af day Fri 8

[RunningCourage]

af day Fri 8

Yo affers... ever get the feeling the army moved camp? :H:H

Quick skiving post from work. Nout much to report. Was enjoying yesterday's meaty posts re depression and AD's etc. Much food for thought.

Det - ah, man, some hard stuff going on there with you. You know we're here. Even if we don;t have answers, so many care for you here and are very happy to listen and console.

Mushypea - did you find the pancake batter?

Hi PPQP - you ok? Community Garden eh? Can we come round to yours for fresh fruit and veg? Love a fresh spud from the ground I do. Dirt and all :H

Mick :hiya: need to read your jokes... am behind... but busy... HONEST!

Supps... I'm no expert here. But a good thread that Pauly started methinks. I tend to take advice from others and then see if I feel if they are making a difference. HighBvits/multis I find most beneficial.

Roight... boss about to return... tata...

[paulywogg]

af day Fri 8

hey guys,was reading yesterdays thread and its really hard to see det so down,im so used to him being strong and confident,it seems alot of us are struggling with depression right now,is it the weather?situations in life?who knows,its getting real frustrating though,thats why i always thank you mick for the jokes,even in my pissiest mood i always get a little chuckle you guys have a great day

[paulywogg]

af day Fri 8

oh and that full body condom is hilarious!

[teezah]

af day Fri 8

Afternoon all - thank you for the lovely welcome - I feel all warm and cuddly.

My son kindly gave me his cold - sadly my full body condom was ordered too late - so I'm suffering a bit today. Felt some Friday cravings a half an hour ago so have had a couple of Kudzu and thought I'd come on to gather some strength.

Hope your Friday has gone / will go well

xxx

[Mick]

af day Fri 8

Tez..you will get the cravings...but that is just what they are..cravings..they go

[Catbuddy]

af day Fri 8

Hi all, and a strong AF Friday to you.

Mick, in answer to your questions, I have one child - a nine year old boy. Due to his father's disabilities, I have primary custody. He is my light, joy, trial, laughter, everything amazing.

Det, any way we can help, you tell us. :soothe:

So, my plan on the SSRIs is to wean down slowly and try Amoryn. I know I have risk of clinical depression, so the daily AD has been my safety net from it.

Quick story: When I got pregnant, I was taking Celexa. It was not approved for pregnancy, so under doctor's supervision I weaned off. In the ensuing weeks, I grew slowly more and more depressed, despite being in an extremely good place in life and joyous about the pregnancy. It was getting harder and harder to get up, go to work, complete tasks, anything. I was just so lost in misery. One day, I left work a bit early to go home, desperately dark mood. As I was driving through an intersection, I just stopped pressing on the gas, just stopped, as I couldn't bear to continue driving. Then I snapped, realized I almost killed myself with oncoming traffic, and shaking drove home. I started the celexa again that night. My son was born underweight, but his mom was alive.

I have had a least a dozen episodes like this, and more often, sometimes daily, fantasized about driving into the guardrails, driving into pedestrians, all sorts of extreme dangerous and life-ending impulses. It's scary. I'll be very careful. I've been a drinker the whole time I've taken ADs, so now that I don't drink, I hope supplements can take their place.

Cat

[scottish lass]

af day Fri 8

Morning all - TGIF!! Still an hour here till noon!
Welcome to everyone - I post here and lurk elsewhere :H
So looking forward to not wasting this weekend, so back on track.
PPQ - glad to see you a tad more P! and with some zzzzz's to help!!
Det, hoping you manage to sort this out this time, feeling for you for sure.
TT - hope you kill to cold / cough thing real soon, you too teezah.
Hi to everyone else.
off after schools out to take daughter to first therapy session - have got butterflies in stomach for sure....hope she clicks with therapist, hope it helps her - so many hopes...and unknowns....

[YoungAtHeart]

af day Fri 8

Hey Cat, perhaps with al abstinence, the need for the anti-d's will decrease, since al is such a big depressant. I can understand your being afraid to do without when you fear having those kind of impulses come out of the blue. I had suicidal impulses when my daughter was young and my ex and I were divorcing. Everything seemed so damn hard, and it sure was not in my game plan to be a single parent and breadwinner. I had no idea how to cope and life seemed very bleak. One thing that kept me from acting on these impulses was knowing what it would do to my daughter. Obviously I'm happy now, and things did work out. Hang in there and PM me if you need to.

Hi to everyone else! I'd linger and tarry, but I want to get a workout in.

Hugs,
:l
YahYah

[teezah]

af day Fri 8

Just popping back in to express gratitude for making it through Friday. I've been rummaging in the toolbox - some good stuff there. Had a lovely bath too. Looking forward to an abstinent Saturday. Night all.

[kuya]

af day Fri 8

I saw a comment made today about people who were confident in their quits and wrote inspirational quotes and how they were less 'REAL' than people who struggle to quit.

It made me realise how hard it is, no matter how much people write, to really KNOW someone here.

So much can be presumed and assumed based on how a person is NOW.

For instance we have had exchanges on the subject of depression yesterday and acute anxiety and suicide today.

I have mentioned the extreme violence in a relationship 24 years ago now, it lead to the PTSD which took me down the road to alcoholism.
What I choose to forget is the acute fear and terror of that time.....it is easier that way and there is no point dwelling there, although I did for many years.

At one point the situation was so bad I had lost every hair on my body through stress and the threats to my life so bad I attempted suicide to escape the terror. I was found and stomach pumped but when I explained to the registrar the reasons he decided NOT to refer to psyche as he decided my reasons were valid!

The hell continued and several months later I decided to do it properly, and since there was no one to entrust the care of my baby to, I felt I could not leave him alone. I mixed barbiturates in his milk, set up an I/V drip of barbiturate for myself and proceeded to down a bottle of vodka. Ironically, for the only time in my life, booze was my saviour! :H Being only used to half that amount of alcohol I blacked out for only the second time in my life.

The next day, I found out that the man involved was moving back to Ireland. Without the hope caused by that news I doubt either I or my son would still be alive.

My point is, obviously I was depressed......situational? Biochemical? Both?

But 24 years on I feel I have earned the right to sound confident when I am, and try to inspire when I can......without being told I am not 'REAL'.

[YoungAtHeart]

af day Fri 8

Wow, Kuya. I'm so glad that you and your son are still with us.

I believe that we each have our own way of supporting our sobriety. For some it means continuing to be aware that a slip could happen; for others it means staying confident in your new life. To be honest, I don't think anyone of us can predict with 100% accuracy that we will never drink again, but I don't think that necessarily has to do with confidence or humility or whatever.

I guess it doesn't feel real to someone who doesn't feel that way. I know that when some AA'ers say that if you start missing meetings it is a set up to a relapse, it turns me off. None of us has a crystal ball.

Kuya, I've gotta say, I think you have a lot of integrity, and I admire that about you.

Hugs,
:l
YahYah

PS: I like you too, but you knew that, right?

[scottish lass]

af day Fri 8

Wow KY - puts some things back in perspective. You are obviously very strong....and anyhoo - what does "real" really mean???
Teezah - feels good doesn't it?
Just got back from therapist with daughter - she seems ok, in her room with door shut and music louder than i like - normal teenager yeah? She has said nothing except she wants to go back - me being the control freak I am really wants to know more! Cravings present, would make the fear/pain go away, but only momentarily - so here surfing and know I will make it thru...

[paulywogg]

af day Fri 8

when i said rc was real,i meant the way hes not overconfident in his quit,basically hes doesnt act all cocky,he tells the thoughts in his head,whats gone on with him on day 31 or 69 or whatever,thats what i like to hear,not quotes from a book or whoever,it wasnt a slap to whatever anyone else is doing its just the kind of thing i can relate to and thats whats REAL

[kuya]

af day Fri 8

Pauly, you only said what many people have said directly or indirectly.

Just as you frequently feel misunderstood it is good to realise that is the human condition, no matter HOW confident others may sound.

I frequently feel outside the norm, for my beliefs, for my forthrightness, even for quitting easier than some.

I have simply learned to take what helps, give what I can, and not really care about fitting in.

[kuya]

af day Fri 8

scottish lass;1459424 wrote: Wow KY - puts some things back in perspective. You are obviously very strong....and anyhoo - what does "real" really mean???
Teezah - feels good doesn't it?
Just got back from therapist with daughter - she seems ok, in her room with door shut and music louder than i like - normal teenager yeah? She has said nothing except she wants to go back - me being the control freak I am really wants to know more! Cravings present, would make the fear/pain go away, but only momentarily - so here surfing and know I will make it thru...

SL ... I so understand how you must be feeling......I would want to know, but teenagers need privacy.

Awesome that she WANTS to go back.....very positive