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    af day Friday 1 Feb

    Morning AF special people! I can post this morning as my daughter has no school today and its Tooth Day!!!!

    Named so because both me and daughter have to have our toothies checked today. Mine is the annual check and hers is orthodontics. I am blessed with good teeth - that I have taken fairly good care of and now that I have stopped washing them with poison - the gums are much healthier - less bleeding. probably thats to so with better diet.

    Today is also 1 Feb - its 'Feb Free' when folk sign up to a pledge to be AB for one month. Thats great awareness although the cynic in me comes to life when reading of the 'celebs' (haha there are no celebs in NZ except Kuya and Treetops!!) being abstinent and hanging out for a pinot comes 1 March. But still thats this thread is called 'Monthly Abstinence' and I hope the Feb Free helps shift the AL problem for lots of "people like us".

    Won't write War and Peace this morning but a couple of serious points. One is 'cross addiction' or 'cross abuse'. In my case its booze and bulimia (I reject the term addiction for bulimia - I think addiction can wrongly activate a desire to eliminate food - which is not very sustainable), Bulimia has been relegated to pre-menopausal days for me but very very occasionally whose wee feelings come back. That happened yesterday - I won't go into the details but to say that I stopped, thought it through and this time really thought about the dreadful 'hangover' you get from a bulimic binge - and how that could start a feeling of loss of control, physical and mental exhaustion, self disgust - and possibly the temptation to also drink...anyway dealt with that , I am fine. Bloody hell - at my age!

    The other point that was coming from the threads (esp Cinders, Lavande, Kuya, YaH) - ws mothers and daughters (sorry guys - but this does include you too). Very intense stuff here. I was very very close to my Mum and although she died in 1996 I still feel teary. And still dealing with guilt of not being there for her when she needed me. She was very ill most of her life with heart/kidney stuff (nothing to do with AL), depression, deep sadness about her Mum and other stuff.
    But I am also very very close to my daughter (you guessed!). I want to live to be an ancient Mum for her - and being sober greatly increases those chances.

    There were very few posts yesterday (by my bedtime) - maybe that will change during the day. Where is Mick?? Are you OK mate?
    I just can't do the joke thing like him.

    OK - War and Peace finished - time to get ready for Tooth Day!

    Have a great Friday AB Fab People.

    #2
    af day Friday 1 Feb

    Morning TreeTops

    Enjoy tooth day (is that possible?!).

    February has started well here; broke the only key to my car but it's sunny and I found a few last blueberries in the garden Hope you all get a little surprise to enjoy today

    Comment


      #3
      af day Friday 1 Feb

      Checking in. Read through the posts more in-depth.

      TDN....a crappy childhood seems to be the running theme in the book "Unhooked"....but, I think its because the author had one. In my case....there was a lot of crap that went on. My parents had me young...and quite frankly....both came from crappy homes themselves. I know that I have done damage to my kids....and getting sober will not fix all that. All I can do is move forward and try to be the best parent as possible. I don't really see myself as strong for surviving it.....I really just self medicated it away.

      YAH...thanks!

      Cinders....thanks for caring. Sometimes you really can feel lost and alone. I have booze issues....but, booze is not the root of the matter rather a BIG red flag....and I can feel so alone at times. I am so sorry about your mom. It has to beyond difficult to handle the emotions that arise with what you are dealing with.

      Pauly....yes...there are a host of issues. Its like I have no coping mechanism intact. Sales really was not the best profession for me to choose. The highs and lows...can vary upon the hour. I have to keep perspective. And that is hard to do....when I land a good sale....only to get a congrats e-mail that goes out to the whole staff.....with an ending of get 2 more and you will be right on track. I closed one yesterday.....that actually equated to 3 deals in the amount of billing.....but....get two more.....

      SL-I know that you are hurting. I always hated the responses of "what lead up to it", "what can you do differently next time." Even though they were right. Usually I just wanted to respond with....I was out of my mind with emotion...so I made an out of body decision. 30 days is awesome! Pat yourself on the back for that. Take it as a learning experience. I've had a hard time maintaining sobriety....but, I know that each and every day I get is a gift.

      Det....I am sorry about DX. The person who watches the addict gets hurt the most. Watching someone you love go through this....is awful....as they feel so powerless. And feel like they are eggshells....waiting for the next binge. I know that my husband goes through that. And I know it is very difficult for him. And with the long periods of sobriety I have had....I don't know that he will ever feel safe from me not drinking AL again. And now that includes my kids as they are age to know better. Mom hasn't drank for 6 months...we are the free and clear...for me to let them down time and time again.

      TT....thanks for starting the thread. I never considered myself bulimic until recently. I have done it....just it never became a regular thing for me. But....I have ate away knowing I was going to just throw up everything. It happened so rarely....yep, one I have to watch out for. It seems like there are many cross addictions in addicts. I'll get sober and smoke like its going out of style....or drink so much diet soda I can't sleep....or go 3 yoga classes in a day. All are addictions...even though the yoga seems healthy....3 classes in a day...starts to cross over to addiction....as I am just building off the serotonin high the 1st class gave me. As it wears off....I need another "high" of yoga. This stuff baffles me.

      I watched my emotions run from high to low today. I don't really get depression. Rather I go from feeling great.....to feeling really pissed off. My husband has been a super star in letting me vent.

      So I wrote the "War and Peace" post tonight. Thank you to everyone for being here for me...through it all.

      I so wish I was one of those people who gave it up and never looked back. My track record has me shaky on being able to maintain sobriety. But, I do know that keeping my emotions in check is key. People always tell me how calm and collected I always seem to be.....they have no idea that my mind is racing or even having a panic attack. They have no idea that I have battled an issue with booze for over 10 years.

      But, I am working on it. Sometimes I gave up and just gave in to the numbing. I can't do that anymore. Its more painful to be stuck in addiction....than to face it.

      Comment


        #4
        af day Friday 1 Feb

        Good morning Abbers & Happy February 1!

        Snow is falling here on me & my chickens :H
        Started receiving text messages from my DIL at 6:30 that my 4 yr old grandson is sick - gonna be a long day I guess

        Greetings TT, blondie & SF!
        SF, the hardest part in all of this I think is admitting that we are indeed out of control & the addiction(s) are winning ~ they always do. Everything can & will change when we summon up the strength to just stop! I had to put a zero tolerance policy in place that included no AL & no smokes. Once I did that the fighting & the struggling was over. The best gift we can give ourselves in mindpeace

        Wishing everyone a fab AF Friday!
        Lav
        AF since 03/26/09
        NF since 05/19/09
        Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

        Comment


          #5
          af day Friday 1 Feb

          GM Afers,

          I think one of my grandsons logged in as me yesterday. I didn't know they even knew my name on here but have used a password that they know from other things. :-(

          I changed my password.

          Oh well.

          Not much to report. Have to do some testing for online job today. Wish me luck!
          Cindi
          AF April 9, 2016

          Comment


            #6
            af day Friday 1 Feb

            Howdy ABBERS,

            Quick check in as it is sooooo late.

            TT.and SF.....these old habits die hard, but the happier we get the more they fade away....and trying to force their extinction seems to give them more power.

            Go with the flow

            Hi Blondie and Cindi, hope you have great days, tomorrow and today respectively.

            Lav ....this peace of mind IS priceless, if only one could bottle it and give it as a gift!

            Right gotta go.....work at 10 am .....late start Saturday

            Comment


              #7
              af day Friday 1 Feb

              bulimia is horrid,i had it as a teen and most of my 20's then my poor middle daughter had it in high school,pictures of her from those days are so hard to look at so pale and thin,makes me shudder,so yeah i think some of us just have those addictive personalities,its always something.Anyways you all have a great friday i miss mick
              I have too much shit to do today and tomorrow to drink:sohappy:

              I'm taking care of the "tomorrow me":thumbsup:
              Drinkin won't help a damn thing! Will only make me sick for DAYS and that ugly, spacey dumb feeling-no thanks!

              Comment


                #8
                af day Friday 1 Feb

                Thanks SF - I appreciate your comments.
                It is good to see you back too and sounding more positive.
                What a journey this is for sure! Morning accountability check in, and hoping to stay on track. Working with the delightful health insurance situation here today to try to ensure I can get therapy for my daughter...will increase my stress for sure
                “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

                Comment


                  #9
                  af day Friday 1 Feb

                  Geez,

                  This test is taking forever to complete. My neck and back are sore.

                  Hope I "pass" it, although it is a completely subjective test. I rate search pages based on some guidelines.

                  Oh well, back to it.

                  Cindi
                  AF April 9, 2016

                  Comment


                    #10
                    af day Friday 1 Feb

                    SL...... I need to ask, perhaps because I wonder if you haven't asked yourself and it just popped into my head.

                    Reading back, I never see a post asking for support, BEFORE you actually drink, though you will post when you have struggled to not drink the night before. At the moment you are successfully moderating your alcohol, and there is nothing wrong with that.

                    I know there are some issues with your daughter but life is like that.

                    Do you think that being SUCCESSFUL moderation is less damaging to your self esteem than failed abstainance?

                    This site is about both paths and to have a drink monthly as a choice is really no big deal as a lifestyle.

                    This thread IS monthly ABS after all !

                    Comment


                      #11
                      af day Friday 1 Feb

                      Food for thought Kuya.
                      I did join with the goal of moderation, and occasionally I have been able to moderate.
                      I am pretty sure that I don't have an off switch however, and if the AL is in the house, it will get drunk. If I could buy a glass at a time, I am just fine - but a bottle at a time and I drink it all. Then I buy two and will get halfway thru the other bottle - so I don't think so.

                      I am intrigued by the point that I don't post before - I know if I have my wits about me, I come on and read and that works - but when I skip that step, I am way down the bottle.

                      I will add this thought to my tool kit.....:l:l
                      “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

                      Comment


                        #12
                        af day Friday 1 Feb

                        Morning again

                        Garden watered, dog walked, now to market, to market (not for a pig, fat or otherwise)

                        Just loved this news item about a thirsty koala drinking from a bottle.

                        Thirsty koala follows walker, drinks three bottles of water | Perth Now

                        Comment


                          #13
                          af day Friday 1 Feb

                          Evening all - just wanting to say hallo and hope you're all well. Tried to do a post earlier, but was too tired.

                          I was listening to Aung San Suu Kyi on Radio 4's Desert Island discs this morning (you can catch on it the BBC iPlayer) and the presenter Kirsty Young alluded to Aung San Suu Kyi's house arrest and that she was not free, but that she always had Freedom of Thought. And I thought that a very good thought to be thinking about: the freedom of thought.

                          I keep trying to expand and give examples, but keep deleting and re-writing - so will instead leave that thought with you as it is...

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