amusement Park
Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Everytime you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.
Offer people money for their spots in line...MONOPOLY money.
Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.
Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.
Find someone and tell them you're lost. Use your best acting skills.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.
Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of herione, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.
Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
Start talking *loudly* about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is [your name]" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can?t swim and everyone's gonna drown.
Morning all,
and how are we all today? Is it a monotonous mundane Monday..or a montage of mirth and merriment? (what a lotta crap...but at least its got you reading!)
Scuse me while I do something ...aaargh :headbanger: second post..lost the first one!!
Tea and coffee on the go..for anyone
Morning tree..and how are you this fine day? I see you are working ,so thats half a day in already.Yes I have the same probs with computer as you can se..would love to think it was techie...but I think its more operator!!!Latest on on mine ,is I cant open any folders normally...got to right click them and go through all that rigmarole!!
Morning Kuya..how are you?on holiday today? see from the wee green light that you are up and whizzin about the boards at the mo..any plans for today? or just dossin
Hiya blondey and how are you this fine day?Pics never came out, so you will need to try again.What are you up to today?
Mornin chef..you ok? feedin the thousands today? now that you are back you need to chuck in the odd recipe every now and again.
Mornin Lav...and how are things in the kid free zone today?Now thats definitely one thing that good ole Uncle Sam and John Bull have got in common...give us your taxes and if you dont pay by April then we will charge you more !! And for what?????my favourite subject..not.Anyway a coffee for you ma'am? there you go
have a great day whatever you are doing
yo hippyman ..and how are you this fine day?Before we moved into this house, the last one we had only had a little yard at the back..and thats exactly what I did..grew everything in pots.When I think back , it was quite a challenge growing veggies!!!Before that I lived in Southport...no not Southfork!!!!Its near the sea and the ground was really sandy.Used to grow fuschias..must of had over 100 different species.What you up to today?whatever it is have as good one.
Pauly...good morning to you..and how are you this morning?Glad the jokes make you laugh ..brightens the start of any day.how you doing beating the booze?Ok?
Have a great day
Cantoo ...welcome back..no you aint just sneakin in the back door..theres a thread for you.Really chuffed you have got to where you are. Remember this little fella? :truce: huh goodbye!!!So how was the hols? we need detail!! have a great day..and well done
Morning Turn...and how are you today?I was trying to work out what your avatar was ,but couldnt.Ive noticed it staying a bit lighter at nights now...a sure sign summer is on the way...also the rain is warmer in summer!! Imagine what the replywould have been like if you had been rude!!!
right peeps ..time to go...take care all, have a great day...for any lurkers..jump in dont be shy!
A doctor says to his patient, ?I have bad news and worse news?.
?Oh dear, what?s the bad news?? asks the patient.
The doctor replies, ?You only have 24 hours to live.?
?That?s terrible?, said the patient. ?How can the news possibly be worse??
The doctor replies, ?I?ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.?
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Generally, he was driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ?What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!?
The guy answers, ?My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.?
His partner ponders this for a moment, and then replies:
?Forget it man, you don`t stand a snowball`s chance in hell of hitting her from here!?
Paddy asks Murphy, ?Why do scuba divers fall off their boats backwards??
Murphy replies, ?If they fell forwards they?d still be on the f*cking boat!?
?Does your dog bite??
?No.?
(Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him)
?Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn?t bite!?
?That is not my dog.?
A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
- Ok boys, he said, who?s shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
- Me coach, but I?m good in the air!
Two snakes are talking.
One of them turns to the other and asks, ?Are we venomous??
The other replays, ?Yes,why???
?I just bit ma lip.?
A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, ?What are you doing ??
His dad replies, ?Making you a brother or sister!?
Boy say, ?Do her doggy style I want a puppy.?
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, ?You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years??
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, ?I?ll explain the toy, you explain the kids?..?
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
?You get worse and worse every day!? yelled his boss.
?That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.? said Paddy.
How To Annoy People
At An Amusement Park
Dress up like one of the photographers and follow people around asking them repeatly if they would like their picture taken.
Leave large gaps in between you and the people in front of you while waiting in line.
Everytime you pass a chain restraint not in use, clip it on and use it to hold back the people behind you in line.
Ask the person running the roller coaster if someone has recently thrown up on it.
Pretend to freak out on a ride so they stop it to let you off.
Offer people money for their spots in line...MONOPOLY money.
Speak in Spanish, or pretend you're deaf and start making rapid hand movements.
Start talking about shaving your excess body hair in line while everyone around you is silent.
Find someone and tell them you're lost. Use your best acting skills.
Steal all of the pennies out of the water fountains.
Go up to the boy band wanna-be group and pretend to be really excited and ask for their autographs, reassuring them that they're gonna make it big soon.
Take an Alka-Seltzer tablet and begin to have spasmatic movements in your body while foaming at the mouth at the very top of the tallest ride.
Ask the ride attendant if you cannot ride because you are under the influence of herione, marijuana, crack, and every other drug you can think of.
Begin to cry when they start the merry-go-round and have them stop it because you're too scared to go all the way.
Start talking *loudly* about the last time you got stuck upside-down on this ride, scaring everyone in line around you.
Ask someone that looks like they're in a hurry for directions.
Complain about how dirty the seat is, and demand they clean it off.
Walk up to anyone in the park, and say "Hi, my name is [your name]" and offer a handshake.
Ask ANYONE for their autograph.
Advertise for a theme park...one you're not at.
Find someone to tell your life story to.
Whisper right in someone's ear, "I know what you did last summer."
Comment how good you look in every picture of you on a ride.
Make fun of everyone else in every set of pictures taken during the rides.
Go up to every character walking around and give them a big hug and call them your "hero."
Ride every water ride and inform everybody with you that you can?t swim and everyone's gonna drown.
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