Mornin all..how are you? in a wee bit of a rush this morning..have to be at the birds of prey early today so best get me skates on.Well another weekend on the horizon..any major plans anyone?
Right tea and coffee on the go
Mornin Tree ..hows the cough today?still got lovely sunny coughing weather?
Good mornin tezah and welcome ...how are you today? any plans for the weekend?
Good morning every days a pool day girl ...and how are you today mate?any plans?Interesting reading your depression post..really was...will chat to you some more about that..bit short o time at the mo
Hi ppqp ...glad you are feeling better
any plans in store?
Hiya Lav...one coffee..oh and a brush to tidy up after the demo team yesterday!!!how are you?any plans for today?..we have got more snow forecast for the weekend..aint really that fussed..as long as they manage to de-ice the plane wings on Monday morning!!!:H
Good morning SL...how are you feeling today?ok I hope..still doing your homework???:H..Yep I used to hate self appraisals too..most people tend to undersell themselves ..in the end , basically used to write that I was the best thing since sliced bread and then argue the case..as long as you can chuck a few examples in.then you have got it sorted!!The mammal sanctuary sounds ace..go for it ,sounds a lovely way to while away the time.
Morning Cat..and how are you ..? ready for your stare at the ocean weekend???How old are your children? do they still live with you?Certainly got your hands full..
Morning Det..was going to say how are yuo..but you kinda put that one across.Appreciate that you have had a long time af in the past and there are other issues...but whatever plans /structure meds you are using arent doing their best for you at the moment. think maybe you should go to the doc and then get the whole lot reviewed again ?meds/strategy ,your own plans?lets get back on the road buddy..you know we are here
Morning YAH...and how are you today? in exercise mode are we? so whats it today?what do you do ? just general exercise or something specific?
Morning SF..now that would be a mindbender ...a lappy that erases when you type!!!methinks it would not be in a functional recognisable state for too long!!Glad things are working out for you..as for the yoga..will your hubby not join in and go there with you?
Morning Turn ..how are you today?any plans in place for the weekend?
As was mentioned earlier there are quite a few peeps missing..so if you are out there let us know things are ok with you.Depending on the weather ,may be out early on Sunday, and wont be on the post next week as I am off to allegedly warmer climes till the following Monday.
Anyway take care have a great weekend
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
?I was in that new restaurant across the street,? said one. ?It?s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere?it?s so sanitary that the whole place shines.?
?Please,? said the other roach frowning. ?Not while I?m eating!?
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
?That?s the most amazing thing I?ve seen,? I said. ?That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.?
The man turned to me and said, ?Yeah, it is. He hated the book.?
A mother had three daughters, and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their s*x lives.
The first wrote back on the second day after she got married. The letter arrived with only a single message, ?Nescafe.?
The Mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Nescafe coffee ad on a newspaper, and it said; ?SATISFACTION, TO THE LAST DROP?? So, the Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home a letter. There was only one message, it read; ?Benson & Hedges.?
So the Mother looked for a Benson & Hedges? ad, and it says; ?EXTRA LONG, KING SIZE.? The Mother was happy.
After the third daughter got married, the Mother was anxious to receive a message from her baby. It took 4 weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message simply said ?British Airways.?
The Mother was concerned. She frantically looked through all the newspapers at home for a British Airways ad. She finally found one and fainted. The ad read: ?THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS?
An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, ?what the hell was that for??. She replied, ?That was for 50 years of the worst s*x I ever had!?
As they continued down the road, suddenly the man hit his wife square in the face. She turned to him and said, ?what was that for??
He said, ?that was for knowing the difference.?
One night I was invited out for a night with ?the girls.? I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ?I promise!?
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk to the gills, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing he?d probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00.
He didn?t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, ?We need a new cuckoo clock.?
When I asked him why, he said, ?Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, ?oh shit,? cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they?ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, ?So, how?s it going down there in hell??
Satan replies, ?Hey things are going great. We?ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there?s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
?God replies, ?What??? You?ve got an engineer? That?s a mistake ? he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.?
Satan says, ?No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I?m keeping him.?
God says, ?Send him back up here or I?ll sue.?
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, ?Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer??
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, ?This is marvellous. Can you tell me and the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles??
?Land mines,? said the Kuwaiti woman.
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
?Olympic condoms?? she blurts. ?What makes them so special??
?There are three colors?, he replies, ?Gold, Silver and Bronze.?
?What color are you going to wear tonight?? she asks cheekily.
?Gold of course,? says the man proudly.
The wife responds, ?Really, why don?t you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!?
Chemistry of the s*xes
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don?t even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
How to annoy the Pizza place ..part 2
Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
St-tt-t-utter, b-b-bb-badly
Stutter on the letter "p."
Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he' fired.
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Try to talk while drinking something.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
When ordering a pizza, burst out in tears every 2 minutes
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
When you're given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
Right tea and coffee on the go
Mornin Tree ..hows the cough today?still got lovely sunny coughing weather?
Good mornin tezah and welcome ...how are you today? any plans for the weekend?
Good morning every days a pool day girl ...and how are you today mate?any plans?Interesting reading your depression post..really was...will chat to you some more about that..bit short o time at the mo
Hi ppqp ...glad you are feeling better
any plans in store?Hiya Lav...one coffee..oh and a brush to tidy up after the demo team yesterday!!!how are you?any plans for today?..we have got more snow forecast for the weekend..aint really that fussed..as long as they manage to de-ice the plane wings on Monday morning!!!:H
Good morning SL...how are you feeling today?ok I hope..still doing your homework???:H..Yep I used to hate self appraisals too..most people tend to undersell themselves ..in the end , basically used to write that I was the best thing since sliced bread and then argue the case..as long as you can chuck a few examples in.then you have got it sorted!!The mammal sanctuary sounds ace..go for it ,sounds a lovely way to while away the time.
Morning Cat..and how are you ..? ready for your stare at the ocean weekend???How old are your children? do they still live with you?Certainly got your hands full..
Morning Det..was going to say how are yuo..but you kinda put that one across.Appreciate that you have had a long time af in the past and there are other issues...but whatever plans /structure meds you are using arent doing their best for you at the moment. think maybe you should go to the doc and then get the whole lot reviewed again ?meds/strategy ,your own plans?lets get back on the road buddy..you know we are here
Morning YAH...and how are you today? in exercise mode are we? so whats it today?what do you do ? just general exercise or something specific?
Morning SF..now that would be a mindbender ...a lappy that erases when you type!!!methinks it would not be in a functional recognisable state for too long!!Glad things are working out for you..as for the yoga..will your hubby not join in and go there with you?
Morning Turn ..how are you today?any plans in place for the weekend?
As was mentioned earlier there are quite a few peeps missing..so if you are out there let us know things are ok with you.Depending on the weather ,may be out early on Sunday, and wont be on the post next week as I am off to allegedly warmer climes till the following Monday.
Anyway take care have a great weekend
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
?I was in that new restaurant across the street,? said one. ?It?s so clean! The kitchen is spotless, and the floors are gleaming white. There is no dirt anywhere?it?s so sanitary that the whole place shines.?
?Please,? said the other roach frowning. ?Not while I?m eating!?
I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man.
?That?s the most amazing thing I?ve seen,? I said. ?That dog really seemed to enjoy the film.?
The man turned to me and said, ?Yeah, it is. He hated the book.?
A mother had three daughters, and on their wedding day, she would ask each of them to write home and tell her about their s*x lives.
The first wrote back on the second day after she got married. The letter arrived with only a single message, ?Nescafe.?
The Mother was confused at first, but finally noticed a Nescafe coffee ad on a newspaper, and it said; ?SATISFACTION, TO THE LAST DROP?? So, the Mother was happy.
Then the second daughter got married and after a week she sent home a letter. There was only one message, it read; ?Benson & Hedges.?
So the Mother looked for a Benson & Hedges? ad, and it says; ?EXTRA LONG, KING SIZE.? The Mother was happy.
After the third daughter got married, the Mother was anxious to receive a message from her baby. It took 4 weeks for a message to arrive. When it did the message simply said ?British Airways.?
The Mother was concerned. She frantically looked through all the newspapers at home for a British Airways ad. She finally found one and fainted. The ad read: ?THREE TIMES A DAY, SEVEN DAYS A WEEK, BOTH WAYS?
An old married couple were driving down the road one day when suddenly the woman punched her husband right in the face. He shouted, ?what the hell was that for??. She replied, ?That was for 50 years of the worst s*x I ever had!?
As they continued down the road, suddenly the man hit his wife square in the face. She turned to him and said, ?what was that for??
He said, ?that was for knowing the difference.?
One night I was invited out for a night with ?the girls.? I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, ?I promise!?
Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3 a.m., drunk to the gills, I headed for home.
Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly realizing he?d probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.
I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution (even when smashed), in order to escape a possible conflict with him.
The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, and I told him 12:00.
He didn?t seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one!
Then he said, ?We need a new cuckoo clock.?
When I asked him why, he said, ?Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said, ?oh shit,? cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the cat and farted.
An engineer dies and reports to hell. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.
After a while, they?ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, ?So, how?s it going down there in hell??
Satan replies, ?Hey things are going great. We?ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there?s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
?God replies, ?What??? You?ve got an engineer? That?s a mistake ? he should never have gotten down there; send him up here.?
Satan says, ?No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I?m keeping him.?
God says, ?Send him back up here or I?ll sue.?
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, ?Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer??
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, ?This is marvellous. Can you tell me and the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this marvellous reversal of roles??
?Land mines,? said the Kuwaiti woman.
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms.
Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home he announces to his wife the purchase he just made.
?Olympic condoms?? she blurts. ?What makes them so special??
?There are three colors?, he replies, ?Gold, Silver and Bronze.?
?What color are you going to wear tonight?? she asks cheekily.
?Gold of course,? says the man proudly.
The wife responds, ?Really, why don?t you wear Silver, it would be nice if you came second for a change!?
Chemistry of the s*xes
Element Name: WOMAN
Symbol: WO
Atomic Weight: (don?t even go there!)
Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.
Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.
Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.
Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.
Element Name: MAN
Symbol: XY
Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)
Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples.
Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.
Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are able to produce large quantities on command.
Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.
How to annoy the Pizza place ..part 2
Start the conversation with "My Call to Pizza Place, Take 1, and. . . action!"
Start your order with "I'd like. . .". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No, I don't."
State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
St-tt-t-utter, b-b-bb-badly
Stutter on the letter "p."
Teach the order taker a secret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he' fired.
Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
Try to talk while drinking something.
Use CB lingo where applicable.
Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
When ordering a pizza, burst out in tears every 2 minutes
When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say, "You just don't get it, do you?"
When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
When they say, "What would you like?"--say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
When they say, "Will that be all?"--snicker and say, "We'll find out, won't we?"
When you're given the price, say, "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
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