af day Thursday 21 Feb

[treetops]

Evening (oops MAE) folks - rushing this a bit as I have zillions of work related things to do. Very busy time of the year for us.
Looks like yesterday (still today for you) re-opened up a lot about physical reactions, aches and pains as well as the mental usual mashings and scrunches. But it looks like it as the chicken that got the worst deal - ey, Lavande? Saw an article in the paper here about the trend towards raising quails instead of chicks - easier to care for apparently and the eggs are very nutritious. But I think its a bit of a foody fad or else humans would have done this thousands of years ago - you get less eggs and less meat (if that is your desire, I know its not on our plates Lav) - quails are not going to feed the millions!

Det - my reminder re AB and kava - comes from my experience in Fiji - where they consume it by the bucketful - both for ceremonial reasons and for pleasure - and some people do become addicted to it (this is the kava root mixed with water not the commercial Kava Kava). I have known people who are teetotoal re AL but sadly have developed severe liver damage from Kava consumption - its well documented I think. This won't apply to you but I thought it might be of interest. Kava is a wonderful relaxant esp at night although I detest the taste of stuff.

Mick - your birds of prey sanctuary sounds wonderful. Falcons, harriers etc are endangered here but sadly they also attack the native birds. Complicated as to how to keep the balance. I remember my daughter doing a school project on the Peregrine years ago - it was so fascinating for us both.

Kuya (and Mick) - keep swimming - just keep breathing as well! Sounds like you (and others) have more than enough worries about how to keep your head above water in these financially strapped times. Yep - guess what my daughter is going a project on now - The Great Depression (1930s)!

Hi there also to Teezah, Cat, PPQP, Moly, Nurdl, Blondie, Pat, SL, SF and all you other wonderful Booze Busters. Where is Mick with the tea and coffee (wake up Mick!!!!! yer not on hols now).
We had takeaway curry tonight and it was very very good. Yumkins.

OK - back to some chores before relax time and beddy-byes.

[Mick]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

MAE everyone..see look I have joined the modern people now!!!how are you all??Well just had a crackin holiday, come back here and guess what..full of the bloody cold..!!like a snotty wee kid I am..eyes and nose streaming..trouble is there isnt too much you can do for it..no lotions or potions will sort it ,so hey ho.

Right better get a brew on the upside down people are moaning!!!:H

Morning TT and how are you today?Yes the birds of prey place is great..they are just in the process of moving to bigger premises so there is a heck of a lot of work going on.Unfortunately, there is a lot of "I want one " syndrome nowadays..used to be pit bulls and staffie dogs ....now its Harris hawks in the main ,people want to be seen with them ,and unfortunately through greedy breeding etc, you can get a nice Harris for about ?75 now, then people get fed up with them,,they dont feed themselves or clean up after them..and if you ever see one doing the toilet...its not vertical, but shoots out horizontally to about 4 ft..kind of messy ergo people then get rid.Talking about mess ..your quote ..just have to pee and cough at the same time..wow that could be a bit dangerous :H

Mornin Patrice ..apologies for not including you by name yesterday..it was just when I checked back I saw I had forgotten you ..oops :l how are you today?

Morninn PPQP.... well how did the bridge go ? did you win? take it the minutes are all written up now too? Glad you are feeling positive..it comes through in your writing!

Morning Lav..wow you had a busy old time yesterday..Sorry to hear about the chooks ..birds usually take for food ..its foxes I cant stand ..well actually I like em but not their hunting habits..they just kill for the sake of it..We had a Koookaburra at the sanctuary...and it was a bit slow on the uptake...no insinuation on the southern hemisphere there!!!fox couldnt get in the aviary ,so it mesmerised kook till he stuck his head through the meshing ,then ripped his head off and left it.

One of the things we use both to stop birds flying into mesh and also others trying to get in..You know that green mesh its pretty fine gauge that they put around buildings when they are demolishing them or doing construction work?Put that over it..stops anything getting in...they dont like to fly into things (obviously) and if they do then they become tangled..as for the ones you are giving to the Amish farmer ..hmmm dont they are destined to be riding down the road in a cart and horse!!!
All this yakking.. oops one large coffee!!

Morning Teezah...how are you today?

Cat morning to you ..wow had to read your posts a couple of times..me being a simple sweaty sock and all that!! Not really into tablet taking so I cant really comment..all I would say is if you feel the need to sleep then do so..your body is telling you for a reason..We are all here for you ..might not say the right things at times ,but we are rooting for you.

Morning Sunshine gg..and how are you today?..your avatar ..is that you and your horse? Bit of a taboo subject over here at the moment...which reminds me
Man goes to the doctors..""Doctor ,I seem to have a bit of a problem.Been eating all this food that contains horse meat and I think its affecting me"
Doctor"no, you look ok to me..you after medication for it?"
..No just a licence to pee in the street!!

The great Kuya..how are you mate ? anything in yer vets bag for colds?oh yeh stop saying "I love you ""...people will be thinking I am some sort of a nice person You been swimming yet? looked at gym membership yesterday as opposed to the local pool..there is about ?10 a month difference..and bearing in mind the gym has all the extra facilities ..machines sauna steam room jacuzzi etc, reckon thats the best deal..oh yeh and there is 10% discount because I am in the prison service..forgot to tell them I had left!!! still got me governors ticket!!what are you up to today?whatever ..,have a good one :l
Teezahs quote:
..and Kuya, just wanted to say what a wonderful asset you are to this forum. Right person, right place, right words.

hmm and I take it no money changed hands for this little pearl of wisdom then?:H

Hiya blondie ..how are you?hope all is well..Yep food on holiday was good ..too good!!!!ergo the weight increase..mind you I have dropped 3 lbs in 3 days so far, so I reckon some of it was due to flying, but I do that fasting diet..5 days eating normally ,and 2 days at less than 475 cals.Seems to work ..or it did till I went on holiday!!!

Hiya Det..how are you buddy...(he says humming mish impossible!!)keep it up mate .. you are doing really well

Yep come to think of it..where is Cantoo, Lills,TDN,Shue and everybody else ..if you are uot there give us a shout and let us know how you are doing.

right folksies that senuff..going to sort out me plants ..seedlings are through ,but all look a bit stringy ..take care and have a great day yawl.(hey that was good !!)

This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, “I have to tell you something about your baby.”
The woman sits up in bed and says, “What’s wrong with my baby, Doctor? What’s wrong?”
The doctor says, “Well, now, nothing’s wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite.”
The woman says, “A hermaphrodite… what’s that?”
The doctor says, “Well, it means your baby has the… er… features… of a male and a female.”
The woman turns pale. She says, “Oh my god! You mean it has a penis… AND a brain?”

Mr. Smith went to the Doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.
The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible.”
Mr. Smith says, “What do you mean?”
The receptionist replies, “Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other for AIDS. We cannot tell which is your wife.”
Mr Smith exclaims, “That’s terrible! What am I supposed to do now?”
The receptionist calmly replies, “The doctor recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town and if she finds her way home, don’t go to bed with her.”


A guy is walking along the shoreline at the beach. Sure enough he kicks up a bottle, pulls the cork, and out comes the Genie to give him one wish (this happens all the time). He pulls out a map of the Middle East, and asks the Genie if he can bring Peace to this part of the World.
The Genie pales, and says, “Master, these people have been at war since time began. It is their nature, the very fiber of their lives. What you ask is totally impossible. It is probably the only wish I cannot grant you. Ask for anything else and I will make it happen.”
“OK,” the dude says, “Tomorrow morning have my wife awaken me with the best blow job I’ve ever had, on her own, without my begging and pleading. Because SHE LIKES IT, because SHE WANTS TO, because IT TURNS HER ON!!”
The Genie shakes his head and says, “Let me see that map again…”


Contract for a wife


I, the undersigned, a female accepting a marriage proposal, agree that…
Section 1. In the unlikely event of my not having an orgasm after you’ve drunkenly rolled on top of me and pumped away for five whole minutes, wheezing like an old man with emphysema, I shall politely fake one.
Section 1.01. And it’ll be a really good act too, with me saying stuff like “So this is what hot monkey love is all about!” and howling like a cat that’s being repeatedly jabbed with a pin.
Section 1.02. I will never ask for more foreplay.
Section 2. I fully understand that a woman’s main role in any relationship is to take the blame. So when you stub your toe in the bathroom or your football team loses, I agree that – by some complex scientific equation incomprehensible to woman – it will be my fault. Even if I wasn’t there.
Section 3. Whenever my friends and I get together for a girl’s night out, I will tell them that you are better hung than a large-balled Himalayan yak and an elephant would jealous of your genitalia.
Section 3.01. I shall mention *often* your s*xual prowess and longevity in the bedroom.
Section 3.02. And I will also mention this to YOUR friends. A lot.
Section 4. After s*x (which I will NEVER refer to as “making love”), I will not expect you to cuddle me for hours till your arm goes dead. Nor will I let my hair annoyingly get in your face.
Section 4.01. I will never, ever give your penis a cute nickname.
Section 5. In bed, I will be as keen as mustard to try any novel s*xual position you fancy. Especially ones where I do all the work and you just lie there, grinning.
Section 5.01. I will ruthlessly interrogate my attractive female friends and inform you if any of them have the slightest bis*xual tendencies. Then I’ll invite them around for dinner. And hide their car keys so they have to stay.
Section 5.02. I promise to work out at the gym for two hours a day in order to keep my body s*xually desirable to you, even though your intake of beer may cause your gut to swell to proportions of a nine-month pregnancy.
Section 5.03. I promise never to bring up your hair loss and the fact that a baby’s butt and/or honeydew melon is somewhat similar.
Section 5.04. I promise to shave every possible inch of my body, and will always love your weekend beard…
Section 6. After we split up, I will never sleep with any of your friends or colleagues. Or anyone else you have ever met. Or may one day meet. And if men attempt to talk to me, I will solemnly inform them that you have “ruined me for other men.”
Section 7. I understand that mechanical objects like cars, computer games, and remote control devices are beyond the comprehension of women. I will only make a fool of myself if I attempt to operate them, so you’re in charge of anything mechanical.
Section 7.01. With the exception of the following household items: iron, washing machine and dryer, stove, refrigerator, garbage disposal, garbage can, vacuum cleaner, diapers and toilets.
Being of sound mind and body, I enter this relationship contract.
Signed _____________________________(female)
Date _______________________________

Paddy the Irish electrician has been sacked from a U.S prison service for refusing to fix the electric chair.He said,in his professional opinion,
"its a fu---- death trap"

My doctors told me I have to watch what I eat .......so...... I've booked a tickets for the Grand National.

paddy sends his wife a text;
Mary, I am having one more pint with the lads. If I'm not home in 20 mins read this text again

annoying people in a store..part 2


Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
Repeat whatever the store clerk tells you.
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
roll cans of soup down the aisles.
run around the store yelling I'm a princess while holding a toy wand.
Run around yelling for your pet ferret "Stinky". check out all the funny looks you get!
Run up to a complete stranger and say "You're it!"
Run up to a new employee in the pet aisle and point to an invisible cash register and say "Hey you! That cash register over there, well um, I think it's magic! It made my little sister (or brother if you have one) disappear!" Wait and see what they say and the expression on their face.
Sample all the fragrances in the perfume department.
Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
Set up a battle of laser tag .
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
set up like ten pineapples in the shape of bowling pins and start bowling with a coconut.
Shoot the bungee tops at customers.
Start Humming the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Theme song. Whenever someone looks at an item near you scream "TURTLE POWER" and run away as fast as you can.
Strategically scatter those novelty dog poops throughout the store and wait for some to announce "cleanup on aisle ..." then yell "BAD FLUFFY!"
Switch the men’s and women’s signs on the doors of the restroom.
Take a snickers bar, go in the bathroom and smoosh the snickers bar in your hand and reach over to the next stall and say "uh do you have some toilet paper over there?"
Take all of the free AOL cd's on the end of the check out counter Contributed by Keith
Take bets on the battle described above.
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
Throw as many shoes as possible onto the floor in as little time as you can.
TP as much of the store as possible.
Try to fly on a broom. If anyone asks what you are doing tell them in a very annoyed voice, "the brooms don't work!"
Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
Unload then entire bin of giant bouncy balls, get in the bin, have a friend put all the balls back on top of you. When someone walks by jump outta the balls causing them to fly everywhere.
Walk about 10 centimeters in front of a moving shopping cart and yell "Its gonna get me!"
walk around in rubber boots , a rain coat, and an umbrella on bright sunny day!
Walk through the store pushing a cart that is upside-down.
Walk up and down yelling mommy , mommy then keep saying out loud have you seen my mommy I'm lost and I cant find her.
Walk up to a person and say I'm the FBI and I heard that you have been shoplifting and we need to check you.
Walk up to an employee and ask where the laxatives are, changing your voice as if you really need it.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
Walk up to the automatic doors and walk back and forth through them and each time u go though look up at the sensor and yell "how does it work or ITS MAGIC!"
When a woman with children walks near you in the toy aisle, throw yourself on the floor, screaming "mommy, I want that toy"
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
when someone steps away from their cart to look at something quickly make off with it without saying a word.
When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
when the speaker/pager deal comes on start mimicking them.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
While walking alone pretend you are have a serious conversation with someone.
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crud, anyway?"

[patrice]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

MAE everyone!! With my accent it sounds like Neigh, yes the ole horsemeat scandal, seems like you guys have been tucking into it for ages..

Mick, no worries on the name mentioning thing. I'm impressed at how you mention everyone by name and ask everyone how they are. In fact very impressed!!

I'm sorry all i can't mention you all by name ( it's a time thing) but I do know who you all are!

For me another long day and it's not over yet. Got to cook for me and my son.. I actually end up cooking 2 different meals which is tiresome. Any ideas on how to get a 7 year old to eat veges??. Then clean up, then help him with his homework, get him to have a shower ( another tiresome thing.. he hates having showers but will have baths).. Then try and get him to go to BED.. now that is the worse.. any tips on that??. Then it's marking and coro .. then the kipper yay!! When drinking a few of these routines were missed out....

A Big Up to all to come !

Patrice

[kuya]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

MAE my fellow Abbers , hope you are all well.

TT am not letting things get to me yet, looks like the economy is easing a bit. Nothing I can do about it anyway.
You have made me want a curry now.....haven't had one for weeks.....maybe tomorrow

Mick, I want to join the gym as summer is ending. Went a while back and it got delayed but must sort it out. $10 a week is fine, spent twice that a day on booze. My weight loss has stalled but i think I am building muscle. One of the down sides of an atheletic youth is still having a lot of muscle that builds when I start exercising regularly.
BTW Mick, Teezah has an acutely intelligent mind, awesome discernment, and a appreciation of another's intellect, there is no reason to doubt the veracity of a single sentence he writes.


( Teezah.....the cheque's in the mail )

Pat, I didn't push the veg thing. What's he like with fruit ? Kids tend to know what they need and often need fruit more than veg. Make it a battle and he will avoid what he needs to exert power. He will grow fine on meat and fruit and will eat veg later when he needs them.

Bacinabit ...... Must go have a nosey

[blondie]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

mae abbers

A quick fly by as I'm heading to bed. Haven't read your jokes yet, Mick, so will have a lot to catch up on in the weekend. Or as Cilla said, A lorra laffs :H Sorry for not speaking English again, Lav

TT - curry - drool; are you an ex UKer too, perchance?
Kuya - at least you've got muscles. Mine have gravitated down with everything else :H
Patrice - good luck with your persuasive skill with your boy!

Nighters peeps. Have fun

[Lavande]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

Good morning Abbers from cold but sunny USA

I actually slept pretty well without any chicken nightmares! God that was a gruesome sight yesterday. I knew sending a picture to my son would produce an instant response
If anyone is interested in this sort of stuff - I found a good web page:
Controlling bird damage from hawks and owls

Hopefully we can prevent this from happening again ~ poor girls

Greetings TT, Mick, patrice, kuya, PQ, Det, blondie & everyone stopping by today. I hope everyone has a fantastic AF Thursday.

Lav

[porqoui]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

MAE ALL....

TT...thanks for kicking us off today. Oooooo tell us more about the intimate goings on....

TZ...thanks, and I didn't even have to pay for that! :H Hope you get the itching/wriggling sorted. Sleep is so important.

Sunshine...you are very wise to ask for an explanation. You never know what we're up to around here. Well done on the big B-day surprise.

Lav...so sorry to hear about chook. That must have been awful finding her like that. Sorry Lav but had to laugh when TT said "looks like the chicken got the worst deal".

Blondie...great minds think alike. I do the same thing with my email filing. :H Got to get your picture posting sorted, want to see what Lav's chicken coop should look like.

KY...knew there had to be money involved. "I tell my own truth"...is that in your signature line? Good for you not letting things get to you...just have to delete that word "yet".

Det...sounding good and good on you for enjoying the moment doing touristy things. Safe and sober travels.

Cat...pain has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. Bout as long as I've been drinking me thinks. Good luck rebooting the body. Tell me a little more about what happens when you try to go into chat. What operating system are you using? Windows 7? And what browser are you using? Internet Explorer 9? I can try troubleshoot for you.

Mick...bridge was lots of fun, even if I didn't win this time. I had a great day yesterday. Minutes complete now just working on next Monday's agenda so I can email everything out today. Definetly loving the positive vibes going on for me right now. Praying to the Gratitude Tree everyday for it to continue. Tell me, do you look at those "upside down" people through your new glasses?

Patrice...sorry can't help you with tips on eating veggies and going to bed. Seems like another lifetime that I was dealing with that. I do remember not stressing over food. I found they would eat what their body needed and I was happy to supply it, whatever it was. ie. waffles for supper. Bed time, I would make them read to me. They were so glad when I said lights out and they didn't have to concentrate any more.

2nd cuppa time, Mick joke time and then a cruise around the boards. Have a Thunderous AF Thursday all and all to come...PPQP

[porqoui]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

:hallo: Lav...well done on the sleep sans souci of chook nightmares. If it was me I'd be looking at 6 months intensive therapy. Maybe Mick can pop round and put up a sign. Have a good one....PPQP

[Mick]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

Lav..just read that article..pretty good..some pretty good ideas there...thankfully poisoned carcases are frowned upon !!!

[teezah]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

MAE Abfabbers

Better night sleep last night coz it was back to flippin' freezing round these parts again. I dunno - they dangle a sniff of spring and then whip it away again...

Going to knit a hat for my daughter who goes to school half dressed - fingers crossed it will be hip enough!!

TT - Takeaway Curry - fab! You got me all jealous >>drool

[treetops]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

Hi there
quick check in! No offence Blondie but I am not ex-UK. I am a Kiwi of several generations - ancestors ran away from Scotland and England to here in the 1850s.
I have spent quite a bit of time in India though. Was married to a Pom in another life. End of story! (cheating bastard etc etc!!)

Patrice - kiddies and food. I used to angst over this - my girl would not eat much meat (or other forms of protein/iron) but she liked the raw veges and fruit, pizza etc. She is currently on the teenage girl diet (healthy meals- then pig out or bake cookies- return to healthy etc- much like us!) but she has a strong anti-Junk Food thing and usually only drinks water.
You will get there!
Must get my wings on and fly to work!!!! No birds of prey though!

[Mick]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

tree namaste were abouts in India were you...as a tourist I love the place, culture and way of life

[treetops]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

I have lived for months in Gujarat, and spent chunks of time in New Delhi - as well as doing the tourist thing in Amritsar, Agra, Rajashtan, Mumbai, Aurangabad, Calcutta plus tramping in Darjeeling and Sikkim! That enuf!

[porqoui]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

Slaythefear posted this on the laughing out loud thread and I just had to re-post it here.

Me and my MWO buddy shopping this week.



Thanks Slay....PPQP

[kuya]

af day Thursday 21 Feb

porqoui;1466833 wrote: Slaythefear posted this on the laughing out loud thread and I just had to re-post it here.

Me and my MWO buddy shopping this week.



Thanks Slay....PPQP

All the ingredients for a rabbit stew......yum :H:H:H